saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) Hi Just wondering.. I used to spend a lot of time with this girl, whom i think was in love with me. She was the one initiating contact and before i got the chance to say to her that i wanted to be with her, she became jelous and in her mind thought id only seen her as a friend.. The jelousy was only in her head, i never saw anyone else. Nor did i know it until i heard it several months later. Now she became desperate and got together with the first guy who came along.. I didn't bother since i had a death in my family wich took up the most of my time. However a long time has gone, but she is not happy, She refuses to talk to me, but lately she has been starting to show up at places i visit, and she has started to show up randomly in my neighbourhood. She is still in a relationship but the guys understands why she just have to go past the street i live, he just don't care. I understand she has a lot to think about, but this solves nothing. Why does someone behave like this? I mean sure i waited this far but im wondering if she will ever get out of it, and actually work up the nerve to talk to me. Sure she has made some misstakes but i mean ive told her that we could work that out, not focusing on what happend in the past. Cause we actually liked each other. It's just that to much things happend in my life at the same time so i had to put some things on hold.. Ive told her that Id sort of marry this girl if things could work out, since we both sort of wanted the same out of live.. but she has to make that move.. Sure it's not easy for her, she has presented her boyfriend as the guy in her dreams, even for her family and so. I guess al i can do is wait and se, and focus on my self. It's just that i don't understand the whole.. "I got to se him, but i can't even text him" thing Edited September 22, 2012 by saulenrique
Pompom Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I was in a similar situation once. I didn't know for sure how he felt so I didn't have the courage to talk to him, but kind of did haunt places I would run into him in hopes that he would approach me. Could that be her plan, too?
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Maybe but she nows how I feel, and she nows I also want to fix things. But i mean, she is the one having a relationship, although a bad one she i still in it. I do have a feeling she feels so ****ty, she spends a lot of time with him, in a way to cope with not having to be alone and think about me. She cannot know how I feel about things unless she works up the nerve to talk to me. @pompom how did things work out for you? Contacting her more seems pointless, as i have no intention of taking on stalker like behavior. Also when she actually does see me she freezes up, making the situation awkward.. No mater if i smile and say Hi. She just freezes and walks away, its to much emotion for her to handle.
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 OP, Are yo sure, for sure, that she is deliberately crossing your path, every time, to be noticed by you, attract your attention and 'play games'? If so, really, the very best you can do, is notice her, but completely blank her off and ignore her. Really. If she is playing mind games and has a BF, then she is messing with him too. It is not up to you to interfere with her current life, wish to meddle with it, or engineer something to your advantage. If she's messing with your mind, she will mess with anyone's. Ignore her, stay no contact. Wear shades when you are out so she cannot tell if you are looking at her. Keep your face firmly angled away from her. Be 'disinterested'. If she really wants you to notice her, and she genuinely wants to do something - she will.
MonsterMash Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Insanely jealous AND behaving like a stalker? Now we've got a party. Hahaha. You might want to rethink this one bro. I'm just saying is all.
Pompom Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 @pompom how did things work out for you? Contacting her more seems pointless, as i have no intention of taking on stalker like behavior. Also when she actually does see me she freezes up, making the situation awkward.. No mater if i smile and say Hi. She just freezes and walks away, its to much emotion for her to handle. I had the freeze-ups, too... I explained why in a post card later, because the "stalk and hope to be engaged" approach did not work. Though maybe it did a little since he kept track of my behavior, too. What day I spent how many hours at the coffee shop across the street, etc. So I guess I did get his attention So when he quit his job and I thought I'd never see him again, I wrote him a post card and explained why I acted weird: "...because you make my brain freeze with that smile of yours." Well, since he got it, he calls me every Friday night She acts really weird. It sounds like a shy little girl's first crush. Not surprising you're weirded out, but I think it's kind of cute, too And hard to handle, I'm sure. She definitely seems interested, but very timid for some reason.
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Her beeing jelous and getting together with this guy was on her part justified.. I was not in her life at that moment, since i had other things on my mind. i don't blame her on that, it's just that she won't do anything to change her situation right now that sort of bugs me out. I think, or know, or see that she feels like **** right know.. being completely used by this guy, who very much knows it all but somehow they both lie to each other.. Now I am in no way a solution to her problems, but me and her were actually both good for each other but it's like she needs a push somehow to make a descision to break up with him.. That would also mean that she somehow have to admit to making a bad decision, and that may not always be an easy thing to do. However i am a man, and i am VERY tired of waiting for something to happen.. SOON... Maybe im puting her on a pedistal but I couldn't think of a better woman to have my children. The stalking part I don't really care about it's just that I wonder when will it come to her that this is really not a mature way to handle it. @pompom so you are together with that guy now?
Pompom Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Working on it... If you're interested in her, you should take matters into your own hands. Tell her you want to meet, when, and where. I think she might need a push.
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 OP, Are yo sure, for sure, that she is deliberately crossing your path, every time, to be noticed by you, attract your attention and 'play games'? If so, really, the very best you can do, is notice her, but completely blank her off and ignore her. Really. If she is playing mind games and has a BF, then she is messing with him too. It is not up to you to interfere with her current life, wish to meddle with it, or engineer something to your advantage. If she's messing with your mind, she will mess with anyone's. Ignore her, stay no contact. Wear shades when you are out so she cannot tell if you are looking at her. Keep your face firmly angled away from her. Be 'disinterested'. If she really wants you to notice her, and she genuinely wants to do something - she will. It aint always as simple as you make it out to be.. If all i would do is to stay non contact and hoping things will fix themself, then i would behave exactly like the girl in question. Seems you have a very bitter way of viewing the fact that people do have different pasts in their lives that does affect the choices they make. Not many people are inherently bad on their insides.
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Working on it... keep working on it then If you're interested in her, you should take matters into your own hands. Tell her you want to meet, when, and where. I think she might need a push. Doesn't seem to work. Also I don't want to contact her to much, since that might backfire totally. Don't want to behave like an obsessive stalker you know
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 It aint always as simple as you make it out to be.. If all i would do is to stay non contact and hoping things will fix themself, then i would behave exactly like the girl in question. Seems you have a very bitter way of viewing the fact that people do have different pasts in their lives that does affect the choices they make. Not many people are inherently bad on their insides. Hang on a minute - you're the one posting with a problem. I'm just giving you my perspective. If you pull away and act indifferent, she may change what she's doing. if she doesn't, then it's all your imagination. You say she has jealous tendencies, and is also with someone else. What are you looking to hear, or expecting to be told? She may not know she's playing 'mind-games' but her apparent confusion is rubbing off on you, it seems. If she's with someone else - you really need to steer clear, leave her be, and ignore her. It's more respectful behaviour. if you were her BF and some other guy was trying to attract her attention away from you - don't you think you'd be annoyed? I'm not bitter at all. you posted, I replied. My reasoning isn't flawed, it's based only on what you first stated.
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Hang on a minute - you're the one posting with a problem. I'm just giving you my perspective. If you pull away and act indifferent, she may change what she's doing. if she doesn't, then it's all your imagination. You say she has jealous tendencies, and is also with someone else. What are you looking to hear, or expecting to be told? She may not know she's playing 'mind-games' but her apparent confusion is rubbing off on you, it seems. If she's with someone else - you really need to steer clear, leave her be, and ignore her. It's more respectful behaviour. if you were her BF and some other guy was trying to attract her attention away from you - don't you think you'd be annoyed? I'm not bitter at all. you posted, I replied. My reasoning isn't flawed, it's based only on what you first stated. I'ts just that i don't think she is playing mind games. If I where her boyfriend I wouldn't be together with her if I knew her heart and mind where elsewhere. So from a moral perspective I have no problems. Im just saying that no contact is not the solution to all problems
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I'ts just that i don't think she is playing mind games. People who play 'mind games' don't always know they're playing 'mind games' until someone points it out to them. you have no idea what her driving motivation is. But if she has jealous tendencies, that already, is a flaw that might need addressing.... If I where her boyfriend I wouldn't be together with her if I knew her heart and mind where elsewhere. Are you assuming he even knows this? Do you know for sure that he has doubts about the whereabouts of her 'heart and mind'? Do you think there's every chance that, on the contrary, he feels pretty secure and safe in the knowledge that he is her one heart and mind occupier? So from a moral perspective I have no problems. If you are certain that you would not be causing any stress, problems or complications, then ok. But if this is just bravado because you want her and you're not really bothered about how he feels, then.... is that wise? Im just saying that no contact is not the solution to all problems Maybe not - but it's a damn fine tool to get the ball rolling in one way or the other. And it works a lot more often than not.
Author saulenrique Posted September 22, 2012 Author Posted September 22, 2012 Her beeing jelous was from her point of view legit.. He knows it so much.. infact he was one of the few people who knew the whole story.. when she thought I was seeing someone else, he knew i did not.. He could even have told her this, but he also knew all he had to do was to keep his mouth shut and she would end up taking him.. However I did not now she was jelous until after they where a couple.. As i wrote earlier, i didn't bother to contact her and ask why her behavior had changed, since i had my family to care about at the time. This is also one of the reasons why she is so ashamed, she feels completely used. Now i don't really understand how she can stand being in the same room as him, but i think she just tries to ignore everything, as it is quite much to take. Her boyfriend is scared of me, not that Ive in any way acted hostile in any way. I think he sees it for what it is, and he also have said it to people we all know.. "as long as she sucks my dick, im happy" He understands everything, he also sees through her white lies of her loving him, he just don't ask any questions, since he is happy with the situation. So no... i have no moral issue what so ever
Pompom Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Doesn't seem to work. Also I don't want to contact her to much, since that might backfire totally. Don't want to behave like an obsessive stalker you know I understand. But she seems to be one herself, and when one thinks a behavior is acceptable, one is unlikely to see it as stalking when others do it. If she wants you, she'll be flattered, I think. The guy I told you about, loves attention, too. His ex is helping me win him over by telling me all his likes and dislikes and what works on him and what doesn't, and he used to stalk her like really bad, and apparantly, he also loves such attention from a woman. Makes him feel important (I know that sounds bad).
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 ....... So no... i have no moral issue what so ever In that case, all I can suggest is the direct approach: Go up to her. #tell her you love her. Suggest strongly she leave him and come to you. You're absolutely serious about this. What's the worst that could happen? (ask her). What's the worst that could happen? (Now I'm asking you.)
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