Help me figure her out - She's playing the jealousy game on me

[TheKey]

Short Version

 

She likes me crazy

Loss interest because I don't appreciate her enough

She dumps me (because of insecurity and fear)

Keeps relationship status unchanged on facebook

Plays the jealousy game on me by hanging out with the guy I hate most and that is the big reason for our break-up.

 

Question

I need to figure out how to approach her without scaring her off and show here that I still care.

 

 

History/background:

We had been together for a year, everything was fine this girl was crazy about me so much till the point I couldn’t sometimes keep up with it. I must admit I’ve screwed up in the relationship by not appreciating her as much as she did and I think that is what led to the downfall of it. But we had something special and the coolest thing about our relationship was that we were always honest with eachother no matter what. She has really fought to make the relationship as good as possible, I was kinda idling along with it.

 

Previous:

Everything was fine until maybe a month ago, she started having feelings for a guy she before thought she let go off. I told her I was cool about since it was up to her to choose I couldn’t control her or make that decision for her, she said she liked the fact that I was so understanding about it.

 

Problem:

The next day she got desperate and called up the guy to invite him over her place for the weekend, she told me she wasn’t going to do anything and I was like cool but then she started acting weird and as the time closed by I flipped because I knew she had those feelings for him, so I tried to stop it. I first told her I was going to beat up the guy If he dared to show up there so she got scared and called her mom.

 

I waited outside her house until they all came and then she started yelling at me, and told me to leave I left with her mom, cried in front of her mom and told her what her daughter was doing wasn’t right, she told me that her daughter would never cheat and that he was just a friend I was like yeah right.

 

After we left she kept calling me and yelling at me "what a hell are you doing" as if I was the one crazy here, I didn’t respond I just cried and then when I was on my way home she sent me a text telling me it was over and that she would call the police if I came near her again. of course she was over exaggerating everything.

 

Aftermath:

After the break-up which I didn’t even acknowledge or respond to I decided to go NC on her for a while just to settle the dust for a while. I really tried to resist the urge to contact her during the weekend and on Monday she wrote to me "Hi" on facebook msg but I didn’t respond because I was planning to talk to her on Wednesday instead and give it some more time.

 

Problem #2

I see her posting a picture with her best friend saying she is going to travel away from the city to that town where that guy is, I flip and call her, first she doesn’t answer then I send her a text saying "please answer I’m not feeling well :(" 2 mins late she calls me up, she's sitting on the train on her way there. I start to talk to her.

 

The talk over:

She is stone cold, monotone voice, but still wanted to talk to me, because every time the phone would hang up because of the network since she was on a train, she would call back immediately after a while her voice softened. I spilled my guts, cried over the phone for 2 hours explaining how much I love her and that she should just give it a second chance, she says she can't because it's destroyed and this goes back n forth we talk about problems and I cry more...anyways at the end of the convo I have to leave so I tell her can I call you back later, she says no, I was like ok, I'll hear from you later then maybe...click I hang up.

 

The situation now (jealousy game)

After being quite on facebook for over a week, she posted a status update saying “she like a guy that workout and buy her beer and along with that post tags that guy to she knows I hate the most and is a big part of the reason why we broke up. (the guy workout)

 

So what I am trying to figure out here is what I she telling me? Is she playing the jelousy game, trying to evoke another reaction from me as when she left town? Because this is I was pissed as hell, but I decided to not react to it, so I haven’t done anything yet.

 

 

Now you might ask why do I care so much about a girl well she has great sides like any other human and I choose to value them for now until I know for sure weither or not she has been cheating or at least done something she knows she shouldn’t do, I see it as a sh*t-test to test her ability under circumstances like these.

 

 

What gives me hope that we might still work together?

The only thing giving me hope that this girl might still somehow like me is the fact that she was crazy about me before and that she does sometimes say things that she regret that push people away from her, even her mother told me that about her.

 

Another hope of sign is that her facebook relationship status hasn’t changed it still says “in a relationship” as when we got together and at one point back in time when we talked about breaking up the day before the first problem arised I asked her are we still together? She answered yeah I still have my facebook relationship status on so you know what that means. The facebook relationship status was an important thing for her.

 

 

What I think has happened here:

She has over time, lost interest because of my not giving her enough, she even told me that that, and some of it is true, she could ask me things like hey babe would you like to have an extra key to my apartment and I would respond naw that’s cool for now, I was a bit scared to commit myself to her completely and she felt as if I was dissing her. And I think that disinterest in here grew to the point where she just couldn’t take it anymore and this is the reason why she is dissing me. Now afterwards I realize it and miss her a lot.

 

And here jealousy games action could be the reason for my NC she is trying to get a reaction from me, I really want to respond to her, call her up and talk to her, but I am to scared it might push here away since she said she needed some space. So I’m really confused.

 

I think these jelousy games comes from a point of insecurity and fear, she knows what she did is wrong and she still has strong feelings for me therefore she is trying to provoke me. Because if she diden’t care she woulden’t do it right?

 

 

Now my questions are…

 

1. How do I break this jealousy games she is trying to play on me.?

 

2. How should I approach her without looking too needy but at the same time make her think that I still care and haven’t dissed her?

 

3. What should I say to her when I call her to show her I care?

 

 

My goal is:

To make her think that the relationship is not destroyed as she puts it, and that she can still trust me and give it a try if she likes.

 

If it comes out that she has used this time that she first called as “a pause” to screw around that other guy then I will definitely not take her back. But while I still believe in her good sides and in what she said, that she is only friends with him and nothing ells then I will give it a chance to show itself for what it is, It’s almost like a ****-test to see if she is something to have for long-term.

 

So I leave it you guys n girls, what should I do?

 

I would love to hear from a girl’s perspective on this. As I think she is only insecure and hurt and just needs to understand the fact that I still care for her and not dissing her by NC. She is in big denial of her own mistakes which makes it harder for her to apologize first.

 

I just want her to open up for me and not think the relationship is destroyed.

Edited September 22, 2012 by TheKey

[Mike_d]

you are waaay overthinking this. the girl doesn't want to be with you. you can't force or game someone into wanting you

[lalalandman]

Man I'm sorry this happened. Unfortunately you cried in front of her, the mom, and the other dude. I don't think she'll be able to respect you again after this. Just cut your losses. In the future, keep your emotions in check. You seemed fine to begin with, then lost it.

[LostOne1]

Sounds like my ex...

 

Been NC for a month now and I honestly feel after it all, I don't think she will ever contact me again. Heck I cried on the phone with her, and I could tell she knew I was hurting. But man, I'm in the same boat. I wanna show my ex things will get better, but the fact is if she's made a decision already it's VERY hard for you to change it. It's something she had to do on her own somehow. Ya maybe other things, people can factor in a slight change for her to reconsider. But it's tough man.

 

Heck, for me I don't think NC will even work to get her back. It probably will just help me heal only. My ex blames me for everything and saying 3 years were torture for her, which isn't true otherwise she wouldn't have last this long she woulda gave up before. But the fact is when shes made her mind.. it's tough to break it for some types of girls.

 

If you try to break through her, it might not work and it will either push her further away or make you look desperate. If there is one thing I read online it is that convincing a girl when shes made a decision about breaking up is a bad thing. Logical reasoning doesn't work., I tried it too and it doesn't. You'll feel like your talking to a wall and nothing you say will change things. Only she can change how she feels herself and I guess with time.

 

THe problem is over time it's bad and good. Either she will miss you and talk or move on and not want to talk. But that's better than pushing her and losing her anyways.

 

it's a tough problem and Im in something kinda like it....

[TheKey]

Man I'm sorry this happened. Unfortunately you cried in front of her, the mom, and the other dude. I don't think she'll be able to respect you again after this. Just cut your losses. In the future, keep your emotions in check. You seemed fine to begin with, then lost it.

 

No I just cried infront of her mom, and on the phone with her.

 

Yeah I diden't invest my emotions in here that much in the beginning but when I started she lost interest... some women are really strange

[TheKey]

you are waaay overthinking this. the girl doesn't want to be with you. you can't force or game someone into wanting you

 

I'm not forcing anything, I just want here to realize there is still hope, because that is what she lost.

[love does not exist]

Man I'm sorry this happened. Unfortunately you cried in front of her, the mom, and the other dude. I don't think she'll be able to respect you again after this. Just cut your losses. In the future, keep your emotions in check. You seemed fine to begin with, then lost it.

 

****, I'd cry infront of whoever lol. Who cares? It's a natural response. I've been doing it for the last few years non stop, even before my break up because of an anxiety/panic disorder I have.

 

I got teary eyed on this phone with my ex's dad cause of what my kid was going through during my break up. The feelings are uncontrolable sometimes.

[TheKey]

Sounds like my ex...

 

Been NC for a month now and I honestly feel after it all, I don't think she will ever contact me again. Heck I cried on the phone with her, and I could tell she knew I was hurting. But man, I'm in the same boat. I wanna show my ex things will get better, but the fact is if she's made a decision already it's VERY hard for you to change it. It's something she had to do on her own somehow. Ya maybe other things, people can factor in a slight change for her to reconsider. But it's tough man.

 

Heck, for me I don't think NC will even work to get her back. It probably will just help me heal only. My ex blames me for everything and saying 3 years were torture for her, which isn't true otherwise she wouldn't have last this long she woulda gave up before. But the fact is when shes made her mind.. it's tough to break it for some types of girls.

 

If you try to break through her, it might not work and it will either push her further away or make you look desperate. If there is one thing I read online it is that convincing a girl when shes made a decision about breaking up is a bad thing. Logical reasoning doesn't work., I tried it too and it doesn't. You'll feel like your talking to a wall and nothing you say will change things. Only she can change how she feels herself and I guess with time.

 

THe problem is over time it's bad and good. Either she will miss you and talk or move on and not want to talk. But that's better than pushing her and losing her anyways.

 

it's a tough problem and Im in something kinda like it....

 

Yeah she was exactly that way, like a wall, I coulden't get through her no matter what I said. But in the end she softened a bit and her monotone voice started changing a bit.

 

I know she still loves me, she was too emotionally invested in me, problem is she is trying to emotionally invest herself in that other guy now - here so called "best friend" I told her male and females can never be friends, she said it works.

 

Anyway I need to find a way to make here remember the good moments we shared rather then the small and bad ones. I think that will help.

[LostOne1]

No I just cried infront of her mom, and on the phone with her.

 

Yeah I diden't invest my emotions in here that much in the beginning but when I started she lost interest... some women are really strange

The thing is its hard for some women to believe you will invest.

 

Like lets say you don't do something she wants like compliment her, but then she loses her feelings slightly and wants to move on. You tell her you will compliment her from now on. It's hard for her to accept that you will change, or the risk is high I guess.

 

I'm sorta in the same boat. Except I used to do things when I met my ex, then kinda stopped doing them and got lazy. Then she leaves and makes me realize I shoulda done those things and never stopped, but for her it seemed to late. Kinda like I was doing it only because she was leaving me, but not cause I wanted too. Which isn't true, but I guess some women don't see it that way or the risk is too high for them.

[todreaminblue]

Short Version

 

She likes me crazy

Loss interest because I don't appreciate her enough

She dumps me (because of insecurity and fear)

Keeps relationship status unchanged on facebook

Plays the jealousy game on me by hanging out with the guy I hate most and that is the big reason for our break-up.

 

Question

I need to figure out how to approach her without scaring her off and show here that I still care.

 

 

History/background:

We had been together for a year, everything was fine this girl was crazy about me so much till the point I couldn’t sometimes keep up with it. I must admit I’ve screwed up in the relationship by not appreciating her as much as she did and I think that is what led to the downfall of it. But we had something special and the coolest thing about our relationship was that we were always honest with eachother no matter what. She has really fought to make the relationship as good as possible, I was kinda idling along with it.

 

Previous:

Everything was fine until maybe a month ago, she started having feelings for a guy she before thought she let go off. I told her I was cool about since it was up to her to choose I couldn’t control her or make that decision for her, she said she liked the fact that I was so understanding about it.

 

Problem:

The next day she got desperate and called up the guy to invite him over her place for the weekend, she told me she wasn’t going to do anything and I was like cool but then she started acting weird and as the time closed by I flipped because I knew she had those feelings for him, so I tried to stop it. I first told her I was going to beat up the guy If he dared to show up there so she got scared and called her mom.

 

I waited outside her house until they all came and then she started yelling at me, and told me to leave I left with her mom, cried in front of her mom and told her what her daughter was doing wasn’t right, she told me that her daughter would never cheat and that he was just a friend I was like yeah right.

 

After we left she kept calling me and yelling at me "what a hell are you doing" as if I was the one crazy here, I didn’t respond I just cried and then when I was on my way home she sent me a text telling me it was over and that she would call the police if I came near her again. of course she was over exaggerating everything.

 

Aftermath:

After the break-up which I didn’t even acknowledge or respond to I decided to go NC on her for a while just to settle the dust for a while. I really tried to resist the urge to contact her during the weekend and on Monday she wrote to me "Hi" on facebook msg but I didn’t respond because I was planning to talk to her on Wednesday instead and give it some more time.

 

Problem #2

I see her posting a picture with her best friend saying she is going to travel away from the city to that town where that guy is, I flip and call her, first she doesn’t answer then I send her a text saying "please answer I’m not feeling well :(" 2 mins late she calls me up, she's sitting on the train on her way there. I start to talk to her.

 

The talk over:

She is stone cold, monotone voice, but still wanted to talk to me, because every time the phone would hang up because of the network since she was on a train, she would call back immediately after a while her voice softened. I spilled my guts, cried over the phone for 2 hours explaining how much I love her and that she should just give it a second chance, she says she can't because it's destroyed and this goes back n forth we talk about problems and I cry more...anyways at the end of the convo I have to leave so I tell her can I call you back later, she says no, I was like ok, I'll hear from you later then maybe...click I hang up.

 

The situation now (jealousy game)

After being quite on facebook for over a week, she posted a status update saying “she like a guy that workout and buy her beer and along with that post tags that guy to she knows I hate the most and is a big part of the reason why we broke up. (the guy workout)

 

So what I am trying to figure out here is what I she telling me? Is she playing the jelousy game, trying to evoke another reaction from me as when she left town? Because this is I was pissed as hell, but I decided to not react to it, so I haven’t done anything yet.

 

 

Now you might ask why do I care so much about a girl well she has great sides like any other human and I choose to value them for now until I know for sure weither or not she has been cheating or at least done something she knows she shouldn’t do, I see it as a sh*t-test to test her ability under circumstances like these.

 

 

What gives me hope that we might still work together?

The only thing giving me hope that this girl might still somehow like me is the fact that she was crazy about me before and that she does sometimes say things that she regret that push people away from her, even her mother told me that about her.

 

Another hope of sign is that her facebook relationship status hasn’t changed it still says “in a relationship” as when we got together and at one point back in time when we talked about breaking up the day before the first problem arised I asked her are we still together? She answered yeah I still have my facebook relationship status on so you know what that means. The facebook relationship status was an important thing for her.

 

 

What I think has happened here:

She has over time, lost interest because of my not giving her enough, she even told me that that, and some of it is true, she could ask me things like hey babe would you like to have an extra key to my apartment and I would respond naw that’s cool for now, I was a bit scared to commit myself to her completely and she felt as if I was dissing her. And I think that disinterest in here grew to the point where she just couldn’t take it anymore and this is the reason why she is dissing me. Now afterwards I realize it and miss her a lot.

 

And here jealousy games action could be the reason for my NC she is trying to get a reaction from me, I really want to respond to her, call her up and talk to her, but I am to scared it might push here away since she said she needed some space. So I’m really confused.

 

I think these jelousy games comes from a point of insecurity and fear, she knows what she did is wrong and she still has strong feelings for me therefore she is trying to provoke me. Because if she diden’t care she woulden’t do it right?

 

 

Now my questions are…

 

1. How do I break this jealousy games she is trying to play on me.?

 

2. How should I approach her without looking too needy but at the same time make her think that I still care and haven’t dissed her?

 

3. What should I say to her when I call her to show her I care?

 

 

My goal is:

To make her think that the relationship is not destroyed as she puts it, and that she can still trust me and give it a try if she likes.

 

If it comes out that she has used this time that she first called as “a pause” to screw around that other guy then I will definitely not take her back. But while I still believe in her good sides and in what she said, that she is only friends with him and nothing ells then I will give it a chance to show itself for what it is, It’s almost like a ****-test to see if she is something to have for long-term.

 

So I leave it you guys n girls, what should I do?

 

I would love to hear from a girl’s perspective on this. As I think she is only insecure and hurt and just needs to understand the fact that I still care for her and not dissing her by NC. She is in big denial of her own mistakes which makes it harder for her to apologize first.

 

I just want her to open up for me and not think the relationship is destroyed.

 

 

if she pushes people away from her when she is insecure you will have hard time getting her to open up.I am similar i push people away when they get too close to knowing how i feel.My family have come up with a novel approach to deal with this ...they pester me until i cave which i do and i feel better for telling them most of the time.I dont suggest you do this I am trying to say that it is hard to get someone to open up if they don't feel like it......its effort......i dont think you crying makes any difference to the scheme of things in fact you said she softened up on the phone after speaking to you for a while.....I don't think it is a jealousy game.....i think she is messed up but I don't know her like you do, what she has done to you was not right or decent.I cant stand the idea of pitting two men against each other its a horrid situation its not a fantasy its a nightmare because i have been in it and it wasn't through anything i did just two men fighting over being with me....i went out with none.....dating was out.....they went back to being friends.....much better than a date with me....i dont understand or comprehend that jealousy game....makes me feel sick so cant imagine why a woman would do it......if i were you though you seem liek decent guy let her go...if she comes back and you still feel like working it out with her try if you wish too i think you could find someone who deserves your sensitive soul.....if it is to be her she needs to appreciate it before you give it to her........best wishes...deb

[LostOne1]

Yeah she was exactly that way, like a wall, I coulden't get through her no matter what I said. But in the end she softened a bit and her monotone voice started changing a bit.

 

I know she still loves me, she was too emotionally invested in me, problem is she is trying to emotionally invest herself in that other guy now - here so called "best friend" I told her male and females can never be friends, she said it works.

 

Anyway I need to find a way to make here remember the good moments we shared rather then the small and bad ones. I think that will help.

wow man you and me sound like we have something very similar. I think my ex might have a guy involved it's hard to say. But she told me the same crap.. that the other guy was like a brother to her and she has values and what not. But chances are she could be with this guy and same in your case.

 

I think what's going on is the girls see the other guy as another option. It's you and this other guy and shes debating. Is it worth it to throw away the life you 2 had for a new start with this guy.

 

When someone has an option it's crazy, because the mind plays games.

 

BTW how did you break through the wall? and how long did it take? I talked to my ex about a month ago and it was bad. I don't know if her anger has cooled down or not yet.

[love does not exist]

Yeah she was exactly that way, like a wall, I coulden't get through her no matter what I said. But in the end she softened a bit and her monotone voice started changing a bit.

 

I know she still loves me, she was too emotionally invested in me, problem is she is trying to emotionally invest herself in that other guy now - here so called "best friend" I told her male and females can never be friends, she said it works.

 

Anyway I need to find a way to make here remember the good moments we shared rather then the small and bad ones. I think that will help.

 

Man, just drop it. I tried all that memories game stuff, the begging, the whining and crying. It makes things worse. Just don't give a ****, and don't talk to her. Next time she tries to talk to you, tell her it was a privilege that she got to sleep with you, and its over.

[LostOne1]

Man, just drop it. I tried all that memories game stuff, the begging, the whining and crying. It makes things worse. Just don't give a ****, and don't talk to her. Next time she tries to talk to you, tell her it was a privilege that she got to sleep with you, and its over.

see it's easy to say not to give a ****, but for some people flipping a switch isn't as easy. I wish it was, then breaking up would be so easy. It would be as common as divorce rates now compared to 20 years ago.

 

I mean it's been months for some people and they still haven't fully let go...

 

I know you must have had a rough break up too. I started off with the hate and anger and it helped, then that mellows down and goes away and the pain kicks in, the memories and what not. Because you finally can think with a straight clear mind.

[TheKey]

wow man you and me sound like we have something very similar. I think my ex might have a guy involved it's hard to say. But she told me the same crap.. that the other guy was like a brother to her and she has values and what not. But chances are she could be with this guy and same in your case.

 

I think what's going on is the girls see the other guy as another option. It's you and this other guy and shes debating. Is it worth it to throw away the life you 2 had for a new start with this guy.

 

When someone has an option it's crazy, because the mind plays games.

 

BTW how did you break through the wall? and how long did it take? I talked to my ex about a month ago and it was bad. I don't know if her anger has cooled down or not yet.

 

I just kept talking to her and cried I really pored out every emotion I felt for her and told her everything I wanted her to know, she was actually the one interested in the conversation even if everything she had to say was negative because she was the one always immediately calling me back whenever the line hang up because of the train traveling.

 

I think she needed to hear me say those things or ells she wouldn’t have called back or even answered when I first called.

 

I think she cares somehow, and at one point I asked her "how could you make from everything to nothing for you" she was quite first and then said, it's not like that I can't explain it.

 

How long did it take to break the wall? Maybe an 30-60 mins of crying and begging at the end she even needed to go to the toilette but still stayed on the phone, she needed to hear me say these things.

 

But honestly the only reason I am trying so hard is because I felt there was more to give in to this relationship.

[love does not exist]

see it's easy to say not to give a ****, but for some people flipping a switch isn't as easy. I wish it was, then breaking up would be so easy. It would be as common as divorce rates now compared to 20 years ago.

 

I mean it's been months for some people and they still haven't fully let go...

 

I know you must have had a rough break up too. I started off with the hate and anger and it helped, then that mellows down and goes away and the pain kicks in, the memories and what not. Because you finally can think with a straight clear mind.

 

 

Just have to think differently. For me I had to be more realistic with myself. I was a better person then my ex. I have more prospects, I'm smarter, have a better future, and am more valuable.

 

Still hurts, but when I look at it in a realistic way it's not that bad.

[Coyoteloco]

dude the first weeks, and month is like hell, im in the same situation u are, only that my relationship was of 6 years, but yea she is going after some guy she met at work, and i dont know if she is doing **** like likeing his facebook profile picture just to piss me off, or because she is a slut, but well i dont care anymore. Shi.t got too messed up and a reconciliation wont even work, so just dont give a damn, and put on the f.cuk the police attitude, and just live ur life without that w.hore in it, more who.res will come sooner or later ;P to heal and feel better go no contact, unfriend her on facebook, take off the relationship status, and move on with ur life. Its hard i know but its the only way to be happy again, u need to have no emotions towards her. Now when i look to picture of me and my ex, im like "dafuq how did this girl got so close to me" . Now she is nothing, yea like the goyte song ! haha good luck man keep ur head up

[TheKey]

if she pushes people away from her when she is insecure you will have hard time getting her to open up.I am similar i push people away when they get too close to knowing how i feel.My family have come up with a novel approach to deal with this ...they pester me until i cave which i do and i feel better for telling them most of the time.I dont suggest you do this I am trying to say that it is hard to get someone to open up if they don't feel like it......its effort......i dont think you crying makes any difference to the scheme of things in fact you said she softened up on the phone after speaking to you for a while.....I don't think it is a jealousy game.....i think she is messed up but I don't know her like you do, what she has done to you was not right or decent.I cant stand the idea of pitting two men against each other its a horrid situation its not a fantasy its a nightmare because i have been in it and it wasn't through anything i did just two men fighting over being with me....i went out with none.....dating was out.....they went back to being friends.....much better than a date with me....i dont understand or comprehend that jealousy game....makes me feel sick so cant imagine why a woman would do it......if i were you though you seem liek decent guy let her go...if she comes back and you still feel like working it out with her try if you wish too i think you could find someone who deserves your sensitive soul.....if it is to be her she needs to appreciate it before you give it to her........best wishes...deb

 

So should I just stay off? I mean when we were together she was the type of girl that always checked up on me till the point where it sometimes was annoying, like always saying goodnight on the phone n stuff, as if I wouldn’t be there the next morning.

 

And now this guy has taken that spot, she is calling him to say goodnight, she even admitted that she did it that same week we broke up.

 

Honestly she is just confused, she says she is following her feelings but they are not logical at all.

 

I just want her to reason, we had a good relationship, but from her perspective she demanded more of what I could give her, that only explains her insecurity.

 

How can I best approach her?

Edited September 22, 2012 by TheKey

[TheKey]

dude the first weeks, and month is like hell, im in the same situation u are, only that my relationship was of 6 years, but yea she is going after some guy she met at work, and i dont know if she is doing **** like likeing his facebook profile picture just to piss me off, or because she is a slut, but well i dont care anymore. Shi.t got too messed up and a reconciliation wont even work, so just dont give a damn, and put on the f.cuk the police attitude, and just live ur life without that w.hore in it, more who.res will come sooner or later ;P to heal and feel better go no contact, unfriend her on facebook, take off the relationship status, and move on with ur life. Its hard i know but its the only way to be happy again, u need to have no emotions towards her. Now when i look to picture of me and my ex, im like "dafuq how did this girl got so close to me" . Now she is nothing, yea like the goyte song ! haha good luck man keep ur head up

 

That sucks man, I'm sorry for you, I can't belive these chicks man, 6 years and they just leave you like that, horrible makes sick thinking of it

 

You probably did right there, but did you try to save it before never considering it again?

 

I'd recommend you to read an e-book my friend gave me, that is called "Train Your Girlfriend by Matt Huston. If you haven't already read it. It has really helped me realize all the misstakes I made in this relationship that I took for granted and that women make up to be everything.

[LostOne1]

That sucks man, I'm sorry for you, I can't belive these chicks man, 6 years and they just leave you like that, horrible makes sick thinking of it

 

You probably did right there, but did you try to save it before never considering it again?

 

I'd recommend you to read an e-book my friend gave me, that is called "Train Your Girlfriend by Matt Huston. If you haven't already read it. It has really helped me realize all the misstakes I made in this relationship that I took for granted and that women make up to be everything.

I can't msg you, but can you share that book with us at all? I'd love to take a look. Makes me wonder why I didn't bother to read any relationship books earlier?

 

I mean at times we fought, I shoulda had a sign go off saying read a book to understand my ex more, so I can get what she means or was trying to get out at times and not being able to always understand her

[LostOne1]

So should I just stay off? I mean when we were together she was the type of girl that always checked up on me till the point where it sometimes was annoying, like always saying goodnight on the phone n stuff, as if I wouldn’t be there the next morning.

 

And now this guy has taken that spot, she is calling him to say goodnight, she even admitted that she did it that same week we broke up.

 

Honestly she is just confused, she says she is following her feelings but they are not logical at all.

 

I just want her to reason, we had a good relationship, but from her perspective she demanded more of what I could give her, that only explains her insecurity.

 

How can I best approach her?

Thats how I felt.. like my ex wanted too much out of me.

 

An example she wanted me to go on the computer on MSN and talk literally for 4 hours EVERY DAY... Sadly it was the only way to talk to her since she can't talk on the phone at home.

 

It was stressfull, because there were days I just didn't wanna sit in front of my computer. There were many other things too.. just some stuff seemed too hard to do at times with what I've been going through in the last few months.

[TheKey]

I can't msg you, but can you share that book with us at all? I'd love to take a look. Makes me wonder why I didn't bother to read any relationship books earlier?

 

I mean at times we fought, I shoulda had a sign go off saying read a book to understand my ex more, so I can get what she means or was trying to get out at times and not being able to always understand her

 

Sure you can download it here it will be open for a while.

[TheKey]

Thats how I felt.. like my ex wanted too much out of me.

 

An example she wanted me to go on the computer on MSN and talk literally for 4 hours EVERY DAY... Sadly it was the only way to talk to her since she can't talk on the phone at home.

 

It was stressfull, because there were days I just didn't wanna sit in front of my computer. There were many other things too.. just some stuff seemed too hard to do at times with what I've been going through in the last few months.

 

Did she ever show love back even after all that?

[LostOne1]

Did she ever show love back even after all that?

Thanks for the link, appreciate it a lot!

 

Oh yeah, she showed lots of love. I think the problem was she might have showed too much. She always went out of her way to do things for me. She always bought me clothes all the time, even after I would ask her nicely not too. Because she is a uni student as myself and I felt I didn't want her to spend excess cash on me.

 

But she did love me no doubt, but I think there were things she wanted from me which I stopped doing. I made her feel special ALL the time in the 1st year. THen I became something or someone else.. almost someone I don't wanna became, a lazy guy, who just had no motivation for anything. So I didn't do as much for her as I used too. But I still did things here and there, just not as much as I used too.

 

THe 1st year of most relationships are the best, then it gets harder and harder. Because you stop doing those lovey dovey things you normally did. I guess in some ways you have won each other over, so it feels to easy?

 

I'm not sure what it was, but when I realized I could've done more for her. Well she said it was too late to realize it and change since she dumped me. Maybe in some ways she thought that she dumped me and my normal reaction is to act like Im gonna change and I might not. Which isn't true, because she noticed the chnage in me, and even was willing to reconcile at one point. But the distance between us for 2 months while her going out of town I think hurt us a lot.

 

I couldn't be there for her and she probably felt alone in a new place 4 hours away. In some ways I wish I coulda done more, and in some ways what was I really supposed to do? I can't just be there magically, if I could I would or if I coulda gone with her I would have.... it's like she was at the wrong place and the wrong time for me.

[TheKey]

Thanks for the link, appreciate it a lot!

 

Oh yeah, she showed lots of love. I think the problem was she might have showed too much. She always went out of her way to do things for me. She always bought me clothes all the time, even after I would ask her nicely not too. Because she is a uni student as myself and I felt I didn't want her to spend excess cash on me.

 

But she did love me no doubt, but I think there were things she wanted from me which I stopped doing. I made her feel special ALL the time in the 1st year. THen I became something or someone else.. almost someone I don't wanna became, a lazy guy, who just had no motivation for anything. So I didn't do as much for her as I used too. But I still did things here and there, just not as much as I used too.

 

THe 1st year of most relationships are the best, then it gets harder and harder. Because you stop doing those lovey dovey things you normally did. I guess in some ways you have won each other over, so it feels to easy?

 

I'm not sure what it was, but when I realized I could've done more for her. Well she said it was too late to realize it and change since she dumped me. Maybe in some ways she thought that she dumped me and my normal reaction is to act like Im gonna change and I might not. Which isn't true, because she noticed the chnage in me, and even was willing to reconcile at one point. But the distance between us for 2 months while her going out of town I think hurt us a lot.

 

I couldn't be there for her and she probably felt alone in a new place 4 hours away. In some ways I wish I coulda done more, and in some ways what was I really supposed to do? I can't just be there magically, if I could I would or if I coulda gone with her I would have.... it's like she was at the wrong place and the wrong time for me.

 

Your'e welcome, but that's the thing the book says about being ambitious women want a ambitous man check chapter 6#

 

My biggest problem was that I diden't appreciate her as much as I should have, at the end she got tired of being the one doing all the relationship work. Same week we broke up she said "you know you have to work for the relationship, you just don't get it like that"

[LostOne1]

Your'e welcome, but that's the thing the book says about being ambitious women want a ambitous man check chapter 6#

 

My biggest problem was that I diden't appreciate her as much as I should have, at the end she got tired of being the one doing all the relationship work. Same week we broke up she said "you know you have to work for the relationship, you just don't get it like that"

wow dude.. sounds like my ex.

 

She said "you can't always have it your way"

 

In im the same boat, when I first met her the 1st year I treated her like a queen. In fact she accepted me her husband. I was that nice to her and then 2nd and 3rd year I just changed... and I still don't fully know why. But I became something else and never recovered till she broke it off. Only then I realized things and for her that was too late.

 

CHapter 6 is so true. I USED to make plans and stopped and she ALWAYS had to make plans. She got sick and tired of making the plans always.... so already 1 thing I messed up on and always made her do.