oldshirt Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I can remember reading an advice column like Ann Landers or Dear Abby etc back when I was in high school over 20 years ago. In the column a teenage girl was asking Ann/Abby what was going on with her BF who was becoming more and more distant and uninvolved and she wondered where things were going in their relationship. Ann/Abby/Whoever said that it was time to move on and not worry about it anymore and that the relationship was over at that point. she went on to say that teenage boys do not really formally break up with girls and end the relationship. They just stop calling and stop coming around untill you see them out on the town with another girl or they are spending all their time with their buddies or whatever. Now that I look back, I've done that a lot myself over the years and have seen countless grown men basically do the same thing too. About the only men I've ever known that have outright divorced their wives were the ones who caught them redhanded with other men and the women refused to give up the OM. In pretty much all other instances the men just kind of moved on with their lives untill either the women dumped them for basically abandoning them or the guys agreed to the break up after the ladies called them out on it. So what say you? In your experience have you seen men become dissatisfied with a relationship and take the initiative to formally break up with their GF/wife? Or do they just kind of move on with their lives untill their GF/wife either presses their back against the wall to make a decision or untill the GF/wife just gets fed up with his absenteeism and breaks it off with him? If you are guy have you ever preemptively and formally broken up with women or do you just kind of stop calling and stop coming around untill she breaks it off with you or calls you out on it? And if you are a woman, have you ever been formally dumped or have you had guys just kind of fade away like a fart in the wind?
LostOne1 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 A Very interetsing topic I must say! You know I never thought of it, but I wonder if maybe that was partly what I was doing in my relationship. Not super happy and just just got lazy and stopped putting the effort in and losing her. Then wanting to put the effort in like I used too. In some ways maybe I was kinda pushing her to leave me rather than me hurting her and dumping her. But at the end of it it hurt more I think to push her to that point to throw me away. I know I've never formally broken up with any girl. The most I can think of is asking a girl for space and not being ready to date. I think after awhile she realized I didn't love her and maybe didn't want her so she moved on. And, I don't think I had strong feelings, I liked her, but I didn't love her or was willing to give her a chance.
2sunny Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Yes, I see men break up when it's not a good match.
TopCat22 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I've only ever done the breaking up once before and that was with my most recent ex. However that was because she basically pushed me to the point where I had to break up with her, even though I didn't really want the RS to end. I still feel like the dumpee. I think as men, we find it very difficult to confront our feelings in this way which is why we leave it women to officially handle the end of RS. It's strange.
Calico Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I think as men, we find it very difficult to confront our feelings in this way which is why we leave it women to officially handle the end of RS. It's strange. I think we are just cowards who avoid the conflict, and we like our safety nets.
MonsterMash Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I don't have a problem breaking up with them..at all.
I'm nuts Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I think as men, we find it very difficult to confront our feelings in this way which is why we leave it women to officially handle the end of RS. It's strange. I agree, us blokes tend to cool down, we stop calling, send them a message when they are asleep come online later . They do notice a change in a behaviour, but I think we tend to dance around the subject instead of getting straight to the point. At least that how I was.
Mr Reptile Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I have broke up with 3 out of 4 of my girlfriends. Sure I go the distance and stop showing interest but I never go to another girl before I break up. I have never broken up because of interest in a new woman, I break up because I'm not interested in that girl anymore.
weallfalldown Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 i think a lot of woen end up having to do it, as we are all to gutless to do it.....most women trust their intuition and know it's best for both sometimes... well that's just my thoughts.
Svet74 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I think we are just cowards who avoid the conflict, and we like our safety nets. what do you mean you like your safety nets. I never really got that honestly. Fully explain. well my ex did break up with me. But he didnt go away after the breakup.. So i dont know if you wanna call that a breakup or not. IT got to a point where i was the the one asking him to leave if he did not want to be in a relationship. Then he would just agree and say ok. But then come back again. same thing over and over, Now i just stopped caring
bluescityangel Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I could be wrong but I read the term "safety net" as keeping a girl around...not really because you want to be with her but more because you don't want to be alone...(or whatever the reason may be...) If I keep you around and my other interests fail I can go back to you....(and no I do not participate or condone this, in fact I am a lady who was dumped last Wednesday, so yep, it happens!!)
Svet74 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I could be wrong but I read the term "safety net" as keeping a girl around...not really because you want to be with her but more because you don't want to be alone...(or whatever the reason may be...) If I keep you around and my other interests fail I can go back to you....(and no I do not participate or condone this, in fact I am a lady who was dumped last Wednesday, so yep, it happens!!) I mean i dont get that whole safety net concept from a guy. Doesnt that mean he just has like issues? U break up but yet you cant let go? Grow some balls and move on. And let the chick move on too. 1
Macaw Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 It's either because of the "safety net" or because there's an issue in the relationship that is killing their drive to work on it.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I can remember reading an advice column like Ann Landers or Dear Abby etc back when I was in high school over 20 years ago. In the column a teenage girl was asking Ann/Abby what was going on with her BF who was becoming more and more distant and uninvolved and she wondered where things were going in their relationship. Ann/Abby/Whoever said that it was time to move on and not worry about it anymore and that the relationship was over at that point. she went on to say that teenage boys do not really formally break up with girls and end the relationship. They just stop calling and stop coming around untill you see them out on the town with another girl or they are spending all their time with their buddies or whatever. Now that I look back, I've done that a lot myself over the years and have seen countless grown men basically do the same thing too. About the only men I've ever known that have outright divorced their wives were the ones who caught them redhanded with other men and the women refused to give up the OM. In pretty much all other instances the men just kind of moved on with their lives untill either the women dumped them for basically abandoning them or the guys agreed to the break up after the ladies called them out on it. So what say you? In your experience have you seen men become dissatisfied with a relationship and take the initiative to formally break up with their GF/wife? Or do they just kind of move on with their lives untill their GF/wife either presses their back against the wall to make a decision or untill the GF/wife just gets fed up with his absenteeism and breaks it off with him? If you are guy have you ever preemptively and formally broken up with women or do you just kind of stop calling and stop coming around untill she breaks it off with you or calls you out on it? And if you are a woman, have you ever been formally dumped or have you had guys just kind of fade away like a fart in the wind? My ex threatened to break up with me a few times; by the time he made his last threat, things were already not looking very good for our relationship. He wouldn't call much when abroad, kept saying things like, it's hard to maintain a long-distance relationship, i need space, etc. He did relent from the threat to break up after I begged him not to break up, but I dumped him an hour later. A week later, he texted/called and wanted to get back to me. I am convinced that all his threats of break-up were just that: threats. He was bluffing. I called his bluff, and caught him off-guard, I think. I could be wrong, though... But he was never the one to formally dump me, though he explicitly brought it up at least 4 times.
Svet74 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 It's either because of the "safety net" or because there's an issue in the relationship that is killing their drive to work on it. If I were to put myself in my exes shoes and what happened. I would say the only thing that is keeping him away from being honest and working on it is shame. He thinks if he tells me the truth Il never take him back, so he keeps avoiding it. And now is even dating someone new. I guess its easier to date someone new then work out your problems
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