Older chick calls me "crazy" after I kissed her

[bro]

(M23 F31) We come from different backgrounds/cultures.

 

So we know each other for over two months at work. Interest/attraction pretty much there. 100% no doubt, gut instinct. Her attention is turned towards me in pretty much all situations, etc.

 

We went out once as friends a month ago (she dressed casually) and went on an "official" date yesterday where she dressed up a bit. After work she apologized for not having the time to put on makeup as it was a busy morning/day for her (shes the all-natural kind of girl who rarely puts on makeup). I told her it was no biggie (do girls actually say this to their guy friends?). We talked- she brought up my ex (I mentioned something about it.... almost a week ago. She sent me a picture of herself (just face) just to cheer me up right after) and asked if we were still talking. I told her no, everything was off... I mean, all this questioning/curiosity, even from the time I initially ended it with my ex over a month ago, basically gave it away that she was interested in me. I'm pretty socially retarded but even this was pretty damn obvious.

 

So the date goes along well. I got physical; touched her here and there, we touched each others hands,I guided her across the street hand on back, wrist and whatnot... nothing too extreme/creepy; she didnt pull away or anything. She had a little bit to drink during dinner (I felt like she wanted to get drunk or something during the date since she was drinking pretty fast). We move to another bar and got the chance to line down in a semi-private room to chat. Physical contact was there again; touching/leaning close to each other. Since she drank quite a bit, she would close her eyes every now and then to rest. At one point she had her eyes closed since and I put my hand on her wrist. She didnt pull away or anything so I felt like it was a good time to go in for the kiss.... -_-

 

So she had her eyes closed during this time, lol. After I kissed her she opened her eyes again and sorta looked shocked, backed off, and said to me "what.... are you crazy?!" in a very shocked/angry tone. I backed off aswell, said "oh", felt like a retard but played it cool. The rest of the date pretty much went on like nothing happened. I dropped her off afterwards and she hinted about asking me to come up to her place, but I told her nah, that I was just going to head home instead. Didnt want to be desperate or anything. I guess she felt comfortable to let me drive her home since she could have taken a taxi at anytime.

 

What do you guys think? Did I move too fast? Or was she just a bit shocked/surprised since I kissed her when her eyes were closed? Maybe shes just not interested?

 

We exchanged briefly texts before went to bed. We met up earlier today in a group setting and everything seemed back to normal. She didn't avoid/ignore me. She still seemed "drawn" to me ie. sat next to me/would look over on occasion. We talked/joked around like normal.

Edited September 22, 2012 by bro

[Hawaii50]

She only called you crazy for being so forward. imho

[bro]

Should I let her take the lead from now on or just play it cool/tone it down from now on?

[O'farrell]

She hints you to come in. You reject. You are crazy.

[bro]

:/ won't make the same mistake of rejecting her next time

[bob the brave]

Weird she would freak out when you kissed her and then invite you in. Girls are nuts. Maybe it was because it was in a bar, although it was a private room.

 

Anyway, sounds like no harm done. Maybe you should clarify it with her. Just ask her flat out, "Hey, don't mean to make a thing out of it, but wanted to apologize for freaking you out with that kiss in the bar. I can be kind of spontaneous sometimes and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." See what she says.

[MrCastle]

Weird she would freak out when you kissed her and then invite you in. Girls are nuts. Maybe it was because it was in a bar, although it was a private room.

 

Anyway, sounds like no harm done. Maybe you should clarify it with her. Just ask her flat out, "Hey, don't mean to make a thing out of it, but wanted to apologize for freaking you out with that kiss in the bar. I can be kind of spontaneous sometimes and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." See what she says.

 

Don't apologize for being a man; seriously. Don't say anything like that. Business as usual. As if nothing happened.

[CC12]

She probably called you crazy because you kissed her when she did not consent to it. Think about it. If she did not want to kiss you at that moment, she really had no opportunity to say no because either she was passed out, asleep, or could not see that it was coming. It might feel to her as if you took advantage of the situation, a little bit.

 

I'm not calling you a terrible rapist or anything, but I think you misread the situation in a pretty huge way. You touched her wrist and she did not stir. That does not mean that it was a good time to go in for a romantic kiss. There was no involvement at all from her. You just did it whether she might have wanted it or not. That can be a dangerous mindset, and I hope you'll give that a lot of thought in the future.

 

She might not have thought it was a big deal, or it might have really creeped her out once she sobered up. Different people would react to that in different ways. Ask her if she'd like to go on another date with you, and if she does, then be extra careful not to pull anything like this again.

[bro]

She probably called you crazy because you kissed her when she did not consent to it. Think about it. If she did not want to kiss you at that moment, she really had no opportunity to say no because either she was passed out, asleep, or could not see that it was coming. It might feel to her as if you took advantage of the situation, a little bit.

 

I'm not calling you a terrible rapist or anything, but I think you misread the situation in a pretty huge way. You touched her wrist and she did not stir. That does not mean that it was a good time to go in for a romantic kiss. There was no involvement at all from her. You just did it whether she might have wanted it or not. That can be a dangerous mindset, and I hope you'll give that a lot of thought in the future.

 

She might not have thought it was a big deal, or it might have really creeped her out once she sobered up. Different people would react to that in different ways. Ask her if she'd like to go on another date with you, and if she does, then be extra careful not to pull anything like this again.

 

Yeah I understand that I might have overstepped. I didn't want to make matters worse if I went over to her place, so I removed myself.

 

I'm going out of the country for a week or two and she asked if I could buy some things for her before all this happened. I indirectly asked if she was still comfortable with all this since it will lead to me driving to her place and dropping things off once I'm back. Even after I messed up she still insisted that I help her (she can easily buy things here herself). Not sure what her motives are. She asked me to send her pictures/postcards during my trip too.

[MrCastle]

she asked if I could buy some things for her before all this happened. I indirectly asked if she was still comfortable with all this since it will lead to me driving to her place and dropping things off once I'm back. Even after I messed up she still insisted that I help her (she can easily buy things here herself). Not sure what her motives are.

 

So she has you buying things for her? With your own money? Or is she paying you back? Either way that's a pretty big red flag. She gets defensive when you went for the kiss, and she has you buying her stuff and bringing it to her house? Are you sure you aren't in the friend zone? This chick sounds like bad news

[Feelin Frisky]

She probably objected to you making a move on her when she had her eyes closed, which does seem self-centered on your part. But it seems she didn't make that much of a big deal and invited you in. Declining makes no sense. You're lucky if she gives you another shot. If you had some real need to leave you could have gone in long enough to make that kiss right and then explain why you HAD to go.

[bro]

I offered/asked. She paid me upfront. I can easily just drop the stuff off with her in person when I'm back. She doesnt expect me to drive it over to her house or anything

 

She didn't straight up ask/invite me but the intent was there since she let me drive her back home. I guess I'll see how things play out from here... I agree that I messed up pretty big on two crucial parts. Not sure how she thinks but we'll see I suppose :/

 

Lesson learned. If things fall apart then oh wells

[prettylittlethings]

I offered/asked. She paid me upfront. I can easily just drop the stuff off with her in person when I'm back. She doesnt expect me to drive it over to her house or anything

 

She didn't straight up ask/invite me but the intent was there since she let me drive her back home. I guess I'll see how things play out from here... I agree that I messed up pretty big on two crucial parts. Not sure how she thinks but we'll see I suppose :/

 

Lesson learned. If things fall apart then oh wells

 

 

And you think the intent was there because she let you drive her home? Guys read way too much into.... Ahhh, nevermind.

[thatone]

I offered/asked. She paid me upfront. I can easily just drop the stuff off with her in person when I'm back. She doesnt expect me to drive it over to her house or anything

 

She didn't straight up ask/invite me but the intent was there since she let me drive her back home. I guess I'll see how things play out from here... I agree that I messed up pretty big on two crucial parts. Not sure how she thinks but we'll see I suppose :/

 

Lesson learned. If things fall apart then oh wells

 

you said she did and you declined.

 

no one can give you advice about these situations if you lie about the situation itself.

[whichwayisup]

Yeah I understand that I might have overstepped. I didn't want to make matters worse if I went over to her place, so I removed myself.

You went for the kiss too soon, that's all. It came out of no where, there was no build up or antisipation, so it shocked her. BUT..She DID invite you up to her place, so how would it make matters worse if you had gone?

 

Hope there's another date. And if you feel the urge to kiss her, joke about it (or if she brings it up) so there won't be another shocked moment.

[carhill]

OP, imagine if some woman you were dating kissed you out of the blue. Imagine you liked her and found her attractive. Would you ask her if she was crazy, meaning in a serious tone?

 

There's your sign. Something tells me she's not as crazy about you as you are about her. Not even close. Add in the purchasing agent/delivery boy stuff and I'd suggest keeping up the end of that bargain, which you made voluntarily, and moving on. She knows how to find you if/when she deems you sufficiently sane for romantic relations. Good luck.

[suladas]

OP, imagine if some woman you were dating kissed you out of the blue. Imagine you liked her and found her attractive. Would you ask her if she was crazy, meaning in a serious tone?

 

There's your sign. Something tells me she's not as crazy about you as you are about her. Not even close. Add in the purchasing agent/delivery boy stuff and I'd suggest keeping up the end of that bargain, which you made voluntarily, and moving on. She knows how to find you if/when she deems you sufficiently sane for romantic relations. Good luck.

 

I agree. My ex on our first date slipped her tongue down my throat when I completely didn't see it coming, I didn't care because I was into her. It was kinda shocking, never had something like that before. If I wasn't into her I wouldn't like it, but if you're into that person you're not going to care how the first kiss comes about.

 

You could try again, if she's willing to go out with you it means something. I guess there's a chance she was kinda drunk/tired and it caught her off guard and made her react quickly and wasn't sure how she felt.

[bro]

Hmm if it's true that she's not as into me as I thought, then I figure I should just move on and just be friends with her. No biggie I suppose

[carhill]

Friends means mutual interests and proactive support of her romantic pursuits with men she does not question as crazy for kissing her and her for yours, equally. Can this go there? Or will you always want to kiss her? Even right now? If the latter, not friends, IMO.

[bro]

I'm attracted to her but not head over heels in love or anything. I don't mind just being friends. She's cool and a good person to be around

[carhill]

So, you'd be good with her kissing another guy in front of you....you'd be happy for her, right? That's a real good test, as anyone with an ex-partner or ex-spouse will tell you. It means whatever 'it' was is over.

 

Of course you can be her friend. Being someone's friend is actions. How you feel is a separate issue. IME, it's healthier when feelings and actions are synergistic.

[todreaminblue]

(M23 F31) We come from different backgrounds/cultures.

 

So we know each other for over two months at work. Interest/attraction pretty much there. 100% no doubt, gut instinct. Her attention is turned towards me in pretty much all situations, etc.

 

We went out once as friends a month ago (she dressed casually) and went on an "official" date yesterday where she dressed up a bit. After work she apologized for not having the time to put on makeup as it was a busy morning/day for her (shes the all-natural kind of girl who rarely puts on makeup). I told her it was no biggie (do girls actually say this to their guy friends?). We talked- she brought up my ex (I mentioned something about it.... almost a week ago. She sent me a picture of herself (just face) just to cheer me up right after) and asked if we were still talking. I told her no, everything was off... I mean, all this questioning/curiosity, even from the time I initially ended it with my ex over a month ago, basically gave it away that she was interested in me. I'm pretty socially retarded but even this was pretty damn obvious.

 

So the date goes along well. I got physical; touched her here and there, we touched each others hands,I guided her across the street hand on back, wrist and whatnot... nothing too extreme/creepy; she didnt pull away or anything. She had a little bit to drink during dinner (I felt like she wanted to get drunk or something during the date since she was drinking pretty fast). We move to another bar and got the chance to line down in a semi-private room to chat. Physical contact was there again; touching/leaning close to each other. Since she drank quite a bit, she would close her eyes every now and then to rest. At one point she had her eyes closed since and I put my hand on her wrist. She didnt pull away or anything so I felt like it was a good time to go in for the kiss.... -_-

 

So she had her eyes closed during this time, lol. After I kissed her she opened her eyes again and sorta looked shocked, backed off, and said to me "what.... are you crazy?!" in a very shocked/angry tone. I backed off aswell, said "oh", felt like a retard but played it cool. The rest of the date pretty much went on like nothing happened. I dropped her off afterwards and she hinted about asking me to come up to her place, but I told her nah, that I was just going to head home instead. Didnt want to be desperate or anything. I guess she felt comfortable to let me drive her home since she could have taken a taxi at anytime.

 

What do you guys think? Did I move too fast? Or was she just a bit shocked/surprised since I kissed her when her eyes were closed? Maybe shes just not interested?

 

We exchanged briefly texts before went to bed. We met up earlier today in a group setting and everything seemed back to normal. She didn't avoid/ignore me. She still seemed "drawn" to me ie. sat next to me/would look over on occasion. We talked/joked around like normal.

 

 

lol the stolen kiss.....its a shock an unexpected occurrence

 

 

need loads of confidence to pull it off even then it does shock and especially if that person had their eyes closed.......a stolen kiss is not advisable unless you really really know that person.......and you would then know that it was a shock...you didnt know her well enough to carry it through.....don't read anymore into it....you did it too soon......drinking would have made her reaction not normal as well......move on from it.....dont give up hope on that stolen kiss that was just wrong timing.....good luck.....deb

[bro]

I think I'd feel a bit of jealously at first but would be happy for her in the long run. She told awhile back that she was looking to get married. Obviously I don't even come close as a potential partner given the age different but I given the good vibes I got from her, I asked her out and she agreed.

 

I'm understand that I shouldn't come in with any expectations in this given situation. I don't think the idea of a true, long term relationship even entered my mind.

 

I suppose I'll try to see if she's down to go out once I'm back since a few of the replies on here suggest it. I'd be cool with either yes/no and will move on according to her response.

[suladas]

I think I'd feel a bit of jealously at first but would be happy for her in the long run. She told awhile back that she was looking to get married. Obviously I don't even come close as a potential partner given the age different but I given the good vibes I got from her, I asked her out and she agreed.

 

I'm understand that I shouldn't come in with any expectations in this given situation. I don't think the idea of a true, long term relationship even entered my mind.

 

I suppose I'll try to see if she's down to go out once I'm back since a few of the replies on here suggest it. I'd be cool with either yes/no and will move on according to her response.

 

If you don't see it long term, think I doubt she wants anything to do with you if she wants to get married. Just because of your age doesn't mean it couldn't happen though if you are good together, it's not that big of gap.

[bro]

I figured she wouldn't want anything LT so I never put much thought to it. It's not an automatic NO or anything if the "question" pops up