Ex girlfriend pregnant, killing me inside

[Floored]

It's a long process FP, keep at it. Keep doing what you need to keep in a happy state of thought, or a reflective one. Sad thoughts pop up, do whatever you need to combat them; I like to run, as I still think about what's making me sad but it allows me to process from a distance. I figure the pain has to be dealt with, but I don't necessarily have to deal with it pathetically rolled up on the floor. Keep posting your progress here, it's been interesting seeing how you've rolled this one over in your mind. It's worth repeating again, she is crazy, not worth it, and there will definitely be a better, sexier girl who compliments you on many more levels than your ex did. Don't get desperate for it, just continue improving yourself and she'll show up.

 

I too dread the day that my own ex comes down with a case of the pregnancy. I hope to be far, far away when it happens, much respect from me for having to deal with that.

[okiedokie]

Have you considered doing some therapy to help you to heal the pain you are feeling over this? Honestly, despite some of the negative perceptions some people assign to it, counseling is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

 

IMO, if more people equipped themselves with the tools from good therapy, there would be a lot less heartache, games, baggage, etc., and healing would be quicker. A good therapist will help you dislodge some of the painful feelings you feel stuck in by helping you to give voice to them and will also help you to get to the root cause and understand why you are feeling what you are feeling and that are keeping you stuck.

[FP1985]

Have you considered doing some therapy to help you to heal the pain you are feeling over this? Honestly, despite some of the negative perceptions some people assign to it, counseling is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

 

IMO, if more people equipped themselves with the tools from good therapy, there would be a lot less heartache, games, baggage, etc., and healing would be quicker. A good therapist will help you dislodge some of the painful feelings you feel stuck in by helping you to give voice to them and will also help you to get to the root cause and understand why you are feeling what you are feeling and that are keeping you stuck.

 

I appreciate the thought and during the first days I considered it. But I'm a strong person with supporting friends and family, they give me the therapy that I need. I've also got a great job and career going on, PR Manager for a NGO and I'm only 27, with great co-workers. I'm blessed to have all this and it gets better for each day.

 

Of course it has only been litte over a week since I found out she was pregnant, so I think about it all the time, but I have no problem sleeping or eating. Looking back, I think the hardest thing was the complete shock of it. But we already broke up almost a year ago, and since then I've gotten closer to my family and my friends which is wonderful.

 

I've got my whole life ahead of me and will meet lovely new people.

 

I could of course break down and cry and feel sorry for myself, that I spent all my university years with this horrible person and now those years are gone, but I won't. There were so many lovely ladies that I had to turn down during these year, so I know it will happen again.

 

I like to look into the mirror in the morning and tell myself what a great person I am, and that great things will happen to me and that I deserve so much better. To get up and fight back against it all and come back as a greater person is the best part of it all. I won't allow myself to feel miserable for this person, she may have knocked me down twice (break-up, now pregnant) but I will be the one getting up and becoming so much more.

 

From the bottom of my heart thanks to all of you for reading my story, it also truly helps to get it all out.

[RaeRae961]

Hello FP,

I just found this site today so I'm just reading your story of what's been going on with you over the past few weeks. I like your analogy of the quitting smoking. I think you're pretty dead on with that.

I was married for 10 years and got divorced at the beginning of last year. My ex wanted to maintain a friendship with me, but at the same time he was dating all these women and on top of that all my friends would tell me where they saw him around town. It was awful. He was very hurt when I told him that we can't be friends and keep talking on the phone.

I did see him 2 weeks ago at a memorial service and although it was very awkward, it wasn't as painful as it was months ago.

I'm so glad to see that you have such a great outlook on your future. I have no doubt that you'll be able to find someone very special in your life.

[Sugarkane]

I hope the OP doesnt become a doormat to this girl, with her innocent act. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Your ex sounds like a liar and a manipulator, always the victim? Is this a rebound baby? Why do people do this and stay with someone for years, then quickly get pregnant By someone else? We need some sort of term for this like Justin Theraux or something.

[Sugarkane]

I seriously wonder what compells people to throw everything away and get pregnant to someone they haven't known a year.

[FP1985]

I seriously wonder what compells people to throw everything away and get pregnant to someone they haven't known a year.

 

Who can tell. She has been a complete wreck for a whole year now, I guess the biggest problem is that she hasn't been alone at all since we broke up for more than maybe a week, so she never even got the slightest taste of reality.

 

But if you asked her, she would propably say that first it was a mistake and she regrets it. Then she would add that it was a "defence mechanism" of some kind. And the give some "everything happens for a reason" crap.

 

The defence mechanism-thing she told me was the reason she started dating immediately after we broke up. She clearly is special, and so is most of her family in a way. They are all very succeful but they don't like to hang out with people, they don't have close friends and don't really let other people inside. They don't like normal things like hugging for instance. They never hug in her family, not once during our 5 years together have I seen that.

 

Not that I have anything against her family, they always supported me and also tried to tell her that she should get back to me. Thank goodness they didn't succeed. I really don't think she has a bright future in front of her with the pregnancy and the other guy. Poor guy, he doesn't know what's infront of him, just wait until the bills have to be paid.

[Sugarkane]

She might have regrets/ second thoughts when she's up to her neck in nappies(diapers) and dealing with having a child in the honeymoon phase, with someone she hardly knows.

[Tree_Salmon]

Who can tell. She has been a complete wreck for a whole year now, I guess the biggest problem is that she hasn't been alone at all since we broke up for more than maybe a week, so she never even got the slightest taste of reality.

 

But if you asked her, she would propably say that first it was a mistake and she regrets it. Then she would add that it was a "defence mechanism" of some kind. And the give some "everything happens for a reason" crap.

 

The defence mechanism-thing she told me was the reason she started dating immediately after we broke up. She clearly is special, and so is most of her family in a way. They are all very succeful but they don't like to hang out with people, they don't have close friends and don't really let other people inside. They don't like normal things like hugging for instance. They never hug in her family, not once during our 5 years together have I seen that.

 

Not that I have anything against her family, they always supported me and also tried to tell her that she should get back to me. Thank goodness they didn't succeed. I really don't think she has a bright future in front of her with the pregnancy and the other guy. Poor guy, he doesn't know what's infront of him, just wait until the bills have to be paid.

 

This sounds very familiar.

You sound like you have your s**t together though. Moving on should be easy now that this has happened.

 

For me it would be irreversible. Sounds like our ex's were allot alike. I was never used to the cold atmosphere in her family. No hugs, no signs of affection at all. Strange to me.

[sadpanda87]

hey there. your situation is kind of like mine, except my ex 'fell in love' with one of my best friends when i went away for work... she's also a law student and whatnot and i just dont know what to do when she tells me things like she doesnt want to see me because she will want to get back together

 

but i think for you, as some others have already said, do not contact her. she's freaking out because she's not ready for this and you should not be the fall back option.

 

look for happiness elsewhere, take care of yourself. if she truly loved you she wouldnt do this to you.

[FP1985]

hey there. your situation is kind of like mine, except my ex 'fell in love' with one of my best friends when i went away for work... she's also a law student and whatnot and i just dont know what to do when she tells me things like she doesnt want to see me because she will want to get back together

 

but i think for you, as some others have already said, do not contact her. she's freaking out because she's not ready for this and you should not be the fall back option.

 

look for happiness elsewhere, take care of yourself. if she truly loved you she wouldnt do this to you.

 

What have we learned from this, don't date a lawyer. I also think they have pretty bad divorce rates as well. But what can you expect from a group of people who eat both lunch and supper at work.

[FP1985]

Hi!

 

It's been a while since I've posted here and that's because things have really been going well. That's why I thought I should write something back to all of you beacause the support I got from this site during the first week was just great and I really couldn't have done it without you. Thanks to all from the bottom of my heart. I think the most important words were "Don't listen to her words, but look at her actions". An advice that everyone should listen to.

 

First days when I heard the news of her being pregnant was so tough. I was downhearted, misserable and couldn't sleep well for days. I've never ever been suicidal but at one point I thought I should take the barrell of my shotgun and bring it to my brother, just in case I would get a severe breakdown. Just thinking about this makes me laugh right now, what a sucker I was. I didn't do it, but the thoughts were in my head. I get the same feeling when I read my first post at this forum, it's almost embarrising. What a complete fool I was. It's ironical how fast your mood can change for the better.

 

I don't really know when it all turned. I haven't felt as good as I do now in a long time. I've picked up my old hobbies, for instance waterfowl hunting, playing the piano and guitarr. Stuff I didn't get to enjoy fully during my time with this horrible ex-girlfriend of mine. I've started spending quality time with my friends and my family. Building on myself and becoming the old me. I think during our 5 years together she tried to change me into something I wasn't. Which means I'm starting to feel like the good ol' me.

 

I talked to her sisters ex-boyfriend also the other weekend. He told me that her whole family was devasted by the news of her beeing pregnant with this other guy. They had hoped the father would have been me. I'm so happy it wasn't me, but hearing this made me feel good, because I'm the good guy here. I didn't lose anything, she did. I have everthing in the world to gain from this.

 

And what also has helped, is going out having a great time on the weekends and meeting new people. There is this one really nice girl I've met, were still just friends but it might develop into something in the future. She seems like such a lovely person and she's also much better looking. This might be one of the key reasons I'm in such a good mood these days. Because I'm now thinking more about this new girl than the old crappy days.

 

Keep on coping people. And promise yourselves that you will meet someone BETTER one happy day, I know I will!