breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I had a relationship 4 for years with a woman who I loved very much but we were both not in a good place. We argued a lot and in the end, I lost my connection to her. She was a good, loving partner who gave her all to the relationship, perhaps too much. When we broke up I discovered that she had been hacking my emails for 3 months, many times a day prior to and after the break up. This really really hurt, angered and shocked me. I changed my email, changed all my passwords and changed my phone number. She never came to my house and never contacted me ever again. During our time together I probably treated her worse than I have ever treated anyone and I would dump her quite frequently which would cause her a lot of trauma. During one of the break ups she found out that I was on a dating site and when we broke up for good she disclosed that she knew I was still on there throughout the duration of the last few months we were together. She has recently tried to contact me to apologise for hacking into my emails. I have known that she has done some major self development on herself and has become prominent in the community as a public speaker and volunteer. I never quite saw her as the same person after she hacked my emails. Was it the stress of the relationship? Did she finally snap? I don't know. I do know that she loved me very much and I have never loved like that in my life. It brought out things in me and I pushed her away because I was uncomfortable with my feelings. I believe that she still has feelings for me but is extremely cautious to approach me because of what she has done and the embarrassment it has caused. What would you do? Would you at least talk to her and accept her apology or ignore her?
MonsterMash Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 So....if you were so in love with this chick, then why were you on dating sites?
Balzac Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Any chance she's working a 12-Step program?
Author breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I was never attracted to anyone again like I was to her. Is it ever possible to get past something like this? My friends and family really liked her but after they knew what she had done they wanted nothing to do with her and I requested that they not tell her anything about me. Although I have never cheated, what is worse? A person who monitors your emails and other accounts, someone who cheats or someone who steals, or someone who lies? I just don't know!
Author breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I was on a dating site during one of our break ups but was not an active member so I never pursued anything. I was on there because I thought it might be easier with someone else and to get over her. She used to talk about Codependents Anonymous so she may be working the twelve steps. She never drank or did any drugs.
MonsterMash Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I was never attracted to anyone again like I was to her. Is it ever possible to get past something like this? My friends and family really liked her but after they knew what she had done they wanted nothing to do with her and I requested that they not tell her anything about me. Although I have never cheated, what is worse? A person who monitors your emails and other accounts, someone who cheats or someone who steals, or someone who lies? I just don't know! Now we're getting somewhere. Deflection. Let me cut through the bs. You were actively seeking out other women on dating sites. If you didn't cheat, you wanted to by those actions. But then you get upset after she wants to know what you were really up to. I mean shes suspicious enough to hack your accounts...and you already admitted you treated her like ****. Come on dude. Theres more to this story and we both know it.
Author breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Now we're getting somewhere. Deflection. Let me cut through the bs. You were actively seeking out other women on dating sites. If you didn't cheat, you wanted to by those actions. But then you get upset after she wants to know what you were really up to. I mean shes suspicious enough to hack your accounts...and you already admitted you treated her like ****. Come on dude. Theres more to this story and we both know it. I never cheated on her. I went onto one site and updated my old profile and was not hidden. I wasn't a paying member and never corresponded with the matches. There was nothing for her to be suspicious about for her to hack my emails, surely.
Balzac Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Your basic trust was obliterated. There's no reason to have any contact with her. It's way beyond how much or in what way she's morphed into something new.
Minka333 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Just make sure you won't miss or look for her love/care when she diverts her attention with another man. If you don't, then you'll be ok. I think she did those things coz' someone has prolly burnt her trust so bad before.
Author breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I guess I would continually push and pull her during the relationship. I would tell her I loved her and then when she would question or challenge me I would see it as a direct attack no matter how she phrased it and I would get angry and break up with her. This happened at least once a month, so I need to take responsibility for my part. Also when things were good I could be moody and aloof and I would imagine that she had no idea what was going on.
Author breeze123 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Minka, she was sexually abused as a child and her previous long term relationship ended when her ex cheated on her. I know that she asked her ex over and over but got a denial and again, she found out through emails.
Sebastian76 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 A person who cheats is worse than somebody who stalks their loved one out of fear of loosing that person. It is a self defense mechanism when you feel your reality is out of your control. I've stalked, not proud of it, but did find evidence that an ex cheated and accordingly dumped her. I stalked my next gf a few times because I couldn't read her signals. The stalking (knowing the truth) put my mind at ease so that I could finally dare to give her my all. I think you and your family judged her too hard for this!
ja123 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 If she is doing Codependent's Anonymous / working the 12-steps, then part of the process of recovery is taking responsibility for one's actions, and apologizing. I wouldn't take her apology as a sign of her wanting to get back with you. It might be, of course, but I think it's just an apology. Why not just accept her apology? And move on.
fucpcg Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 You did plenty wrong from what you described, you should be worried about that. You say she did horrible things, but those were AFTER you did horrible things to her, yet somehow you want to say what she did is not warranted or worthy of forgiveness. MAYBE she wouldn't even had done those things, had you not done what you did. Stop picking on her errors.
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