whalen Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I feel like i'm trying too hard. I'm the kind of guy that likes to know how others are doing, see how friends are, how's life, all that stuff. I call to say hello, send funny little texts or short emails etc... Not all the time, maybe once a week, just for fun to be friendly since we're in our 30's now, some have little families now, etc. A lot of the time, (I can name 3) some of my friends never get back to me. I'll call to say hello, leave a message and they won't call back. One friend will call maybe 2-3 weeks later and say "Sorry dude, i'm a terrible friend, just been swamped". One friend won't call back at all.... but then maybe a month later i'll get an email with something funny from him. I ask myself: Why do I even bother? Last example - Last Friday, I emailed one of these guys and said basically "hey, I saw your band is playing next week, Mind if I come down and take some photos for you guys?" and he never responded. I know I have the right email. I know he is a cell phone junkie, always checking his email and phone. Are people THAT busy? I'm busy too, I have a demanding job and I'm a Father and a Husband. I still make time to reach out to friends. I don't get it.
NotKelly Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Didn't want to let you go without an answer... People in their 30's aren't very good friends. They are simply too wrapped up in the narrow pursuit of everything that society says they should be pursuing. You are probably an anomaly because you are interested in friendships. But, one additional comment- "hey, I saw your band is playing next week, Mind if I come down and take some photos for you guys?" This doesn't seem like a question that demands an answer. Is there any reason they would mind? Why not just show up, take some photos and send them the photos? If you do something spontaneous and nice for them, they might not respond right away, but might feel more guilty about not getting back to you. :-)
Author whalen Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 "Didn't want to let you go without an answer..." LOL, thanks for responding, much appreciated. I agree with the 'People in their 30's' comment. I think i'm a lot better at balancing Work - Family - Friends than some of my so-called friends. I can get my responsible adult stuff done and still make time for friends. The more and more I thought about it after posting, and seeing your reply, I see the whole thing more clearly now. thanks for the input
addison89 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I think you are really nice guy and you are bothering about your friends . I think they have no time for you and you should try to make good friends . Because In 30's college friends are not good friends because every person busy with their life . So don't worry and try to make good friends as well as give time to your family.
kalaslsl Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Like the previous poster said, dump them and get some real friends. If someone wants you in their life, they'll make time for you, even if it's a little time.
Sefarad Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I feel like i'm trying too hard. I'm the kind of guy that likes to know how others are doing, see how friends are, how's life, all that stuff. I call to say hello, send funny little texts or short emails etc... Not all the time, maybe once a week, just for fun to be friendly since we're in our 30's now, some have little families now, etc. A lot of the time, (I can name 3) some of my friends never get back to me. I'll call to say hello, leave a message and they won't call back. One friend will call maybe 2-3 weeks later and say "Sorry dude, i'm a terrible friend, just been swamped". One friend won't call back at all.... but then maybe a month later i'll get an email with something funny from him. I ask myself: Why do I even bother? Last example - Last Friday, I emailed one of these guys and said basically "hey, I saw your band is playing next week, Mind if I come down and take some photos for you guys?" and he never responded. I know I have the right email. I know he is a cell phone junkie, always checking his email and phone. Are people THAT busy? I'm busy too, I have a demanding job and I'm a Father and a Husband. I still make time to reach out to friends. I don't get it. Don't feel bad, your points are very valid. Interpersonal relationships are really complex & HARD, specially nowadays with all this technology... and for us over thinkers... we often find ourselves thinking things like ''oh why didn't he/she reply... she just replied a comment on her fb...'' 'why wouldn't he/she text me back, ain't that hard!'' and so on. I think you need to weed out some bad weeds from your friendship garden asap. Just try no contact with them and see what happens, if they don't contact you in 2 or 3 weeks that will be a clear sign they really don't care about your friendship and you should move on and better invest your time on finding real friends instead of grey shadows! I'll tell you what has worked out for me so far... I'm in this point of my life where I don't want to waste my energy and time on people who don't care to make even a minimal effort (both relationships and friendships) to keep the relationship/friendship going. I just cut them off my life so those people won't be an issue in my head later, stressing me out and making me feel bad everytime I look back and wondering what I did wrong to make them behave so cold and distant. Life is too short to hold on to people who make your life harder, we can't take tomorrow for granted, you know! You sound like a very nice guy... I think you deserve friends who respect and value your friendship as much as you value theirs. By the way... the excuse of ''I've been too busy to reply...'' is no longer a valid one, specially now everyone has a mobile or facebook to connect. Those people who only reply or contact you when they have ''free'' time are most likely what I call ''grey people''. You're definetely a good friend and you should surround of people who actually makes you happy instead of holding on those who make you feel so bad you ended up publisihng a post about the issue here. I hope it helps Best of luck!
Recommended Posts