seemenow Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Me and my ex still talk a couple times a week. Usually, very casual now. If I do not talk to her for a few days, she usually texts me something random just to make sure I am there. Anyway, received a text from her tonight--just asking me how my trip to the country was. I told her it was fine. She made a joke about sex, and I casually answered the joke saying a remark like "I wouldn't know, haven't done it in awhile lol" ---I wasn't really thinking about who I was talking to when I said it, but I said it. Out of the blue my ex texts me back and said "I wouldn't know either, I am not having sex either lol" I wouldn't think anything about this but she has a boyfriend she basically lives with right now, and I assume that they have sex, considering how much sex we had when we were together (she is really sexual) anyway my question is: why would my ex tell me that? am I looking into this remark too much? Why would she want me to know that she is no longer having sex? She is still with her boyfriend btw. Thanks for the replies
lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 She has a bf. Stop talking with her. Unless you want her to think you're ok being a sidejob 1
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Why are you doing this to yourself? My ex is with someone new too and there is simply no way I would talk to her. I tried that for a couple weeks and every contact was like being skinned alive. Do you feel good with this? Her comment means the same as does the "checking on you" when you don't talk to her for a few days: She is keeping you around "just in case", like a can of food she really doesn't want but that is good to have stored away for bad days. You're a willing doormat and you allow her to keep you on the shelf in case her new relationship doesn't work out and she needs comfort and a sense of familiarity before she moves on to the next guy. You even let her know that you have no sex with someone else! It's none of her business! Why don't you just say, "I'm STILL HERE! STILL WAITING! YOU CAN CHEAT ON ME AND WALK OVER ME, but I STILL WANT ONLY YOU!" Seriously, what are you doing? The *one* time I felt my ex wasn't over me was when I had mentioned I'd probably be dating (when we still talked), because that was when she displayed resentment and said, "I thought I'd have you forever, but I guess I'm a hypocrite." (That was so surreal!) Seriously, stop that. You need to move on and you won't as long as you stay in contact, meet her needs without her meeting your needs. and driving yourself crazy over every little thing she says (or rather, what you WANT to believe that she says). 2
Author seemenow Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 Believe me Calico, I KNOW what you are saying and I KNOW you are right. But the fact is she did say it, and it's obviously a straight up lie so what would saying that to me do for her? If it's like you said, just to keep me as a back up, how would still having sex with her boyfriend still be relevant? Believe me, I am not going to go back to that. I know I will always be just a side dish for her. but at the same time, I want to understand her---it may make me a doormat and a pussy to still care about her enough to eventually want her in my life again(as a friend, and some time from now). Right now I am just trying to cope the best way I know how and trying to understand her and her intentions is doing that. I am just in the "why" phase of our broken relationship, and remarks like this, that she DID make--makes no sense to me and turning to you guys is way i try to gain insight and understanding about this all. Regardless, thank you for your responses, the brutal honesty is what I need right now.
Fitnerd Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 seemenow, I just read your story, I know you like this girl but after everything she's done to you, why do you still want to be in contact? It has been a year since your BU right? You would've been in a much better place now (I'm not saying 100% over her but...) if you had stopped contact.
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I am just in the "why" phase of our broken relationship, and remarks like this, that she DID make--makes no sense to me and turning to you guys is way i try to gain insight and understanding about this all. The idea behind her comment is to give you hope as it implies that she is not happy with her new boyfriend. It's to keep you on the leash, and it's really a dumb thing for her to say, because of course they have sex. There is the remote possibility that she didn't want to hurt you, though she doesn't strike me as the sensitive type (but you know her, I don't). Sorry for the bluntness, it's meant in a caring way. The previous post was worded the way it was because I feel you really need to snap out of what you're doing. Stop being her safety net, stop being that can of unwanted food for rainy days. You owe this to yourself, you really, really do. Even if you wanted her back, ceasing contact at least for some time would be the best approach, though that should not be the reason for NC. Let her experience the consequences of leaving you.
Author seemenow Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 Don't apologize for the bluntness, I appreciate it. You have offered really wise words, and like I said I believe you are right. I should stop the contact, I try my best not to contact her and I rarely do anymore (if I do, it's just habit and I slip) but really, I rarely contact her anymore. It is her that initiates the contact when she does not hear from me. Your words really hit home for me. Thank you for the support. Helps a lot.
g450 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 She has a bf. Stop talking with her. Unless you want her to think you're ok being a sidejob ^^^^^^ THIS!!!!!! Why in the hell are you still talking to her? She is living with another man and she is telling you she has not had sex?!? Holly crap, where is that bridge I had for sale last week. Ill sell it to you cheap! Do you have any idea how this make you look in her eyes? Like a doormat shaped beta male tampon purchasing device. OK that was a little harsh but seriously? First off I would not even talk to her but if I did I would have told her about all the girls I have banged since she left. Read Calico's response to you again. He has it right on the money. Go NC right now or we will beat you sensless with a wet noodle! I know you got it now and that this is just another me2 posting but I could not leave here without getting my two cents in LOL. Man I feel better. Either way, good luck to you man. Remember, there are only 10000000000000000000000 other women out there.
MonsterMash Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Call her boyfriend and tell him he needs to keep his pet on a leash...and that you have no desire to hear how crappy their sex lives are. And then sit back and laugh manically while yelling "Dance puppets! Dance!" But thats just me. 1
Svet74 Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 So do you want her back or not? im confused. cuz any chances of you ever getting her back is for you to stop talking to her. THat means if she texts you, DO NOT REPLY Now if you dont want her back, DO NOT REPLY anyway. At least in her eyes you will become attractive again, and you will leave her wondering what the hell happened to you? U moved on! And at least in the end you will feel good about it. Yeah like for real quit talking to her,, and yeah that retard is having sex. SHe not gonna tell you that so you would keep talking to her.
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