waiting for that one day...

September 23, 2012

To make a long story short. My ex left me after 4 years and 1 year of living together. She said there was no "spark" left she saw me as a best friend. I knew the spark was dying because i was going through some problems and didnt feel in the mood. And she met someone else but had feelings for him and me. She also said that I didn't make her feel as wanted as she wanted. But she says now that she knows I love her and it hurts her to know how much I really do care, she said she wished I had showed it more. I told her I didn't think I needed to show her how much because I thought she knew.... It's been a little over a month now and until yesterday we talked everyday and saw each other once a week, she told me she was dating this guy now (who is nothing like me at all) I told her I was okay with dating her too and she then said that she actually didn't want to date me or this guy. But low an behold they are not dating but actually in a relationship together.... Less than a month later actually.

She said she wants to see what else is out there but promise to come back one day and when she wants more she will let me know... "I liked her so much I put a ring on it" last year. I love this girl and I told her is she doesn't want me then let me go and her reply was "I'm not just letting you go"

She wants some time apart and wants to forget the bad times and remember the good ones before she comes back to try again, she said ill be in the back of her mind and she thinks that really not talking will bring her back. She has kept every promise she has made this far, and I hope she keeps the this last one about coming back..... She always said we were like Allie and Noah from The Notebook...

September 23, 2012

Screw that. I'd wish her well and move on. I refuse to spend my life being someones back up plan. You shouldn't be one either. Join a gym...work on you. And go find your own happiness.

Don't let someone else dictate your life. You'll waste it away only to realize that someday never comes.

September 23, 2012

To make a long story short. My ex left me after 4 years and 1 year of living together. She said there was no "spark" left she saw me as a best friend. I knew the spark was dying because i was going through some problems and didnt feel in the mood. And she met someone else but had feelings for him and me. She also said that I didn't make her feel as wanted as she wanted. But she says now that she knows I love her and it hurts her to know how much I really do care, she said she wished I had showed it more. I told her I didn't think I needed to show her how much because I thought she knew.... It's been a little over a month now and until yesterday we talked everyday and saw each other once a week, she told me she was dating this guy now (who is nothing like me at all) I told her I was okay with dating her too and she then said that she actually didn't want to date me or this guy. But low an behold they are not dating but actually in a relationship together.... Less than a month later actually.

She said she wants to see what else is out there but promise to come back one day and when she wants more she will let me know... "I liked her so much I put a ring on it" last year. I love this girl and I told her is she doesn't want me then let me go and her reply was "I'm not just letting you go"

She wants some time apart and wants to forget the bad times and remember the good ones before she comes back to try again, she said ill be in the back of her mind and she thinks that really not talking will bring her back. She has kept every promise she has made this far, and I hope she keeps the this last one about coming back..... She always said we were like Allie and Noah from The Notebook...

what the actual f*ck mate!

so you said you would be ok with dating her and whilst she dates this other guy.. are you mental?

and she wants to see what else is out there? you know that translates to her wanting to get slammed in the sack by other guys right?

and when she wants more she will you know.. right, so after shes had her fun riding other cocks, she will let you know. oh joy, cheers love!

i wonder how much your'll be in the back of her mind when some guy is depositing his load at the back of her vagina. or throat.

i know that sounds harsh as hell, but tbh its the truth. you deserve better than this. your plan should be to let her go, if she ever comes back i really hope by then you wont want her, or time apart will make you realise your better off without.

September 23, 2012

Read that back to yourself. She wants to go out and see what else is out there and is happy to keep you on the backburner just in case. Really? You're OK with that? To be second best if she can't find anything better? So she can go out and date and sleep with other guys and if she gets bored/decides it's better with you she'll come back.

This is about your self-respect! Why would you allow someone to do that to you? Is that all you believe you are worth? Have some pride man!

Tell her NO. She either has all of you or none of you. There is no friendship/dating other people nonsense. If it's over it's over. say your goodbyes and cut her off. Go No Contact and then she can see what life is like without you. All you are doing is providing a safety net for her in case her new relationships fail. Don't be that guy!

This is about you and your relationship with yourself. You are better than that. You deserve someone that will love you and be with you without conditions. Don't settle for this girl, she is no good!

September 23, 2012

Woah there cowboy, would you really want something like this in your life after everyone else has had a good poke around, crikey, what is wrong with some people, bloody bonkers. The cheek.

September 23, 2012

Dblock that is inspired, I love reading your posts!

September 23, 2012

I'm not okay with being 2nd best and I've told her that. We are doing NC, well it's been a day... We tried it once before and it only lasted a week before we saw each other again....

We said our goodbyes and she said she loved me and misses me already and that this goodbye is just for now and not forever. I know I deserve so much better but the heart wants what the heart wants I guess.

She said I hurt her and that she needs time to get over the hurt before she wants to try again, but she does the timing is just bad right now...

September 23, 2012

There is a huge difference between being hurt and needing your space for a little while to shagging whatever you can until you fancy going back home. Someone who loves you for real just don't do this, it's bollocks to say you love some one and act like this. Amazing.

September 23, 2012

Rugger she's playing you. Sorry if it seems harsh but she's got you right where she wants you. She might not even be aware of what she's doing but she's got you as a fallback. She's comfortable with moving on because she knows she has you to fall back on. I know exactly how your heart is feeling, but it won't do you any good. Listen to your head.

What do you want out of this? Do you want her back or do you want to move on?

September 23, 2012

She said she was hurt, scared and needed some time... Friend just told me she ended with guy last night.

I want her to come back and talk about it, I'm not sure I'd take her back. But I would let her talk and I would listen.... But who knows if/when that happens

September 23, 2012

Don't let her string you along like that. She's not valuing you enough, and you shouldn't let her put your life on hold in order to figure out how she feels about you. If she doesn't want to give your relationship another chance, exclusively, then it's time to move on. Trying to compete with other guys at this point after you've been exclusive with her is demeaning. Time for you to move on. It may be that when she sees that you've moved on and are dating others, she'll start to value you more and realize she doesn't want to lose you. So start putting yourself out there and date others. Don't contact her at all. Give her all the space she wants. If she contacts you, then give her the impression that you are happy and things are going great for you right now. Don't ask her to come back. It's possible this will make her realize she doesn't want to lose you. Either way, it's a win/win for you if you move on right now and don't allow yourself to be waiting in line for her.

September 23, 2012

Rugger she's playing you. Sorry if it seems harsh but she's got you right where she wants you. She might not even be aware of what she's doing but she's got you as a fallback. She's comfortable with moving on because she knows she has you to fall back on. I know exactly how your heart is feeling, but it won't do you any good. Listen to your head.

What do you want out of this? Do you want her back or do you want to move on?

I want her back so much it hurts

September 23, 2012

I want her to come back and talk about it, I'm not sure I'd take her back. But I would let her talk and I would listen.... But who knows if/when that happens

If you didn't want her back, you'd not stay in this situation.

September 23, 2012

Of course I do now. She was a huge part of my life...

But in time I might not want her back.

She told me to have some faith right now that it wouldn't be too late for us when we said goodbye for now...

September 23, 2012

There is no getting through to you right now, and I understand that.

When I found out she had cheated on me, had an affair for months, immediately got together with the other guy when we ended things, and still told me there may be a future, I also would have taken her back in spite of everything because I felt I could not survive without her. I sacrificed my dignity, I would have made any pact, I believed it was all just a bad dream. I spent weeks in pain, uncertainty, hope, disappointment, confusion and more pain. All the same things you experience. I, too, believed if she would only be willing to talk, we could work it out -- I also shared the delusion I could possibly not want her back.

So, nothing we say here will make a difference because you're not yet in the place where you are willing to accept that things won't ever be the same. She dumped you, cheated, is with another guy, refused to let you go and kept you as a backup plan. Do you feel this indicates any respect for you whatsoever? And since you are so easy to walk over, without any consequences, do you think even if she came back now, she would stay? Things can't be like they were before, not now.

I went NC eventually and while I still deal with tremendous pain and regret, I at least feel that I move forward and I don't get emotionally skinned alive by new information and new interactions with her. I don't know about the future, maybe one day she'll come back and I'll give it a try, but this can't happen before there has been healing and distance and a break from it all.

You need that break too, and maybe if you have hurt enough, you'll be willing to let go off her. Letting go is the only chance you have to turn this into a relationship that can survive, but not now.

September 23, 2012

I'm not okay with being 2nd best and I've told her that. We are doing NC, well it's been a day... We tried it once before and it only lasted a week before we saw each other again....

We said our goodbyes and she said she loved me and misses me already and that this goodbye is just for now and not forever. I know I deserve so much better but the heart wants what the heart wants I guess.

She said I hurt her and that she needs time to get over the hurt before she wants to try again, but she does the timing is just bad right now...

playing you like a puppet mate. sorry but this is so true.

its not "we" do NC. its 'you' do NC.

she has got her twisted woman logic hooked right into you. as in, twisting this whole thing on you to make it seem like its your doing thats making her act this way..

you hurt her before from what? simply not perhaps showing her that you want her, well she knows damn well how much you want her, she isnt thick mate, she knows you like her a stupid amount, so much so your allowing her to control you this way.

if she actually cared about you or loved you, she wouldnt have to "get over the hurt" by riding other cocks and acting like a cum bucket.

please grow a back bone. she started dating some guy very shortly after announcing all this.. surely you can see how wrong that is. what would of happened if the shoe was on the other foot, she would have gone nuts at you mate.

i know how much this hurts, but you need to realise that this isnt right. even if she comes back, how much longer do you think she will stick around when she knows she can walk all over you. and when sleeping with you, she will think back to getting banged by this other dude, and how good it was.

sorry man, its over, she has tarnished what ever you two had. if none of our words are sinking in, then at least take a good hard look at the facts. her actions are the complete opposite of what she is telling you. so why listen? actions speak louder than words. everyone knows that.

i hope you can let it go

Edited September 23, 2012 by Dblock10

September 23, 2012

I know exactly what you mean. Thanks!

At one point I was the guy that would have just walked away and said later playa. But then I grew up and fell in love with someone and we were planning a wedding and then boom! It was a shock to the system.

The only thing that really upsets me is that she lied to my family... She told them she wanted to try but just needed some time. So of course my family said just give her time....

I have my good days and my bad ones, it's only been a little over a month and I'm positive that one day the bad wont be so bad anymore. And being hurt this much will just make me love the next "special" person. But I am so not rushing into that. I'm just going to have fun and not worry about anyone but myself for awhile. I don't need her, but I wanted her. She was not the only reason for living or the reason for all of my happiness.

And if she does come back for whatever reason I will take the time to talk to her and see where I'm at in my life. I like to live without regrets, and I can say I don't regret the past because I learned a lot about myself and how to love someone. I also don't regret loosing her because I learned a lot more.

I can take solace in knowing that I tried and gave it my all. And maybe one day she will understand it and feel lucky to have known me. I can let go because what will be will be.

Btw I forgot to mention she ended it with an email.... Should have stopped trying after that. But she did it because she never did really talk about feelings the best. So yes I was mad, but I understood and a week later we met up and talked.

So I'm doing NC for me.

September 23, 2012

If she really wants you then you breaking contact and saying, well, "I might go and date too" might make her see sense and then go have your own fun. I do think she will come back but I don't know when. I think that's the problem with these cases, it's not so much that you're on the back burner but the time-frame....who will it be too late for first...

I can see why you haven't shut the door on her though and I don't blame you but if she doesn't come back after ditching this guy, maybe a bit of separation is good LC maybe more than NC.

September 23, 2012

Don't let her treat you like her 2nd choice. NOONE is worth that.

Go NC and date other women, I know you think this girl is the whole world, I have been there, but she is not and you will realize that too.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and someone who treats you like this ain't someone you should care about.

When you feeling down get here instead of calling her. You will find love again.

And always think about what she have done to you.

Who the hell is she who can go to another guy that quick and then "keep" you? CUT HER LOOSE.

Think logically, she is selfish and only thinking "ME ME ME!"

Don't take it.

September 23, 2012

If she really wants you then you breaking contact and saying, well, "I might go and date too" might make her see sense and then go have your own fun. I do think she will come back but I don't know when. I think that's the problem with these cases, it's not so much that you're on the back burner but the time-frame....who will it be too late for first...

I can see why you haven't shut the door on her though and I don't blame you but if she doesn't come back after ditching this guy, maybe a bit of separation is good LC maybe more than NC.

She told me she would get in touch with me when she's ready to talk. So I think me telling her that I'm going to date wouldn't do anything but cause an argument. I'm pretty sure she knows I'm going to go out and have some fun at some point. She said she wants some time and I can give that because I'm taking time too. She told me it meant the world to her that I never yelled at her and was understanding. She said she would keep her promise to come back one day and if I wanted her then it was real and if I didn't and was happy then she would be happy for me.

She did apologize for hurting me, and she didn't want to do that anymore which is why she didn't want to talk right now. And she said it hurts her that I feel so strongly about her and that she can't wait for the day down the road where she feels that way about me again.

I've let her go, and I don't hold any hard feelings for her because we were together for a long time. So she needs to go out and see how lucky she was to have me. Once all the bad memories have faded out of her mind she will think about the good ones. I have a backbone, but I am very understanding about other people's needs. Even if they are not what I want.

September 23, 2012

Don't let her treat you like her 2nd choice. NOONE is worth that.

Go NC and date other women, I know you think this girl is the whole world, I have been there, but she is not and you will realize that too.

There are plenty of fish in the sea and someone who treats you like this ain't someone you should care about.
When you feeling down get here instead of calling her. You will find love again.

And always think about what she have done to you.
Who the hell is she who can go to another guy that quick and then "keep" you? CUT HER LOOSE.

Think logically, she is selfish and only thinking "ME ME ME!"
Don't take it.

She knows she's being selfish. She said it herself. She said that she feels like a bi*ch but for once she wants to put herself first.

September 23, 2012

She knows she's being selfish. She said it herself. She said that she feels like a bi*ch but for once she wants to put herself first.

There you go, if she wants that then let her go solo. Give her the ultimatum, you or nothing.

September 23, 2012

Well when she reaches out to me like she said she would then I will tell her that... But I'm doing NC to move on. And who knows when she will want to talk, she might not. I just hate she always gives me false hope.

I really have no hope for what will be other than I will meet someone better one day.

Typing things out has really helped, but its only been 1 day... I'm sure the nights are going to be the hardest part and days will turn to weeks, weeks to months. And one day this will just be a distant memory.

I loved someone deeply and I will love again!

I'll just keep telling myself that, and when I get tempted to reach out to her I will come here and hopefully someone will talk me out of it.

September 23, 2012

Sc_rugger - I hope you get through this and I would recommend listening to the people on this board. I know you are hurting but I was hearing similar crap a few months ago from her, we stayed in touch and guess what? I end up hurt and feeling like an absolute dumbass after she leads me on and says it might work one day - I wish I had just gone for a clean break which would be tough because we work together but I didn't have to respond to texts and calls, that was my decision and I regret it.

This is about you now and only you. Forget her and let her do what she wants - she doesn't deserve you! Don't reply to her, don't contact her and delete her from Facebook etc.

Tell your family and friends what she said - I bet $1000 they would chase her if she ever came near you again. No one who cared about you would treat you this way and your friends and family wouldn't want to see you treated like this.

Be strong, spend time with friends and family, take up new hobbies, drink lots of water and exercise (it will help you sleep). You will think about her all the time I know but every day it will be slightly less if you occupy your time with other things.

Good luck!

September 23, 2012

Thanks JSJS

I know I don't deserve it at all, I would hit a character limit if I told you everything she has said and done....

What I don't understand is why and how anyone could ever act like that towards anyone. I have people I dislike but I'm not ever mean to them.

The why question sucks. I know I'm better off (out of sight out of mind)

I just don't get why she thinks its okay to treat me like this after everything and how understanding I was. And why she can PROMISE to come back when she's ready and she will let me know. Lol

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