Need some .. Heart ripped out

[Bmhansen]

3 years and now I'm lost for words

So Ive been in a relationship for 3 years, and we have been living together for almost a year, she has a 5 year old daughter, and I've pretty much tookin her in as my Owen.. So this is my story.

 

At the first of our realationship we got along with her parents really well and no problems.. But then her paparents started to try to control everything we did, everything in our realationship. And things started going down hill.. Me and her got in fights and it got to the point where she couldent even be around them her or he daughter.. So they wer allway at my house with my parents.. And my parents started watching her daughter every day while we were at work, well my mom mostly did.. Took her to school and watched her till we got home. Then one day we all got in a fight about something stupid and my girlfriend came to me and said I can't live there anymore.. So we moved out in an apartmeant.. And when we moved out her parents hated me.. Said hurtful things like we don't like him or where he comes from, said I wasn't welcome over there.. But anyways so me and my girlfriend didn't talk nor see them In over 6 months.. We lived our life and it was great.. Our relationship was awesome.. We got so close.. Her daughter started calling me dad.. Things got real..

Then after about 6 months I could see she was missing them, despite what they did.. And her mom started talking to her and this and that, and finally I let go and started going around them and stuff so 2 weeks went buy but I could still feel the hate they had for me..

So about a month ago my girlfriens best friend was getting married and I ended up getting very sick that weekend.. But I told her I'd still go.. And she said okay.. The morning of the wedding she went shopping for a dress for the wedding and told me to be ready by 1:30 so I did.. 1:30 comes rolling around And she calls me saying I know you don't feel good so I invited my mom so you can get rest.. Well I was kinda upset cause I got all dresses up for the wedding.. So I said well I can go I'm all ready.. And she just said no.. My moms going.. So I said whatever.. So the day goes by.. No texts or calls from her and then she shows up at our apartment with her mom in our living room. I was passed out cause it was 11 at night.. And she says wake up we gotta talk.. So I wake up and she says I'm packing our stuff up and leaving tomorrow.. So as confused as I was I say what why? Cause two nights before this happend me and her sat down and talked about our relaxationship and how it's time to move on and start a life together and get married, those were the words out of her mouth.. And we talked about how awesome everything was, so I was confused when this happend and all she would tell me as in why is that she wasn't happy and she wants to go back to school and she can't while living with me so she was moving back home with her crazy parents..

So this happend a month ago.. And I'm still pretty lost as in why.. I tried calling her twice and still the same she wasn't happy and wants go go back to school..

It was almost so easy to leave me after 3 years,.. I don't get it?

She changed her number and everything.. I'm lost and hurt, and very angry.. I just lost the TWO loves of my life.. And I don't know what my next move is.. I'm down and out right now I got surgery/ I had to get a hernia fixed.. And all I do is think about this all.. We wernt fighting or nothing.. And she just leaves..

Any advise on what I should do? I'm pretty sure we won't be getting back together cause I saw her with her ex at the gas station yesterday and it's her ex the little girls dad.. I'm so pissed... I dunno what to do..

[Ninjainpajamas]

You're going to go through something like those five stages of grief here for this loss. So be aware that this is natural how you feel.

 

Unfortunately when a woman disconnects like that or checks out of a relationship she was gone a loooong time ago. I know it seems like a surprise to you and can't figure out how it can be but that's because you were completely aloof to what she was actually feeling and going through in this relationship.

 

People typically try to play the part or role when they're in a relationship, even though they're not invested or emotionally present as they would like themselves to be...so they try and reason themselves and talk them into it and "hope for the best" in the miracle that they will suddenly feel a way they didn't before. What I mean by that is even though people say things, they don't always feel things, sometimes they are in the moment, and sometimes It's the opposite of the actual truth.

 

At the end of your grief you'll need to reflect back on this relationship and try to figure out what went wrong, as in what didn't you see, were those little problems in the beginning more than just little and what kind of relationship were you in actually in that you weren't aware of. Whenever you get a bomb dropped on you It's because you turned a blind eye to a problem that was there but you just didn't give the kind of attention and investigation that was warranted.

 

You can't see it now, but this was unfortunately for the best and probably had a lot to do with pressure from family on both side of the parents since she had this child young it appears...you sound young, and I'm sure they were just as young, foolish and irresponsible. Maybe they even blamed you for breaking up the family in way, but you've really got to let go and look forward at the end of the day, you invested yourself and your emotions but unfortunately It's not your kid and not your place. You've got to let go of the last 3 years and move on. It looks like they'll be back together trying to make it work together again and likely it'll end in disaster at some point in the future but that doesn't concern you.

 

You should look at this as a new beginning and chance to do the things you want to do, put the focus back on your life and try to accomplish some of your dreams instead of burying yourself in a relationship with a girl who's got way too many problems and a child to raise and care for, with the douche ex still in the picture.

 

It's not going to make a lot of sense now because you'll be emotional...find someone to talk to or vent yourself when you feel anger and resentful, do your best not to try and chase...it sounds completely over and like it was a long time ago...I know that hurts but you've got to try and look forward not back, don't stay stuck in it and let it drag you and your life down, you've got plenty of things to do and see and people to meet...don't think this is the only woman out there you can feel this way about, nor is this the only child you'll come across and have an opportunity to bond with...get yourself and life together, this was honestly for the best, you just don't realize it yet.