Sherilynt0713 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Hi! First time poster...here's my story.. My boyfriend and I broke up maybe about 2 weeks ago. Prior to this we lived together, admittedly it was kind of rushed, I moved in maybe 5 months into the relationship. Partially due to the fact he needed someone to live with him to help with the bills. I was smitten with him, prior to this relationship we dated back in highschool. 10 years later we catch up and decided to date again. When I moved in things were okay for awhile, but then I started to get in over my head with things, I couldn't handle the finances as well as I thought I could. Before I moved in with him he said don't worry about the utilities and the cable, just pay half the rent. I changed my life, I decided to move down and be with him, quit my job, got a better job at the bank down by him. Got some of my finances in order. And things were good for the first few months. Important note: He doesnt work, he has his fathers social security. Then I guess you start to really learn about a person, Once I started to work things changed, especially with him. Even though he told me before I moved in not to worry about the utilities and cable, he told me he needs the money for those things. Before he moved in he told my stepfather to his face that he was going to help me with my finances and help me save money. He told me early on how he thought I was the one, he wants to marry me. (All too soon! But I was blinded by the romantic thought of everything.) But we would soon start fighting, alot. We would fight about things like money, family. I'm close to my family, and everytime I went to go to my moms he would get upset and distant. Alot of times he would be emotionally distant, never sought me out at home or spent time with me watching tv, and if he did it would be for a little bit and then he would go back on the computer, never did the little things, like maybe a back rub or something here and there. I gave him my everything, my emotions, told him i loved him every day. Took care of him when he was sick. And anytime I would explain to him how I felt about him being so distant he would freak out on me and start an argument, tell me how i'm being difficult. He would tell me how much he's done for me, even though every dinner, every date i payed for myself. Yes, he's gotten me the occasional coffee here and there, but the majority of it I payed for. If I needed him to drive me somewhere that was always a problem or an excuse with the car. Sometimes during an argument he would say things like "I want you out by monday" "You're being difficult, I can't stand it" The thing that hurt the most was when he said to me about how i was the one, but not anymore. Adding guilt into the huge fight. Saying things like "I ****ed this up" after explaining to him about how I felt why he was being unemotional. That was said the last fight we had. He flipped me off. You just don't say that to someone you apparently "love" i'm sorry. The last fight we had I had a breakdown, from all the stress and all the fighting, I kept screaming "I Can't take this anymore" over and over. It was the worst fight i ever had, i was tired of his emotional abuse. It all happened so fast, I was going to my parents but I didn't know they were pulling me out of the situation. So, here I am...home, again, with my parents at 27. And I have a bit of a clearer head about everything now, I have a new car, a new job, and my parents are helping me get back on my feet financially. Here's where it hurts.. I still keep in contact with him, some of my things are still at his house. We've talked, argued, talked on the phone for awhile. We both agreed to break up, it was mutual. 2 nights ago we had a really good 2 1/2 hour phone conversation about the whole relationship. We both agreed about jumping in to fast, despite the guilt he layed on me with it. And we both agreed we were romanticizing the fact that because we had history, it would work and we were focusing on the wrong things. I'm lamenting and I hate it, because part of me wants to move on, but the other part of me wants to start over and work it slow. But he doesn't know what he wants. I have a better life here, but what hurts is why after all the mean things he's said to me...why do i still pine for him... Sorry for the long post. hahah...
Author Sherilynt0713 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Also, don't know why It hurts when he barely contacted me when he went away to Ohio leaving me alone with the cat for 5 days. The one text I get back from him the morning he was leaving was he wanted to know where the nearest Golden Corral was. Ugh. Just wanna move on already, but my mind just keeps spinning.
gullibleme Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Doesn't sound like you really want to be with him in my opinion...he isn't emotionally there for you EVER!...Do you really want a man like that...think about it..there are better men out there no matter how much you Think you may love him...think of the future and how it will be..that's how I needed to put things in perspective to move on. Reflect on the negative in your relationship for a while..be sure you are being respected for your feelings...He doesn't do it for you. Fighting all the time will not be a good thing in the long run....you should move on your making your life better right now and you should continue to do so.....
Author Sherilynt0713 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) In the long run, you're right! I mean I know I deserve so much better than this! But for some reason I keep running to the phone and fighting that friggin feeling to call him. After we had that long phone conversation, it just completely messed with my head. But words are words and conversations are just conversations...not actions. It's just hard, and you're absolutely right, I just do need to move on. If he REALLY truely cared about me like he said he would call me, or come down to see me. But honestly every day I think about it more and more, nothing is worth fixing...he just wasnt there emotionally for me, it was always about him. And i'm taking all the right steps to better my life, i've made great strides since i've been home, new car, new job. At first he said the "distance" wouldn't bother him, (I live in southern NJ, he lives 80 miles away). And then all of a sudden he says he doesnt think he can handle it? Its gonna be hard? Eff that, i'm worth it. Edited September 21, 2012 by Sherilynt0713
gullibleme Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 We've all been there fighting that feeling to text/call/e-mail...I will tell you in the end NC is the best thing. In time you do feel less anxious about it all and I won't say it will be easy...I've been severely depressed a while back and lost a lot of weight..(thats a good thing though for me) The only way I was able to move on is think negative of the relationship and really reflect on whether I was truly happy with him ...and guess what I wasn't!! He was not there emotionally..he did string me along for a couple months telling me things I wanted to hear but just to keep me as a backup. I finally told him to stop contacting me and the last e-mail was him saying he never used me but if thats what I want then have a nice life...that hurt ....I cried and thought I might have made a mistake but really I didn't...it was for the best. I am a lot happier not walking on eggshells 1
suladas Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 You definitely don't want to go back to something like that, NC is the only way to go. It does get easier, it's been 2 months since the BU and 2 weeks of NC and I have pretty much zero urge to contact her. You'll find someone better and wonder what you were thinking doing with him. 1
Author Sherilynt0713 Posted September 23, 2012 Author Posted September 23, 2012 Well guys, we had a sort of final conversation about everything, he's dropping the rest of my stuff off at my fathers house today or tomorrow, nicely, we both decided to get rid of eachother on facebook completely. As he and I said it, it was like a pin prick seeing eachother on there. He deleted me, i'm deleting all the friends of his, keeping a select few. It was mutual, though in his eyes I broke up with him...but whatever, it's over. In all honesty it's like a huge breathe of fresh air. Its finally hit me, what's meant to be is meant to be. Who knows, people may change. But, honestly? I'm much happier. That last phone conversation with him really messed me up. So now, i'm onto NC, and I feel relieved. Ofcourse i'm going to miss him, he was a huge part of my life i've known him since highschool, and now it's 10 or more years later. There's always gonna be that part that cares about him. And you're right, honestly in the long run, i don't want to go back to something like that. I saw pictures of how I looked back then as to now...haggard is how i looked. I feel and look so much healthier now. 1
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