How do you stop caring?

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I want to know how to not care about dating and being in a relationship? I want to just be happy I am constantly sad and miserable because I am not in a relationship or because I'm bit having sex but then I have meaningless sex and I just feel a million times worse about myself and my life because it sucks giving so much to someone or something so important to them and they don't care. It like takes a piece of you every time something bad happens.. Maybe that's just how I feel personally. I want to just not care and to live and not worry all the time about when I'm going to meet someone or who or where or what I need to do to meet someone. Some days are better than others but for the most part everyday has been bad especially after things ended with my bf. I want to not give my all to someone to be used, I feel like I can't trust anyone ever but I want to I'm just really apprehensive. My mom constantly tells me when I stop looking I will meet someone but I am constantly looking. I don't know how to not. I go to buy food and it takes me 2 hours to get ready just in case I meet someone. I just want to feel happy and not pressured or sad or lonely or in constant competition with other women for guys. I'm just in crisis right now. I am just having a major major panic thing happening to me right now

[carhill]

At your young age, it's normal to care about all that dating and relationship stuff. If it rules your life and causes difficulties in forming and maintaining other healthy relationships, like friendships and familial relations, then consider getting professional help with it.

 

Essentially, it's just nature/genetics telling you to reproduce. The drive to reproduce is, next to the drive to exist, our strongest intrinsic biological motivator.

 

It'll all balance out and perhaps be easier to understand as you age. It's a lot easier to stop caring, or care less, as you get older too. More life experience impacts one's psychology.

 

Mom might be over-simplifying, but IMO she's not wrong. Good luck.

[CaptJay]

I want to know how to not care about dating and being in a relationship? I want to just be happy I am constantly sad and miserable because I am not in a relationship or because I'm bit having sex but then I have meaningless sex and I just feel a million times worse about myself and my life because it sucks giving so much to someone or something so important to them and they don't care.

 

I think that reading about and using Mindfulness training and techniques in your life will help you 100% provided you are dedicated to it fully.

 

Mindfulness is essentially "living in the moment," where all of your focus is based on the here-and-now and not reflections on the past or worries about the future. I think the best description that I found is: "a kind of nonelaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that arises in the attentional field is acknowledged and accepted as is."

 

This will keep you focused on the present. When a feeling of distress over your life, relationships, etc, comes into your mind, being mindful will allow you to look at it with a big "meh," and not think about it again.

 

Jon Kabat-Zinn is a GREAT resource and founded the modern approach to mindfulness. I'd google him or pick up a book that teaches you how it works.

 

I am just having a major major panic thing happening to me right now

 

Incidentally, mindfulness training is used - and quite effectively so - to treat panic attacks and other anxiety disorders. After practice, you will be able to end negative thoughts and feelings before they even thought.

 

Good luck and I wish you all the best!

 

cj

[xpaperxcutx]

Find something you love and stick to it. Before I got together with my bf I was preoccupied with school work and working out. I had no time to date but my bf convinced me otherwise and it was all because we shared a love for the gym. Sometimes things happen for a reason, just don't go out of your way to look for it. Find a niche, a hobby you love and find ways to feel better about yourself first.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Find something you love and stick to it. Before I got together with my bf I was preoccupied with school work and working out. I had no time to date but my bf convinced me otherwise and it was all because we shared a love for the gym. Sometimes things happen for a reason, just don't go out of your way to look for it. Find a niche, a hobby you love and find ways to feel better about yourself first.

 

I have no idea what I could take up as a hobby..? I like to work out and I need to work out more that is something I could do. I like politics thats pretty much it. I guess I have no idea what I like to do which is sad, and I have no where to begin. I just like hanging out and going to movies and concerts and clubs. Haha

[Mme. Chaucer]

I really think you need to relax. Try to be in the moment in your life. There is something a bit manic about the way you post. That's not going to work out very well in the long run.

[suladas]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship but you can't force it. Just gotta keep doing what you do and it will happen. The biggest change I made is never spend a night at home alone if someone invites you out, even if it's lame just go you don't know who you might meet. If you are just feeling lonely and want a relationship because of that, you're just headed for disaster. I joined a OLD, but that's as far as i'm going to try and speed it up. I mean i'm always on the look out when i'm out and about, but i'm not centering my life around it.

 

As much as I want to be in another relationship, i'm starting to enjoy single life again. You have to be happy single, or I can't see how a relationship can work, you cannot base your happiness on someone else.

 

I do agree though i'm trying to find a hobby and I can't think of anything. So all I do is work around my house.

[Thieves]

From the looks of your original post, you seem quite young, and I do have to agree with others that while this is somewhat normal, it's still good to know how to get a handle on an issue like this. If only for the sake of your sanity. But, first thing's first, and I feel it's extremely important to say this: stop making yourself out to be a bad person simply because you desire to be in a fulfilling relationship.

 

While I understand it's a very easy hole to dig yourself into, as society tends to create the image that all the really 'amazing' people in the world are always in great relationships and always have someone desiring them (and that if you don't have that, then there must be something wrong with you), the truth is that there are much bigger things you could be worrying about. Especially when you're younger. And secondly, though just as important, realize it's ridiculous to allow your self-esteem to sink low over such a universal desire: the desire to be loved by another person and to trust that person fully. Honestly, mostly everybody in the world -- if not everyone -- wants that in their life. It doesn't make you a horrible person.

 

The trick is that, unfortunately, some people depend upon that much more than others to lead a "happy" life. Know that you are not the only person who isn't in a relationship, though -- there are literally millions out there who aren't. Not only that, but half of those people are most likely okay with that and are just living their lives. The end goal here, for you, is to also become alright with the fact that you may not always be in a relationship or having sex every month out of every year. And again, that's perfectly okay.

 

For me, personally, what tends to work when I find myself beginning to panic about not being in a relationship for a while is to remind myself that depending too much on another person for your happiness rarely leads to happiness, though we may think it might. It's normal to wonder if you'll ever find that one person who makes it all worth it, but don't make it your all, your everything, 24/7. Try to focus on yourself, and the other things that make you happy. Realistically, when you're in a relationship (or trying to get into one), you often have to walk on 'eggshells' for a while, end up over-analyzing things that shouldn't be analyzed, having to be overly considerate about another person without always putting yourself first. And while all that's good in the right situations, it's easy to forget how nice it is to not have to worry about all that. It's a time when you can be yourself, do what you wish, and go after what you want. And think about it: there's so much to explore out there besides looking for relationships.

 

So my advice is to try and cherish that. Try some new hobbies you've been wanting to, start digging up some old ones you've neglected, maybe start planning to travel to other places you've been wanting to visit, talk to a professional counselor if you feel the need to, meet a bunch of new people, if only to make a few more friends. You can never really have enough friends. Just relax and take life a little at a time.