Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 How long have you been NC for? 2 days... Hahahah We did it once before but it was only 5 days before we both sent eachother something... Her a text me an email. She didn't get the email though before she texted me...
TopCat22 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 In that case I'd certainly tell her you're moving on and not waiting for her. If it's only 2 days you're not losing anything. She won't believe you, but I think you need to make it clear that you are nobodies 2nd choice and she doesn't get to treat you like that. Let her fly out into the world without you knowing there is no coming back. Then go NC and stick to it. She'll check back on you every now and then and that is the time you need to be strong and not reply. Make her see that she is truly losing you.
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I just don't see the point... Let her think I'll be waiting around, and if she reaches out she'll know then that I didn't and maybe just maybe I'll have found someone better by then.
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) No! But I just want her to realize that I'm what she wants. She's confused and I saw how much. Ya she's dating around. But I couldn't hold her for what she did while we were apart, just like I couldn't hold anything against her from before I met her.... And I'm going to go on dates and do what I want, but ultimately I want to get back with her There is NOTHING you can do to make her realize this. Only by experiencing the consequences of her actions (losing you) is this even remotely possible. You are not providing her with an empty space you used to occupy in order for her to feel the loss of you. If you continue to be available to her in ANY way she will remain confident that you will stay put while she does what she wants. You are allowing her to downgrade you from love to friend-don't allow her to pick and choose which aspects of you she gets to keep and have access to..friendship is only possible once BOTH parties have taken the necessary time to fully heal and no longer harbor any romantic feelings for each other and even then there's a messy grey area that exists...you are too close to the breakup to even remotely consider friendship b/c you still want her back. She thinks of you as a best friend??..however, I would say that a friend doesn't treat a friend the way that she is treating you. Personally bro, I think her actions should constitute a deal breaker for you and you should wish her well, and cut all contact for good. That means IF/when she comes calling you do not respond...I know you still have feelings for her but she has damaged the relationship, friendship, trust beyond repair. Let her experience the consequence of those decisions/actions. By hanging around and waiting you are cheapening yourself and the relationship you had with her. This is the fact you need to accept. You are hurting right now so there is no way that contact in any form is beneficial for you...cut contact and go hard NC and heal yourself....move on with your life...IF she comes back after realizing she made a collassal mistake you can decide from a place healing and having moved on with your life if YOU want to allow her back into your life. Take back the power you do have and that's the fact that what she has done is a deal breaker for you. Edited September 24, 2012 by okiedokie 1
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I know. And in time I'll realize it. I kinda wish I had been kinda mean to her about it though. But I was nice, I was always nice. We left it at we will talk again... And I would be waiting with open arms. She got what she wanted, but let her keep thinking I'll be waiting because I'm not. She ruined me and the relationship. She dropped me for a shiny new toy, and one day that toy isn't going to be so shiny.
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I'm sorry you are going through this bro, I know it hurts. You seem like a good guy. I think you're just so close to the breakup it's hard to see things rationally and think rather than feel. Everyone on here has given you solid advice. Take time to work on yourself and grieve the relationship...heal yourself as if she is gone for good. I'm betting with enough distance and healing you will not want her back and will see that you deserve so much better.
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 It's been over a month now... She moved on so quickly but lied about it. I think I might be more upset at myself for being nice, understanding, and trying. When I should have just walked away. But even though it was over a month ago we had the "final" break 2 days ago when she left it as this isn't for forever... And what hurts the most is when she comes back I'll continue to be the nice guy even though I know I shouldn't be
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 well if you decide now that you are done with her and resolve yourself to continue NC and do not reply to any contact attempts then you won't have to worry about being too nice to her. Honestly, is she worried about being nice to you right now? Maybe she tells you she cares still but her actions say a completely different thing. Remember, NC is one tool to heal yourself...it's not about getting her back. Don't worry about what her reaction is or will be, she certainly isn't worried about your reaction to her decision and actions as of late. Be proactive with your healing. Read books, scour LS posts, etc....if you haven't already read it check out "Getting Past Your Breakup"---there's is an excellent chapter on NC and how to maintain and all the inevitable questions that come up about maintaining it...it's a long road but you need distance from her.
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I know nothing I can do will get her back, it's on her. NC is for me to remember what life was like without her in it. Ya I'm mad at what she has done, and I'm mad that she thinks she has me as a backup plan... I will never be 2nd best for anyone
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I will never be 2nd best for anyone Good---now live it! 1
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 When do the breadcrumbs start? And... My brother just called an said my ex was talking to him last night and said "I want you to know that me an your brother will talk again and we left everything nice and I know he wants to be together again, and we will."
Dblock10 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 When do the breadcrumbs start? And... My brother just called an said my ex was talking to him last night and said "I want you to know that me an your brother will talk again and we left everything nice and I know he wants to be together again, and we will." omg your ex annoys me. how old are you and she? just drop her already, she already dropped you. who cares if she says she will be back with you and together again, its all talk. end of the day who knows what will happen. her saying these words is very selfish, she assumes she can pick you up and drop you when ever she likes... who is this girl.. it should be you doing what she is doing. your the man. not her. i hope to hell she comes back and you shoot her down. 2
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Dude they started the day she told you she was dating someone else but said you two would be together again. She is giving you just enough hope to hang on and herself just enough space to do what she wants without any guilt. Think about it---she doesn't feel guilty b/c she has told you what she intends to do and if you are going to hang around and still want to be with her then in her eyes you are validating her actions and therefore you must be ok with them. My question to you is "why does she alone get to decide that you two will be together again??" she feels this way b/c you have shown her that you will stay put...once she sees that what she has done has damaged maybe the best thing she ever had then she may start singing a different tune...however it shouldn't matter...if you are in any way wondering what reaction your action will have then you are stuck and will remain stuck...let it go...let her go...it's painful but it can be done. The bottom line is there is nothing you can do to change her feelings or her actions. Sadly she lacks the moral compass right now to see what she is doing is wrong in that she continues to lead you on while she is doing it. you have to begin to see that anything you do right now is only going to hurt you and serve to keep you stuck in the mire of her actions. You can't change her actions or decisions but you can change how you act/react...start doing things for your own best interest. Do not be concerned with how she will act, react, do, or say...you need to get selfish in your healing real quick b/c she does not have your best interest at heart.
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I'm 25 and she's 23 I don't think anyone should do this...
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Dude they started the day she told you she was dating someone else but said you two would be together again. She is giving you just enough hope to hang on and herself just enough space to do what she wants without any guilt. Think about it---she doesn't feel guilty b/c she has told you what she intends to do and if you are going to hang around and still want to be with her then in her eyes you are validating her actions and therefore you must be ok with them. My question to you is "why does she alone get to decide that you two will be together again??" she feels this way b/c you have shown her that you will stay put...once she sees that what she has done has damaged maybe the best thing she ever had then she may start singing a different tune...however it shouldn't matter...if you are in any way wondering what reaction your action will have then you are stuck and will remain stuck...let it go...let her go...it's painful but it can be done. The bottom line is there is nothing you can do to change her feelings or her actions. Sadly she lacks the moral compass right now to see what she is doing is wrong in that she continues to lead you on while she is doing it. you have to begin to see that anything you do right now is only going to hurt you and serve to keep you stuck in the mire of her actions. You can't change her actions or decisions but you can change how you act/react...start doing things for your own best interest. Do not be concerned with how she will act, react, do, or say...you need to get selfish in your healing real quick b/c she does not have your best interest at heart. I have been doing things for me, but its still a very real thought. And she's always going to think I'm waiting around, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to tell or show her I'm not.
okiedokie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) you don't tell her, you SHOW by not taking her calls, not responding to her emails/texts, not being available in any way shape or form by not acknowledging someone who has treated you so poorly. that's the rub dude, you have to heal yourself so that you are fine if you don't ever have her in your life again. As long as she is with another man you should zero yourself out of her life. I question any person who can behave as she is and not see the damage they are inflicting. If she isn't truely sorry for her actions then that is a good indication that she doesn't think she has done something wrong and you are in danger of her doing it again. it's toxic bro. Edited September 24, 2012 by okiedokie 1
Shinobi Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Listen, my friend... I've been fed with the same bullsh*t by an ex. How do you show you are not there anylonger? Just stop all contact with her. Let all untold things remain there- that's a burden she will have to carry, not you. Turn around and never look back. Improve yourself and date another girl/s. The news will hit her and she will be devastated. Do not hold on these empty phrases thrown by her just to make her feel better. She thinks she is in control- show how stupid she is- go on dates and DO NOT say a word to her, nor demand a word from her. Simply disappear. An ex was saying the same- "so many people get back together even after 20-30 years..." Yeah, I just laughed and left without saying a word. Later I found out she's been crying for me but it was not my fault- another one was having me. Be unavailable and stop holding on her words becauste they are empty and hollow. If you endure, you'll be laughing on that situation in the future and will withess her fall without any sympathy, believe me. You'll know so much more about women and they will be easy to get. If you reach there- you have my respect. Start learning from today... But if you keep listening and hoping and give in, you will be another proven chump- the world is full of chumps and their women always entertain other men... What role do you chose? 1
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I've let it go... I know I'll have moments of weakness but I'll just think about the hurt she caused, and that she never really loved me bc if she did this wouldn't have happened. Everything happens for a reason. She walked out so someone better can walk in.
Shinobi Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Everything happens for a reason. She walked out so someone better can walk in. Yeah, I know this kind of talks but the real test will be when she actually contacts you again with all the things you dream to hear. This WILL happen, I am sure but only if you move on and show no interest in her, or her life starts sucking too much. Do not let this girl in ever again. Do not make me and all others regret for giving you advice at all. If this is your first time through such a thing- I understand and you'll need time but be determined and know what's best for you.
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I have no hope that she will come back around. And that's for the best. She broke me too much
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 And yes this is the first time...
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Welp!!!! She reached out to my mother last night asking if I was okay? And that she hoped I wouldn't be sad for too long and that she needs time to decide if she wants to try again and it hurt her that I didn't celebrate valentines day. And she wanted my mom to tell me that she is really going to do some soul and heart searching.... And it's not fair that now I want to be what she tried to teach me for 4 years....
Dblock10 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Welp!!!! She reached out to my mother last night asking if I was okay? And that she hoped I wouldn't be sad for too long and that she needs time to decide if she wants to try again and it hurt her that I didn't celebrate valentines day. And she wanted my mom to tell me that she is really going to do some soul and heart searching.... And it's not fair that now I want to be what she tried to teach me for 4 years.... your ex is nuts mate. tell her to stop contacting your mum or more to the point tell your mum the 411. this is silly. 1
Author Sc_rugger Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Oh my mom knows what's up. And told her that what she was doing is wrong and it needs to stop. But my ex insisted that she is just confused and needs time 1
okiedokie Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 here's the deal bro, she obviously does not understand that what she is doing is wrong and worse believes that you support her in her decision and actions. You asked about "breadcrumbs" and when they will start, let me just warn you it goes both ways with this gal, don't give her "reverse breadcrumbs" that you are open to reconciliation and will engage her....you must go radio silence with her completely in order to move on. She will take any action you do as a sign that you are playing a part in her twisted plan...NC is the only way to break the cycle with her!!!
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