On a break. Wondering what to think?

[Chainbrain]

Hello all,

 

So I'm looking for some feedback from a neutral source on my situation.

 

I've been dating this girl for 6 months. We've had a few problems. We rushed in pretty quick. She's come from some pretty bad relationships. Guys who emotionally abused her and cheated. So there were times when she would get scared and become insecure of where we were going. She also doesnt share her feelings very much. I totally understand this and we worked through all the problems, mostly.

 

More recently we had another instance where she got annoyed with me for not making up my mind on what to eat for dinner. She ended up bringing me home. We talked almost immediately and she said lately I've been annoying her with my indecisive-ness and a few other things I do. I'm not the "manliest" of people. I always consider her opinion when making decisions. She would rather have me make all the decisions though and just follow. She hadn't expressed this before. We had a fight that day, and kind of broke up. We reconciled the next day, agreeing that it was a dumb argument that just got really out of hand.

 

For a few days after that she had been acting very cold towards me. We saw eachother once in the whole week, and when we were together, she didn't seem to want to get close to me. It was frustrating. I knew something was up, so I gave her some space for a coulple of days. Didnt really talk much. It culminated to another argument though. I asked her why she was acting so cold, and she got annoyed. I got so frustrated that I broke up with her saying, "When you want to talk to me like an adult about whats going on, then we'll talk. Until then, I can't handle this anymore."

 

The next morning she messaged me saying that it was probably best that we go our separate ways and she hopes I find someone who can accomodate me properly. I didnt reply. Later that night we talked. She was crying. Asking "How could you just break up with me and not talk to me anymore?" and things like that. She eventually calmed down and we had another big talk. She revealed that she thinks I'm a bit too needy for her liking, and feels like she wears the "pants" sometimes. I explained that we can fix that. I always felt myself being too accommodating to her, or spending too much time with her. I never knew it annoyed her, because she never told me. So it wouldn't be that hard of a fix. She then revealed that she might have lost the "spark" for me because of it. We both suggested a break to sort things out, to see if it would be worth it to carry on. She said she wants to feel it, but can't control it and time will tell. I agree.

 

We haven't talked in about 5 days. She texts me on wednesday saying things are good. She got promoted at work, but shes missing a big part of her life (me). She says she misses me, but doesn't want to jump back in and feels it too early to decide. I understand. I'm just doing my own thing. Seeing friends, writing music. Its not affecting me too much. She texts me thursday asking how I am. Saying she missed me again. We have light conversation, the day goes on. Yesterday morning, she texted me good morning (really weird for her to do) telling me all about her day and how she has to train a new person. She tells me what shes working this weekend (also weird for her to do) and tells me to have a good day.

 

Last night I had some dreams about her, and I wake up today absolutely missing the hell out of her. The kind of feeling that I don't want to get out of bed. I can't tell her this though, I need to avoid looking weak. So I initiate some light conversation through text about how her day is going. She replies shes having a busy day, but that we can talk later when she's off work.

 

I'm not sure what to make of this whole situation. It feels good to spill it out. I'm hopeful about getting back together, seeing as now I can do it right this time i.e. be less intense, be more firm. I guess it depends on how she feels and if she misses me enough.

 

What do you all make of this?

 

Thanks for reading

[codeword]

I'm no expert but it sounds to me like she isn't the right person for you anyway. If you were 'needy' before then don't you think this situation will make it hard for you to be less needy in future? If anything you will want to be seeing her more to make sure things are ok. You might end up torturing yourself going back into the relationship and trying to control yourself. It sounds like you're getting by ok without her, maybe you should carry on being strong and see what happens?

[gullibleme]

All she really wants is for YOU to make some decisions...like where to eat what to do...she wants a strong/decisive man...I feel the same way in a relationship...I get very frustrated if I'm left to make all the decisions...it does make you appear weak in a way and sort of boring...although your not most likely...You have to step up if you want her to see you in a different light honestly.