HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 I think honesty is so hard because it involves some type of loss...whether real or perceived. If you are honest, you are probably going to step on a few toes. Rock the boat. Hurt someone. Things may become uncomfortable. Or you will feel vulnerable. Or possibly be rejected. Loss of reputation, respect, assumptions. These fears may inhibit openness and honesty within us, certainly from time to time. That is why I have said: Truth is the prerogative of the brave.
Radagast Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 why is honesty so difficult? If one is having troubles in their marriage, doesn't feel they want to be married anymore, wants to be married but have outside relationships, etc. then why is it so damned difficult to say so? Some of us tried, believe me. Trying to get through to a spouse who thinks the marriage is just fine, because she's happy enough, is no easy task. To get her to sit down and talk about anything at all, when that's simply not a part of your relationship and has never been, because she's "a do-er, not a talker. If something's wrong, fix it, don't talk it to death!" Even saying "we need to talk" is taken as a personal attack and becomes an invitation for her to scream a long list of everything that's wrong with you, real and imagined, before she storms out in tears without giving you a chance to say anything, disappearing for hours and only returning when she's certain you and the kids will all have gone to bed. Leaving notes on the fridge was the standard way of communicating - mostly to say, "pick kids up after rehearsals" or "get milk", but if you dared to suggest meeting up to talk about anything at all the response was always "can't make it" or "deal with it". Emails would be deleted unread (delivery confirmation, but no read confirmation) and voicemails deleted. Pleas for marriage counselling thrown back at you "there's nothing wrong with the marriage. The only problem is you. Fix that!" Eventually you do just give up trying. Even when I told her I was leaving, she laughed in my face, told me I was lying, I could not possibly have someone else, no one else would have me. When someone seriously does not want to listen to you, there is no limit to the lengths they will go to to avoid having to listen.
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