woodstok Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 Ok so my ex-girlfriend and i broke up about 2 months ago and since then we have stayed very close, gone out, talked and even decided we would work things out and build back what we had. She left me because she felt as though sometimes i did not show her that i loved her enough and even said i could have told her a few more times that i loved her. She also felt as though when we talked about marriage i was not sincere enough about my feelings and that is why she always hinted at marriage to see what i would say, but obviously the old saying you dont know what you have til its gone is written all over my head. So my question is, i have done a lot of thinking and i have never for a moment doubted my feelings for her. i love her, i see myself with her in the future and know that with this one life that i have i would want nothing more than to go through it with her by my side. I know she still loves me because she tells me so, and she even told her mother and most of her friends she felt she could spend the rest of her life with me, they were all surprised when we broke up because of the way she spoke to them about me. If things were not meant to be she and i would not be here talking and trying to work things out 2 months later. So i have a question, i am ready to make the commitment and have no doubts nor would i ever have any regrets about asking her to marry me, so should I? One of my close friends that knows the both of us very well, said i should propose to her, and i want to but with the break up and the fact that we decided to work things out but take them slow i dont know if right now if should. Maybe that is what she wants is a commitment but i am unsure if i should wait or if i should just do it. I even thought about maybe doing it when we go on vacation together in about 2 1/2 months, what do you guys think? Any women here that could give me advice? what would you do if someone you saw yourself with the rest of your life, but broke up with them and then decided to take things slow, proposed to you? Should i wait, but what if i wait to long? what if i lose her during this time?
dasani08810 Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 I would say go for it. The fact that you propose shows your intent of a direction; it doesn't have to slam you back into full force relationship mode. How "slow" or "fast" you get back to relationship has nothing to do with showing your intent of direction. Know what I mean? I think a proposal of marriage is just like a proposal of business. In a sense, it's a "Ok, let's work together to get to this particular goal." The definition of how to "get there" is as independent as the couple themselves. To me, dating is directionless; boyfriend/girlfriend is directionless. Sure, with those "relationships" there is an "implied" direction. But a proposal, defines a direction. Meaning; there is security in that definition. Give her a ring; make the most romantic proposal you can make. Here's an idea: On your next get together, take her to a nice restaurant. Before you pick her up, drop by the restaurant and drop off a dozen roses and ask the manager to deliver them to the table after you finish your meal. Also, give him the ring. Ask him to bring 2 glasses of champagne to the table along with the roses. Have him drop the ring into her glass of champagne. Once she gets over the sight of the roses and sees the ring in the glass, drop to your knee and propose in front of the entire restaurant. Even if she says no; THAT will be in her mind for the rest of her life! Go for it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
nikkicam71 Posted July 24, 2004 Posted July 24, 2004 I say Dasani is right on! Any woman who has ANY love whatsoever, and has doubts, when courted and romanced to that extent is going to cave HARD! If she's a romantic at all, she'll probably cry like a baby and be so incredibly moved....PLEASE make sure you post after you've proposed! One more thought....IF by some freak of nature she hesitates, says no...then at least you'll know, you'll REALLY know. As a woman of 32, who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love my ex, regardless of whatever doubts I have re. our breakup, etc...if he came back and did something like that, I'd say yes in a HEARTBEAT. You're opening yourself up, making yourself vulnerable...declaring your love and committment in an entirely PUBLIC way...I SAY GO FOR IT!! PLEASE keep us updated! I'm praying for you (and for all of us!) that she says yes!! ~Nikki
Author woodstok Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 Thank you so much for your advice, and you are both right, i mean this is the only life i have why not do it. I know i am opening myself up to rejection but like you said "nothing ventured nothing gained", i guess i am just worried because we decided to work things out but take things slow and i dont want her to feel like i am pressuring her. I know that if i would have asked her to marry me while we were together she would have without a doubt said yes to me, but now after the break up i u guess i am unsure. I am also very creative and that is why i thought maybe do it when we go on vacation, we are going on a 7 day romantic getaway in october and i know its a few months away but given the taken things slow and stuff i figure go for it then. What do you guys think? Like i said i have no doubts about her, i feel she is the one, if she was not when we broke up i would have not realized my mistakes, changed them, and still had a relationship of sorts with her, before i have always moved on and now its been 2 months and i still feel the same if not more for her than before. For some starnge reason we have remained in each others lives and i feel the reason is because we are supposed to be together.
Author woodstok Posted July 24, 2004 Author Posted July 24, 2004 Also one more question, i know the exact ring that she wants but i have a ring that my mom got when i was little to give to the woman i woud ask to marry me, its a 14k gold band with 5 1/2 karat diamonds across it and i had this idea to propose to her with this ring that my mom has for me and then on our wedding day give her the ring she is to truly have and wants. It would mean a lot to me for her to wear this ring my mom got as it would be a symbol of how worthy i feel she is to me and my family and also its something different, the only thing is i dont want her to be dissapointed when i propose and its not the ring she wants right away, but i will explain to her as she has no idea about this ring because its a family secret anyways what do you guys think?
lost_in_chgo Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 I think that ring thing is completely creepy. Sure you got the real story on that? Mom bought it for your fiancee when you were little? Sounds like mom had another offer that didn't work out and made up a little story. Or mom's way too involved in your plans. Don't be surprised if you tell that story and she runs for the hills.
Author woodstok Posted July 25, 2004 Author Posted July 25, 2004 What is creepy about it? My mom got it when I was born because its something she could always hand down to me and thank God she is still here to do it, what if she was not here at least the ring would be something that reminded me that she wanted me to find a partner in life to share my life with. She was just looking out for me and wanted me to have a happy life and the ring is a symbol that that is what she has always wanted for me and the woman i give it to is worthy of that. Why would my mom lie? She has a wedding ring from my dad, have you not ever heard of rings being passed down generation to generation, if i give this ring to this girl and if we ever have children, this is something we could pass down to them as well. What is so wrong with that? P.S. FYI my mom is not very involved in my life and i find it a pretty crappy thing to say when i would like my mom to maybe be a little more involved in my life. This ring is very special to me and it would mean so much to me to be able to let the woman i am going to marry wear it until our wedding day when she will recieve her true ring. But thanks for your positivity.....ass
mintjulep Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 have you not ever heard of rings being passed down generation to generation. This is not that situation, though, so I think that point a little irrelevant, don't you? - especially since there's no reason why the ring of her dreams can't be the one she passes on. I initially thought that the story sounded odd, too. I don't think it sounds over-involved, but it's...different - and not a different that all women would appreciate (I wouldn't, but that's only after considering my certain circumstance with my boyfriend and his slightly overbearing, somewhat over-involved mom - who is involved in his life more than I assume your mother is, since you were so defensive about that). HOWEVER - because it is special to you, it will definitely be special to someone who loves you. (Especially since you say that you are still going to get her the ring of her dreams - which is over the top in sweet, beautiful gestures. One ring is more than enough if it's the right guy, and a second is unnecessary if she's receptive to the first.) You could even get the ring of her dreams for her first anniversary - as a surprise. Let us know how it goes. Something tells me she won't be able to say no.
nikkicam71 Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 Propose to her with the ring she wants. Consider the ring your mom gave you during the wedding ceremony....but DO NOT forget the primacy of the choice you are making....consider the Biblical appeal to cleave to your wife...Ephesians...5: 31... "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Consider her wants and needs first; I am certain that once the two of you discuss the symbolism and importance of this ritual inheritance, she will accede. BUT...put her first. or don't propose at all. If you aren't ready to place her first, you aren't ready to move to the next level. IMHO. ~Nikki
Recommended Posts