bluescityangel Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I sit here and as I type all this out I KNOW I look like a hopeless romantic....but the thing is...I'm not. Actually I am pretty jaded and cynical about relationships ...until the last one....We have worked together for awhile...(I know I should of stopped there) and to be honest I was truly to the point where I was ok in life....being solo...and then he asked me out...The first two times failed because I did not go...but the last one worked...we went out...and omg it was so perfect that I was questioning the hell out of it in my mind....so I thought it's not fair to him to do that...so I stopped....I just dove in head first...and he was so good to me...omg people I fell so hard....after so long being alone....and then he dumped me on Wednesday....and I don't know what happened...He refused to explain why and got mad at me for asking....so much so I apologized for asking...and then asked for a hug to just cool things off and he closed the door in my face.....the two weeks prior he was just acting weird...turning his phone off....not texting me in a timely fashion like he used to....just off...so I asked if we were ok...and he said we were...but we weren't...we were failing and as a girl with abandonment issues this just devastated me....he ended via a text and then would not even explain why to me...he wants to be friends but I just can't do that and logically I guess I should not wish to get back with him...but I do...and I just sat in my house this weekend looking at the four walls and trying not to cry....I have not contacted him....but I saw him at work on Friday.....and he said "what's up?" with a smile and tone that just screamed happy and I simply shook my head....I can't be friends....I want to make up not break up and we had plans....and now everything is just gone...and how can someone state they want to marry you two weeks before they dump you?? I'm lost and I just need someone to talk to....I need advice...I need a distraction...I need not to text that man....but I miss him...and I love him....and I suppose I am just a twit. A very sad twit....
not-a-drive-by Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Don't call yourself a twit. You're not twit. All of us here have experienced what you have been going through. We all had plans with our exs and at one point or another, they may have said that they wanted to marry us. But some reason, it just didn't work out for them. Give yourself and him some space. You make the decision to be friends with him when you are ready. If you need to cry, cry your heart out. It will feel much better than holding it all in. If you need distractions, try going out with your friends since it's the weekend. Turn your phone off or put it away from sight so you don't send that text or make that call to him. If you need to talk to someone or vent, do it here. It's been over 3 months since we broke up, and I still miss and love him. It's normal to feel that.
Author bluescityangel Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Thank you. It is pretty raw for me this weekend. I just wish he hadn't been everything I wanted. That would make it easier...I am maintaining the NC....granted I hope he decides he misses me....but I know I cannot count on that....Breakeven....No they most certainly never do...He was laughing that day. That is one thing I don't know if I will ever forget. How on earth do you laugh? I guess I will never get it. I get to work with him tomorrow and I just don't know really how to handle his casual pleasantries....Truly I want to say zero..and I think that is how I will proceed. I cannot see acting like all is well when inside for me it is all jagged.
mvc Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 at least he didnt laugh when you were pouring your heart out like my ex did. its an act, well i hope it is because if thats how they are then they arent worth anyones time let alone yours
Author bluescityangel Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Actually I was. Pouring out my soul and he was chuckling. Um yeah....
Macaw Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I could be wrong here, but I'm going to assume he was not a "closet jerk" all this time and you just happened to miss it. I'm going to assume this is actually him lashing out from a non resolved issue since he got mad at you for asking what was wrong. How often were you making him feel appreciated? As a guy myself, I know all the "symptons" you describe very well. Telling someone you love her and want to marry her and then slowly taking a 180 turn. Getting angry for them not knowing what's wrong. Girls tend to get colder as the relationship matures and it starts falling into routine, while guys go colder when they're no longer feeling appreciated. I want you to take a step back and think about the last few months in your relationship. How often did you kiss him before he kissed you, compared to the opposite? How many times did you plan your dates vs let him do all the planning? How many times did you make an effort greater than just going along with whatever he wanted? More than words (such as "I love you too"), guys need to feel like you WANT to be with them, and the only way to communicate that is with actions through your initiative. You can't just tag along.
Author bluescityangel Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) The two weeks where everything changed I started working a new schedule....I was working two nights....it was just a temporary thing but I had no option....so I would initiate...time....intimacy...texts if I could not talk to him....invited him over for dinner....I got turned down over and over.....the final day I wanted to spend time with him....didn't matter where....I hadn't gotten that far though....because I could not get him to commit to even seeing me...so I laughed and said can ya not tell me if I am seeing you tonight....and he hung up on me....then I got the break up text....So....yes if I felt that I had contributed to the demise of our relationship in any way shape or form I'd own up....I'd gladly own up...in fact I asked why so I would know what on earth I did wrong and fix it....that pissed him off....I then got the "it's not you it is me" and him pissed because I wanted a answer....and finally I just apologized for wanting to know...which was insane....but I did it....I tried....I love this man....and I still have to see him at work....but while he can talk to me now like nothing in the world ever happened...I cannot....so I agreed today that his decision was the right one....but I also stated I did not need him as a friend....(which was what he wanted) because I can't just forget....and seeing as I respected his wishes and did not push for closure or a simple reason he can respect mine and just leave me alone. I love him. He knows it and I can walk away knowing I didn't do anything this time...or if I did no one bothered to tell me what...either way I can't fix that which he does not want fixed....and to be honest it was almost as if I was with another person those last two weeks....none of it made sense...and it still doesn't.... Edited September 23, 2012 by bluescityangel
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