Can I break NC?

[guydownsouth]

--Got dumped by ex-gf two weeks ago. Short-term relationship. She's in one of my classes.

 

--The first week after the breakup we ran into each other once and she gave me an awkward/uncomfortable smile. But the second week (this week), we've run into each other twice and both times gave each other normal smiles and said hello. Otherwise, haven't talked to her at all.

 

Can I text her an inside joke that I think she'll find funny, just to test the waters? I'm not going to bring up anything personal.

 

I'm pretty sure I got dumped because I was too clingy, but I didn't realize it until after the fact. So I was thinking I'd open the lines of communication and slowly start talking to her again, without being clingy this time.

 

I'm open to getting back together with her, but I'm not going to bring up the relationship unless she does first because I don't want to say anything that puts pressure on her. And if it doesn't happen, I should able to handle myself.

 

EDIT- I've gotten over the emotional drainage of being dumped, and I feel mostly back to normal..

Edited September 20, 2012 by guydownsouth

[Mike_d]

can you? sure

 

but I'd go back and have another look at my motives if I was you. you are the dumpee, the choice to get back together is not yours. I sense that after 2 weeks you are still just fooling yourself. why do you want to text/be friends/feel that you have the ability to consider taking someone back who told you that you were not good enough for them and "fired you" from the position of boyfriend?

 

move on. you are negotiating with yourself over something you have no ability to pull off. time to get really honest with yourself and begin to work on accepting your current situation

[love does not exist]

can you? sure

 

but I'd go back and have another look at my motives if I was you. you are the dumpee, the choice to get back together is not yours. I sense that after 2 weeks you are still just fooling yourself. why do you want to text/be friends/feel that you have the ability to consider taking someone back who told you that you were not good enough for them and "fired you" from the position of boyfriend?

 

move on. you are negotiating with yourself over something you have no ability to pull off. time to get really honest with yourself and begin to work on accepting your current situation

 

Agreed. Time to move on.

[AintGotNothin]

I'm on here whining w/ dumper's remorse and if there is a few things I've learned while reading countless posts on this forum is that breaking NC is going to nothing but hurt you.

 

You said you all been separated for two weeks and the relationship was only a short one.

 

Here's my opinion: No contact is kinda like rehabilitating yourself. It's like putting down the bottle. You might say after two 'dry' weeks, hey I can pick up again. But what you should do when you feel that way is call someone, 'get to a meeting' (socialize, surround yourself w/ people who care about you, whatever) or just think about the consequences of what 'picking up' that phone and sending that text might be.

 

Yeah you could be the guy who can break a two week NC and if you get a negative reaction it will not effect you. But the evidence says that's usually not the case. Why throw the two weeks you've got under your belt away over something that statistically (according to what I've read here) probably wont work the way you want it to anyways.

 

Bad Idea.

 

Besides, if you run into her all time maybe the next time you see her might be the time to throw her that inside joke instead of exchanging awkward smiles.

 

Just my $.02

[sendme]

do not break NC... I've been on again off again, on again... and finally went NC last thursday, broke NC at 1:00am Tuesday morning, and now we're back to NC and I'm hurting worse than I was before... do not, I repeat, do not break NC....

[spaniard]

Breaking NC? Bad idea.

 

A little more than one months after the break up my ex told me that there is absolutely no chance for us to get together. That was exactly two months ago and since there is strict NC. Result: I'm almost over her, my days are great, I don't think too much about her, sometimes I even realize that hey, I haven't been thinking about her for hours!

 

She broke the NC two weeks ago with a weird question I couldn't really understand. I replied in a nice manner but made sure that the conversation was over.

 

So NC and self-improvement = moving on.

Breaking NC = suffering.

[KatZee]

I wouldn't, sorry.

 

She dumped you for being clingy.

 

You as the dumpEE then reaching out and trying to weasel yourself back into her life "slowly" IS being exactly what she dumped you for.

 

I'm sure if she wanted to share some funny jokes with you, she'd be talking to you. She's not reaching out. When dumpees reach out it never looks cute. It looks desperate and pathetic. So don't do it.

[spaniard]

When dumpees reach out it never looks cute. It looks desperate and pathetic.

 

^ This. Everything they found cute and lovely while you were together seems desperate and pathetic if you do them now.

 

Sorry mate, I lost a girlfriend of 8 months I really loved, I can not say anything but move on. You'll find better.

[guydownsouth]

UPDATE- I ended up texting her last night a few hours after making this thread because no one had replied at the time.

 

We sent each other two light-hearteded texts laughing at this inside joke. It was pretty much like old times, and she didn't seem disinterested. Though I'm sure a lot of people here will tell me not to look into it too much. How do I handle it from here?

 

I'm going to a party tonight hosted by a mutual friend so she might be there.

[lalalandman]

Don't go to the party. Then she will text and ask "Why weren't you there?" Then you say "Had other plans". Then don't respond to her for a while. Then go find another girl.

 

Or, go to the party, watch her hook up with someone in front of your face. Get really angry. Maybe do or say something stupid you'll regret. Stewer.

 

Or, go to the party. She doesn't show. Have a bad time. Give in to texting her asking "Hey why aren't you at the party?" She responds "Oh I'm out with a guy friend" You get butt hurt. Maybe say something wussy to turn her off.

 

Your choice.

Edited September 21, 2012 by lalalandman

[guydownsouth]

I have to go to the party..my cousin is hosting

[lalalandman]

Ok go to the party. Force yourself to have a good time. Mingle with other people. Stay away from her. Let her come to you. Then act normal. Don't blow it.

[Fitnerd]

 

Or, go to the party. She doesn't show. Have a bad time.

 

Your choice.

TOTALLY THIS!

It's been 2 get-togethers that I went to where she should've been her and she wasn't (I know for a fact she didn't go to the first because she knew I was going, for the 2nd I didn't ask) and each time, I left feeling depressed...

I wouldn't go!

[guydownsouth]

Ok go to the party. Force yourself to have a good time. Mingle with other people. Stay away from her. Let her come to you. Then act normal. Don't blow it.

So if I see her staring at me, I can't just say hi and then go back to talking to my friends? She has to say hi?

[lalalandman]

She has to approach you. Period. Stick to it.

[love does not exist]

Your setting yourself up for disaster bro. I wouldn't go, she's going to hurt your feelings. She knows she has the power.

[lalalandman]

Exactly ^^^

 

i'm sure your cousin will have more parties.

[guydownsouth]

I can't really get out of going to this party. My cousin expects me there.

 

I think I can keep my composure and play it cool though, even if she's talking to guys. I will know a ton of people, guys and girls. I'm not going to give her much attention either.

Edited September 21, 2012 by guydownsouth

[Mike_d]

I can't really get out of going to this party. My cousin expects me there.

 

you *can*, you're just choosing to.

 

I think I can keep my composure and play it cool though, even if she's talking to guys. I will know a ton of people, guys and girls. I'm not going to give her much attention either.

 

recipe for disaster, good luck with that though. check back in and let us know how it goes

[guydownsouth]

UPDATE-

 

She wasn't at the party..I ended up texting her at 11 with a funny inside joke that had been referenced at the party. She replied.

 

Texted her again at midnight saying the police had ended the party and asked her what she was doing (obvious booty call text) and she didn't respond.

 

I guess I need to go back into NC and move on. If she was semi-interested, she'd have responded.

[lalalandman]

Dude, I called this. You shouldn't have gone. Ignorance is bliss.

[guydownsouth]

Dude, I called this. You shouldn't have gone. Ignorance is bliss.

Well, isn't this helpful in a way though? Going to the party led me to text her which led to me not getting a response. A no-response says it all. I have no reason to linger on her anymore. There is no hope, and I can really move on. Otherwise I'd have spent the next few weeks strategizing about getting her back.

 

One thing that is still bugging me though...She dumped me for what I assume was me being clingy, though she never said it specifically. She just said she was overwhelmed. When we first started dating, I was definitely not clingy, but as time went on I became clingy without realizing it. I just wish she knew that if I had realized I was being clingy, I would have immediately adjusted my behavior and given her more space. I just assumed she was happy with the dynamics of how much we were seeing each other. Like if I could go back in time, I totally would have given her more space, and maybe we'd still be together. Maybe she dumped me because she thought this is just how I always am in relationships. She didn't give me a chance to fix it, which I could've. Is there anything I can say to her about this, or would that just be digging myself a deeper hole? Should I say nothing and move on? I just know that this one thing is always going to be bugging me..

[lalalandman]

Well thats a good way of looking at it

[LostOne1]

Well, isn't this helpful in a way though? Going to the party led me to text her which led to me not getting a response. A no-response says it all. I have no reason to linger on her anymore. There is no hope, and I can really move on. Otherwise I'd have spent the next few weeks strategizing about getting her back.

 

One thing that is still bugging me though...She dumped me for what I assume was me being clingy, though she never said it specifically. She just said she was overwhelmed. When we first started dating, I was definitely not clingy, but as time went on I became clingy without realizing it. I just wish she knew that if I had realized I was being clingy, I would have immediately adjusted my behavior and given her more space. I just assumed she was happy with the dynamics of how much we were seeing each other. Like if I could go back in time, I totally would have given her more space, and maybe we'd still be together. Maybe she dumped me because she thought this is just how I always am in relationships. She didn't give me a chance to fix it, which I could've. Is there anything I can say to her about this, or would that just be digging myself a deeper hole? Should I say nothing and move on? I just know that this one thing is always going to be bugging me..

THat's how I felt.. but my ex said it was too late to change my actions. Though she did say she gave me chances.. but I only learned it after she left me. Then I got time to sit back and think clearly and realized my mistakes. But I don't know if she will ever give me a chance again to fix my mistakes.

[guydownsouth]

Before I completely extinguish hope, here's what I'm planning on doing...

 

Go another week or two of NC and then send her 2 dozen roses with a card saying "Let me fix this."

 

It may not work, but could I think