Alfie Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Just wondering how many people married who they believe is the love of their life, or a person they were totally in love with. Been with my bf for 3 years and I know he is going to propose soon, and although he is amazing and I am so thankful for him, I don't know if he is my "soulmate" or the "love of my life." Do some people marry their bestfriend, the person they get along with the best, someone they'll have a successful life with, etc. OR does every one really marry the love of their life. I find it unrealistic that two random people on earth meet eachother, click just fine, love each other equally, marry and live happily ever after. Now, I'm not stupid, I know marriage can be trying, but the events and feelings leading up to it, are they really all they're cracked up to be?
Clep Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 My husband and I have been together on and off for 12 years. He left three times due to issues he had. We both had other people when we were split, but neither of us were happy with anyone but each other. He got it together with the aid of cognitive behavioral therapy and we are now married. Is he my soul mate...I don't know. He is the love of my life and I am grateful all worked out as it did. I do know that no one else compared to him. We didn't meet, have bliss, get married and live happily ever after. The events leading up to our marriage sometimes were terrible, but we are at the point where we have experienced life apart and don't want to do it again. At least we know we can weather any storm and come out together.
LittleTiger Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 If you're not 110% sure you want to marry him, don't! Marriage is hard enough without one person having doubts. I married a man who was my best friend and, I thought, my soulmate and the love of my life. On our wedding day, my father asked me if I was sure and I told him I'd never been more sure of anything in my life. We spent 14 years together and now we're divorced. There are no guarantees in life. I still 'love' my ex as a friend and he will always be special to me but was he the love of my life? It seems not. I'm now head over heels in love with someone else. How do you actually feel about this guy? You think he's amazing and you are 'grateful' (?) for him? Is that enough? Only you can decide if you think you'd be happy with him for the rest of your life.
Minka333 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I almost got married but backed out last minute. My gut feel was telling me it was gonna be a huge mistake. I was settling because he was perfect on paper. But the spark was missing..i wasn't happy. I don't regret though coz' i'd rather stay single forever than marry just for the sake of marrying. My bf now gives me that spark. Deep in my heart i know if we end up together, i would be the happiest person.
GoodOnPaper Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Now, I'm not stupid, I know marriage can be trying, but the events and feelings leading up to it, are they really all they're cracked up to be? It depends on how closely you feel you have bonded to your bf. One positive thing about the crazy-in-love infatuation phase is that it motivates you to let down your emotional guards. If you don't feel you can be completely open, completely yourself with your spouse, it makes for a stressful existence. I'm one of these guys . . . I was settling because he was perfect on paper. But the spark was missing..i wasn't happy. . . . so needless to say, I was terrible at attracting women and the few that I did clearly acted like they were settling or otherwise had one foot out the door from the get-go. Your bf would probably be able to sense the same kind of thing from you if any of your emotional guards stay up.
happyme Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Yes I did. Twice. Two different men... and obviously two different periods in my life. Regrets? No... and I'd like to add: of course not... I followed my heart! Now, how could that ever be a regret? So while I do believe we grow and change in life, gathering experiences and learning from them... unless we are doing what we believe we 'should' be doing or what we believe others think we should be doing rather than what our inner, deepest heart dictates, we won't regret. To regret the voice of our heart would be a betrayal of our very self. I notice, however, that many people think the complete opposite. Extremely happy to respect everyone's point of view as I am, I have yet to meet somebody who denied their heart and was happy, and equally I have yet to meet somebody who listened to their heart and regretted it. Regret is mostly made of not having done what we truly wanted to do, and not of doing same. Is my marriage perfect? No! Do I regret it therefore? No..... I hear people say: love is not a feeling it's an action. And I would respond: what is that action worth if not based on genuine feeling...?
xxoo Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Do some people marry their bestfriend, the person they get along with the best, someone they'll have a successful life with, etc. OR does every one really marry the love of their life. I don't see these as opposites, this OR that. If someone is the love of your life, included in that may be being best friends, getting along well, and being successful together. While I don't subscribe to one "love of your life", I do have that feeling for my husband. I did feel strongly compelled to marry him, and still feel a great need to spend my life with him--my best friend, my great love. What I did not prioritize, however, was "successful" in terms of financial success. We do just fine, but we've worked at our success, building slowly, one step at a time. But I certainly didn't marry for money In another interpretation of the word "successful"....I would not marry someone with whom I didn't believe we could have a stable relationship. No matter how much love and sparks, and how much "love of my life" feeling, I would not marry someone who was irresponsible, dangerous, addicted, etc. 1
venusianx13 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 "The Love of My Life" idea has changed for me. I thought that my ex of 5 years, who I was engaged to, was "the love of my life." We were very, very connected, but not in a healthy way. There was passion: passionate love-making, passionate arguments, passionate pain, passionate infidelity. However, REAL LOVE will never hurt you. He hurt me a lot, and I probably hurt him, too. I do believe we taught each other a lot, though. That's the part that was meant to be, but we weren't meant to last. I'm with someone now who HAS earned the title, because he protects my heart. I trust him. If we ever do argue, it's fair, and it's not anger-ridden. We don't say or do hateful things to one another. We have each other's backs. We truly are best friends. Our love is very consistent and fluid - not like a roller-coaster ride of intense highs and extreme lows. THIS is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. 2
standtall Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Alfie..I am going to go against the grain here. I have been happily married for 17 years nave been together for 25. We are our only marriage partners and we were not high school sweethearts. My wife is the love of my of my life...now. She was not always that in the beginning..quite frankly at times I thought I had settled. But, with our double effort and our double promise that day...one to God, and one to each other...to make it work, our love has grown, and I realize..and maybe got lucky, that she was the one for me. There are no absolutes or guarantees with marriage. Furthermore, IMHO if you don't make a promise stronger that day other than your promise to each other, then it's a good chance your marriage will fail no matter how much you are in love with each other now..it's how much you love each other in the long run. 1
BetheButterfly Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 (edited) Just wondering how many people married who they believe is the love of their life, or a person they were totally in love with. I am married to the love of my life!!! However, my first marriage did not work out. I was young then (23 years old) when I got married to my first husband. We didn't get along well. I knew even before marrying him that it wouldn't work out but I was so in love with him (Infatuation) and in love with love and I just wanted to get married. However, I have been married to the true love of my life for a year now and each day we thoroughly enjoy each other and the connection we have. We both plan on growing old together. Been with my bf for 3 years and I know he is going to propose soon, and although he is amazing and I am so thankful for him, I don't know if he is my "soulmate" or the "love of my life." Do some people marry their bestfriend, the person they get along with the best, someone they'll have a successful life with, etc. OR does every one really marry the love of their life. I find it unrealistic that two random people on earth meet eachother, click just fine, love each other equally, marry and live happily ever after. Now, I'm not stupid, I know marriage can be trying, but the events and feelings leading up to it, are they really all they're cracked up to be?People and people's experiences are incredibly diverse. Because of this, naturally not everyone is going to have the same experiences. My parents met at 18... Mom was my Dad's first and only girlfriend and he still loves her as much now as when they were 18. Now, he did have issues with pornography which hurt them but he gave it up. He also has bipolar, which has caused roller coasters, but he is taking medicine and he and my Mom have gone through hard and good times in their marriage. They have a very strong bond, which was actually strengthened by the rough times. It's weird how that is... like exercise I guess. Sometimes pain means gain. Now, it's not realistic to think that you will never have issues. My hubby and I have issues we work through. For example, I want to have my dog Sheila in bed at night with us (when I was single, she slept in my bed.) and my hubby says no way Jose. We are still working on that We hope to bring my Sheila to live with us when we go visit my family for Christmas. (She is with my parents right now.) We will see what happens. Personally, I hope Sheila melts his heart but I have no idea how either one will react to the other. Yorkies are by nature protective little doggies who can tend to "take sides" against one person in order to "protect" the other lol. So, even when a couple marries their soulmates, there most definitely will be differences that need to be worked on and overcome together. Edited September 22, 2012 by BetheButterfly
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