kgyula Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hi, I would need girls opinion on this as half of me says I am overreacting, the other half feels a bit bad. Shorts facts: I'm 26, she's 30, we are together for about 2 months and spend most of our time we have with doing lots of things together. We respect each other, like each other and do things for the other, in short as for as now, we are quite on a similar wavelength in a balanced relationship (and I'm not exagerating here, these are obvious facts) this weekend she had to go on a 2 day long seminar regarding an MLM she's involved in. There was also an option for me to go despite I'm not involved but I had to do several things back home. Last night she, together with some girlfriend colleagues and I guess 1-2 boys went out in the city to drink some cocktails and to party a bit. She texted me a few times and even called me to talk for about half an hour saying that she misses me and that it would be nice if I would be there, telling what she done that day, asking me things, while in the same time mentioning how big and great that party was, how much nightlife there is, how great the cocktails were and how interesting is that there are significantly more guys out there compare to the number of girls. Now for sure that she said a lot of other things but this just struck my mind while I was back home listening to what she has to say. So is it just my mind or are the above mentioned things a bit in contrast with thing like: - she said she didn't want to go out that night, because she wants to get a good rest - I met a friend that evening and we had some great talk as we didn't see each other that often... and she added in a funny way when we talked on the phone that hopefully we will not go out partying and go home in the evening - earlier we talked about the topic of going out / partying without the other and we had the same opinion that it wouldn't be that great for the other. I'm not jealous at all since she is the most credible and hones gf I had in years and I also know that if you want to flirt / make out with guys or girls there are other limitless possibilities, but it just not feels right for me, since if I had the possibility of going out drinking / partying till 2 am I would have thought about maybe she'll feel bad about it.
denise_xo Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hi, I would need girls opinion on this as half of me says I am overreacting, the other half feels a bit bad. Shorts facts: I'm 26, she's 30, we are together for about 2 months and spend most of our time we have with doing lots of things together. We respect each other, like each other and do things for the other, in short as for as now, we are quite on a similar wavelength in a balanced relationship (and I'm not exagerating here, these are obvious facts) this weekend she had to go on a 2 day long seminar regarding an MLM she's involved in. There was also an option for me to go despite I'm not involved but I had to do several things back home. Last night she, together with some girlfriend colleagues and I guess 1-2 boys went out in the city to drink some cocktails and to party a bit. She texted me a few times and even called me to talk for about half an hour saying that she misses me and that it would be nice if I would be there, telling what she done that day, asking me things, while in the same time mentioning how big and great that party was, how much nightlife there is, how great the cocktails were and how interesting is that there are significantly more guys out there compare to the number of girls. Now for sure that she said a lot of other things but this just struck my mind while I was back home listening to what she has to say. So is it just my mind or are the above mentioned things a bit in contrast with thing like: - she said she didn't want to go out that night, because she wants to get a good rest - I met a friend that evening and we had some great talk as we didn't see each other that often... and she added in a funny way when we talked on the phone that hopefully we will not go out partying and go home in the evening - earlier we talked about the topic of going out / partying without the other and we had the same opinion that it wouldn't be that great for the other. I'm not jealous at all since she is the most credible and hones gf I had in years and I also know that if you want to flirt / make out with guys or girls there are other limitless possibilities, but it just not feels right for me, since if I had the possibility of going out drinking / partying till 2 am I would have thought about maybe she'll feel bad about it. I think it's perfectly possible to have the following two thoughts in her mind at the same time: i) she is enjoying the party and having a good time ii) she is missing you and wishes you had been there I also think it is very common to, at the end of a week, feel tired and not really feel like going out, but then once you get out there and have a drink and meet people, you start enjoying yourself. So, I don't really see anything special with her behaviour. If, on the other hand, the two of you have a mutual agreement to not go out and party without the company of each other, that is a different scenario. If that is what you mean with the bit I have underlined, then the two of you need to have a talk about whether that boundary is still in place, and the fact that she broke it.
todreaminblue Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Hi, I would need girls opinion on this as half of me says I am overreacting, the other half feels a bit bad. Shorts facts: I'm 26, she's 30, we are together for about 2 months and spend most of our time we have with doing lots of things together. We respect each other, like each other and do things for the other, in short as for as now, we are quite on a similar wavelength in a balanced relationship (and I'm not exagerating here, these are obvious facts) this weekend she had to go on a 2 day long seminar regarding an MLM she's involved in. There was also an option for me to go despite I'm not involved but I had to do several things back home. Last night she, together with some girlfriend colleagues and I guess 1-2 boys went out in the city to drink some cocktails and to party a bit. She texted me a few times and even called me to talk for about half an hour saying that she misses me and that it would be nice if I would be there, telling what she done that day, asking me things, while in the same time mentioning how big and great that party was, how much nightlife there is, how great the cocktails were and how interesting is that there are significantly more guys out there compare to the number of girls. Now for sure that she said a lot of other things but this just struck my mind while I was back home listening to what she has to say. So is it just my mind or are the above mentioned things a bit in contrast with thing like: - she said she didn't want to go out that night, because she wants to get a good rest - I met a friend that evening and we had some great talk as we didn't see each other that often... and she added in a funny way when we talked on the phone that hopefully we will not go out partying and go home in the evening - earlier we talked about the topic of going out / partying without the other and we had the same opinion that it wouldn't be that great for the other. I'm not jealous at all since she is the most credible and hones gf I had in years and I also know that if you want to flirt / make out with guys or girls there are other limitless possibilities, but it just not feels right for me, since if I had the possibility of going out drinking / partying till 2 am I would have thought about maybe she'll feel bad about it. iam glad your partner is credible an dhonest partying till 2 am drinking in a relationship with out the partner there isn't a good idea no mater how honest and credible you are women are vulnerable when they drink...intoxication is just that..... intoxicated......you dont think like you do when you are straight your standards are lowered your ability to judge intentions is lowered so is your ability to walk the straight line.....in every sense.....infedelity is certainly more likely to occur even with the faithful.....then there is this drug called rohipnol )not sure on the spelling) or ro-eees if one gets slipped into a drink its good bye memory for the night hello unconsciousness......i dont drink anymore....... i dont enjoy it and i dont like the after effects never have and my faith doesnt agree with it either....its words of wisdom.....too bad i didnt have those words and follow them earlier...would have saved a lot of pain......but as far as your girlfriend goes i think partying is ok...if you also have time with yrou friends where you go out ......if the alcohol gets switched to non alcoholic ,too risky....inebriation...but this is my opinion from knowing many women and being one myself who cant handle the effects of alcohol maybe your girlfriend can stop at two and keep partying.....be honest with your girlfriend and tell her how you feel and see what she has to say......best wishes ...hope it works out for you both......deb
Author kgyula Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Hi, thank your for both replies @ denise_xo, what I meant with the text you underlined is that a few weeks ago the topic of going out without the other or moving away for work / study related things for long periods of time came up. Regarding going out she said that going out without the other for parties/during nightime is not ok in her mind, she asked me and I said I think the same way. So there were no more details regarding circumstances/special cases as I didn't gave that much attention to the topic. The truth is since we are together she didn't went to any party as far as I know, but she's not that big party girl either as back when she was single she went out just a few times in weeks or months. I asked her this mainly because I wanted to know how she would feel in the first place if I would go out alone / with g/b friends, despite the fact that I already knew how I would proceed in that case. She noticed today that something is not ok with me, I guess she just felt it because I didn't changed my behaviour at all, so she asked, till she asked also if it was a problem that last night she went out. I said that I have a small note on that but it;s not phone topic as she was at the confference with others. Till then she keeps on asking me about that. Now I deffinitely don\t want to make a big drama about this, and for sure I don\t want to push her in a direction where partying without me is forbidden. I guess I would tell her in a calm way what is my oppinion about this, ask her how she would felt if I would did the same and tell her that I am not ok with this, and see what happenes. the sad part is that the more I think about it the more annoying it gets and I have any kind of this stuff and drama in a relationship thanks for the answares
denise_xo Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Now I deffinitely don\t want to make a big drama about this, and for sure I don\t want to push her in a direction where partying without me is forbidden. I guess I would tell her in a calm way what is my oppinion about this, ask her how she would felt if I would did the same and tell her that I am not ok with this, and see what happenes. I'm a bit confused. First you say that the two of you agreed that you will not go out partying with each other. Then you say you don't want to end up in a situation where she can not go out partying without you. Which one is it?
Author kgyula Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 hi there, maybe I complicated things a bit while writing them down. so what a wanted to say is that: - yes, we talked about the topic and we had the same opinions (which is: going out without the other is not ok) - with the fact of mentioning that it is not ok for me that she went out and will not be ok in the future as well, I don't want to restrict her freedom. If it turns out that she's the type of personality for whom this is ok, I will need to rethink how well our relationship truly is, but I repeat I don't want to control her just because of my comfort.
denise_xo Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 hi there, maybe I complicated things a bit while writing them down. so what a wanted to say is that: - yes, we talked about the topic and we had the same opinions (which is: going out without the other is not ok) - with the fact of mentioning that it is not ok for me that she went out and will not be ok in the future as well, I don't want to restrict her freedom. If it turns out that she's the type of personality for whom this is ok, I will need to rethink how well our relationship truly is, but I repeat I don't want to control her just because of my comfort. Well, you have to make a choice, either way, and you should be making that choice together. All successful relationships are about compromises. I think you just need to discuss your way to a mutual decision. There's no right or wrong answer here that people on a message board can provide you with.
Author kgyula Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 hi, yes, indeed. I just wanted an oppinion of other consider this overreacting. I tolt her today about this and that it made me feel uncomfortalbe and she appologies a lot, but we didn't really had that much time to talk, so I guess we will resume that topic later on
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