smint Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Basics -He left me for another person(widow with 5 yrs old child) -We were together for 7yrs,I am 26,so from my teenage years to adult life,he is 28 -he just disappeared from my life,left me by the phone,I had all that to find out from God knows who,because our common friends went on his side,and he just put picture on Facebook with that girl(by the way she didn't even wait 6 months to pass since her husband's death) -6 months have been passed since he left me for such an opportunity(they both have no jobs) Tonight I went out with friend and we were looking for free table in cafe,and his friends were by one of those tables,I said decent hello,and they did also,but I was so scared is he there,I am afraid that I looked panic to them,because me and my friend then turned back and went out to other local!!! I think that if he was there with them,I would swoon,my heart was beating like it's going to get out of my body! I am much better,6 months have passed,but I am still afraid not to run into him!
ally_batucan Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 i know how bad it is coz i've been in that situation too. what's worst is seeing him with the another girl.. that must be traumatic!! 1
Author smint Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Yeah,that is really traumatic!I had it all at once,my first RS,first BU,I haven't seen it coming,I haven't even had 1% in decision about our BU,he left me no choice,left me for another,then he put their happy picture on Facebook...so I had everything,I run into his friends,just to run into them two-that still hasn't happen...I wish never to see and to hear from him till the rest of my life!!!
yoman38 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 yes it would be painful running into him with another girl. But, much less painful then your mind makes it seem. You see the anticipation, and mental picture are much worse then reality because it keeps replaying. Much like a fear of spiders can be blown up in your head, or being afraid of flying. Often times once you immerse yourself in these activities you can decondition your fear and replace it with calm. I'm not trying to reduce your situation believe me I've been there done that. What I'm trying to so succinctly point out is that the more you fear running into him the more you give the past a hold over you and you hold yourself back from recovering. I know you're not in a great place right now, but believe worrying about running into him will not help. Now this is not me telling you to break NC (I think it's essential to keep NC) and go hang out with him and blah blah blah, what I'm saying is don't be afraid to run into him by chance it could happen and believe me the more you linger and fear about the more likely it will. instead sit back and ask yourself why am I afraid of running into this person, go into that fear and start disarming it. Realize you are strong you have power and you can deal with some minor like that. And suddenly once you actually feel like that a certain amount of the pasts grip will loosen on you and you'll move further along on your healing path. ok peace 1
suladas Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 That sucks but as said above, who cares if you run into him it's not a big deal. I've ran into my ex many many many times and I just stopped caring or worrying about it, and it's a much better feeling. I will not lie though, the first time was only 2 days after the BU and it hurt a lot to see her, but knowing they are hurting to seems to help. Just go on with your life and if you run into him, whatever. Although if you do run into him, make sure you come off as doing fine and don't show that you might still be hurting. 1
Author smint Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 believe me the more you linger and fear about the more likely it will-so true!that night I run into friends of my ex,I had in my mind"what if I run ito him,or his friend's,and look,it really happened!!! Although if you do run into him, make sure you come off as doing fine and don't show that you might still be hurting. This is what is frighting me,I wasn't calm at all when I saw them,I was scared not to see my ex,they were looking at me like they feel sorry for me,I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me... When I saw my ex last time(my friends made him come to talk to me in alive)he was so proud,he acted like he is Don Juan,like girls are crazy for him,like it's a different person,he was so cruel,and I was weak,lost and lonely,then that picture on Facebook...In my head,I am imagining him and her going through the street into me,and him enjoying that scenario-me seeing them two how happy they are...Ok,maybe I am exaggerating,but just a little!
suladas Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 believe me the more you linger and fear about the more likely it will-so true!that night I run into friends of my ex,I had in my mind"what if I run ito him,or his friend's,and look,it really happened!!! Although if you do run into him, make sure you come off as doing fine and don't show that you might still be hurting. This is what is frighting me,I wasn't calm at all when I saw them,I was scared not to see my ex,they were looking at me like they feel sorry for me,I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me... When I saw my ex last time(my friends made him come to talk to me in alive)he was so proud,he acted like he is Don Juan,like girls are crazy for him,like it's a different person,he was so cruel,and I was weak,lost and lonely,then that picture on Facebook...In my head,I am imagining him and her going through the street into me,and him enjoying that scenario-me seeing them two how happy they are...Ok,maybe I am exaggerating,but just a little! People put on a tough face. He will be even more so if he's seeing you around friends to not look weak. I'm sure if you look closely at his behavior and voice it's not normal and is a sign that he's hurting.
Author smint Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 People put on a tough face. He will be even more so if he's seeing you around friends to not look weak. I'm sure if you look closely at his behavior and voice it's not normal and is a sign that he's hurting. Sorry,I don't understand what you wanted to say,that he is also hurt?I wouldn't say so,he left me by the phone,I came twice to his door to beg him to talk to me,he slammed the door into my face,we only met once when he acted like Don Juan,he just disappeared from me after 7 yrs,he left me in March,and in June he has already started to LIVE with that widow and her child,and we haven't even living together,then that picture on Facebook-he has never put our picture there...His behavior is not normal and irrational.
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