manalive2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I have posted before about being suspicious and not trusting my wife for no reason. Well there are reasons, such as many of the guys she hung around with or contact her were not "just friends" at the beginning of our relationship. Many of them she met online and pursued the relationship to the point of sex, but this was before me....or at least to the night before we first met, but she eventually explained the situation with them. These dragged on many months into the relationship and caused some problems. She wasn't cheating, but she was not letting go of these "sex friends", or at least was not placing good boundaries. Finally, it got too nasty and we had to block numbers, delete accounts and so on to break off with some of the creeps she had attracted. Just recently, and much later than those events, I find she is randomly adding older men on facebook and they leave her messages about how she is beautiful and so on, but I don't know if she responds. She is also 7 years (26/33)younger than me, so I think this behaviour may be typical or that she may subconsciously desiring more partners. Would be it be outrageous to suggest her to go pursue whatever it is she doing with these guys? Get it out of her system and promise I will be there when she gets back? It is a risk, but I don't want to keep finding these weird things she is doing because it really upsets me for weeks on end. Would one fling for her compartmentalize all that into one event and hopefully she can stop after that? Or just tolerate their current stuff. Otherwise, she is wonderful any advice welcome
karnak Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I have posted before about being suspicious and not trusting my wife for no reason. Well there are reasons, such as many of the guys she hung around with or contact her were not "just friends" at the beginning of our relationship. Many of them she met online and pursued the relationship to the point of sex, but this was before me....or at least to the night before we first met, but she eventually explained the situation with them. These dragged on many months into the relationship and caused some problems. She wasn't cheating, but she was not letting go of these "sex friends", or at least was not placing good boundaries. Finally, it got too nasty and we had to block numbers, delete accounts and so on to break off with some of the creeps she had attracted. Just recently, and much later than those events, I find she is randomly adding older men on facebook and they leave her messages about how she is beautiful and so on, but I don't know if she responds. She is also 7 years (26/33)younger than me, so I think this behaviour may be typical or that she may subconsciously desiring more partners. Would be it be outrageous to suggest her to go pursue whatever it is she doing with these guys? Get it out of her system and promise I will be there when she gets back? It is a risk, but I don't want to keep finding these weird things she is doing because it really upsets me for weeks on end. Would one fling for her compartmentalize all that into one event and hopefully she can stop after that? Or just tolerate their current stuff. Otherwise, she is wonderful any advice welcome What are you doing with this woman? Do you want to get burned severely?
BetrayedH Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 My advice...when people show you who they are, believe them. If she had stopped all contact and behavior when you began dating, perhaps that's one thing. But the fact that you still continue to see suspicious behavior, well, that should answer your question about what to expect from here. I definitely wouldn't wait around while she has a go with anyone. To be honest, I would make no such mention of permission but give her enough rope that you can see her choices clearly. You can't change people but you might be able to get a glance at who they are. Personally, I think you've seen plenty but if you need more proof of her lack of fidelity, I think you'll be rewarded with it soon enough. She's just not mature enough for a monogamous relationship, I doubt her other characteristics are enough to outweigh sharing your woman, and you can't change her. I say you let her go and look for another woman that is less likely to put you at risk and pain and STDs.
Later82012 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 If she is not done for the rest of her life will you wait for her still? Don't be ridiculous. Let her go. I am not sure what 'wonderful' you are seeing in her.
GLDheart Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 ...give her enough rope that you can see her choices clearly. You can't change people but you might be able to get a glance at who they are... Great advice right there.
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