Should I tell my live-in bf that I have unresolved feelings for my ex?

[geegirl]

Hope it works out for you.

[Mrlonelyone]

<<<<<<I think what's disturbing about this is that you chose to stay with him for an additional 2 years, when you lost feelings for him. I do find that hard to believe seeing how you only realize it now. At some point during that time, you would have known. Two years is a long time to not at least be able to figure out you don't love someone anymore. >>>>>>

 

I didn't lose feelings for him, I love him, I still do.

What I'm saying is along the way, I must have fallen out of love with him.

 

I will leave the house 'as is' and give him whatever space he needs.

 

Some people here are going to be hard on you because, to them, what you have done is tantamount to walking out on a husband. In their world a relationship such as yours is just as solid as an actual marriage.

 

Then there are those of us that look at relationships like yours as a trial that leads to marriage. After that just leaving is bad.

[Am313]

I really thought this was a joke at first....

 

Wow, women like you are a detriment to society.

 

Have fun being a wh0re.

[Tiera D]

Am313 you need not be that harsh,besides its a advice giving thread not criticize other people thread ,but since OP already made her decision based on what i mentioned earlier lack maturity ,lets wish she did the right thing although i still dislike her decision

 

TD

[Am313]

It felt like it needed to be said.

 

Also, I guarantee the guy she dumped feels the same way. I guess I'm just speaking for him.

 

I mean, the OP did clearly say she's dumping her boyfriend so she can have "hot hot sex". She knows there is no love or emotion there, just some cock. The guy she dumped loves her and is there for her, but yet she's dumping anyways to have sex with someone else.

 

Sounds bad, right? Well it's also very, very true.

 

OP, I want you to picture this: While you're having sex with someone else, I want you to KNOW that the person you dumped is somewhere breathing, heart beating, and fully alive. At the very exact moment that you're having "hot, hot, sex", the man you dumped to get it on with someone else is breathing the same air as you.

 

Good luck.

[Am313]

Sorry, double post.

[todreaminblue]

Been living in a good rl with current bf for 4 years.

Exbf has popped back into the picture and I cannot picture myself living the rest of my life without him without giving it another shot to see if it can work.

 

Question is,,,,, should I tell current bf this? He knows I am not happy with our intimacy level and that I want more flirting & teasing in our rl... But, even if he does start doing those things, my mind is always going to go back to the ex........

 

Advice?

 

 

(Been living in a good rl with current bf for 4 years.)

 

 

this should be enough for you to forget your ex and move on .It should have been enough in the first week that you started a relationship with your current boyfriend.The feelings you have for you ex are not tangible or current they exist in the past and are from your past so it is your choice to live the past and have a case of history repeats......or you can live in the now with a relationship that has been good for four years........and work your butt off to make it the relationship that you think about.My opinion is you should be honest with your current boyfriend because otherwise you aren't being honest tell him you want to work on the relationship and make it better for both....I know it sounds like an awkward convo but it is better to awkward than a dead convo.....which is what a conversation is when you are hiding things from your significant other.best of luck hope you work out what is best for you in regards to future happiness not past happiness.....deb

[about2cross]

It felt like it needed to be said.

 

Also, I guarantee the guy she dumped feels the same way. I guess I'm just speaking for him.

 

I mean, the OP did clearly say she's dumping her boyfriend so she can have "hot hot sex". She knows there is no love or emotion there, just some cock. The guy she dumped loves her and is there for her, but yet she's dumping anyways to have sex with someone else.

 

Sounds bad, right? Well it's also very, very true.

 

OP, I want you to picture this: While you're having sex with someone else, I want you to KNOW that the person you dumped is somewhere breathing, heart beating, and fully alive. At the very exact moment that you're having "hot, hot, sex", the man you dumped to get it on with someone else is breathing the same air as you.

 

Good luck.

 

I feel like I need to defend my actions.

The way I see this situation is I have been in a good rl for over 4 yrs. we do things together, enjoy each others company, see each others families, etc... U get the drift.

But. My problem is that the passion and desire left the rl a long time ago and what was left was a very strong friendship/relationship.

I have a lot of very good friends. I don't want my primary rl to not include that sexual bond with intimacy and sensuality.

Yes, we had sex together. About 3x per month, and it was a 'going thru the motions' 'mechanical' experience.

 

So, obviously, this is my life and my decisions are mine.

For me, this was a choice do I stay in a cozy healthy comfortable rl without a growing sex life - or deeper sexual intimacy..... The flip side of the coin being with someone that makes my heart roar. Having that desire ripple underneath. Our desire died a while back and for a long time, yes, the others are right, I let it be. Then, the ex reminded me of what desire feels like - I had forgotten.

And, as I said before, The ex is a catalyst in all this. - opening my eyes to remember - remember what passion is like... These are the same reasons I left my exhusband.

 

I probably am a thrill seeker..... And, I still feel awful for the heartbreak and pain I have caused him... And, I feel even more bad bc he is posting things on fb and not getting many responses, and I know that hurts him too. So his life sucks right now and I am the cause of that. and I have to live with knowing that I am responsible for that pain. But, in the end, this is my life. And relationships change, people move on. You only live once. Life is not measured by the amount of breaths u take but the moments that take ur breath away etc.

 

"breathing the same air as me"? EM313.. I don't get what u mean by that.

[Tiera D]

OP please view "Grass is Greener" thread by Homebrew also called GiGs.I believe your experiencing that period as most young people do around that age.

 

And OP you like many people as well,treated relationships as some sort business arrangement,when you do not need it you simply discarded it like its a used tool giving excuses like dropping outta love,thats why i mentioned in my last two post where you lack the maturity to be in a true relationship,which is the typical character when people are experiencing GiGs

 

The Good news to you,you will have a very hot hot romance with your ex ex which will be short lived, which continues with a very long time remorse and regret..Dont believe me? check out the GiGs posters around here

 

TD

[geegirl]

Unfortunately Cross, with long term relationships, there is that tendency for two people to fall into an area of comfort where most times the desire and passion somewhat dwindles into a lull. It happens to most, if not all couples. The bad part about my marriage was that, while there was zero sex, there wasn't anything else of substance that gave the relationship any value. Your relationship has the meat and bones to be strong in the long run. It may lack in one area but measures up in so many others.

 

Sparks and hot sex die. They don't last forever. What has lasting power is mutual respect, love, communication, loyalty, honesty and empathy. If that is what you want in your life. And maybe it isn't. Intimacy is important but who can keep up with consistent hot sex for years? I have sex at least 3-4 times a week. Is it hot? It can be, sometimes and sometimes it isn't. And this relationship hasn't even hit the 1 year mark. Does it work for me, of course because aside from sex, I just love having him close to me. Maybe I am just an old goat.

 

Could you have worked this out with your boyfriend? Sometimes it takes two people to get that fire burning again. There are ways to reignite your sexual intimacy. Can you truly say that aside from just giving him an ultimatum, did you in other ways try to salvage this? In a way, I feel you you chose to end with you BF not because of the sex, because if it was, you would have done it before but your heart has always been with your ex and he's now come into the picture.

 

You left you ex-husband because the sex was bad. You're now leaving your boyfriend because sex is bad. Sex seems to be the pillar that holds your relationships. You are a thrill seeker and one that thrives on excitement. You may want to look into those traits because at the end of the day, you're seeking a high that's temporary and one that will only come crashing down. While I understand you ending with you BF because you need what you need, I question if the route your choosing is one that is going to hurt you. It seems that there is a level of emotional investment on your part, in this "hot sex" endeavor. I wonder if your ex feels the same way.

 

I hope this new relationship or encounter provides you with what you seek. Honestly, I don't think this about the sex but more so unresolved feelings you've had for your ex.

Edited September 26, 2012 by geegirl

[Am313]

Your not defending your actions, you're rationalizing your actions.

 

And FYI, you are cheating. You dumped him so you could sleep with someone else.

 

Thats cheating, whether you like it or not.

 

A person can't say "I've never cheated" if they dump their partner when they want to sleep with someone else.

[ZhaoZilong5]

Never thought I'd take a life lesson from a Bieber song but,

 

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it

 

I've seen that around so much before. There's no way Beiber came up with it.

 

To the OP, no matter what the ex does, don't get mad at him. My ex did the same thing you did, now she's being a bitch and getting pissy at me because I don't want to talk to her. Why would I want to talk to somebody who left me just for another cock?

 

I somewhat agree with AM313's feelings. It feels the same regardless. You're still leaving him for another person. Some will argue you already committed emotional infidelity by remaining in contact with somebody who you have feelings for, aka. "putting yourself in the situation."

 

At the same time, this isn't marriage. You sound young, and dating and relationships are still a learning experience. Don't be surprised that you'll regret this in the future, but at the same time, know that it would never have worked out anyway until you matured more.