love is dangerous Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Facebook users risk psychological damage spying on ex lovers - Telegraph 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Unfriending your ex is the same as flushing the toilet after you've used it: perfectly natural and much needed, unless you want to deal with the stink. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 No news is good news. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamless Sleep Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Today I went and changed my Facebook notifications and settings. I had kept my STBXW on to keep up with the kids somewhat. I just found myself lurking too much. That made me crazy. So now I deleted all photos with her, limited her access and turned off all notifications. I feel better already. Link to post Share on other sites
spaniard Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Sunday was the day of our anniversary, now yesterday I noticed that she deleted our last picture from FB. I have only few pics on my page so it was easy to notice (I was tagged). Now it is weird as it wasn't really our picture -- there were a bunch of people and we happened to be among them, with no signs of us being a couple. That's why I hadn't deleted it earlier. We are not friends on FB (I deleted her after the break-up), but she has such privacy settings I can see everything like if we were friends. My first reaction was "meh", but this morning it struck me again that we won't be together anymore. I have been doing great lately, but this was a little setback. I felt a huge desire to stalk her and her friends' FB page to see how she's doing (didn't find anything interesting lol). I guess she deleted this picture because she has someone else, which is okay as we broke up 3-4 months ago. Now this little "down" is over and I'm feeling okay again, but it did cause me a few uncomfortable hours. I wrote this little story of mine in this topic because the Daily Telegraph article in the first post is about stalking your ex on FB and its effects. Though it's not as bad as, say, breaking NC, it can cause setbacks, so please, don't stalk your ex on FB. Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 If you have your ex as a friend on fb or in any way check her profile then you are not in NC anyway. Blocking is a must, they walked out your life so they don't get to have an insight now. Link to post Share on other sites
Jingle14 Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Thankfully, my internal self-preservation mode has worked wonders and I have never once felt tempted to look - I could think of nothing worse than seeing how happy he with with my replacement, to see photos of him and this faceless, nameless bitch. Why would I do that to myself?! I found out he had unfriended me the day after he had been at my house for dinner and we had lay on the sofa hugging while watching tv. He left promising to get in touch when he returned from holiday 2 weeks later (we weren't together then, had split about 5 weeks before, but were still supposed to be friends). Unbeknown to me, he had already unfriended me but didn't have the backbone or balls to tell me. I was so hurt I deactivated my own account there and then, and stayed off it for about 8 months. And now back on it and I make sure everything I post is happy and positive, just in case he is ever tempted - unlikely - to look. He'll never have the pleasure of seeing me looking miserable because of him! Link to post Share on other sites
NailBiter Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 "Analysis of the data provided by 464 participants revealed that Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth. I can attest to how true this is. The first week after the break up I even asked my ex to make her profiles private/block me because I didn't have the self control to not look and obsess. She obliged thankfully. One day I logged onto a friends facebook when he was out of the room and checked my ex's profile once due to being blocked on my own profile. I went through every status update she had the first 3 months after the breakup. When my friend came back into the room I had already closed the window and retreated back into my shell. On the outside I was completely calm and in control. On the inside my heart was beating 180 times a minute and I had to sit on my hands to stop them from shaking. I didn't look at all for a few months until she put it back as public. The first time I noticed it I decided to take a peak to test myself again. I was feeling positive and wanted to prove to myself that her life couldn't affect me. I wanted to see how over her I was. I wasn't anywhere near over her. A mini nervous breakdown happend again. Since then it's been an on and off thing that has undoubtedly set me back several times. It became an obsession at times. An addiction. I had to do it. My logical brain had no say in the matter. During holidays, news events, anytime I had a mental trigger of her and I was alone at a PC or smartphone, I had to check. I would type the address into my browser and be on her page before I even noticed what I was doing. I knew it was self harmful yet I couldn't stop myself. I missed her so much that I would look for any scrap of information to tell me how she was doing. I'm not sure what I was looking for. A new boyfriend? Making sure she was alive and well? It was pathetic and made me feel like ****. I couldn't stop for more than a few weeks at a time. The final straw that has helped me stop this ****ty behavior was when I typed her into my browser several weeks ago and discovered that she has moved to a different country. There were lots of pictures of her looking amazing and happy that hurt me worse than I thought they would. I had a panic attack/nervous breakdown/something. For some reason it was like getting my heart broken all over again. I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I had to stop. I've been several weeks "clean" so to speak. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. I woke up this morning and had to stop myself from typing her name into my smart phone. I'm still far too in love with her to see her face. It brings up way too many negative emotions. Her smile and words were used to be why I got out of bed in the morning. In the end they turned out to be the reason why I didn't want to get out of bed. Wow did I just type all that? Caffeine is a hell of a drug. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Kaiser Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 It's very true... I just came to this after giving in to checking how she was doing on facebook. Well, she seems to be fine as always, as I expected, but I knew I was looking for signs of new men on her life. What was I expecting? I think I wanted her to remain forever untouched by any other man but me. By simply writing this I'm feeling a little more relieved, as I understand myself better. I found what I was looking for, guys that probably kissed her after me, probably watched her beautiful smile in awe, after me... I don't feel like deleting her from my facebook though. I think I can develop the willpower needed not to check in again, after this one. I finally found what I hoped never to find, but knew I would eventually find, and it hurt enough to give me reason not to do this to myself again. Weird thing is, I never felt like this with other girls in my past, but this one is dragging over an year... wish I could explain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 What do you hope to achieve by keeping these people as friends? They arnt friends as if you could you'd still be having sex with them. They don't care if you put happy updates and fb certainly won't make them come back, if anything it'll do the opposite. Blocking is about having respect for yourself and showing the other person they hurt you a hell of a lot and Tht you are not prepared to be "friends" whilst they go off with the new guy/gal. There is nothing wrong which illustrating that you are angry or hurt after the bu, it's normal. Pretending to be ok with it all just makes your ex think everything is ok when it obv isn't or you wudnt be posting here discussing how you're "not gonna be checking her page". Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamless Sleep Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 The healthiest step that I made since my split has been to also separate on social media. That includes FB and 2 community message boards of interest groups we were both involved. I was obsessive and jealous after our breakup. She found someone to love and I was left lonely and broken. She was sharing with him in ways that she was unable to do with me any longer. That hurt. I didn't even want her back. I was just pissed that I had forgone so many years waiting for some spark that was never going to rekindle in our relationship. Now I don't have to feel like I have to keep pace with her new relationship. I can go at my own pace and find happiness and joy. So unfriend, quit cyber stalking or stalking in general and move on. You don't need to know that your ex has a revitalized intimate life. It wasn't going to be with you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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