How do you act around your ex?

[KansasChica]

So, do any of you frequently bump into your ex? If so, how do you act? Do you ignore each other? Do you chat?

 

My ex and I share a lot of mutual friends so I see him often. At one time, we could talk, but now we just do the awkwardly pretend the other is not there even though we are 5 feet apart thing. It's just so weird. It's been 9 months since he broke up with me. At one time, this was the one person I told everything to and now we can't even look at each other.

[ally_batucan]

Geee, we're like on the same situation now. Mine is, how do i react if i see him with another girl..? gosh..

[Svet74]

yeah we pretty much ignore each other. we attend the same church. Although he approached me the other day after church for the first time in 2 months to tell me he will be returning the money i let him borrow soon.

 

I bascially act like i dont care. And dont bring him up to anyone. He says things to some of his relatives that are not good.

 

whats the point of talking crap?

[lil hoodlum]

I work with my ex. After she "requested space" she was very cold towards me and went out of her way to avoid me. I would allways look for her and talked to her several times. About two months ago she quit avoiding me and we casually chit chat here and there. A little over a month ago after getting the "truth" about why she broke up with me, I decided it was time for me to move on with my life. I went out of my way to avoid her and a week later she starts ininiating contact with me again. She was really going out of her way to do things. It confused me so I begun to reciprocate and she has once again gone cold on me again.

 

I hate playing games with people. I find it rude to ignore people that who were at one time very important to each other. I think that just saying "hi" or "good morning" or whatever is the proper thing to do.

 

It really hurts to be just ignored.

 

Kansas Chica, I know you still have feeling for your ex. I think you should be the better person and be above playing his silly immature games. Don't go out of your way to avoid him but if he is within several feet, just make eye contact and say hi. If he doesn't make eye contact then I wouldn't worry about a greeting then. If he wants to be alone and miserable, then leave him to it. If he wants to somewhat normal and social, then yes, ackowledge his presence.

[spaniard]

I avoid her like she was the plague and, also, every place where there is even the slightest possibility that she would show up.

 

Thank God, she is moving to another country very soon (in a week or two), so we will never meet again

 

I couldn't even imagine anything better to help my progress of getting over her.

[suladas]

Well we are next door neighbors, the few times we've seen each others it's a simple hi how are you, I always said it first, just to be nice she responds but we both are being cold and it's not like it use to be. Once we were both outside mowing the lawn for probably 30 minutes and didn't say another word to each other, but it wasn't even 2 weeks after the BU. She's been avoiding me though, haven't passed each other outside in at least a month and a half.

 

I don't know what it is though, but in year we lived next to each other, I NEVER seen her at the grocery store or anything, in the past two months i've seen her THREE dahm times there and pass her all the time on the road right near my place. Thankfully we've never ran into each other in the store that would be awkward. It's even more awkward because 1 of her kids will always wave at me when we pass each other driving, while she just pretends she doesn't see me.

 

I won't avoid her, if she's there I will still go about my business. I have no problem saying hi, but that's about as far as I will go, I have zero interest in talking to her any further at this point. But at the same time, I will still be nice.

 

I guess the reason i'm still nice is I have no idea why she avoids me and wants to be cold. I honestly believe it is her avoiding how she feels about me, so that's about the only reason i'm still nice to her. And well, despite some of the things that went on during the BU she's a great person so I see no reason not to be nice.

[JSJS]

I work with mine too and it's very awkward at the minute. I dread seeing her and find NC tough when you see them every day, not because I want her back but because it reminds me how horrible she was to me.

 

I'm pleasant to everyone I work with but at the moment I don't even feel like being civil to her. She treated me like utter garbage a few times and was extremely rude and disrespectful to me - I gave her a few chances so don't feel I'm over-reacting to a one-time mistake. I feel angry when I think about it and she doesn't deserve me to be pleasant - although it's unlike me to act that way.

 

I know we will have to have meetings in the next few weeks - in some it might just be the 2 of us and I'm not sure what to do. Should I chit-chat and pretend I don't care or be business like and refuse to engage in any personal chit chat?

 

Any advice would be really appreciated?

[Svet74]

dont talk to her unless its work related. thats it

[suladas]

Personally, I get satisfaction knowing i'm the more mature person in the break up and put the BU aside for being neighbors, or in your case work. Keep those things separate, you don't have to be all friendly but still acknowledging them is the bigger person thing to do. If you want to chat them up a lot, go for it, but if you don't i'd stick more to work. I just wouldn't be completely cold. And really, you being nice might actually make her feel like crap if she was awful to you, because you're able to put it aside and be nice. So in the end if you don't like her it might be win win for you.

[JSJS]

Thanks people!

 

dont talk to her unless its work related. thats it

 

That's what I was planning to do. I'm afraid it might make me look hurt and sore and I don't want to give her the satisfaction but on the other hand I wouldn't feel like giving her the time of day right now.

 

Personally, I get satisfaction knowing i'm the more mature person in the break up and put the BU aside for being neighbors, or in your case work. Keep those things separate, you don't have to be all friendly but still acknowledging them is the bigger person thing to do. If you want to chat them up a lot, go for it, but if you don't i'd stick more to work. I just wouldn't be completely cold. And really, you being nice might actually make her feel like crap if she was awful to you, because you're able to put it aside and be nice. So in the end if you don't like her it might be win win for you.

 

I already know I'm definitely the more mature one here - I have acknowledged her a few times and nothing more but it's been cold between us. I feel I'll make it easy for her if I chat and this is somehow condoning her despicable behaviour - knowing her she won't feel like crap. She's a selfish, self-centred narcissist and I'm afraid bluntness might be the only way to treat someone like that despite it being most unnatural for me.

[KansasChica]

I really really hate pretending my ex isn't there. I still care for him, but every time I speak with him, he either blames me or confuses me. I just don't know what else to do. I'm a very social person and love talking to everyone- it's just so awkward!

[JSJS]

I really really hate pretending my ex isn't there. I still care for him, but every time I speak with him, he either blames me or confuses me. I just don't know what else to do. I'm a very social person and love talking to everyone- it's just so awkward!

 

You hate the tension because you're a decent person. He broke up with you and still makes you feel blame or confusion when you meet. It sounds like he needs to change, not you!

 

You may still care for him but it sounds like he isn't going out of his way to be caring towards you - however painful it is you may just have to make do with a simple 'hi' until he is mature enough to treat you with respect when you meet. I hope it improves for you.

Edited September 23, 2012 by JSJS
Typo

[Simon Phoenix]

I've only seen her twice, but I didn't really act any different except I didn't openly flirt with her. I'm a second-guessing wreck when I'm not around her (or communicating via text), but in person I'm actually pretty normal. The first time she saw me she was cold/distant/annoyed/jilted, making snide comments and acting grumpy, though occasionally breaking character to smile or laugh at whatever I was doing or saying before going back into character. I didn't react to this behavior, which I think threw her off, because the second time she was friendly and almost normal.

[iris219]

We try to avoid being in the same place.

 

If we do happen to be in the same place, we ignore each other. It's like we never dated (even though we did for years).

[bluescityangel]

I also work with my ex. To be honest the "Hey...what's up??" and the smile just seemed so effed up to me. He was pretty cold when he broke up with me. At this point in time I just want to heal. I can't do that with him bouncing in and out of my day like he is all well when I am having a hard time. So I finally told him today...a break up is just that....a break...and I don't need him as a friend at this point in my life...I respected his wishes. I asked him to respect mine. I don't want to talk to him. I didn't talk to him. But he kept talking to me. That sucked. I guess, judging from the fact he did not reply to my text that is is going to respect my wishes. I just need to heal. I need time.

[youdunsay]

I worked with mine too. Sometimes he will take quick glances at me, sometimes I will too. In fact I know I did it more frequently than he does. But I know this is idolization or longing, whichever that is but not love. If he really wants me back he would have do something about it. But he never did. Anyway I respect his wishes too for choosing the other girl. Peace out -

[g450]

Well we are next door neighbors, the few times we've seen each others it's a simple hi how are you, I always said it first, just to be nice she responds but we both are being cold and it's not like it use to be. Once we were both outside mowing the lawn for probably 30 minutes and didn't say another word to each other, but it wasn't even 2 weeks after the BU. She's been avoiding me though, haven't passed each other outside in at least a month and a half.

 

I don't know what it is though, but in year we lived next to each other, I NEVER seen her at the grocery store or anything, in the past two months i've seen her THREE dahm times there and pass her all the time on the road right near my place. Thankfully we've never ran into each other in the store that would be awkward. It's even more awkward because 1 of her kids will always wave at me when we pass each other driving, while she just pretends she doesn't see me.

 

I won't avoid her, if she's there I will still go about my business. I have no problem saying hi, but that's about as far as I will go, I have zero interest in talking to her any further at this point. But at the same time, I will still be nice.

 

I guess the reason i'm still nice is I have no idea why she avoids me and wants to be cold. I honestly believe it is her avoiding how she feels about me, so that's about the only reason i'm still nice to her. And well, despite some of the things that went on during the BU she's a great person so I see no reason not to be nice.

 

OK, I have to know. How in the hell did you wind up living next door to your ex? I do have to say I did have a female friend that had her ex living a few houses down from her. They had two boys together and it made it more convenient I guess. Thing is I know he could see who was parked at her house at any given time and over night. And let me tell you she was screwing LOTS of guys. I personally would not like to see that every time I came home from work.

 

As for me I avoid my XW at all costs. Our Son is gown but we do live in the same small town and I do see face to face maybe once or twice a years. We are civil with each other. I recently remaried for for example and I saw her about a month before the wedding. She tells me "I think your moving too fast" she says. This after telling me I need to move on for the past three years. Unbelievable!

 

Being civil is the way to go. Just treat them like you would your mailman or grocery clerk etc.

 

I will admit though, every time I see her my gutt starts to hurt. Which is why I avoid her if I can. I wonder what things will be like once our Son gets married. THAT should be interesting. But I think it will be OK. Im sure she will bring a special friend with her.

[suladas]

OK, I have to know. How in the hell did you wind up living next door to your ex? I do have to say I did have a female friend that had her ex living a few houses down from her. They had two boys together and it made it more convenient I guess. Thing is I know he could see who was parked at her house at any given time and over night. And let me tell you she was screwing LOTS of guys. I personally would not like to see that every time I came home from work.

 

As for me I avoid my XW at all costs. Our Son is gown but we do live in the same small town and I do see face to face maybe once or twice a years. We are civil with each other. I recently remaried for for example and I saw her about a month before the wedding. She tells me "I think your moving too fast" she says. This after telling me I need to move on for the past three years. Unbelievable!

 

Being civil is the way to go. Just treat them like you would your mailman or grocery clerk etc.

 

I will admit though, every time I see her my gutt starts to hurt. Which is why I avoid her if I can. I wonder what things will be like once our Son gets married. THAT should be interesting. But I think it will be OK. Im sure she will bring a special friend with her.

 

We lived next door first, then starting dating that's how we met. Yea that would suck, thankfully she is not looking to date so I won't have to go through that at least not for a while.

[Nebula]

I work with mine too. The thing is though - we broke up a while ago, and it took me a while to heal since he was the person who has hurt me the most in my life. He was very traumatizing to me. Plus he treated me pretty bad.

 

Anyway, I'm a lot better now, if anything now he just annoys me. I don't like him. He's an ugly person, even if it doesn't hurt anymore.

 

Since he left me to be with someone else, he's barely respected ALL the times I've told him to stop talking to me. Granted, what I had to do was to not respond, but he'd ping me through the work chat which was the only place where I could not block him. Still, I could have ignored him, but it always felt like "being mean" for some reason.

 

I don't feel that way anymore. I'm over it. I really don't want to talk to him.

 

I just want to ignore him via IM when he pops up. What I don't know is if it's worth it to tell him again or just let him get the message. Then again a lot of the time he pings me about work-related things (which he could ask anyone else, they're not specific to me at all. If they were then yes, I'd answer). And when we see each other at work (we work from home some days) just say hi but never engage in conversation.

 

Does this make sense? I don't want to seem childish but I'm also sick of the guy. I mean, it's bad enough how he was and he never really realized it and I feel "being nice" is way more than he deserves.

 

Any input/opinions are appreciated.

[JSJS]

Hey Nebula - I'm glad to hear you are a lot better now. What you wrote does make sense.

 

Even though it's so unlike me I just don't feel like 'being nice' either since she treated me so badly multiple times (I know I should have cut the ties after the first time ). We have spoken a few times recently for work reasons and it has been uncomfortable and cold. I now say hello when we meet and nothing more. Like you I now see the ugly side of her personality and can't believe I didn't see it all along - there were flags and others could see it but not me...

 

The only thing I would advise is to keep it professional, don't let it affect your work and don't let him see if/when you are feeling bad. You do not need to answer him except for work queries and even then only those you are responsible for - you could direct him to the most suitable person on some occasions. You are not 'being mean' - since he hurt you badly you are entitled to behave how you want.

 

The only person you should worry about now is you - since you are over it keep your distance from him in whatever way suits YOU. Don't let him back in your life - you deserve better! He will get the message eventually.

 

Good luck!

[GlassParasol]

Haven't spoken since the day we broke up (two and a half months). Unfortunately, I still see him from a distance, though luckily apart from yesterday, we never get close enough to talk (not that we did then either.) Apparently according to a friend he kept looking at me last week, which was the only other time we've been in the same room together since BU.

 

Frankly although I know there's a chance we may talk again, for now I pretend I don't notice him very much (and I'm usually a lenient person). Mainly because he ended the relationship in such a cowardly manner and then had the cheek to be spiteful about me behind my back in a recent argument. So, yeah.

[Nebula]

Thanks for your reply JSJS! I know it's not really mean to just be distant, "mean" would actually apply to the way he was to me and he never really regretted it.

 

I don't feel bad around him anymore, which is good. I just get annoyed at times but don't really say anything either. Actually I'm very chatty and happy around the people at work but when he talks to me I shut off into a serious mode, not obnoxious or upset, just cold. It's not even intentional, it comes off naturally without me thinking about it.

 

It's over IM when I forget to tone it down because I don't see his face and "remember", but every time I reply I regret it later. I have to keep it short or not reply at all.

 

I know what you mean about not seeing them for who they were until later, though it was right there in front of you. When I saw the ugliness I figured it'd change somehow, or was just momentary, but that deep down he was good. Never happened. *shrug*