starstwinkle517 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I had a fairytale beginning with my guy. he was in US and i was in India. we spent hours talking on the phone and he made it so evident that he loves me. he came to India for a visit and proposed to me for marriage. i agreed instantly but he had to go back for his work. but in the end he fought with everybody just to come back and be with me. now we both are together and in a couple of months i will be marrying him. he has done everything which a guy absolutely in love would do for his girl. every little thing which makes me feel so loved and lucky. BUT yesterday i was going through his emails( god knows why) and I found him writing to escort services in Las Vegas. this is before he was coming to India for good. he had written to at least 9 of them and they even responded back asking details. I am shocked and broken from within to find that he actually did all this when we both were going really strong and absolutely in love. I love him like insane and trust him blindly but this has shattered me. i dont know if he went ahead and had sex with them. but all this is tearing me apart. i indirectly questioned him but he denied and pretended as if he doesnt even know what escorts do. He lied to me..I love him a lot and i really do not know what should i do, with our wedding round the corner. i do not have the guts to leave him. I am an Indian girl, and society and all plays a very important role. my parents will be questioned by hundreds if i leave him. moreover I really love him n pray that he loved me too. please help me. please
Mr. Lucky Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I had a fairytale beginning with my guy. he was in US and i was in India. we spent hours talking on the phone and he made it so evident that he loves me. I'm afraid I stopped reading after you said you fell in love with someone you'd never met and had only spoken to on the phone... Mr. Lucky
Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I'm sorry. That is tough. You do need to directly tell him what you found and how it makes you feel. If you don't then this will tarnish your relationship forever. You do need to know that it doesn't matter if your family will be questioned about your breakup. It will be so much worse if you get into a marriage with this guy and he continues this behavior.
Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I'm afraid I stopped reading after you said you fell in love with someone you'd never met and had only spoken to on the phone... Mr. Lucky That was so NOT helpful!
Mr. Lucky Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 That was so NOT helpful!You don't see a connection between the lack of the normal vetting process that comes with an extended, in-person relationship and the OP's current issues? Mr. Lucky
Author starstwinkle517 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 i know it sounds weird for two people to fall in love without meeting each other. we had a lot in common and we started from a matrimonial site. the whole intention was to know each other first. we started off as friends and dunno when it changed to love. but we took a decision only after meeting..IT MIGHT SOUND STUPID..BUT IT HAPPENED
Author starstwinkle517 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 we are in a relation for more than a year now..whatever he did n said can in no way prove that he didnt love me....my heart cries out the moment i feel i need to move on...we both have planned our lives ahead..but this whole incident has broken my trust in him.. i cannot trust him now..
Mr. Lucky Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 i know it sounds weird for two people to fall in love without meeting each other. we had a lot in common and we started from a matrimonial site. the whole intention was to know each other first. we started off as friends and dunno when it changed to love. but we took a decision only after meeting..IT MIGHT SOUND STUPID..BUT IT HAPPENED Starstwinkle, my point wasn't that your choice is bad, it's that the process that led you to him was flawed. There are lots of guys out there that see themselves as players and you'll never separate them from the real candidates without some hands on experience, preferably over the course of time. That a guy would court you and commit to you in the way this came down should in itself be a red flag... Also. I think you already know what to do with your current beau, it's just a matter of getting the courage to break the bad news to friends and family. If there are questions "by hundreds", why not tell the truth? "He didn't turn out to be the type of man I'd want to marry"... Mr. Lucky
Later82012 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 What do you mean by we both are together?
Author starstwinkle517 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I mean now he is back in India..I know he did a lot to get back to India to be with me..all this makes me wonder was he really fooling around all the time? I do not think any guy would risk his career if he wasnt serious about us
Author starstwinkle517 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I am understanding what you said. I went a wrong way For sure I would never know what kind of a person anyone is with this approach. more than answering anyone.. I love him..I committed myself to him. this whole thing makes me so weak.
Later82012 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 See Ugh1's 1st reply above? You need to talk to him and tell him what you found. Do not marry him for the society. Tell your parents. Tell them asap. They will talk to him, his parents and most probably will call the marriage off. If you decide not to tell your parents and decide to go ahead and marry him for whatever reasons, do not marry him without resolving this first.
Author starstwinkle517 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 I confronted him.. i told him everything. he says he is really sorry for what he did and that he never thought it would be so serious. he says he only exchanged emails with them and that nothing ever happened. he promised me that he would never ever do anything to let me down ever again. he does not want me to break up with him. he was giving all sorts of justification. According to him it was similar to watching porn since nothing happened. i love him so much that i am ready to forgive him.. but i can never forget this and he has lost my trust in him.
Later82012 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Good. Do you believe him? Did you ask him if has used the services of escorts and prostitutes in the past? I am not sure if you should let go of this so easily and go ahead and marry him within two months.
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