can you offer some constructive criticism?21yrs old haven't had a gf since HS

[Spartan039]

Hi, I am new to this site. This might be long, sorry! >__< I'll try to not sound boring -_____- I would super appreciate if anyone can help me out! Girls especially. Thank!! :]

 

OK so about me: I am a college senior, 21 years old, studying Biochem (premed......), asian ethnicity, skinny (per stereotype....T___T), 5'10, and I do play sports (one really well!) but I don't really look the type. Like my muscles refuse to get bigger or something. I am pretty sure I don't look particularly bad because the nurses at where I volunteer at were shocked I didn't have a gf. And all my mom's friends. Anywaysss...

 

I haven't had a gf since like Junior year in HS which was pretty disastrous and I admit I did like everything a guy should not do while dating (I don't mean sex/cheating/abusive/drugs, but more like how I should have approached a relationship in a more mature fashion instead of leaving her hanging and putting her on pedestal; lesson learned). I also admit I have not had sex yet and ever since I entered college, I haven't dated anyone....AT ALL =(. And this is really bothering me, as I really long to have a gf/significant other after not dating for so long.

 

In terms of personality, I am an introvert I admit, but I have been finding that I can at least fake an extrovert personality depending on the setting. A bit of alcohol helps too. I am an introvert but I don't really play video games 24/7 (in fact I don't play anymore) and I still go out quite a bit. I am a very mellow guy and I get along w/many different people and I guess you can say "I am a nice guy" but I don't let people push me around and I am always confident in what I choose to do. My friends think I am really smart (lol...not sure about that) and some have admired how much I value my education and learning experience. I admit, that all my crushes in college have been on girls who have been taken so that's been painful to my self-esteem. T____T

 

I don't tell anyone this, but I have a slight phobia of social settings like parties/clubs/dances/raves and I much prefer to hang out with people and do things together. So the first 3 years of college I hardly partied and just studied super hard while holding a part-time job and maintaining my skill in a sport I am very good at. I was a little too busy. My social outlet were competitions and occasionally going out.

 

Now that I am a senior, I looked back and saw that well, I have truly missed out on a lot by always being busy/preoccupied. I hardly partied and used my free time to study or recover from a stressful week. I still have trouble picking up girl's numbers and at parties, I don't really meet and dance w/girls easily because I feel super out of place and shy when I approach her at the dance floor. They would have to like grab me or something.

 

In terms of how I connect with girls, I can get along with them fine as a friend, but I feel that I often can never get the girl I really like or whom I find attractive. I get nervous and I can't seem to get the convo flowing. And sadly, the ones I have connected well, they are dating someone. On the other hand, girls who I don't find attractive for some reason like me. I mean the ones I meet either at a party, club event, or football game. And they're unattractive either physically or personality-wise. I don't like pushy girls or those who wear the pants in the relationship because I think relationships should be a 2-way street and not a one-way-my-way thing. A pretty pushy girl once asked me out not to long ago, and I was tempted to go w/her but I had really bad gut feeling and I rejected her.....

 

At the same time, a flaw I see in myself is the type of girl I like. Or at least that's the excuse I use when people ask me why I haven't had a gf in college. It's partly true but I am not looking for a hottie or model....I tend to like an intelligent and cute girl who is smart and has some direction in her life and has a dream to aspire to.

 

Sadly that eliminates like 80% of girls at my college since most don't really have any plans after college, aren't too bright, only wants frat guys, or they don't fit my type. However, I found that international girls from Asia really fit that profile but it's hard to break the culture barrier and I admit that I would love to date an international student. It's my secret desire because international students in general are pretty fascinating! From personality, to culture, to customs, etc, I find them really intriguing.

 

So basically, what can I do to make myself more.....I don't know what to call it.....more "attractive"? or more "out there"? Sorry for the length and thanks for reading through all that. =)

 

BTW: I also have different music tastes than most people....I tend to listen to Jpop and french songs but mostly jpop. So not many ppl listen to that here so yeah....

Edited September 22, 2012 by Spartan039

[yongyong]

I haven't read the whole thing. One sentence about asian students grabbed my eye though. I can Judge that you must be one of those Beta American guys who have fob asian gf on campus.

Sorry your culture look down on quiet, humble, respectful and passive personality trait. You might not be able to appeal to majority of girls. But there are still girls who will appreciate your personality?

[Spartan039]

Thanks for your expertise insight on my culture. Because I do like girls like that, as I prefer a shy girl who is quiet. The last girl I dated was white and had all the above qualities and more, if that makes any difference. The only reason I like asians more now is because where I grew up had about zero asian girls and then in college I was like "whoa they actually look cute I wonder what they're like".

 

Anyways I did ask for constructive advice.

Edited September 22, 2012 by Spartan039

[yongyong]

it's very simple. If you can tell them where they are from, say 'hey you are from this country?' they will be happy to answer that. It will be a plus if you can throw some words in their language. If you know some slang, they will flip out.

Memorize 5 words to make their pussy wet, how simple is that?

 

you want me give you an opener?

Since you like jpop, ask jap students, 'I am trying to visit your country but I am not sure what it's like over there blah blah', talk about jpop artist. they will be like

'you know xxxx?? wow how do you know them?

(if I say, hey I like britney spears to american girls, they will be like 'uhhhh.....so????')

 

ask any asian chicks 'I am trying to learn how to make asian food but I need to find an asian market, do you know any?'

'I want this asian food but I am looking for authentic restaurant owned by asian person. do you know?'

 

geez, it sounds so f-ing easy to me.

[Matlock]

Your philosophy should be: women will reject you no matter what you do. So just do what you want to do, be yourself. And if they're interested, they're interested. If they aren't, they aren't. But either way it just isn't worth worrying about.

 

Think about it.

[gaius]

I think you should just accept yourself for who you are, a guy who isn't that interested in dating at the moment. I've had periods like that so I can relate. The few guys I've known who used the “I can't date a woman because she doesn't have a career plan” excuse all had intimacy issues they were trying to mask. It's not the sign of a guy who wants to date if he won't even go out with a girl a few times because she doesn't have a 20 year plan. You always ending up attracted to girls who are taken fits that profile too.

 

Maybe in the future you will get more comfortable with the idea, and just naturally find yourself breaking out of your shell and talking to women more, but for now anything you do to make yourself more attractive will just end in you continuing your current behavior. Finding an excuse to reject any woman who's interested in you.

[Matlock]

I'd also advise against asking women for advice. They're either unable or unwilling to help. They only want the alphas to be successful so they have no incentive to help regular guys.

[Spartan039]

ah I see thanks everyone for your input (including yongyong despite your tone there is some insight I could glean from)

 

I am a bit new here so my apologies if things sound offending or different.

[MrCastle]

Matlock with two awesome posts in the thread so far.

 

My advice is to live your life carefree. Pussy is not worth the value it's going for. It is definitely overvalued. Don't kill yourself jumping through hoops just to get it. Don't bend over backwards. Don't settle. Who cares that you're a late bloomer. Worry about yourself and your interests and that kind of nonchalant confidence is what gets the girl in the end. Women want a man who doesn't care about women. I don't mean mistreats them, I mean men that can go either way on them. Women will say different but look around you. The guys that are successful are the ones who don't care that they are.

[Spartan039]

Matlock with two awesome posts in the thread so far.

 

My advice is to live your life carefree. Pussy is not worth the value it's going for. It is definitely overvalued. Don't kill yourself jumping through hoops just to get it. Don't bend over backwards. Don't settle. Who cares that you're a late bloomer. Worry about yourself and your interests and that kind of nonchalant confidence is what gets the girl in the end. Women want a man who doesn't care about women. I don't mean mistreats them, I mean men that can go either way on them. Women will say different but look around you. The guys that are successful are the ones who don't care that they are.

 

Lol you hit it spot on about being a late bloomer; I've been a late bloomer in everything ive done all my life. School, sports, job, etc. Even my relatives have noticed this and my close childhood friends. They even predicted jokingly that I will be the last person among my cousins and I (those who are aspiring to enter health fields) to become an Attending doc but that I will probably enter a prestigious field. Lol. -_________-

 

I guess something that really bothers me as well is my slight phobia for really crowded social settings (I mean clubs, parties, raves, etc)....I don't really show it (or more like I've been working on suppressing it) or at least I don't think I do. But I feel super out of place in those kinds of settings, although it could end up being fun sometimes. I don't really know why but I feel it's something that hampers me. Any thoughts on what I can do to overcome that?

 

Thanks!

Edited September 22, 2012 by Spartan039