Wesker Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Being 33, and never married, I seem to get more of a I guess "turn off" response from women, than someone I know that has been divorced twice already. Seems like they are more creeped out that I'm almost 35, and never once been married ( I was with someone for over 7 years just over a year ago), than if I had been married a few times. Is not being married more of a red flag than someone who's been divorced at least once?
irc333 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I would say multi-divorced is a bigger red flag. Because it's usually a result of either poor decision making (usually marrying in haste and/or young in the first marriage) or the inability to keep a marriage going or working on it. Never marrieds usually are level headed by not acting with such haste. They are taking their time about choosing a mate by making decisions in who they choose first before choosing to wed. 2
skydiveaddict Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Is not being married more of a red flag than someone who's been divorced at least once? It seems that way to me as well. I've never married just like you, (came close once), it seems women are more attracted to failure (divorce), than someone who might still be searching. Who can say why?
MrCastle Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Divorce: "He possesses skills that make women want to keep him all to themselves. There must be something to him." Never Married: "Weird. Why hasn't he been married yet? Is he awkward? Is he gay?"
CptObvious Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 People that have never been married are considered smart People that have been divorced multiple times are considered to have the emotional maturity of a 2 year old. 1
skydiveaddict Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) Divorce: "He possesses skills that make women want to keep him all to themselves. There must be something to him." Yea, like failure. Never Married: "Weird. Why hasn't he been married yet? Is he awkward? Is he gay?" Perhaps because he hasn't met the right girl yet, or more to the point, he won't put up with the emotional BS most women try to pull off. In other words, he has high standards which, although difficult to meet, should never be compromised. Most women choose (for whatever reason) to invest in failure. The "gay" question can be ruled out immediately. If he was was gay he wouldn't be searching for a female. "Awkward"? Perhaps a valid reason. But it hardly describes the investment by females in failure. They seem to crave it, much like the abused wife who keeps taking her husband back. Edited September 23, 2012 by skydiveaddict 1
todreaminblue Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) I would say multi-divorced is a bigger red flag. Because it's usually a result of either poor decision making (usually marrying in haste and/or young in the first marriage) or the inability to keep a marriage going or working on it. Never marrieds usually are level headed by not acting with such haste. They are taking their time about choosing a mate by making decisions in who they choose first before choosing to wed. I think it is entirely unique to the person who is either multi-divorced or unmarried.......to me being an unmarried mother at 43 with five kids i flag myself.I am hard work I am not for just anyone.I didn't want to be an unmarried mother of five never thought i would be .I actually thought i would never have any children i wanted to travel the world make a difference.My difference has morphed into being a mother of five and travelling a road alone is not what i dreamed and planned. I had always dreamed of one day getting married and travelling, then life and god decided different.I had the children and its a journey i tell ya......much more complex than catching a ride and going global.I stayed as a life partner to someone i thought would eventually marry me so i waited through all thee crap, waded through mud a few times....and ended up unmarried and single....i accept it.......and i flag myself....lol... before others judge and flag me......i let them know exactly who i am and i am proud of the struggles and the mud....i have a shower and i keep going thanks to god above i believe...........someone who is multi divorced has made some poor choices through either faith or misled belief that the next marriage is going to be better it will work....or why would they get married???? why bother....they have faith the next one will be it....i have faith in that.....you dont go through vows over and over if you don't believe them you just dont bother.....everyone wants a life partner everyone who stands before god and says those vows has to believe in the sanctity of marriage or it is pointless waste of time.....organising a wedding is i believe highly stressful why would you do that more than once......because you truly believe in it......i feel that only the person who is either unmarried or multi divorced would know what flag they hold an dthey shoudl flag themselves with it....like i do with a yellow one.....warning.... warning dr smith..... suitcases and baggage attached...be careful proceed with caution.red flag goes up to the dicks...that throws off the masses.....I so love lost in space.....deb Edited September 23, 2012 by todreaminblue
Woggle Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Multi-divorced. One divorce could entirely not her fault and even two sometimes but after that she is the common denominator. I have more respect for a person that chooses not to enter into than somebody who does so and craps all over it? I don't know why it is looked upon as weird when somebody spends their time building other aspects of their lives rather than wasting time on marriages that go nowhere.
yongyong Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Can you trust a chick who wore a wedding dress, promised 'I do' in front of crowds and decided to leave?? (for guys, it will be irritating to think about all kinds of sexual act she has done during marriage period)
soccerrprp Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) I would say multi-divorced is the more of a red flag than never married, but never married can also mean that there is a commitment issue or that there have been failed relationships. Either way could be a result of poor selection or decision-making. I met a very attractive 40-something woman in the past and wondered why she had never gotten married. It turns out that she had been in a few very bad relationships in the past and was/is clearly and negatively influenced by them. Now she has problems with establishing and maintaining current ones. I also dated a woman who had been divorced twice and found her to be more stable than the woman never married. Vows or no vows, both could be a sign of concern. If you think about it, both could have been in as many and as long of a relationship as the other. Both could have had the same kind of issues, etc. I think we put a little too much value into the vows than we should considering people don't necessarily change their behavior simply because they've said a few vows or not. Edited September 23, 2012 by soccerrprp
OliveOyl Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I think it depends on where *you* are and your age range which is more of a red flag. My BF is multi-divorced and while it raised my eyebrows at first I got over it and it is not an issue. I'm in my early 50's and I would not have wanted to date someone who had never been married (being divorced myself). People make mistakes, sometimes multiple mistakes... that doesn't mean maturation and growth isn't possible. It is very possible and a red flag doesn't mean "STOP" -- it means look further and deeper for each individual case.
wwwjd Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I'm in my early 50's and I would not have wanted to date someone who had never been married (being divorced myself). Did I read that right?? How does that make any sense followed by your next part? And your first part? By NOT f*%$ing up, I'm somehow NOT RIGHT? What?
CptObvious Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Did I read that right?? How does that make any sense followed by your next part? And your first part? By NOT f*%$ing up, I'm somehow NOT RIGHT? What? haters can't stand our success obviously. You know, not losing half your stuff multiple times can actually benefit your status. Who ****ing knew.
OliveOyl Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Did I read that right?? How does that make any sense followed by your next part? And your first part? By NOT f*%$ing up, I'm somehow NOT RIGHT? What? I don't equate getting divorced with f*%$ing up. People make mistakes and people change. And I didn't say or mean "NOT RIGHT." There is no absolute right or not right. There is more compatible and less compatible for me. Someone who has gone through the experience of a long-term, live in relationship (e.g. marriage) probably shares more similar life experience for me than someone who hasn't. However, someone who has been divorced will be NOT RIGHT for many others (as can be seen on this thread).
Pyro Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Being 33, and never married, I seem to get more of a I guess "turn off" response from women, than someone I know that has been divorced twice already. Seems like they are more creeped out that I'm almost 35, and never once been married ( I was with someone for over 7 years just over a year ago), than if I had been married a few times. Is not being married more of a red flag than someone who's been divorced at least once? Everyone is going to perceive that differently. At 33 and never married you can be seen as being very picky, still waiting to meet the right one, closet gay, commitment phobe, or an array of other things. Being divorced twice though may be seen as a bigger red flag.
thatone Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Being 33, and never married, I seem to get more of a I guess "turn off" response from women, than someone I know that has been divorced twice already. Seems like they are more creeped out that I'm almost 35, and never once been married ( I was with someone for over 7 years just over a year ago), than if I had been married a few times. Is not being married more of a red flag than someone who's been divorced at least once? you need to stop worrying about how your past will be judged by women, and worry more about how you should be judging them. the ones who are looking for divorcees are pretty likely to be divorced themselves in short order. but don't worry, they'll have a string of ex husbands to blame it all on, you wanna be one of em?
suladas Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I don't see why married or not is a big deal. If you were with someone long-term say 5 years does it make much difference if you were married as long as you were living together? My ex was twice divorced at 35, first one married way to young and fast and didn't last, second she was cheated on many times. I don't consider that a red flag at all. I would consider someone in their 30's never in a long term relationship a bit of a red flag. But married or not shouldn't matter.
carhill Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Never married versus twice divorced here. What I learned from the process was that my aversion to divorce was in part predicated by fear. My exW, having been divorced twice, had no such fear, or so she said. It was just another series of steps to move on. Experience bred confidence in the process. I get that better now, meaning I understand her perspective better. Is every multi-divorced person like that? I doubt it. However, experiencing it was a good life lesson.
El Brujo Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 As a never-married guy, I'll admit there are times when I feel like I'm giving people the impression that I'm not trying very hard. But my best male buddy, who is still going through a divorce, occasionally gets all mopey and complains that he wishes he'd been as picky as I am. Go figure.
thatone Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Never married versus twice divorced here. What I learned from the process was that my aversion to divorce was in part predicated by fear. My exW, having been divorced twice, had no such fear, or so she said. It was just another series of steps to move on. Experience bred confidence in the process. I get that better now, meaning I understand her perspective better. Is every multi-divorced person like that? I doubt it. However, experiencing it was a good life lesson. it's easy to have no fear when you get the checks rather than write them. 1
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