ayeaye Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hi guys, I'm 26 and my girlfriend of two months is 25. Out of choice I remained single since 2009 and had been enjoying "casual" relationships. Then I met her and we clicked in ways I never have with someone before (and the feeling is mutual). End of August she went abroad (booked before we met) for a long weekend with a female friend. She'd text me constantly (in a lovely, non-smothering way) and we felt so much closer and couldn't wait to see each other. Then she returned and she's been nothing like the person she was before or while she was away. I asked why and she said she hates her job and the area she lives in and coming back to it just made her realise how much she hates it, which I totally understand. This has influenced her decision to "start afresh" and come off of her Effexor antidepressants she's been taking as she wanted to live without them in her body. We had sex when she returned but that was three weeks ago and about a week before she reduced her dosage of tablets. Sex isn't an issue for me because while she's withdrawing from these antidepressants I know she's not going to have a high sex drive. But she text me on Friday saying her sex drive is back and detailed what she was going to do to when she saw me. And despite having a nice day out yesterday, nothing happened last night. We didn't even share a nice kiss. Recently she's kind of laughed at my compliments, and not in a "shy" or "cute" way. And on her instagram she posts pictures of little things I've got her but never references that they're from "the boyfriend" or anything. She'll hold my hand in public, I'll put my arm around her etc, but she seems to cuddle up to me when she feels ill and, without sounding selfish, I don't want to be just a comfort blanket for her. This morning we were laying in bed and she was dry heaving (this tablet withdrawal makes her feel sick), we weren't talking and I was running my fingers through her hair. Five minutes later her parents brought home lunch, she got up and I asked if we were eating it downstairs, she said yes and I went to get up and she angrily asked me "what are you rolling your eyes for?" when I didn't at all. Despite feeling sick she ate all the lunch, I sat with her on the sofa. She asked did I mind if I left soon as she feels ill. That really p----d me off (but I didn't show it much), so I went upstairs and got my things together. A few minutes later she came up and just laid on the bed. That's when I told her I think it might be better if we had a break until the worst of her side effects are over. I said I'd still be here for her and I don't want to end our relationship. She laid there with her arm over her eyes and said "I'll talk to you later" in a way like I was her dad asking her to put the rubbish outside. She text me on my way home sarcastically "thanking" me for leaving her when she "needed someone the most", accused me of flirting with a girl (which was because of a facebook message of me wishing my friend who I haven't seen since 2006, a belated happy birthday!), then ended the text with "bye". Using the word "someone" in her text rather than "you" just didn't sit right with me. No doubt she cares a lot about me, but it just confirmed to me how I've been feeling recently. What do you guys think? I don't know if I'm being selfish or not or making a mistake by calling for some space, or if I should cut her some slack? (I've tried to keep this short and precise, so any additional info you guys might want just ask thank you.)
MonsterMash Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hi guys, I'm 26 and my girlfriend of two months is 25. Out of choice I remained single since 2009 and had been enjoying "casual" relationships. Then I met her and we clicked in ways I never have with someone before (and the feeling is mutual). End of August she went abroad (booked before we met) for a long weekend with a female friend. She'd text me constantly (in a lovely, non-smothering way) and we felt so much closer and couldn't wait to see each other. Then she returned and she's been nothing like the person she was before or while she was away. I asked why and she said she hates her job and the area she lives in and coming back to it just made her realise how much she hates it, which I totally understand. This has influenced her decision to "start afresh" and come off of her Effexor antidepressants she's been taking as she wanted to live without them in her body. We had sex when she returned but that was three weeks ago and about a week before she reduced her dosage of tablets. Sex isn't an issue for me because while she's withdrawing from these antidepressants I know she's not going to have a high sex drive. But she text me on Friday saying her sex drive is back and detailed what she was going to do to when she saw me. And despite having a nice day out yesterday, nothing happened last night. We didn't even share a nice kiss. Recently she's kind of laughed at my compliments, and not in a "shy" or "cute" way. And on her instagram she posts pictures of little things I've got her but never references that they're from "the boyfriend" or anything. She'll hold my hand in public, I'll put my arm around her etc, but she seems to cuddle up to me when she feels ill and, without sounding selfish, I don't want to be just a comfort blanket for her. This morning we were laying in bed and she was dry heaving (this tablet withdrawal makes her feel sick), we weren't talking and I was running my fingers through her hair. Five minutes later her parents brought home lunch, she got up and I asked if we were eating it downstairs, she said yes and I went to get up and she angrily asked me "what are you rolling your eyes for?" when I didn't at all. Despite feeling sick she ate all the lunch, I sat with her on the sofa. She asked did I mind if I left soon as she feels ill. That really p----d me off (but I didn't show it much), so I went upstairs and got my things together. A few minutes later she came up and just laid on the bed. That's when I told her I think it might be better if we had a break until the worst of her side effects are over. I said I'd still be here for her and I don't want to end our relationship. She laid there with her arm over her eyes and said "I'll talk to you later" in a way like I was her dad asking her to put the rubbish outside. She text me on my way home sarcastically "thanking" me for leaving her when she "needed someone the most", accused me of flirting with a girl (which was because of a facebook message of me wishing my friend who I haven't seen since 2006, a belated happy birthday!), then ended the text with "bye". Using the word "someone" in her text rather than "you" just didn't sit right with me. No doubt she cares a lot about me, but it just confirmed to me how I've been feeling recently. What do you guys think? I don't know if I'm being selfish or not or making a mistake by calling for some space, or if I should cut her some slack? (I've tried to keep this short and precise, so any additional info you guys might want just ask thank you.) Let her go until the day comes that she can get her **** straight. Lifes too short to live like that.
kgyula Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 hi, I had a similar relationship back in 2011 with the difference that it was a distance relationship and she wasn't on drugs at all. I'm not a specialist but back then I've read a lot about depression, signs, things you can do etc, and one things is that those suffering from it are predisposed to push away from themselves loved ones. (as for instance bf) This was happening to me as well back then, nomatter how hard a tried to comfort and help her, she was just like I was annoying her, not every day, but 2 out of 3. In my opinion: 1. it is very hard to be with a depressed person, and it is also very exhausting (mentally) 2. no matter how hard you try you;ll not get a lot of satisfaction (for instance, you prepare some big surprise for her and she just ignores it) and you always feel that you are investing more in the relationship than her. 3. it is not a very clear line between her personality and depression, so you are stuck guessing sometimes if she would behave like this normally or it is because of the illness bottom line: in my opinion for a stable relationship you need a partner who balances the relationship (in case of a gf with depression this is false) and you can try to sacrifice yourself to comfort her but she will not return that much so you will probably get bad feelings at the end + the more closer you will want to get to her, the more she will push you away, or at least that was in my case, you let her go, her feelings will guide her back to you if that is the case, but let her do the job / let her invest energy in the relationship and not just suck it out of it. hope that will help
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