sallym Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I come from a strict Muslim home, and I fell in love with a Hindu boy during my teenage years. It was short lived because my parents found out and immediately broke us up... and I've never been the same. Our families still live in the same small town, and I'm forced to hear about them often, including him. It was such an uncomfortable way to grow up. Our families were best friends before they found out we were "dating." After, my family wanted nothing to do with his. He has moved on to live a wonderful life and got engaged to be married recently to someone from his own faith. I'm still not over him in the slightest way and it has been ten years since my parents found out. He ended things with me as soon as my parents found out... and never looked back despite the nasty fall out between our families. He wrote me numerous letters about a year after telling me that although we couldn't be together, he was so lucky to have known me, and that I would always be in his heart etc etc. Some of the most heartfelt, romantic words I have ever read. He was a few years older, and my life at home was hell when he left for college, and it lasted for years. I didn't have any freedom, and lived under strict conditions while he moved on. His family despises me. I never saw him again, and in all these years he never tried to physically find me. Last year he e-mailed me last year to see how I was and how he always wished me the best. I had not heard from him in about 7 years prior to that, and I was given strict orders to never contact him again which I followed all these years. I was only 13 at the time everything fell apart... now 23, and I always wonder why he didn't come back for me despite knowing how horrible my home conditions were during those years, and how much I had to deal with on my own. It was truly a nightmare, and he knew that. I don't know how he could have moved on so easily. I have never felt more used and more alone in my entire life. I've gone through high school and college, and I've made some of the most wonderful friends in the world, but I still think back to him frequently and wonder how he could get married without any official closure on the situation. He's the only person I have ever loved despite having so many life experiences, and it breaks my heart daily that he will never again be in my life. How do I deal with this? How can I possibly still be heartbroken after so many years? It was such a devastating experience for me, and obviously not for him. The pain just will not go away after all these years.
LostOne1 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I think what you need to understand is that he moved on. And maybe it wasn't his choice, maybe if he could he would be with you. But in his mind it's not possible. And honestly, why would you want to love someone, who can't fight for you? At the end of the day, if he really wanted you he would fight for you and maybe even against his own family. But, he chose his family instead and moved on. Maybe he now isn't happy with the choice, but he made it and has to live with it. For you, it's best to have him leave your life. it isn't fair to you that he randomly sends you things constantly reminding you of it all. YOU also have a life to live and he MADE his choice, it's time for you to make your own choices. It's time for you to find someone that will love you and fight for you. Isn't that what every girl wants? A guy who is willing to battle for her against everything else? And if he isn't willing to do that and he showed it, then you need to move on and find a guy who will.... 1
ladyabstrused Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 He's the only person I have ever loved despite having so many life experiences, and it breaks my heart daily that he will never again be in my life. I think there are much more life experiences to come at 23. You haven't quite seen it all what life could bring. I thought the same for the past several years or so. I'm 23 too, and recently after putting myself out there and exploring other things in life, I realise that there's a vast amount of experience and people to meet that you can't say for sure that that's it, it'll stop there. Keep moving on. Try to occupy your mind with other things, especially when you find yourself thinking about him. It's not healthy to get hung up on someone who's moved on for many years now with his own life. You got your own life to build and hey, who else has control over that but you? He doesn't determine your future. You do. By having faith, by living life and by making decisions. Why would it break your heart, when it was probably the best thing that could have happened to you? For someone to move on so quickly (as you say) and doesn't look back to you means he wasn't really serious and who's to say what would've happened in the future if you had ended up with him? I think you deserve better than this. So stop dwelling on the past. Look forward, distract your thoughts if you find yourself going back to the past. Sure you can revisit and cry and deal with it. But you have control over your life. Not the past, not him. Time heals all wounds, maybe not entirely but to a large extent over a period of time. Let it go and let time do the healing on you. It won't start to heal if you keep yourself back in the past always. You can do it, sallym. 1
Recommended Posts