venusianx13 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 My boyfriend volunteers as a Big Brother (BBBS), and has mentored a boy for the past 5 years. Yesterday was his 18th birthday, and earlier this week, as the day was approaching, my boyfriend asked me if I'd like to be a part of the celebration. Of course I said yes, as I've come to be very fond of his little brother, and also help him out from time to time. I asked his little bro what kind of cake he'd like, and told my boyfriend I'd be baking it, as I'm pretty good at baking and decorating. So, I went out and bought all of the necessary items to make the cake, and as I was preparing to bake on Thursday evening, my boyfriend tells me that his little bro had requested that just HE come for his birthday. Needless to say, I felt hurt. When I thought about it from his little bro's POV, I could honestly understand. I do think he is mildly jealous these past 7 months, that my boyfriend and I spend so much time together. He probably feels I've stolen him away some. So, I decided to suck it up and made other plans. I truly wanted little bro to have the kind of 18th birthday he wanted. What has me upset, though, and I'm really having a hard time being graceful about this, was my boyfriend's lack of ability to have my back. When I ran the situation by friends and family members, they all thought it was thoughtless of him to have not insisted that I be included in the plans. I believe that's how best friends are supposed to operate in regards to one another? I want to let this go, but am having a difficult time. I feel hurt, and excluded. My boyfriend knows and acknowledges that I've been there for his little brother, as well. He also (should have?!) known that deliberately excluding me from the plans would hurt me. If I were ever in his position, and someone told me I had to leave my boyfriend home, I'd politely tell them that I wouldn't be going, then. But that's just me. It was a tough one, though, because it was a milestone celebration. I wouldn't have wanted that to be ruined. I think it's more my boyfriend's lack of understanding about why I'm hurt that bothers me the most. Thoughts? Btw, I didn't bake the cake. Maybe I should have, and sent it along with my bf.
january2011 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 they all thought it was thoughtless of him to have not insisted that I be included in the plans In this instance, I don't agree. What was thoughtless was that your boyfriend didn't ask the boy first before inviting you. Thus putting both you and the boy in this awkward situation. If you are to continue having a relationship with your boyfriend, I suggest that you try to build up a stronger relationship with his little brother (as long as he is willing). Otherwise, you might just have to accept that this is a part of your boyfriend's life that he has to do on his own without you. Time may or may not make things better. And no, I don't think you should have made the cake. The boy may not have appreciated it because it came from you and you would have been left feeling even more hurt. 1
Els Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 If it was something like a neutral event or an event centred on your side (your bf's birthday, mutual friend's party, etc), then yes, I would have agreed that your bf should have insisted that you come. In this case, it's the kid's birthday, though, so I think a little leeway would be in order. He's still a kid, and your bf probably didn't want to spoil his 18th birthday by insisting on going against his wishes. I understand you feeling hurt, but in this case I'd chalk it down to a case of 'giving in to what a kid wants' and leave it be. No, I don't think you should have baked the cake.
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