matt1974 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 hi all i have been separated from my wife since july this year. this come about due to my own mistakes and selfish behaviours a number of years ago and thereafter my wife not being able to get past these things, my defence nature and unfortunately my ability to make her feel as though she was constantly walking on egg shell. for those interested the things i did was a gambling addiction whereby i spent 20k and left us in financial difficulty, returned to work early after her c-section, viewed dating websites, anger management issues, depression. a lot for her to deal with over a period of 2 years.. while this was over 18 months ago that a line was drawn in the sand in our relationship we did try but she told me that she couldn't get over how this made her feel and led to the destructive nature of our marriage and our relationship. now 2 months after left home, things between us have improved. immeasurably as far as i am concerned. our children have been accepting of the situation as i still live very local and see them 2 or 3 times a week and take them overnight every saturday. recently things have been a little more civil between me and the wife. she has told me that she wants to be on her own, not having to worry about me and try to get over the past. she also, suprisingly, said that she love me and remains 'in love' with me and is glad our relationship is improving, caveating this that she is making no promisies as to when, or even if there will be a reconcilliation. i feel she is being truthful but for me her words are at polar opposites to each other. the positive feelings towards me remain but that she is frightened of making a commitment. she has told me she is not even willing to consider the word relationship for the forseeable future. i love her dearly and wish to have a 'new' relationship with her, i've openly admitted to my mistakes and poor judgements in the past and have done (since telling her all this) everything i can to be unselfish, attentive, caring and loving - which she acknowledges but it feels like i'm living in limbo. that being said i love her enough to at least allow her the option of choosing me if and when she decides not sure if i am seeking advices, comment or what really, just needed to 'get it out there'
riverratt Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Give her space. Don't over do the contact. Don't know how much you do contact her but don't over do it. Make sure you are doing things for yourself. Get out with friends. Try something new. Make sure you spend time on you.
Author matt1974 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 good advice riverratt but so difficult when i want to try and see the children as much as possible during the week. she has just come back from 6 days away with her family and i had to stay in her house (the marital home i've recently left) as my new apartment is not big enough for our 4 children it was so difficult leaving again, like being 'asked to leave' al; over again since she has returned things have been very strange between us, she has become distant but a couple of problems for her these past couple of days has mean't she has asked for my help straight away. i get the feeling it is because i am the only one she can rely on in emergencies. i think i have finally got it, she doesn't want me but is trying to keep me hanging as she has no-one else to turn too. or maybe i'm being too harsh. or maybe i'm just over analysing things now. my emotions are all over the shot, flaying from despare, to anger to guilt. i just can't even contemplate letting go. i just wish i knew where to start. money is tight and it is difficult trying to get out as my friends are all in family situations. i feel just totally lost and i wish i could just shake the morbid onset of what feels like depression again. having suffered before i think it is here again.
riverratt Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 having suffered before i think it is here again. You have to stop that in it's tracks. Everything you have to do it going to be a mother to do. Be available if she needs help. That is something you are going to have to do anyway no matter what happens. You have children. That can keep a normal situation from being ugly down the road. Give her space. Think about what you have to do to improve yourself. Keep a journal. Listen to music that doesn't remind you of her. Nothing will be easy but it can be done.
Recommended Posts