Decisiontomake Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Hi all How do you stop yourself being a cliche? I'm 38 (actually 39 on Monday - Happy Birthday to me!), so mid-life crisis looms large in the air.Am restless in my marriageFeel like a walk away spouseI guess cliches are there for a reason right in that people go through these things. I'm fighting it like crazy - trying to reconnect to my marriage, reminding myself that I do love my husband (which I do), BUT these feelings just won't go away! Any virtual slaps, or advice out there on this??!
worldgonewrong Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Read the threads on here by women AND men who have had their hearts ripped to shreds by spouses who are feeling MLC. Absorb the magnitude of their pain. Then that will help to refreshen your thinking. 5
GuyInLimbo Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Well, we really need a lot more information here, really. Can you elaborate a lot more on your relationship?
standtall Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Decision to make..did you get married in a house of worship?
tojaz Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Hi all How do you stop yourself being a cliche? I'm 38 (actually 39 on Monday - Happy Birthday to me!), so mid-life crisis looms large in the air.Am restless in my marriageFeel like a walk away spouse I guess cliches are there for a reason right in that people go through these things. I'm fighting it like crazy - trying to reconnect to my marriage, reminding myself that I do love my husband (which I do), BUT these feelings just won't go away! Any virtual slaps, or advice out there on this??! Well that depends on why you feel restless, and what is going on in your marriage and what you have done to try and reconnect so far. Tell us the story. The fact that you have sought out this site and written this post is a good sign that you are not the typical WAS and that is a fabulous start. I like WGW's advice to read some of the threads ere, especially one from the other side of the fence. Get some perspective. TOJAZ 1
denise_xo Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I just had a brief look at some of your previous thread, and I see that you have struggled with this for some years now. Perhaps you want to give some more info on the current situation between the two of you, for more targeted advice.
Gunny376 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Ultimately what a MLC is, is coming to terms with one's on mortaity ~ that is coming to terms with the simple fact that one day we're no longer going to exist on the present plain as we know and understand reality. That's part of it ~ and there are as many and varied strands of it as there are people. And for each of us its all the same ~ yet different and unique as we are all different and unique indivudals. Thus the many different types of regilious belief systems. There are over 2600 different and recognized forms of Christianity alone! And then there is also the "Big Three" Christianity, Judasim, and Islamic. Putting that aside for a moment. There's also the "Whole-Hum" boredom and duldrum aspect of life. In which we come to question "Is this all there is? Is this all there is to Life? Is this all that I have to look forward to in life? More of the same day-to-day BS? There comes a time in all of our lives ~ for some sooner than later ~ and for others lateer than others. But it when the years go by like months, and the months go by as days, days go by as hours. A lot of that is simply because we're expercing the same thing over and over and over. Its literally deju vu all over again. This can be especailly true when it comes to long term relationships. As I best recall K.T. Olson ~ a country and western star wrote a song about a wife and a husband both basically coming to the same point in their marriage and relationship titled "On The Edge of Town" in which both of them left the house in the morning and both of them went their oppossite directions, and both of them were "feeling" like throwning in the towel and just keep on going and never looking back. But they turn back around and later that night they have a dicussion about the experience. It can be difficult to put a finger on all the emotions that comes with reaching that point in your life. The media (movies, tv, songs) cover it in depth. One of the songs that covers it ~ that's quite popular is the "Pina Colada" song. Elizebeth Taylor covered it in one of her movies when she realized that her fiftish something BF had more anti-aging cream and products in his bathroom than she did! What the solution is for one isn't the solution for the other? What works for one isn't the answer for others. Part maybe putting together your "Bucket List" even though your young, in your thirties, and otherwise healthy. Changing up your routine, shaking things up a bit is definately part of the answer and the solution. It may mean going off the deep end and doing a total 180 in and with your life. Doesn't mean that you have to change your "Life Partner" to do it. (The movie "Thelma and Louise" partially addresses this ~ but I caution you against using anything in the media as a road map) IMHO women have a harder time with it than men? Just becaue their more in tune with their "emotional self" ~ which more times than not defies being rational. And that's because feelings aren't right or wrong ~ they're just feelings! Having one doesn't mean you should always act upon them. Especasily if your in depressed state of mind, self medicating with some kind of drug or addiction (shopping, food, eating, excessive excersing yada ~ yada!) And how you react to it is relative to one's own life experiences. Being a combat vet? I pretty much could give a damn about what goes on that stresses people out. **** IT! I'm alive! Life is good! I made it through and out of "tha' s***! So such things as divorce, luming bankruptcy, financial ruin, losing a job, being threatened with being "wrote up", the opinions of others, (that don't pay my bills etc) a letter from the IRS, a walk a way spouse, a cheating spouse, divorce etc? Doesn't even phase me! I've been through all that Happy Horse #8@$% already. You're going to leave me? Really! Oh Well! OK! Have a nice the rest of your life without me! "NEXT! KEEP THE LINE MOVING! LIFE IS TOO SHORT!" Its all about perspective and attitude. You can sit around on your dead azz thinking the glass is half full ~ or that it half empty ~ OR you can get off your dead azz and get busy with coming up with ways to fill that SUCKER UP! And that's what we all should be doing with our lives! Sitting around trying how to fill our lives up! To its top and to its fullest! Not sitting around pissing and moaning about what a lousy hand we got dealt! "People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be" Abe Lincoln And that's very true! It is you and I that are responsible for our own happiness! We, ourselves and no one else. That's not to mean that you should go around taking crap off of people! I don't intentionally go around shoveling out crap ~ but I don't take it off people either. I'm not in the "Crap Business" When we get married? We marry three different people all at the same time! We marry the person that we think we're marrying! We marry the person that we're actually marrying! And we're marrying the person that is gong to come about as a result of have married our sorry azzes! People change ~ Life is about change. The person that we wanted and needed in our lives in our fifties may not necessary be the Joe Smuckatelle that we married in our teens or twenties. Some people ~ albiet a very small percentage ~ get it right the first time ~ straight out the chute. But most of us don't. The divorce rate in Western Societies is somewhere around 50%. The other 50% most of them are just co-exsisting together. They stay together for the kids, the finances, the day-to-day normacy of it all. The status quo? What would the __________________(fill in the black ~ church, family etc) think? Only about 13% of the 50% of all first time marriages are "happily married" There's a lot of societial, cultural, and yes even religions crap that goes into ~ that's programed into our heads about what a marriage is suppose to be. Most of us need to do a "brain dump" and "re-train our brains. Men have a lot of that baggage going around up in thier brain housing group. Always trying to prove and validate their masculintiy ~ yada ~ yada ~ yada. But to the OP, I would offer you this for your consideration? "The Devil You KNOW is better ~ far much better than you don't know! Even if you bail on the guy your with now? More than likely your going to break his heart and mind. He might change? I don't know? But he might be one of the ones that quits being a fool and gets back in school ~ and learns ~ and I mean actually learns how to go about to please a woman, make a woman happy? All that cussing, fussing, investment of time, effort, energy you've made over the years ~ and now your going to walk out on him? All your doing is making him the perfect guy for some other lucky gal. You're the one that "saddle broke" him ~ and now she's the one that gets to ride the prize stallion!
Author Decisiontomake Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thank you for your input - particularly Gunny. You always give such indepth replies, and I thank you for taking the time to do that. karnak - I haven't yet looked at her books, no but I will do as I know you suggested them to me before. I have looked at a number of posts on here for inspiration/reality check etc. It's a work in progress. I'm trying to ride this thing out. I reallly appreciate the input though and am sure this won't be my last post!
Recommended Posts