TommyGirl Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 I have a quick question, if you were the dumper and you wanted the person back that you dumped, didn't you try everything to get that person back no matter what? I am in a situation, where everyone say that it seems like my ex wants to comeback. He took me out to dinner about 5 weeks ago, and was asking me who I was dating, did I still love him, did I still think about him, was I still wearing the engagement ring, did my mom hate him and stuff like that. He also asked could he start back calling me (I told him to stop calling me a few months prior to the dinner, because I found out he had a friend/girlfriend or whatever), I told him let's just keep it the way that it is, just him calling me once a month as we agreed. He then proceeded to say that I can call him if I wanted to, something he had never said before after our breakup. It's been about a month and he has not contacted me, even though I told him not to. It just seems like if he wanted me back, he would be trying to call me, or trying to explain himself no matter what. I told him that I had my male friends that had potential, but I did not have a boyfriend. Do you guys think he wants me back? I don't know if he still talks to this girl or not, because I did not ask when we went out to eat, fear of him telling me yes they still talked. But it's hard for me to believe he would ask all those questions if he did have a girlfriend and he's not a cheater. We broke up because he had unsure feelings about us, and he did not know whether or not I was the one, 3 months after he proposed to me.
dudesomewhere Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 regardless if he wanted you back...he's wanting you back because he probably got dumped. Now do you or would you want to be known as the 2nd hand woman? That spare to be used when he gets a new tire, then gets put away...only to be used again when another tire blows? I know it would be different if you guys just broke up and let's say he dumped you for whatever reason. But instead of going off dating, he spent that time by himself, besides work, to just contemplate what he wanted, where he was at...etc. But he didn't, he had someone.
Author TommyGirl Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 Starting again, why do you say he does not want me back?
doubledown Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 Hey T-Girl, Sorry to hear how things went down for you. It seems that you've pretty much recovered from the heartbreak. Now on to your question. I'm no expert (far far from it) but I do read alot and read people well. I can't tell the future or read anyone's mind, but I can give you my opinions (whatever that's worth). I agree with you, if you wanted to be with someone (even after a breakup) you'd focus on winning that person back. Why would you go out and date and have other relationships if your mind and heart are fixed on someone else? I'd say take it sloooowly. Let him show you that he's only interested in having you. That means he's not out looking and dating while trying to convince you to come back. I dunno. I just don't get it. After I was dumped I tried dating and having a relationship, but my heart and mind just are not into it. Maybe if the "perfect" girl for me (which I still like to believe is my EX) would come into my life I might be able to move on. But right now I'm still hung up on the EX after almost 7 months of no contact. Meanwhile, she's moved on to another BF, so to me, that tells me that she does not feel as strongly as I do, which makes sense otherwise why would she dump me? So, if I got the feeling that she was trying to reconcile with me someday, I'd be very skeptical because she was able to move on so quickly. Now if she had been pretty much single this whole time, like I have, then I would definately want to give it a second try. Or, conversely, if I had been in a serious relationship as well for the last 6 months or so, then I would consider it as well (2nd chance). I think 2 people have to be of the same mind in order for it to work, if one person is single much of time and the other is constantly in a relationship (whether they say it's serious or not), then they probably need to find someone that has the same views on dating and long term commitment. There, is that clear as mud or what? I hope I've given you something to chew on and hopefully you read this and say "hey, I can see that". If not, then I wish you luck in your relationship, whether it's with your EX or someone new. Just don't settle, a relationship should be easy and fun, it shouldn't make you worry, guess, or wonder what they're thinking. If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. We can give you a thousand pieces of advice on here, but in the end there's only one person in the world right now that can tell you what you need to know, and that's your EX. If you don't feel that you can ask him straight up what's going on, then you have to look at whether or not you two are able to effectively communicate and give each other what you need. Don't guess, make him tell you, and make sure that you can belive him 100%. That's the only way it will work out now and down the road. Good luck.
StartingAgain Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 He took you to dinner five weeks ago. He asked you all sorts of questions that were designed to thrash out how you felt about him. Yet it appears that he offered no information about how he was feeling about you. He asks if he can call you and you say yes (albeit only once a month). He says you can call him. Yet a month later, you've heard nothing from him. You mention a girl. Herte's what I think is going on. At that dinner five weeks ago, he was involved with this girl, but didn't know where it was going to go. He didn't want to suddley find himself womanless, so he feels you out to see if you'd be a candidate as a fall-back woman -- just in case. You were somewhat open to his advances, but it appears not gushy. So eitehr things are going along nicely enout with the other woman so that he has no need of you or he interpreted your lack of enthusiasm as meaning that you were not going to play. If a man that you were once engaged to and dumped you had a change of heart, the very least he would have done at that dinner is explain to you what a mistake he'd made, asked for your forgiveness and, if there was a chance of reconciliation, would actively pursued it. He didn't do any of these things. As hard as this may seem to accept, a lot of guys will always get them another woman lined up before they dump the one they are currrently with. They can't stand the idea of being without a woman in their life (read: they don't wnat to have a dry spell on the sex front). This is childish and despicible behavior, but it is quite common. So TommyGirl, I interpret your post to indicate that he doesn't want YOU back. If he does, he has a hell of a way of showing it.
Author TommyGirl Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 It's just hard for me to believe that he would use me like that, but I guess anything is possible coming from someone who says that they are this devout Christian. I know he's not using me for sex, because we had never done anything.
StartingAgain Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 says that they are this devout Christian Anyone who has to say he is a devout Christian isn't. A good Christian never needs to utter a word. 1
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