Is he lying?

[pinkstar]

Hi ... I'm in a ldr for some time now. I think he's married ... We're over 30 now... Some times I think ldr is for young people... Am I right? Anyway how can I make sure he's not lying and he's really single?? I'm so afraid if ever I'm in a relationship with a married guy... My evidence is I've seen him wearing a ring once in a picture and he said its just fashion but I didn't believe ... Please help

[Balzac]

My comment to you is get a clue. Trust your gut. Adults of all ages engage in LDR. Career, education or other reasons.

 

How much physical time have you and this man had together?

[NoMoreJerks]

One way is to call his home number when you know he's not at home. To see if anyone else will pick up the phone. Call using Skype or something -- I don't think Skype will show your caller ID/#.

[justwhoiam]

Yes, you ask him to give you his landline phone number. If he says he doesn't have landline at home, big red flag. If he says you can call him at work instead, same thing. The only way is calling him at home. At night or on a Sunday, and without scheduling the call. So he won't know when you're calling. Also, when you have the number, you can retrieve information on that number (whose line, address, etc.)

[Balzac]

Very interesting as I know few people that still maintain a landline. Pay a few bucks to hire a professional to get what info you need. Faster, easier and thorough.

[pinkstar]

I found a number registered under his name with home address ... This is land line ... He's living in another country, I'm afraid caller Id shows my number, so I call and hang up? I've never met him in person but I really need to know if he's married or not ... I talked to him when he's home but maybe his wife not home ... Is there anyway I can check marriage records online?

[bluegreen]

Give someone who speaks his language that number have them call and ask is his wife home she forgot her appointment for so and so you get the hint right ?

 

OK its ugly sneaky and low but HEY so its lying about being married or having kids or God knows what else trust in him but prepare for worst ...

[pinkstar]

Thanks, it's a great idea .. I don't mind if it's not nice to try this, I have to make sure if he's lying or not, but it's very hard to find some one speaking his language, it's Hebrew and I'm living in an english speaking country and I don't know anyone here who is speaking Hebrew and I can trust . I have his friends email but never contacted her ... I'm afraid if I approach his friend they tell him or his wife if he's married immediately, it's getting complicated ...

[NoMoreJerks]

I found a number registered under his name with home address ... This is land line ... He's living in another country, I'm afraid caller Id shows my number, so I call and hang up? I've never met him in person but I really need to know if he's married or not ... I talked to him when he's home but maybe his wife not home ... Is there anyway I can check marriage records online?

That is why I suggested that you use Skype computer-to-phone (paid). I believe it won't show the country that you called from. Double check just in case, but I think that's the case.

[bluegreen]

Hm that might be bit complicated that is heck of hard language you just might need to scratch that idea if you can't find someone fluent or maybe there is kind heart rabbi Jewish ( priest ) who will become willing to advise you and tell you few things on culture and customs Jewish people do become married rather young tough.

 

Have you tried looking up his FB E-MAIL trough Google talked to him online in presence of family member or friend does he has you on his Social Network does he has any close friends from same city family members teachers or such ?

 

Hate to peek inside your privacy but can you tell us bit more about this and we will get our thinking caps on try not to feel bad if this is what you suspect he is SCUM and you did nothing wrong it can happen to best of us ...

[2sunny]

Pay $50 and do a background check. You can know within a few minutes from now everything you want to know. That is, if he's given you his correct info to work with.

[2sunny]

It is my second post in the last 10 days. I am currently involved. You helped me a lot in the previous post and again I need your advice.

 

I just want to summarize the story for those who read it for the first time. I met a guy online 11 months ago. At the beginning, it was a normal relationship, but little by little I become so attached and we kept chatting and chatting. When it got a little serious, I become worried what if he was married and got a kid. I asked him directly and indirectly and he said no. He also said he was not in a relationship with a gf, only have s* with different girls only for s* and not commitment at all. But the point is after 2-3 months, our communication time changed. We were talking only when he was at work or it was night time for him, around 1am. So I became more suspicious that there was some body living with him and he waited for her to sleep then he came online. I asked him some times to try voice chat and he said that he got a family member from abroad sleeping and he could not talk!!! I did not believe him at all.

 

I am not in contact with him any more and he ended the relationship in its worst way. you can see my previous post in :

 

 

title: real date vs long distance love

Real date Vs Long distance love - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

 

I spent many hours a day thinking about everything, how the things went and how our relationship grew, some times I got really mad at what he did to me, some times I miss him and want him back to my life...Last night, I searched his name over internet and found out some thing that was shocking to me and couldn't sleep after that. I found that he wrote a review in one of the website about a "Baby movement sensor pad and sound monitor" and he has written that this product is amazing for the parents. When I saw this, I felt really stupid, like an idiot...I do not want him to think how idiot I was during this time , consider him as a single guy. I was thinking about sending him an email and tell him that he was a liar and a real jerk that with a kid and a wife/gf he started a relationship, but I am not sure to contact him or not. Please advice.

 

Same guy as back in feb 2010?

[pinkstar]

Where to pay $50 to check ? Ive got his correct name i know where he works and his birth date and his city...its a good idea to go to jewish rabbi , im not jewush i hope he speaks to me ...or better to move on, I'm the same idiot in 2010...wasn't in touch with him for a year ,then he came back to me again and said no kid , it's my nephew...I feel horrible don't blame me for that... Hes not in fb but hes in twitter and im not in twitter, but I want to know before I move on ...

[2sunny]

You've wondered about this jerk since 2009... And have you two met?

 

Pay Intellius and find out...

[justwhoiam]

Or you can tell him you booked a flight and would like to stay at his place. Hopefully he doesn't have 2 places to stay... If he freaks out, then he might be lying.

[CC12]

And have you two met?

 

This is a very important question. OP, please answer it.

 

Also, please describe the nature of your relationship. If you have met, how often do you see each other in person? Have you met any of his friends? Is there talk about the future, like do you have plans to move closer to each other at some point?

[pinkstar]

No I said earlier I never met him he asked me once to meet him in a country closer to me.. And I couldn't make it he was there for a business trip.. The problem is he's living in israel, I'm not allowed to go there , passport issue , can travel everywhere except his country, we talked about future , I moved to another country in 2009 not because of him , just to study and work so the distance is much bigger now ...I admit that I fell for him but I always think what if he's married ... I talked to him in weekends at night when he's at home and even voice chat and he was alone but I'm still not sure ...the background check website is only for US citizen... What should I do...

[CC12]

No I said earlier I never met him

 

You did say this here once, but it was in one of your posts from 2010, I believe. It would have been reasonable to assume you had met him in person at least once in the two or three years that this has been going on. [EDIT: I just read back through your posts and saw that you did indeed say that in this thread. My apologies. It still doesn't change anything I wrote in this post, though.]

 

I'm pretty sure what I'm about to say isn't the kind of advice you were looking for, so I'm going to apologize beforehand, but here goes. This relationship thing that you have? It will never, ever be more than online flirtation. Never. Whether he is married or not is really irrelevant right now. He is not serious about you or having a real relationship with you. This is a fantasy for him, a girl online who will validate him and who he can talk to when he's bored. He has no intention of meeting you. Ever. Please believe me.

 

So my advice is to stop wasting your time and emotional energy on this relationship. "Break up" with him. Find a man who you can actually be with physically.

 

If you're still willing to see this through to the bitter end, then tell him that you need to meet him. Like, now. Plan to travel close to where he is and tell him to meet you there. Pick a meeting place where it is completely feasible for him to travel to, like somewhere he can take a bus or train to. If he wants to see you and make this a real thing, he will do whatever it takes to make it happen. If he flakes out on you or gives you some excuse, you'll know that it's time to put an end to this charade and go live your life.

Edited September 21, 2012 by CC12

[pinkstar]

What if I tell him to meet and he say yes and I meet him and then I find out he's married... But you're right ..it's just fun for him and I should end this and start a new life... I tried in this period,3 years ,dating with other people in real life but unfortunately I got so engaged with this virtual relationship I couldn't move on and every time I went out with some one the same day he just sent an email and I was just going down and down like gradually drowning ... You guys helped me a lot already and it's exactly what I wanted to hear ... To leave this ...and move on...I just hope it's just as easy as typing this in here

[bluegreen]

Am sure its not going to be easy betrayal burns and hurts for long while but as nothing lasts forever neither does the pain.

Tell him what you suspect ALL of it every last detail and if you can be CALM

am really curious what will he say make up few facts if you need to just to see how he will react will he get mad calmly say its not truth or burst in tears.

 

After all you are only one who can decide on this you have fallen in love and no one has right to judge you but you will never have any piece if you don't discover whole truth even if he has miserable marriage and is to chicken to get out its not enough excuse to hide it from you ...

[TMichaels]

...the background check website is only for US citizen... What should I do...

 

You may want to try Googling "Private Invesigator Israel" and/or "Israeli Background Check." Both will yield some possible avenues that might be helpful.

 

I'd post the links but apparently LS won't allow the posting of links to commercial sites.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[pinkstar]

Thank you for your advice ... Im scared if I try to check his background they call him and tell him some one from the country I'm living in, did check his background... I'm trying not to talk to him and I didn't since I posted in here... I hope he doesn't and just leave me alone... So I can think about new people around me... I regret the whole thing..the time I spent for this guy and all

[TMichaels]

Thank you for your advice ... Im scared if I try to check his background they call him and tell him some one from the country I'm living in, did check his background...

 

A Private Investigator works for whomever pays them to do the investigating and that relationship is confidential. Any of the online services that provide background reports do so by pulling information from public records. In either case, there's no way this guy would have any idea anyone was "checking up on him."

 

However...

 

 

... I'm trying not to talk to him and I didn't since I posted in here... I hope he doesn't and just leave me alone... So I can think about new people around me... I regret the whole thing..the time I spent for this guy and all

No sense kicking yourself around the block. Live and learn.

 

But, don't *try" not to talk to him. DON'T talk to him again -- ever.

 

If you don't think you're strong enough to avoid the temptation, then block him, delete your account, change your account information, etc. IOW, make it impossible for him to get in touch.

 

Then, get on with your plan of meeting new people locally who you can get to know, love, and trust.

 

Best of luck,

TMichaels

[I'm nuts]

If this guy was serious have would have come to see you, by serious I mean single, he would have seen you ages ago if he was that interested.

 

Some men might be bored in there marriage or have marriage problems and they like some attention from another woman to massage their ego, they might be fearful to tell the woman because they might actually like talking to her but know she will leave if she finds out he is married, it's stupid things men do.

 

I would ask much more probing questions.

 

Confront him... you are married aren't you!! check his reaction

 

You say you love me but you don't want to see me, why?

 

I have got my visa, I am coming to visit you!!!!

 

Scare him in to a answer, but the amount of time you have known him and he hasn't been to seen you I am positive he is married and just wants to keep it is an internet relationship.