naomii Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Ive known this guy for 2 1/2 years. We started to become really close over the past 7 months after he told me he wanted to see where things could go with us. I fell in love with him. Things in his life started getting hectic financially about 3 months into it. Thats when i got the excuse "i dont want a relationship right now. I care about you and dont want you to move on but if you dont want to wait on me i understand". I gave him the benefit of the doubt and kept seeing him. Neither of us were seeing other people but the fact that he didnt want to be official with me really broke down my self esteem. We started to argue about it.* I finally had enough when he started being more distant with me and wanting to see me less. I started doing my own thing which included going to a bar with my girl friend. Then i decided to end it with him because i wasnt happy. I deleted him from facebook. He started texting me accusing me of seeing another guy even though i have no intention on seeing anyone else anytime soon. He probably thinks im seeing one of my guy friends which im not. We also argued about that. It was okay for him to have girl friends, but apparently im not allowed to have guy friends. I tried to explain to him why i wanted to end it, that its not about another guy but all he said was "have fun with him" and wont talk to me now.* My question is, why is he so upset that i ended it if he didnt even want me? Why is he so jealous at the thought that i might be seeing someone else? Is it an ego thing or did he really have feelings for me and just wasnt ready?* I wont be taking him back without commitment. Thats why i left, i wasnt happy. It just baffles me why he reacted that way. He even told me to date other guys and he wouldnt hold it against me. Any ideas?
NoMoreJerks Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 (edited) He wants to keep you attached to him, for future use, in case he needs you. For now, he does not need you. He's a jerk and not interested in a relationship with you, and will never be. You're wasting your time with him. I must add, you should read up about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and "narcissistic supply." Edited September 20, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Author naomii Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Yes im pretty sure he is a narcissist. Everything always had to be his way or no way. He uses ignoring as a form of punishment. Hes just an overall very selfish, self centered person. He always talked badly of his ex girlfriends, saying two cheated on him and one left him for someone else. Hm i wonder why? 1
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Yes im pretty sure he is a narcissist. Everything always had to be his way or no way. He uses ignoring as a form of punishment. Hes just an overall very selfish, self centered person. He always talked badly of his ex girlfriends, saying two cheated on him and one left him for someone else. Hm i wonder why? Not to be disrespectful but, you dumped him! Why do you care? When a relationship ends someone always gets hurt. Well, he's hurting and he's got to find justification on why you dumped him. So, he's clinging onto the idea that you cheated on him in order to cope, because he thought your answers to why you're throwing him away is pretty weak. So he's ignoring you. That should be a blessing to you. At least he's not blowing your phone up with texts and phonecalls. Most women would love the position that you're in. Remember, you made the choice to have him out of your life. Look at it as he's respecting your wishes. 1
amaysngrace Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 He doesn't see that it could be him with a problem so he blames you as a cheater because he's been cheated on before. Even though you didn't cheat. It's just easier for him to blame you than himself.
Author naomii Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Chi- i didnt want to end it with him i had to for my own sanity. He was just messing me around and is mad that i didnt put up with it anymore. He knew how much i loved him but all he did was take me for granted financially and emotionally. I was his "bitch" and i finally stood up to him. He did not treat me with respect most of the time.
Author naomii Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 He doesn't see that it could be him with a problem so he blames you as a cheater because he's been cheated on before. Even though you didn't cheat. It's just easier for him to blame you than himself. I agree. He knows how he was treating me wasnt right and i put up with it top long. I guess he didnt think id finally end it so he had to turn it around on me to make himself feel better.
amaysngrace Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I agree. He knows how he was treating me wasnt right and i put up with it top long. I guess he didnt think id finally end it so he had to turn it around on me to make himself feel better. Exactly. It works better for him if you're the bad guy.
Author naomii Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Also I dont care that hes ignoring me now, im saying in the past he used to ignore me to punish me when id try to fix things between us, then hed come back like nothing happened.
amaysngrace Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 He treated you badly. He's not going to change anytime soon. Let him treat someone else badly now. He's not your problem anymore. So let him think what he wants.
KatZee Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 He wants to keep you attached to him, for future use, in case he needs you. For now, he does not need you. He's a jerk and not interested in a relationship with you, and will never be. You're wasting your time with him. I must add, you should read up about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and "narcissistic supply." Why do I feel like everyone should just read Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl? I swear, ever since I read that book, I've seen this forum in a whole new light. We all for the same crappy unavailable guys! 1
KatZee Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Also I dont care that hes ignoring me now, im saying in the past he used to ignore me to punish me when id try to fix things between us, then hed come back like nothing happened. He was pressing "The Reset Button." Please please please invest in "Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl" You're in for a real awakening! 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Not to be disrespectful but, you dumped him! Why do you care? When a relationship ends someone always gets hurt. Well, he's hurting and he's got to find justification on why you dumped him. So, he's clinging onto the idea that you cheated on him in order to cope, because he thought your answers to why you're throwing him away is pretty weak. I'm sorry - what? Did you read the entire post and this guy's behaviour PRIOR to the OP dumping him? He deserved to be dumped. It's one of those cases where the dumper is really the dumpee. Not all dumpers are the actual dumpers. Some are manipulated into dumping, or left with no other choice. My ex pushed me into dumping him, because he did not have the balls to do it. Doesn't mean *I* am the dumper. It means I was fed up with the bull**** and his "I've dumped you but I haven't dumped you officially, so you are stuck with me in case I change my mind or want you for sex".
NoMoreJerks Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Yes im pretty sure he is a narcissist. Everything always had to be his way or no way. He uses ignoring as a form of punishment. Hes just an overall very selfish, self centered person. He always talked badly of his ex girlfriends, saying two cheated on him and one left him for someone else. Hm i wonder why? Yup. Ignoring as a form of punishment. Ex gave me the silent treatment for days at a time, and then accused ME of doing that, and of playing mind games with him. I really doubt that he was being truthful about his exes cheating on him. He probably cheated on THEM and they dumped him because he deserved it. Not everything every guy says is the truth. I learned that the hard way. I doubt my ex was telling the truth about how evil his exes were. He once told me that his ex dumped him because he came home one day, piss drunk, and lay on the floor. He was an alcoholic. He actually had the audacity to blame her and call her a bitch for dumping him after that sort of behaviour, which I am sure went on for quite a while. Some people do not want to take any responsibility in their lives, and don't want to see their mistakes. They're too self-centred and "great" to make any mistakes, and so they project their faults onto others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My entire attitude towards my break-up has been changing since I found out about this disorder. 1
Chi townD Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I'm sorry - what? Did you read the entire post and this guy's behaviour PRIOR to the OP dumping him? He deserved to be dumped. It's one of those cases where the dumper is really the dumpee. Not all dumpers are the actual dumpers. Some are manipulated into dumping, or left with no other choice. My ex pushed me into dumping him, because he did not have the balls to do it. Doesn't mean *I* am the dumper. It means I was fed up with the bull**** and his "I've dumped you but I haven't dumped you officially, so you are stuck with me in case I change my mind or want you for sex". Okay, so the guy didn't win any boyfriend of the year awards. But, she took the leap and ended it for good. She made the choice the have him out of her life for good. Now, he used ignoring her in the past when she wanted to work things out as a punishment. Now, she's dedicating herself with moving on. So, if he thinks that his silence is going to be a punishment again will actually turn into a blessing in disguise. It will definately help her with the NC and the healing process. So, I'm not sure what the problem is? Yeah, break ups suck. But, if it wasn't meant to be, then it was meant. If he thinks that she cheated, then there's nothing she can do or say that's going to change his mind. Oh well! Let him believe what he wants. If that's what it's going to take to get him to move on, then okay! BYE! Time to move on.... 1
Svet74 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Yup. Ignoring as a form of punishment. Ex gave me the silent treatment for days at a time, and then accused ME of doing that, and of playing mind games with him. I really doubt that he was being truthful about his exes cheating on him. He probably cheated on THEM and they dumped him because he deserved it. Not everything every guy says is the truth. I learned that the hard way. I doubt my ex was telling the truth about how evil his exes were. He once told me that his ex dumped him because he came home one day, piss drunk, and lay on the floor. He was an alcoholic. He actually had the audacity to blame her and call her a bitch for dumping him after that sort of behaviour, which I am sure went on for quite a while. Some people do not want to take any responsibility in their lives, and don't want to see their mistakes. They're too self-centred and "great" to make any mistakes, and so they project their faults onto others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. My entire attitude towards my break-up has been changing since I found out about this disorder. Funny just reading your post. My ex talked crap about all his ex girlfriends too! and siad they all cheated on him. hmm I wonder why. when i asked why he said because he was too nice, and cared about them. and that they took advantage of him. After we broke up he became an ass to me too. Now he got a new girlfriend and talks **** about me to her. And to his family. Which they dont believe because they are still very friendly with me and never bring him up. SO they true colors show
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