ParadeRain Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 She's the first and only person you've ever been inlove with? She broke you're heart... You hit rock bottom and the hurt was so severe you almost "did something stupid" (she doesn't know that)... She moved on quickly... You are finally able to smile again and your life has improved 10 fold.. you're moving on... It's been 4 months of ZERO... NADA... NAY contact... It's her birthday next week... You're thinking about sending a Happy Birthday txt from your new number, she might not even know who it's from.. but could easily find out if she wanted to... It seems pointless, you don't expect or want any form of contact or event to occur from that txt... You're just thinking about sending it for the butterfly feeling and **** of it... The devil on your left shoulder says send it... The angel on your right shoulder says don't send it... Do you send it?
january2011 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 No. And I'd delete all her/his contact details so that I'm never tempted. Then I'd make sure I supplant any birthday memories with experiences that are relevant to my current life rather than spend the day moping about what the other person might/might not be doing and with whom. After four months of NC, you are definitely not over her or in the right emotional space to handle any contact if you are still remembering her birthday and confused about how you should deal with it.
Calico Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Too soon. Send one next year, if by then you still care. Consider here that she left you, quickly moved on, made no attempt to contact you or check if you're all right. Why do you want to send her birthday wishes? She's not even a friend to you. Buy someone a coffee and you'll make a bigger difference.
Author ParadeRain Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) No. And I'd delete all her/his contact details so that I'm never tempted. Then I'd make sure I supplant any birthday memories with experiences that are relevant to my current life rather than spend the day moping about what the other person might/might not be doing and with whom. After four months of NC, you are definitely not over her or in the right emotional space to handle any contact if you are still remembering her birthday and confused about how you should deal with it. Well me being me, and you not being me, I can tell you how I'm feeling and the emotional space I'm currently in... After loving and losing her... I'm currently enjoying my life, I can smile again, I'm enjoying my single life... exploring avenues with new girls, I have a new job, no shortage of money, I'm occupied with work, and I've progressed from ROCK BOTTOM to seeing a bright future.. I miss her, admittedly, and I will NEVER forget her, she was the most important thing in my life (why would I forget her birthday), I am over her, I am not over the hurt she caused me, but I would never have her back, she's no longer important to me... but she will always have a place in my heart and mind (which I would die before I ever let her take advantage of again)... but she does have that place, secretly. I am thinking about sending this txt not because I am "not over her" or because I want to contact her... I'm just a daring kind of guy.. I get a butterfly feeling when I think about it, this is the first time I've had a legitimate reason to contact her, and what went on was such a big deal in my life... I find it exciting to poke the sleeping lion with a stick by sending it... just for the **** of it... I'm sure nothing will come of it, and I hope that too.. I have no reason to send it other than for the thrill I've been heart broken, I've experienced the worst, and I've progressed from it... she devastated me and I would never be stupid enough to let her have an influence or effect on my emotional well-being ever again (been there done that, lesson learnt), I hate her guts, it's for the thrill. Edited September 22, 2012 by ParadeRain
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Oh for goodness' sake, grow up. Sorry. No. Don't send it. Thrill my foot. Why screw with someone's mentality like that? Why screw with your own? You asked. We told you. No. Don't send it. let us know what she says when you do, because of course, you will anyway...
Author ParadeRain Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Oh for goodness' sake, grow up. Sorry. No. Don't send it. Thrill my foot. Why screw with someone's mentality like that? Why screw with your own? You asked. We told you. No. Don't send it. let us know what she says when you do, because of course, you will anyway... I highly doubt I that I will... because although I'm considering the thrill etc... It's impossible to ignore how seriously messed up I was after she left... it literally is playing with fire, it feels like standing at the top of a HUGE cliff to jump into water... most people don't have the balls to do it, sometimes I can be spontaneous and take risks.. I'll "probably" let this one pass... but it IS her birthday next week.. and the opportunity is there...
january2011 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Well me being me, and you not being me, I can tell you how I'm feeling and the emotional space I'm currently in... That's true. However, I don't believe you. That probably sounds a bit irksome for an internet stranger to tell you that they disagree with your assessment of what's inside you. And I'm sorry for that. Your behaviour and post come across as "not over her" and not in the right emotional space. And you did ask us for our opinion. Your investment in what is essentially an everyday decision that should not require input from others supports your not being ready for contact. 1
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I highly doubt I that I will... because although I'm considering the thrill etc... It's impossible to ignore how seriously messed up I was after she left... it literally is playing with fire, it feels like standing at the top of a HUGE cliff to jump into water... most people don't have the balls to do it, sometimes I can be spontaneous and take risks.. I'll "probably" let this one pass... but it IS her birthday next week.. and the opportunity is there... Please don't do it... Only do it when you really, genuinely don't give a rat's ass about the effect it would have - because you have your arms around the love of your life, and you think of your ex with indifference. That's when to send it.
Author ParadeRain Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 That's true. However, I don't believe you. That probably sounds a bit irksome for an internet stranger to tell you that they disagree with your assessment of what's inside you. And I'm sorry for that. Your behaviour and post come across as "not over her" and not in the right emotional space. And you did ask us for our opinion. Your investment in what is essentially an everyday decision that should not require input from others supports your not being ready for contact. I do understand what you mean, but let me assure you that for the most part you're incorrect, you were right to assume that I'm still an emotional wreck obsessing over her because that's how it may seem from my post... but honestly... I'm past that stage... damn right I'm still hurting it was the most painful experience of my life... but I've survived and accepted it and now I'm enjoying life again... I don't "require" input, I'm just asking out of boredem on a relaxing saturday afternoon.. for conversations sake... the idea of sending it is entertaining to me, but there's people on this forum such as yourself who are much wiser than me... and I thought this would make for a good thread that I can gain a little sense from 1
Tree_Salmon Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 She's the first and only person you've ever been inlove with? She broke you're heart... You hit rock bottom and the hurt was so severe you almost "did something stupid" (she doesn't know that)... She moved on quickly... You are finally able to smile again and your life has improved 10 fold.. you're moving on... It's been 4 months of ZERO... NADA... NAY contact... It's her birthday next week... You're thinking about sending a Happy Birthday txt from your new number, she might not even know who it's from.. but could easily find out if she wanted to... It seems pointless, you don't expect or want any form of contact or event to occur from that txt... You're just thinking about sending it for the butterfly feeling and **** of it... The devil on your left shoulder says send it... The angel on your right shoulder says don't send it... Do you send it? I don't have the exact situation but I did send a happy birthday last year. It caused her to be very curious. Her rebound was extremely jealous and threatened. Then months later she asked me about it and tried to get back together using that text as a way of striking up conversation. So i really don't know what to tell you.
january2011 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Many of us have been where you are and most of us don't give advice flippantly without thought for how it might affect you. Of course you can send it if you really want to. We don't have an investment in your decision either way. However, you do. So you will do what you want to do regardless of what is posted in the thread. If you are curious and bored, you might like to do a site search on sending birthday texts. You'll find that pretty much without exception, the advice is not to do it. Best of luck with your continued healing.
geegirl Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 If you have to post on a public forum for opinions, it shows that you don't trust your own judgment and you're not confident in your own feelings. With all of the above, you have your answer. If you are in a better emotional space, you wouldn't have to go through this much angst. Again, you have your answer. You may be in a better place, but not "better" enough to do this.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I would say no, because I recently did this. Been a little over two months since the break. My situation is a little different as a) she hasn't moved on to another guy to my knowledge and b) we had recently seen each other. But yeah, I was hoping a nice "happy birthday" text would parlay itself into a conversation and even maybe an invite to whatever celebration she was having to buy her a quick drink and talk before dashing, especially since she had been showing some signs of warming up to me a little bit recently. Yeah, not so much. I sent her a text wishing her Happy birthday, hoping that she had a great day and that it was good to see her the previous weekend. She responded "Hey thanks!", not a great response but a response nonetheless. Then I asked how she was celebrating her birthday and got radio silence. This sucked and made me wish that I never had sent anything in the first place. Cliffs: Don't do it. Not worth it.
suladas Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 My ex got a new job two weeks ago (7 weeks after BU at that time), seen her post on facebook so I figured i'd text her congratulating her on the job, nothing more. I got no response. A small part of me KNEW I was sending it to try and get a conversation going and see how she was doing and the text was a lot more then just about the new job. I told myself it wasn't when I sent it, but I was lying to myself, when I sent it I just told myself i'm happy for her. First off not getting a reply made me sad and angry. I though here I am being nice and mature and she just ignores me like that. But now I think about it, maybe she's still having a hard time and me sending this text is making it worse again because she is having a tough time not contacting me. Maybe she knows i'm hurting by still sending it and in turn feels bad. So many different thoughts from it. In the end I don't think it was a good idea to send it. Unless we get on good speaking terms beforehand, I would NOT send her anything on her birthday. If we are facebook friends then, I would write on her wall probably, but NOT a text. If you want to be friends again one day, you need to wait much longer before you reach out to them.
Hawaii50 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I went to school for Reverse Psychology, I got this. DO IT!!! It's been 4 months, already! She's a totally different person than the one that ripped your heart out and made a smoothie with it. Maybe if you do, she'll see what a sweet forgiving guy you are and come back!! And, this time, you will both be happy and content for the rest of your lives!! DO IT!! DO IT NOW!!
not-a-drive-by Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) I would say no, because I recently did this. Been a little over two months since the break. My situation is a little different as a) she hasn't moved on to another guy to my knowledge and b) we had recently seen each other. But yeah, I was hoping a nice "happy birthday" text would parlay itself into a conversation and even maybe an invite to whatever celebration she was having to buy her a quick drink and talk before dashing, especially since she had been showing some signs of warming up to me a little bit recently. Yeah, not so much. I sent her a text wishing her Happy birthday, hoping that she had a great day and that it was good to see her the previous weekend. She responded "Hey thanks!", not a great response but a response nonetheless. Then I asked how she was celebrating her birthday and got radio silence. This sucked and made me wish that I never had sent anything in the first place. Cliffs: Don't do it. Not worth it. Yes, that is most likely the response. Just a "thanks" and nothing more. We always hope to strike further conversation with these ice breakers, but in the end, all we get is rejection and hurt from them. And then we are put into that spiral of, why haven't they replied? what are they doing? Have they moved on and forgotten us? Are we not worth a reply? And all efforts of NC down the drain. . Edited September 23, 2012 by not-a-drive-by
Svet74 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 You know thats a good question. Because my exes birthday is in two weeks so i was thinking the same should i send that text? Well let me tell you something, Sending her that text means you still care I sent my ex a happy Birthday message last yr. same day he invited me out to the movies. I went. (big mistake that was) we started talking. stayed in contact for about two months. Got back together and broke up again 2 months later. So i wasted 4 months for nothing. Over a stupid text. When i could have just said nothing. So this time around, he is getting no text. THis time he will know for sure that its truley over. Plus he has a new girlfriend. Let her send him a text. Me throwing myself into the birthday mix will just be an ego boost for him. NO way! Dont send the text, trust me, your better off without her
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