jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 It's been 6months since my ex left me I haven't seen her in 5months and I have been in NC for 78days and haven't heard anything from her. In some ways I think I should just leave it because I want her to be the one that gets in contact with me but it's been 78 days and I've not heard from her. But obviously I don't have a clue what she's thinking so what if she's waiting on me to contact her? is that even a possibility? I would love to here from her but if I was to contact her I'm worried about what kind of reaction I would get.
Dblock10 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 why not wait 90 days? up to you at the end of the day, if she dumped you for a solid reason in her eyes then she might not want to hear from you, and your right she should reach out to you.
johnc342345 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 78 days? Man i hate to say this but she's had plenty of time to miss you and plenty of time to think. I think its time you move on you could be waiting around on her someone who clearly deleted you from their life, and miss out on something special with someone who really wants you in their life. Don't wait around anymore. She's had plenty of time to think about your relationship and plenty of time to miss you and she clearly hasn't I'm sorry
TheKey Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 That depends on what happened the last time before it got broken up.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 78 days? Man i hate to say this but she's had plenty of time to miss you and plenty of time to think. I think its time you move on you could be waiting around on her someone who clearly deleted you from their life, and miss out on something special with someone who really wants you in their life. Don't wait around anymore. She's had plenty of time to think about your relationship and plenty of time to miss you and she clearly hasn't I'm sorry I agree with your general sentiment, but it takes a lot longer than 78 days for most people to decompress from a break. Two and a half months isn't that much, especially depending on the history of the relationship and the circumstances of the break. Hell, you hear stories about people going a year or more and then popping back up. That being said, you are right in the fact that the OP has to move on and assume that she's not coming back and that it's over.
codeword Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Surely after that amount of time it's either going to happen or it's not. Why not speak to her and see what happens, if it doesn't work then you have some closure. If you don't speak to her then probably I would suggest you take it that it's over, but it would do no harm to speak before coming to that conclusion. Waiting longer is probably doing no good either if you aren't willing to accept it's over
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 why not wait 90 days? up to you at the end of the day, if she dumped you for a solid reason in her eyes then she might not want to hear from you, and your right she should reach out to you. To be honest I don't mind waiting till the 90days. The reasons for the brake up in my mind are stupid things that could easly be sorted she just didn't want to try it wasn't a bad brake up and last time we spoke she said she would come and see me some time soon but I thought she would have contacted me by now.
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 That depends on what happened the last time before it got broken up. Nothing bad happends the relationship was really good course thr is a few things that could be worked on but nothing huge. Last time we spoke she said she would come and see me but I haven't heard from her since.
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Surely after that amount of time it's either going to happen or it's not. Why not speak to her and see what happens, if it doesn't work then you have some closure. If you don't speak to her then probably I would suggest you take it that it's over, but it would do no harm to speak before coming to that conclusion. Waiting longer is probably doing no good either if you aren't willing to accept it's over That's what I have been thinking but once again if I contact her that's me just chasing her when I would rather she contacted me. But I really feel like I should speak to her.
Dblock10 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) To be honest I don't mind waiting till the 90days. The reasons for the brake up in my mind are stupid things that could easly be sorted she just didn't want to try it wasn't a bad brake up and last time we spoke she said she would come and see me some time soon but I thought she would have contacted me by now. yeah isnt this the girl that went on holiday or away and was meant to meet you but then you ended things? if i was you id break nc, test the waters, just be prepared for the worst case scenario? doesnt reply, is seeing someone etc you have been waiting in torment for ages, unless you can accept it and let it go, yeah i think its about time you reached out or how long are you prepared to keep counting etc waiting? Edited September 22, 2012 by Dblock10
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 I agree with your general sentiment, but it takes a lot longer than 78 days for most people to decompress from a break. Two and a half months isn't that much, especially depending on the history of the relationship and the circumstances of the break. Hell, you hear stories about people going a year or more and then popping back up. That being said, you are right in the fact that the OP has to move on and assume that she's not coming back and that it's over. The history of our relationship was really good up until she got a work placement at oxford uni in England (were from Scotland) the placement was for 10months and I supported her fully. She was only coming home once or twice a month so I wasn't getting to see her much about 7months in she just seemed distant then eventually said the line can we talk she said being in oxford has made her rethink our relationship that she can't see a future with me and thinks it would be best to call it off. And gave me some stupid reasons. We were together for nearly 5years she's 21 and I'm 24.
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 yeah isnt this the girl that went on holiday or away and was meant to meet you but then you ended things? if i was you id break nc, test the waters, just be prepared for the worst case scenario? doesnt reply, is seeing someone etc you have been waiting in torment for ages, unless you can accept it and let it go, yeah i think its about time you reached out or how long are you prepared to keep counting etc waiting? The holiday thing was that she went on holiday not long ago to the exact same place we went together last year but I didn't end things. I don't think it's really doin me any good just sitting waiting for her to reach out I would rather just talk to her and see what happens.
Dblock10 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 The history of our relationship was really good up until she got a work placement at oxford uni in England (were from Scotland) the placement was for 10months and I supported her fully. She was only coming home once or twice a month so I wasn't getting to see her much about 7months in she just seemed distant then eventually said the line can we talk she said being in oxford has made her rethink our relationship that she can't see a future with me and thinks it would be best to call it off. And gave me some stupid reasons. We were together for nearly 5years she's 21 and I'm 24. wow really? and you stayed with her for 7 months... sorry to hear that man i think it just seems to be girls aged 25 and under.. so when is she moving back to scotland? when where you meant to have met her, 78 days ago? yeah i agree, cant believe you haven't reached out yet if the break up wasn't that bad. id do it just to see what the reality is, then put it to bed one way or another
Author jayy23 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 wow really? and you stayed with her for 7 months... sorry to hear that man i think it just seems to be girls aged 25 and under.. so when is she moving back to scotland? when where you meant to have met her, 78 days ago? yeah i agree, cant believe you haven't reached out yet if the break up wasn't that bad. id do it just to see what the reality is, then put it to bed one way or another Yeh it suks man stood by her in anything she ever wanted to do would never have held her back from doing the things she wanted 7months of just basically waiting fir her and then she does this to me. She's back now she moved to Glasgow to finish off her last year at uni thr the plan was after the 10months wen she got back that we were both goina move into a flat together in Glasgow. I stay about a half n hour drive away. Yeh man the last time we spoke she she was goin on holiday in a few days and said she would come see me when she got back.
Dblock10 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Yeh it suks man stood by her in anything she ever wanted to do would never have held her back from doing the things she wanted 7months of just basically waiting fir her and then she does this to me. She's back now she moved to Glasgow to finish off her last year at uni thr the plan was after the 10months wen she got back that we were both goina move into a flat together in Glasgow. I stay about a half n hour drive away. Yeh man the last time we spoke she she was goin on holiday in a few days and said she would come see me when she got back. so what are your thoughts about her on this holiday? do you think she met someone? just seems that she changed her mind about you and future plans, young girls tend to do this a lot. they hit 21 and poof. they change. you are best to move on, but i think you deserve closure or at least a better understanding somehow about all this. if you can't accept her reason to start with of course.
Author jayy23 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 so what are your thoughts about her on this holiday? do you think she met someone? just seems that she changed her mind about you and future plans, young girls tend to do this a lot. they hit 21 and poof. they change. you are best to move on, but i think you deserve closure or at least a better understanding somehow about all this. if you can't accept her reason to start with of course. Nah I don't think she met anyone I did ask her to make sure but she's not that kind of girl she would never do anything like that. Yeh that's what happend she's changed her mind about things but I can't see why. I know that she wants to travel and her job when shes fin uni will probs take her to different places but I can't understand why I couldn't do them things with her? I think she's made a big mistake but not realised it yet. Thr might be a case of g.I.g.s in thr aswell.
Dblock10 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 So you going to contact her then? she probs wants the freedom now as she won't get the chance later in life. Hence wanting to go solo
Sameold Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I must be a cliche' example of GIGS. Everything is fine until my 24 year old gf of 4 years gets a new job on a graduate scheme. Eventually she gets more and more resentful of commuting back to our flat and needs to move to the same town as all her new friends and now bf....So she threw away her last 4 years of happiness for some superficial bull**** focused around convienience and work..sad. I digress, but dude ultimately whether she is with someone else or not it really doesnt matter. Assuming she broke it off then that is it. Hopefully you said your peice and left your message/feelings one way or another but then it has to be NC. They decided to cut us off, in my case incredibly hurtfully and cruelly. If any contact is to ever happen again then they should initiate it. People make decisions and often they are not right but at the end of the day people take a path and have to walk it. I ask myself everyday why my ex did what she did but all I can really think is she changed from the girl I knew. Some people just tend to take whatever is easiest for them and give up on the rest, if your girl did this like mine leave her to her own thoughts/guilt/quiet pondering moments. The minute we as dumpees get back it touch it shows they have something over as and that we still care. I'll never ever give her that satisfaction again, I proved how much I cared in the month after the split. I am around 85 days NC now, we just have to keep going and forget them for they screwed us over. Don't think their lifes will turn out to be any more perfect than ours, it just seems that false prophery exists now...in heart-break land.
Author jayy23 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 I must be a cliche' example of GIGS. Everything is fine until my 24 year old gf of 4 years gets a new job on a graduate scheme. Eventually she gets more and more resentful of commuting back to our flat and needs to move to the same town as all her new friends and now bf....So she threw away her last 4 years of happiness for some superficial bull**** focused around convienience and work..sad. I digress, but dude ultimately whether she is with someone else or not it really doesnt matter. Assuming she broke it off then that is it. Hopefully you said your peice and left your message/feelings one way or another but then it has to be NC. They decided to cut us off, in my case incredibly hurtfully and cruelly. If any contact is to ever happen again then they should initiate it. People make decisions and often they are not right but at the end of the day people take a path and have to walk it. I ask myself everyday why my ex did what she did but all I can really think is she changed from the girl I knew. Some people just tend to take whatever is easiest for them and give up on the rest, if your girl did this like mine leave her to her own thoughts/guilt/quiet pondering moments. The minute we as dumpees get back it touch it shows they have something over as and that we still care. I'll never ever give her that satisfaction again, I proved how much I cared in the month after the split. I am around 85 days NC now, we just have to keep going and forget them for they screwed us over. Don't think their lifes will turn out to be any more perfect than ours, it just seems that false prophery exists now...in heart-break land. That's one big thing I keep thinking about. How her life is goina be so good that she's goina get everything she ever wanted and it's not goina be with me it's annoying. I want her to be happy but I want her to be happy with me like it was before.
Author jayy23 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 So you going to contact her then? she probs wants the freedom now as she won't get the chance later in life. Hence wanting to go solo I don't know yet I'm in to minds about it. Yep that's more than likely it. But as I said before I would never stand in her way from what she wanted to do so she really did have her own freedom I wouldn't take that away from her. The only thing she couldn't do is be with anyone else so if thats why she left then I don't know what I can say about that but I really don't think it is. The small things she said that she didn't like about the relationship could of been fixd but she didnt want to even try. She also said that I deserve someone that will appreciate me more.
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