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Posted

Hello all,

 

I've never been the best writer and my mind is working at light speed at the moment so I apologize for the horrible form of my post.

 

I met this women a couple months ago through her husbands cousin. We hit it off instantly although just as friends at that point in time. I thought she was beautiful and the sweetest girl I had ever know. But alas she was married so it was forbidden fruit. We developed a stronger friendship that started turning into an emotional affair. I started to resent her husband because he is an alcoholic, uses drugs, was a habitual cheater (even two days after their wedding I later find out), is mentally abusive, and is physically domineering. I could never stop thinking about how much better I would treat her if I had the chance to be with her, and was appalled by the way he treated such a perfect person.

 

After one particular episode of his Douchebaggery', I was on the phone with her while she cried and I asked her why she didn't leave him. She admitted she had already planned on getting a divorce before her and I met, but that meeting me made her realize how truly unhappy she was. The only reason she had stayed with him was because of their two sons and the fear of failing on her own. Her plan was to save money when she leaves for basic training (she just joined the air national guard) and get her own place and ask for a divorce when she gets home. She didn't want him to either run away with the kids or make it hard to talk to them while she is gone.

 

A couple nights ago he came home drunk and verbally abused her to the point that he told her to get out of her own house. She woke me at three o'clock after driving an hour to my house. I held her while she cried and tried to console her the best I could. She told me she loved me and wanted to be together when she gets back. We kissed and slept together that night. I've never been so happy to hold someone and make them happy, even if only for a night.

 

I've never been the type to date or even be nice to anyone. I've always been called the ******* among my peers. But I genuinely enjoy being the nicest person to her. I don't want to say anything but sweet things to her. I smile when she is happy and want nothing but to have a family with her. Never before have I felt like I was meant to be with someone, but I feel like she is my other half. The one I was meant to be with.

 

My problem is I have never even been close to this type of situation before and I want to wait for her. Should I trust that she will leave him even though she has never been able to and how do I wait for that time without losing my mind in the process. Should I end this now before it causes me even more pain than I already witness. I don't even really know the correct questions to ask. More than anything I just needed to get this out to someone that can give me advice since I have no one to talk to about this.

Posted

Always put your guards up. Her actions should speak louder than her words. Never trust easily coz' some women are so good at spinning tales and turning the tables around. If she's not doing anything about her divorce plans then you've got your answer. She may use you for emotional support and still decide to fix her marriage after.

 

Or she may truly be sincere...

However which way just try to keep your emotions controlled coz' situations like these are often sticky.

  • Like 1
Posted
Hello all,

 

I've never been the best writer and my mind is working at light speed at the moment so I apologize for the horrible form of my post.

 

I met this women a couple months ago through her husbands cousin. We hit it off instantly although just as friends at that point in time. I thought she was beautiful and the sweetest girl I had ever know. But alas she was married so it was forbidden fruit. We developed a stronger friendship that started turning into an emotional affair. I started to resent her husband because he is an alcoholic, uses drugs, was a habitual cheater (even two days after their wedding I later find out), is mentally abusive, and is physically domineering. I could never stop thinking about how much better I would treat her if I had the chance to be with her, and was appalled by the way he treated such a perfect person.

 

After one particular episode of his Douchebaggery', I was on the phone with her while she cried and I asked her why she didn't leave him. She admitted she had already planned on getting a divorce before her and I met, but that meeting me made her realize how truly unhappy she was. The only reason she had stayed with him was because of their two sons and the fear of failing on her own. Her plan was to save money when she leaves for basic training (she just joined the air national guard) and get her own place and ask for a divorce when she gets home. She didn't want him to either run away with the kids or make it hard to talk to them while she is gone.

 

A couple nights ago he came home drunk and verbally abused her to the point that he told her to get out of her own house. She woke me at three o'clock after driving an hour to my house. I held her while she cried and tried to console her the best I could. She told me she loved me and wanted to be together when she gets back. We kissed and slept together that night. I've never been so happy to hold someone and make them happy, even if only for a night.

 

I've never been the type to date or even be nice to anyone. I've always been called the ******* among my peers. But I genuinely enjoy being the nicest person to her. I don't want to say anything but sweet things to her. I smile when she is happy and want nothing but to have a family with her. Never before have I felt like I was meant to be with someone, but I feel like she is my other half. The one I was meant to be with.

 

My problem is I have never even been close to this type of situation before and I want to wait for her. Should I trust that she will leave him even though she has never been able to and how do I wait for that time without losing my mind in the process. Should I end this now before it causes me even more pain than I already witness. I don't even really know the correct questions to ask. More than anything I just needed to get this out to someone that can give me advice since I have no one to talk to about this.

 

 

Nobody is perfect, she sounds nice and in a bit of a pickle.....like a mango sized pickle...known as mango atchar which i am seriously craving the salt i think im on a diet so i am craving weird crap.....sorry tangent thinking...I would give her a chance to sort it out are the kids young? Because you talk about him running away with them......

 

A divorce takes time not really sure how long never been married the biggest concern would be that you are in pain I am sure the woman in question wouldn't want you to be.that is your concern.Her concern should be she isn't single and shouldn't have had sex with you until the relationship she was in was over.....then she is free......you sound like a good guy.....you have to stop thinking she is perfect she is making mistakes she made one with you....it was a mistake because she wasnt free to sleep with you.......she may love you it may be over......

 

the only way to know for sure is for her to tell her husband.I ended a relationship when i was attracted to someone else (my ex now) and the ex before that i actually hunted him down and told him i was going to be in a relationship with my ex and i took that guy i wanted to start a relationship with me......so he could hear me say it......this guy was abusive the one i told it was over but i would rather face consequences of being truthful than consequences of keeping secrets i have enough in my life that is hurtful to keep adn difficult for me to have......secrets stuff with your mind

 

she needs to have you and the husband together in the same room and say how it is.......straight up, down the line, front line attitude.......if you love someone you are not scared to face the consequences of being truthful together.....its awkward but life is full of awkward moments and possible risks ......you need to know, she needs to say it and the husband needs to hear it just not every gory detail.......it needs to be done....

 

and if it is a risk to you .....and to her....there are avenues you can take after the facts are revealed.....honestly you should have thought of all these scenarios before you and her slept together.....consequence......and to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction is another mantra of mine....i wish you the very best....the truth will set all of you free......if she does love you she will want that....deb......

  • Like 1
Posted
Always put your guards up. Her actions should speak louder than her words. Never trust easily coz' some women are so good at spinning tales and turning the tables around. If she's not doing anything about her divorce plans then you've got your answer. She may use you for emotional support and still decide to fix her marriage after.

 

Or she may truly be sincere...

However which way just try to keep your emotions controlled coz' situations like these are often sticky.

 

 

Life and love are sticky but with sticky comes the sweet and that is in a normal relationship when you add honey.....mmmm...honey

  • Author
Posted (edited)

The oldest is 5, the youngest is 3. So yes they are still very young. She has expressed her concerns that waiting for her to get back is going to hurt me and she apologizes insistently whenever something has got me down.

Edited by Dillon1020
  • Like 1
Posted
The oldest is 5, the youngest is 3. So yes they are still very young. She has expressed her concerns that waiting for her to get back is going to hurt me and she apologizes insistently whenever something has got me down.

 

How long would she be away? How long after she's back does she say she can file?

 

Are you sure you want to be with her, and it's not just the make good feelings of playing rescuer?

 

Is her H physically abusive?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

How long would she be away?

 

She will be gone almost four months

 

How long after she's back does she say she can file?

 

As soon as she is back she will be able to file.

 

Are you sure you want to be with her, and it's not just the make good feelings of playing rescuer?

 

I'm positive. The feelings I have for her started before I knew all the gory details of their marriage. But I know the details to be true since I have witnessed them myself.

 

Is her H physically abusive?

 

I have never seen him be physically abusive but she has said that there has been times that he has been.

Posted
Making plans with an unfaithful married woman with two little kids is suicidal.

 

Go find yourself a single women with no children. Why must you play the role of Knight and save this woman in distress? It makes you feel good, but it is idiotic. She will likely be unfaithful to you too if you continue this.

 

I have to agree with this.

 

She likes you because of her situation. That does not mean she would not like you if she was already divorced. However, it is not known yet because she craves someone who shows her kindness and tender love. You are her beacon during a storm.

 

And you do not know how many beacons she has had or will have. I know the feeling of her being perfect, but as you know, none of us are. If you truly care for her, then do not get involved. Let her make up her own mind about her marriage without your influence on her emotions. Then if she gets divorced and wants to date you, you will have a greater chance of a happy future together...provided she does not use another man as an escape when your relationship has its stormy times.

  • Author
Posted
Making plans with an unfaithful married woman with two little kids is suicidal.

 

It is an emotional struggle I am willing to endure to the end to see the result. She deserves someone better and I believe myself to be that person.

 

Go find yourself a single women with no children.

 

If I was to look for someone to settle down with it would need to be a women with children seeming as i'm unable to have my own children after a mishap in Iraq.

 

Why must you play the role of Knight and save this woman in distress?

 

Because this particular damsel in distress is the one that swept me off my feet not the other way around.

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