Author wanting more Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Go and put him out of your head. Don't go 'looking' to see if he's there. If he approaches you, tell him to turn around and not speak to you. I know it's easier said than done. But, you can do this! Don't let antisipitory anxiety rule you! Your mind is stronger than you realize. Worse case senario? You feel a jolt when you see him. You feel uncomforable and weird.. Ignore those emotions and don't let them overpower you. Take control and tell yourself he just doesn't matter and so what if he's there. Don't let him stop you from going or having a good time. Thank you. Listening to everyone's words of wisdom has actually calmed me down some.
Author wanting more Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 so this could mean 1 of*3 things for me * a friend and co-worker of mine (who knows of the A) told me today that she got a call from one of her clients (who deals with xMM at his new company)* there is an event coming up in a couple weeks in the city she lives in (which is the same town that i confirmed to BW that WS and I were in less than a month before*d-day)that he is attending and he called his client (she's on the board for this event) wanting to know if BS could attend the dinner with him,* she told him no, its a members only dinner, he then*said *"well what am i supposed to do with my W?" and hung up.* he called her back this morning to apologize for being rude and the client said that BS could attend the next days event but he said she couldn't for various reasons, he just didn't know what W was going to do with all her time while there.* the client called my co-worker becasue she knows she and he are friends and just thought it was really odd the way he acted. * so here's where i stand as i said before there is the event in Oct that I will be attending knowing theres a possibility he would attend. * 1. he doesn't go (and all is well for me) * 2.* he does go and it is uncomfortable or weird or nothing with both of us attending * 3. he goes with BS, (not sure if she'd be able to even attend the day event but guess there's always the possibility) * I AM going, no matter what.* * not sure i'm asking for advice, just putting my thoughts on paper again.*
ThatJustHappened Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I'm going to share a story with you. My cheating ex and I worked together, but the jobs were over right around the time we broke up and there was a huge wrap party 3 days later. My ex brought a date (not the main woman he was cheating with, though I'm sure he met this other woman while we were still together). He leaned over to give me a hug and whispered 'be nice' in my ear. It was such a cathartic experience for me. I called him a pig, stormed out, cried for 24 hours straight, and then blocked him everywhere. He found ways around the blocks (creating new email addresses, calling from other numbers..etc), but it was like a switch had flipped in my head that night and I no longer cared one teeny tiny bit about him. Hopefully you don't have to see him..but if you do, your switch might flip..and I promise you that is something to be happy about. 2
veryhappy Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I don't think you have to worry about anything. His W seems to be doing the whipping work and keeping him on a leash. I would expect him to avoid you, and have her in tow of possible. All you need to do is, in the unlikely case he approaches you, keep it short and apparently neutral with the underlying message of "f off". No laughs, jokes, smiles, flirting, rehashing, outburts. All you need to do is be unavailable and stay that way.
cocorico Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Does the BW know you're in the same industry and likely to be there? If so, chances are she'll have his goolies in a vice clamp and won't let him anywhere near the event!
Author wanting more Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Does the BW know you're in the same industry and likely to be there? If so, chances are she'll have his goolies in a vice clamp and won't let him anywhere near the event! Yes, she knows, she knows me. Im hoping that's the case, She tightens the clamp!!
BetrayedH Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I think you're going to be fine. And I think you are right to keep visualizing each possible scenario and which reaction from you works best for you. I suspect that he will bring his BW. That's a pretty normal 'requirement' during reconciliation for out of town events (most especially if the OW is going to be there). So, assuming she does go but can't get into the day event, he's either going to avoid you or seek you out. If he avoids you, I suppose that's all good. But if he seeks you out, how do you visualize that conversation going? What if he tries to explain/apologize? What if he is confrontational about your letter to his wife? What's the best response (for you) to either of those? No matter what, I hope you have at least one good one-liner ready to spew at him as you walk away. 1
Author wanting more Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I do have many scenrios playing in my head.**I would hope he wouldn't even try to talk to me.**And*I know if THEY show up I'll be just fine.* * If he shows up (alone) and tries to talk to me * 1. he wants to apologize.* In my mind*I see me asking him what is he sorry for???* lying to me?* using me? trying to make me seem like the pathetic, sorry, stupid obsessed slut??* (and by the way to everyone here on LS,* I'm soo over thinking that about myself) or are you sorry for breaking my heart and treating me like trash???* your *I'm sorry now means as much to me as all those I Love you's over the last few years!!* NOTHING!!* * 2.* he wants to try to explain his situation.* I tell him I don't care and he ever tries to talk to me again I will tell BS * 3.* acts like everything is fine and its just a bump in the road for him.* I simply look at him and tell him to f**k off and stay away * 4. If he is confrontational about the letter I sent,* You deserve everything you're having to deal with.* You knew what you were risking by staying with me in the A,**I have no guilt in sending the letter and letting *** see what a liar you really are.* and that's*one of the things I will take from this A,* knowing what a lying POS you really are,* that you can lie to your BWs face and also all of your children.* I don't need or want a man like you in my life ever. * * God give me strength if any one of these scenerios plays out.***
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