I was dumped 3 days ago...

[Capucine]

I met this guy online 3.5 yrs ago and we fell deeply in love. we had a long distance relationship until I moved to be with him a year ago.

We went through so much to be together that we swore we'd never take it for granted.

3 months ago, while I was back home visiting, he said he needed a break to think everything through. Said he had not missed me like he should and needed time to figure out what he wanted in life. We went NC for two months and at the end of the second month we went on this trip that we had planned months before, for a week. Things were perfect, but when we got back home, he said he had given it a lot of thought and that he had decided he would never want to get married or have kids or commit to anybody. Said he was not ready for a relationship and he did not know if he'd ever be.

He asked us to start dating and take things really slow.

we started dating a month ago. He acted jealous and concerned one minute and disappeared for a week another minute...

We went out Sunday to this place where I commented I had been before and he made me swear on my parents' life that I had not been there on a date!

Then he started asking all these questions about me meeting somebody..or whether or not it was serious...

Then suddenly on Tuesday he sends me all the pictures he has of me in his phone. I ask him if he's cleaning up his phone and if he's completely over us.

And he starts this conversation over text about how he has been thinking a lot lately and how he still does not want o commit and is not ready for a relationship and how he doubts he ever will be, and that he feels like **** for hanging me on there for the thought of something that may never happen or may turn out to be nothing. That we should be done romantically but that he would like spending time with me and he would want to continue seeing me..

So I was officially dumped And of course I refused seeing him because I still have feelings for him and cannot be his friend and watch him move on with someone else and I told him that, even though he said he hoped that was not the end of everything for us.

Then the night after, he sends me this text saying I still exist for him, and that he still cares and is there for me and that he knows it will take time but there is no gf and he's there for me.

Which i did not reply to.

So it's my 3rd day. I'm mad, furious, angry..I have this pain in my heart that will not go away. I'm trying to convince myself how I'm better off without him..but I fail most of the time. I cry a lot and there is this strong feeling deep down that wishes him pain and suffer..which I know is not true, because he's probably having a great time getting rid of me and the crappy feeling "hanging me in there" gave him.

But in order to survive, I need to know if there's a chance he might regret his decision and miss me? I'm going NC, and I am not planning to ever contacting him or even trying to get back with him..but all i need is to know that he has regretted his decision, and then I will be calm. That's all I need do you think there's a chance it will ever happen? (((

[LostOne1]

Well I will say going NC right now is the best thing to do. He just needs time to miss you and think things through. When he misses you he might regret it and wonder and might even try to contact you.

 

I know the pain your going through something kinda similar happened to me too. My ex went to a new city for 2 months 4 hours away. And well from halfway in her trip she wanted to break up. It was tough and still is.. I have been NC only a month now and it does get better but harder. In 1 month she hasn't contacted me directly yet.

 

All I will say is take a deep breath and relax. it's tough and you probably feel like panicking and texting and what not. But the best thing to do is relax and don't think too much. Just go NC on him for now and think about your self. Do something you do to make yourself happy and distracted

[Capucine]

I am doing my best. I wonder if I will ever survive. Definitely going NC though..

[LostOne1]

I am doing my best. I wonder if I will ever survive. Definitely going NC though..

oh you'll survive. I told myself the same thing a month ago.. that I wouldn't survive the weekend... I made it a month now. I remember yday looking back and saying the same thing... "I made it a month wow.. I thought I could barley make a day".

 

The thing is it WILL be tough, no doubt about that. And at this time you won't be thinking straight all your thinking about is the pain. That's why NC helped me since a month now I have been able to heal more and think straight about it all.

 

In some ways I wish my ex felt the same, maybe she would have contacted me by now. But really NC is here to heal us as the dumpees. The dumpers I think take longer to heal, because they feel the decision they have made now is a good one. Then later some learn it wasn't the best one, so they might go after their ex. And depending on the ex sometimes you have moved on and sometimes you haven't and are willing to give it a try.

 

All I can say is right now don't break NC and distract yourself. And give it time, I thought a month would kill me for sure, but I'm here still.

 

Though today is a relapse day, because I feel the pain today, and other days Im perfectly fine.

[Capucine]

*sighs*

I just keep thinking that he's out tonight..may be on a date..may be with his friends, having fun..having a good time, feeling relieved..and I'm here..going crazy over the thought..

I want him as miserable and as sad I want him not to be over me so fast and so easy:(

[LostOne1]

*sighs*

I just keep thinking that he's out tonight..may be on a date..may be with his friends, having fun..having a good time, feeling relieved..and I'm here..going crazy over the thought..

I want him as miserable and as sad I want him not to be over me so fast and so easy:(

as an awesome guy just told me here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/347888-nc-sister-fb-delete-2.html#post4275500

 

don't think about what she could possibly be thinking, because you'll drive yourself crazy. You have no idea what she's thinking and won't know. Don't concern yourself with it. You aren't going to get the answer you want or win that battle.

 

And I would say the same.. that thinking of your ex will drive you crazy. Our ex's made a choice and that was to dump us. Well that means they right now ARE NOT thinking of us. So why should we sit here and cry and whine and think of them? How is that fair?

 

And if we do think and worry about them,. then we have let them win. That is WHAT they WANT from us.. to suffer and feel bad and for them to be happy and feel like they made the right choice.

 

So as of right now you and me both. We will stop thinking of them and do something else. Watch a movie or watch tv and forget what they are doing.

 

THey don't care about us right now, so why should we. We will be happy to doing something fun and enjoy our night like they are theres. so smile and know your not any worse than them

[Capucine]

I know. You're right. I will not think about him anymore, and I'll watch a movie..But I'm still crossing my fingers for him to be miserable and in pain!!!

[Capucine]

Just wondering...how can a person who claims he's sooo in love with you, that he'd die without you..suddenly tells you that you need to be done romantically?..

Is that how love works? Promises are just worthless words? You can promise a person the moon, and then be like oops! sorryyy!!

Does he not feel any pain?! Is he happy? Did he really moved on this fast?

Was he actually getting over me when we were taking a break? So he just took his time, moved on, healed and then dumped me when he was ready? is that fair?!

Is he ever going to regret or miss me now that he actually does not have me? (

[LostOne1]

Well I just finished watching Captain America, man do I feel so good right now. It's like I don't even care about my ex now.

 

The problem is promises are hard to keep sometimes or rather as they say "Don't Make Promises Your Can't Keep".

 

Unfortunetly, I made a promise to my ex that while shes away out of town for 2 months, I'd talk to her daily. Well... with things going on in my life it never happened. It went from daily to bi daily to weekly to her not wanting to talk. Though she never understood why my time was cut down and it wasn't on purpose but for a major family reason.

 

See all the question you are asking.. I asked them myself and sometimes every day. But today I realized what's the point? Your guy isn't sitting around asking about you right now. So why should you worry about him?

 

Fact is he will probably hurt at some point. More than likely when you've been NC for a month. He will feel that you are gone and realize maybe he did make a mistake. That's how I hoped my ex would feel and truth me told I don't know and maybe I shouldn't know. I mean what's the point? If she cared, and missed me maybe she would call, text, email, msn etc... She hasn't in almost a month, so why should I worry if she cares or what she is doing? She isn't sitting there worrying about me. She's probably trying to justify how the decision she made was 100% correct.

 

And if that makes her feel good, she can go for it. She gave up a lot of what she will never understand till later in life. That's her loss, and for me it's a win because I get to learn from this relationship. My most serious relationship ever too.

 

Like I said make sure there is no contact and stop thinking of what he must be going through. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy, I know I've been doing it for a few weeks and it got me no where. it's 1 month and i STILL don't know how she feels or how she could do this... she hasn't even called to say i miss you or im sorry or anything.

 

So the fact remains that it's a waste of my time and energy to think about what she thinks... Our ex's left us so we mean nothing to them now and therefore, they should mean NOTHING to us now. We have our own life and we have to pick oursleves up and find what we want to do in life which does NOT include them anymore.

[Capucine]

Starting day 4...It's so hard. I feel like throwing up.

I know he does not care or think of me. I know he's probably holding someone in bed right now. He must be happy.

But I did so much to be with this guy. I left everything and everybody I loved behind to move here and be with him. My only memories of this city were made with him.

I'm scared. What if I never meet anybody ever again? Apparently I'm not lovable. People don't want to be with me. I will die alone in a place that I don't know anybody

All I want and all I pray for every second is for him to show me his regret. just one word, one text, or one email would be enough. I just need that and then I will move on with my life and will never look back...I just need that to happen..

I will never love again.

[LostOne1]

Starting day 4...It's so hard. I feel like throwing up.

I know he does not care or think of me. I know he's probably holding someone in bed right now. He must be happy.

But I did so much to be with this guy. I left everything and everybody I loved behind to move here and be with him. My only memories of this city were made with him.

I'm scared. What if I never meet anybody ever again? Apparently I'm not lovable. People don't want to be with me. I will die alone in a place that I don't know anybody

All I want and all I pray for every second is for him to show me his regret. just one word, one text, or one email would be enough. I just need that and then I will move on with my life and will never look back...I just need that to happen..

I will never love again.

that's how it feels for the first few weeks...

 

This is why one of my online relationships didn't work. Because, I wasn;t willing to let all my family and friends go for a girl. I just felt it was too intense for me. And I couldn't expect her to do the same for me. So we broke it off eventually thinking it was more for companionship than a relationship.

 

All I would say is it's time for you to relax as much as you can. Making big decisions at this point won't help and cause additional stress.

 

Fact is you might never know if he regrets it or not, and I soon realized it shouldn't matter. I mean there is a chance at some point he might regret it, and know no other girl would have done what you did and miss you. But at the same time he might not. The point is that it shouldn't matter. Otherwise you will drive yourself nuts obsessing and really he is NOT obsessing over you right now, so why do it for him?

 

And you won't die alone.. you feel that because you and I both were used to having someone around. Now we don't and it's a scary feeling to wake up and know this person isn't part of our life and we aren't part of theirs. But you aren't alone you have all of us and more people will come into your life slowly.

 

Maybe you should talk to close family members like cousins. I know my siblings were very supportive for me.

[Capucine]

This was a serious relationship. We spent a year almost living together, we met the parents, we were talking marriage. We took a vacation together a month ago...

I feel like I was used and then dumped like a worthless trash.

I can't bear this pain. I feel like my chest is going to explode, and I'm sick and tired of everyone I talk to, telling me it's a routine and normal thing and will pass and I should not care. How can I not care?!

[LostOne1]

This was a serious relationship. We spent a year almost living together, we met the parents, we were talking marriage. We took a vacation together a month ago...

I feel like I was used and then dumped like a worthless trash.

I can't bear this pain. I feel like my chest is going to explode, and I'm sick and tired of everyone I talk to, telling me it's a routine and normal thing and will pass and I should not care. How can I not care?!

See that's how I felt. People said move on and give it time. But the thing is what can you do? Really... nothing. If you talk to him it probably will make things worse right now. So really what can you do? Nothing.. but give it time.

 

In that time he might realize what he did and maybe he won't. In that time you will get to move on slowly and feel better.

 

I guess it's like a deal where YOU heal over time and MAYBE as a bonus you might win your ex back. Other than that nothing else will help you.

 

I been there, I pleaded and cried with my ex... nothing really worked until I got some confidence. That day she noticed a huge change in me, but only for a few hours. And, then she went back into the cold hearted mode. So for a month now I haven't said a word, and she did see me online but I never sent her a message.

 

Don't know how she took it, but at least she knows I'm not making the first move.

[Capucine]

Yeah..I'm also going NC. I will definitely continue for the next 6 weeks. I mean this is our only policy at the moment. Just hope they realize the mistake they have made and want to come back, so we can reject them. That's my dream right now!