knowledge14811 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 my ex dumped me and I been thinking the real reason. Ppl say she's mad at me but I think other wise. Fresh in the break up she said " I don't want to be in a relationship" after 7 years she's 27 now Then as it got further out she says "I've changed" Then " I don't believe in staying with one person my whole life". And I picked up little hints. She would complain about only sleepING with one guy which was me because we were together so long. Then she would go out all the time and she still does. She's dating all over, dressing like a slut and probably screwing her brains out. Now I thinks this happen because she aging and needs it out her system. And she also said we don't work As a couple anymore. After such a long relationship I think she's trying to explore or she's lost attraction because she's already exploited me. Gibson or anybody, thoughts ??
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Does it matter? Knowing why someone dumps you has no impact on the result. It may be GIGS, it may be falling out of love, it may be boredom -- it's all the same: She does not want to be with you anymore, and the only thing you can do is to accept it (you can fight it for some time, but at the end you'll have to suck it up). We can sit here for hours and try to analyze what she may or may not think or feel, and explore the psychological implications of how she dresses, but none of that will make her come back and beg you for another chance. She may come back some day, but it's not likely that it will happen before you're over her. I did the same thing as you, so I really understand the thoughts. But still, it's unproductive. The only thing that matters is what is now, and that is: You're now single and you have to pick up the shards of your broken heart, put them in a small velveteen pouch and move on as best as you can.
lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 No it's not GIGS unless gibson or wilson confirms. Until then, this is a unique case. Don't worry.
Hobbit Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 what's "g.i.g.s"? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome
Author knowledge14811 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 Yeah ur right calico It's finished
Coyoteloco Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 my therapist said GIGS is bull**** :S thats just something weird people from the internet wrote lol and that its just what i want to read. is this true?
I'm nuts Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 If it is as you've written it's crystal to me, she want to open her legs and explore a bit more before she grows up.
Author knowledge14811 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 If it is as you've written it's crystal to me' date=' she want to open her legs and explore a bit more before she grows up.[/quote'] Lol pretty much. And wants me to wait as she packs on the miles lol!
Sameold Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I think that is sarcasm! My ex of 4 years left 6 months after moving in with me and starting a new job on a graduate scheme. She found a whole new group of friends and they all loved the town they worked in, lived there and worked there earning lots of money. She decided driving a big commute everyday and working on what we had wasn't important anymore and started flirting with a guy she worked with on fb...supposedly only "friends" at the time of split. So now she is living with some girl in her office, she started going out with this guy nearly straight away too, been on holiday with him only a few months after splitting. I think it is pretty much the definition of GIGS, even said "I'm 24, how do I know what I want!" It is irrelevant now as she has slept with him so I'd never take her back but it still hurts. It seems more girls and guys really let things influence them in mid-twenties to the point they disregard everything they previously valued. Ultimately it is a bad bad trait but unfortunately it seems as though she let her experiences change her. I hate her now but can't stop wondering if she ever thinks about what she did and the pain she caused etc....if not then the last 4 years was all a lie....I guess I'll never know though. I'm sure she felt guilt at the time but hearing about her living this golden life makes me feel terrible
beyond Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I think that is sarcasm! My ex of 4 years left 6 months after moving in with me and starting a new job on a graduate scheme. She found a whole new group of friends and they all loved the town they worked in, lived there and worked there earning lots of money. She decided driving a big commute everyday and working on what we had wasn't important anymore and started flirting with a guy she worked with on fb...supposedly only "friends" at the time of split. So now she is living with some girl in her office, she started going out with this guy nearly straight away too, been on holiday with him only a few months after splitting. I think it is pretty much the definition of GIGS, even said "I'm 24, how do I know what I want!" It is irrelevant now as she has slept with him so I'd never take her back but it still hurts. It seems more girls and guys really let things influence them in mid-twenties to the point they disregard everything they previously valued. Ultimately it is a bad bad trait but unfortunately it seems as though she let her experiences change her. I hate her now but can't stop wondering if she ever thinks about what she did and the pain she caused etc....if not then the last 4 years was all a lie....I guess I'll never know though. I'm sure she felt guilt at the time but hearing about her living this golden life makes me feel terrible What is a 'bad bad trait'? The fact she was in her mid twenties and wasn't sure what she wanted and told you that? Of course it hurts like hell at the time, and I write this as a someone who was on the receiving end of a gigs break up a few years ago - but what would you have her do - stay and be unhappy? I wanted my ex to explore the world, do the things he wanted to do, even though it broke my heart to let him go. The alternative would have been to beg him to stay, feel guilty, tie him up (could be fun but not in this situation!) basically make him unhappy for daring to want to break up with me. After a looooong period of NC by me (years) we did reconnect and it helped me to know that he didn't have such a great time, he felt a bit out of control and regretted lots of things, mostly losing me, but it was just something he had to do (he was younger than me and at a different stage of life.) So hard as it is to think now, try not to hate her - my guess is she doesn't feel that great either. Feel happy you knew her and remember the good times you had. xx
Sameold Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 well why has she moved on so quickly then? She couldn't wait to move to that town and become part of the self-obsessed group and now she is in a r/s with some guy that was flirting with her as we drew to an end. She assured me there was no one else and now this, I hate her for it, pre-mediated and disgusting. The day before we split we are eating ice creams around a lake and she even had the cheek to ask me to buy her one as she had no money. None of it made sense.
Sameold Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) What is a 'bad bad trait'? The bad trait was her not even telling me anything was wrong at all and then springing up and moving out the flat and telling me it was over in one day. I deserved more than that after a good 4 years together. If it wasn't for me demanding to speak to her she wouldn't have even spoken to me after that day either. She completely sacked me off to go and live a new life at work in a new town and essentially was lining up another guy for when we finished. The whole situation has destroyed me...to think of the girl she was and how little respect she showed for me at all. Hearing that she is off on holiday with this guy and tagging him in to locations etc...it just makes me feel sick about her. Essentially the bad traits are a lack of respect for those who loved her, cowardish behaviour, decietful and a bad communicator. Edited September 21, 2012 by Sameold
beyond Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 well why has she moved on so quickly then? She couldn't wait to move to that town and become part of the self-obsessed group and now she is in a r/s with some guy that was flirting with her as we drew to an end. She assured me there was no one else and now this, I hate her for it, pre-mediated and disgusting. The day before we split we are eating ice creams around a lake and she even had the cheek to ask me to buy her one as she had no money. None of it made sense. I know, it doesn't make sense to someone who hasn't gone through GIGS. I struggled for ages. She moved on quickly because that is what she wanted to do - experience new people. My ex was dating within a week, while still trying to contact me, and went on to date many others, sometimes overlapping for the following 3 years before getting someone pregnant and marrying her. Even as he was leaving me, he said 'I know that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life and I'm going to really regret this'....wtf???!!! I just knew that I didn't want to keep hold of someone that was so obviously trying to get away.
Sameold Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I know, it doesn't make sense to someone who hasn't gone through GIGS. I struggled for ages. She moved on quickly because that is what she wanted to do - experience new people. My ex was dating within a week, while still trying to contact me, and went on to date many others, sometimes overlapping for the following 3 years before getting someone pregnant and marrying her. Even as he was leaving me, he said 'I know that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life and I'm going to really regret this'....wtf???!!! I just knew that I didn't want to keep hold of someone that was so obviously trying to get away. It really is just wierd. Ultimately her best friends were from uni and she rarely saw them. Moving to this town meant she had an instant ready built group of people to be popular amongst. Her job meant she was well-known to all the new starters too. She really wanted to go there and I was actually prepared to let her for the sake of us but obviously when I did my research I found things in her facebook that crossed the line. It is clear that as our situation got harder this guy was the fun, happy guy that kept asking her to do stuff and move to the town to have fun. Inevitably this is what happened...her disgusting behaviour mostly can be summed up by betrayal and a dishonest approach to communication. The thing is ultimately in life some people screw you over and generally when they break your trust so seriously once then can they ever be trusted again? No. Despite all the good times and talk of kids, marriage, owning our own house all it took was some superficial working relationships and convienience to competely change her from the girl I knew....very worrying. Scary.
eleve82 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Beyond, that last line sounds like EXACTLY what my ex said to me. How cliche can guys be?!? lol
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