Lost_Person Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Sorry if it's a but too long, but I really feel like I need help... Hey guys, I really need some advice with the situation I am in. So me and my ex split up after a 2 year relationship. How it ended: Well the first year or so was perfect, felt like nothing could go wrong. However with time differences started coming up, especially culturally and how we perceived situations, that I assume came because we came from totally different backgrounds. So for the 2nd year our relationship was on somewhat rocky grounds...one week it would be good then it would suddenly turn sour, but I stuck around because I loved her, but that wasn't the breaking point, a few months ago my parents said we would be moving to another country at the end of the year...initially she agreed to move with us. I was worried because I really couldn't imagine her living with my family and adapting to our culture. But then she started becoming sad and we had arguments...then said she broke up with me. She txted my a few days later saying she had made a big mistake and that she wanted to move with me but I refused because I know it wouldn't have ended well. I guessing she somewhat realised where I was coming from and therefore agreed to not be a b**** about things. So that was our break-up... What happened after: So after it ended we agreed to be friends because we didn't want to completely lose each other. We decided to have some sort of communication. So obviously this is a bit difficult for me as I've never been through this before...but it wasn't too bad, we txted a few times a week and I told her that I would need time to get over things and she agreed. She seems willing to keep a friendship. To be completely honest, I personally wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not, I haven't been through it before, but it sure did feel right. When we txted we talked as if things we were normal, we promised to be open and honest with each other and if problems arose then we would take measures to deal with it. So here's a bit of a problem, she txted me last week and we talked and she ended up telling me that she thinks a guy has a crush on here and that she might be falling for him...this is all after around a month of us ending...hearing that, well my stomach sunk, that's as best as I can describe it. She says that she's really unsure about it because she feels it's too soon and she does not want to hurt anyone, including herself. I know that she doesn't want to completely lose me, and I guess I'm in a similar situation too. I really don't know what to do, everything felt fine (well not 'fine', but significantly better than when we broke up) until she told me that. Now I'm in a spiral of confusion of sorts. This is a bit obvious but at this moment I can't say that I'm fully over, however I have gotten over several barriers, such as not being to see her, constant communications, not missing her as much, etc. I'm sure I can get over her and I'm positive about the situation, but I guess I'm just lost. At the moment I'm thinking that I'll just be honest with her and tell her how it doesn't make me feel good, and that maybe after a few months we can consider having some sort of contact. I'm positive about things, I know and have somewhat accepted that things would never have worked out between us because of our differences...however, it's all a bit confusing and help on it from more experienced people would be a good idea. One important thing about it was that it was my first relationship and it lasted 2 years, so please don't be too harsh if I did something wrong Sorry if it was a bit too long, any advice will be hugely appreciated. Thanks guys.
Exit Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Now you know why people choose not to be friends. None of us really want to totally lose touch with someone we grew so close to, and refusal to be friends doesn't always have to mean that it's about being bitter from the breakup either. It's about looking further down the road and realizing it's going to be awkward when one or the other person starts dating again. Just because it was a mostly mutual and calm breakup does not mean all the feelings die immediately and you can start acting like best buddies. You're experiencing this for yourself right now, even though you feel it's best to be done with her, that doesn't mean it's easy to hear she might be interested in someone. Nothing wrong with the honest route in my opinion, rather than just cutting contact with her and making it appear like you're mad. Just tell her it is a little too tough to be friends right now and maybe some day it will be easier.
Author Lost_Person Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I understand what you mean, it's just the situation is so complicated, well it definitely feels like it. She basically has no friends (well ones the she can open up to) atm so for her to deal with this is as difficult it is for me and she realises that the guy she thought that she might be attracted to was hugely false. I consider myself as a sympathetic person, one who can connect with pretty much anyone's problems (even if I dislike them)...sometimes I wish I wasn't. I feel as if it's my obligation to be there for her as she needs me, I mean I'm somewhat concerned about her well-being and so on, I don't want her to hurt herself or something like that. Added to that, in a few months or so I'll be moving so I'll pretty much be losing all connection, I think there's a part of me (and her) that wants to ensure that we can communicate until we part ways...sometimes I just wish I had no feelings towards anyone.
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