Imajerk17 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Wow, two kids from two different fathers, and the fathers are not involved with the kids?? And now this guy... Well, me thinks first and foremost, you need to work on your people-picker. 1
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I do have one other thought and question. Why was your daughter carrying her sleeping brother into his bed? I can understand not leaving her in the car with the creep but why not insist she accompany you? I see that as putting a parenting responsibility onto her. I cannot imagine what your daughter must have thought and felt. Cannot imagine that she feels compelled to follow your lead on dealing with the creep. Absent filial contact, exposure to creeps is her introduction to men. What a tragic scenario. My daughter was carrying her sleeping brother into the house because everyone else was unloading the car (stroller, cooler, etc...) not sure why a big sister carrying her baby brother in the house for her mother is a big deal anyway... ??? that confuses me. I also have some physical issues that keep me from lifting more than a certain # of pounds. He isn't a creep, as I stated above. This was out of character for him (except for the whole "speak before you think thing") -- which has only once before been something that I took personally
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I consider talk amongst peers, nasty as it can be, very much different than talk by an adult male, specifically one in a relationship with her mother. My thought is that you perhaps fail to appreciate the message his rhetoric sends. It speaks to your personal boundaries, value you place on respect and how to interact with adult makes. You are harming your daughter. I agree with the first statement that it is much different than talking to peers. That being said, I do think this would've been harmful to my daughter, if he hadn't apologized several times and gone to her in private (I was outside the door) to let her know how stupid he was for saying such a thing and how he will never do that sort of thing again. He did sincerely apologize and she forgave him. (not to say something like that doesn't stick in your head... it has stuck in mine)
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I always say things and think later crap why did i say that.Everybody has awkward or silly moments we arent perfect any of us.It takes a while for a single guy to get used to kids.My daughters boyfriend wasn't used to having young kids around he has adjusted the more time that is spent in a family situation, i sometimes when i am angry say inappropriate things in front o fmy children i have five so you woudl think i wouldnt make mistakes i make them every day in one way or another different ones though .....and i will always apologise.You should forgive and let him get used to it......it wont take that long.......Its funny because my ex has lost some ability to relate to his children over years spent apart.He has forgotten that kids are kids and when they become teens they need to be given lead way....everyone needs lead way....and to make mistakes to learn from them...your guy made a mistake and he probably learnt and showed remorse....he is a good egg.......keep him..best wishes ...deb He has been around my children for the last year, but this is a guy I grew up with. Our families have known each other for 25 years. He was an only child and doesn't have children now. His family doesn't have small children in it. In essence, it is like he has been a bachelor his whole adult life (despite being married). So, although it pisses me off, I think that has alot to do with it.
LittlePrince Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I don't care how accurate it is, it is a word that has negative connotations in our society and doesn't need to be directed at either of my children. PERIOD Of course. That's why he shouldn't be your bf.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 With the way this woman goes through guys and considering she is very likely going for the same type time and time again the damage has already been done. The daughter's interaction with her peers will be more important since she spends the most time with them and where she stands with them will dictate where she stands in society as an adult. And... I don't "go through" guys. I have been in a "relationship" with a total of 5 people my entire life. I just listened to the two bastards who convinced me of things that weren't true. Yes, I saw the signs and chose to try to "fix" them. And my bad picker comes from the fact that the male authority figure in my life abused me as a child. So, the male authority figure in a childs life definitely has a more lasting effect on a person than their peers do. My child does have a multitude of postive male role models (5 uncles) who take an active role in her raising.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Well....thats one way to make my blood pressure skyrocket. I don't give a tinkers damn if it was said in jest, or not thinking or what. Even if its technically true...you never call a child a bastard. EVER. Lets see...the childs own biological father doesn't come around. Which causes issues in and of itself. But then mama's boyfriend refers to him as a bastard where he could potentially hear it? But then refers to the daughter as a female bastard?!?! OMG.....he needs to be curb stomped. And what I find absolutely appalling is the so called mother even questions whether or not he's an ass or "had a stupid moment." Really? REALLY!?!? Do you need a man around so much that you would even consider putting up with this blatant disrespect to YOUR CHILDREN? This thread should be about how this ******* referred to your kids as bastards and you bounced him out of your lives so fast his head would spin. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Really?!?! Why is there even a question here??? I am not a "so called" mother. I am MY CHILDREN's mother, which is why I stood up for her and have raised a pretty awesome couple of kids. I really should end a 1.5 year relationship with a guy who so far has been awesome because he probably wasn't thinking when he spoke??? That is a bit harsh. I was and still am pissed about it, but he did seem remorseful for what he said and did make steps to resolve it. (ask my daughter for forgiveness)
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I think the OP is more upset than she should be because its true... My Children aren't bastards you jerk! They have fathers... it isn't their fault if they are *********s as well.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I think this is exactly why you shouldn't bring 'boyfriends' around your children. The man you are 100% sure you're going to marry, sure. But not a boyfriend. Ever. Kids deserve more than to have a revolving door of father figures in and out of their life. Especially considering Mom generally has a poor judge of character and exposes them to unnecessary hurts. (Both from stupid behavior from the men and also the children to get attached only to have the person ripped from their life after a break up) QUIT BRINGING BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS around your children, people! Children need stability! My children have been around 2 men their entire lives. My last ex-husband and my current boyfriend. I, by no means, have been a "revolving door" for men. I have dated men and even had relationships with men who have never met my children (including the last ex-husband). This time, I consulted my daughter and asked her if she wanted to be included in the process and she said yes. So, I included her. She has been around him for the last year and likes him. This has been the first instance where he has said anything like this to her.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Wow, two kids from two different fathers, and the fathers are not involved with the kids?? And now this guy... Well, me thinks first and foremost, you need to work on your people-picker. Two kids from 2 different dads... a little history would help I guess. I was 18 when I got married, barely knew the guy and he went to prison when I was pregnant. I was single for 10 years before I even started dating again. Son's dad was a con-artist criminal and I was unaware of that until after we were married. Tried to make it work, but he let the real guy show through and I couldn't have THAT in my house with my children. This guy is nothing like either of them. No criminal background, no addictions, no anger issues, just been a bachelor for a long time. I don't think he is a bad pick, just said something stupid. Of course, if this turns into a pattern, then he is gone. He hasn't done anything like this before (except saying something stupid to me that hurt my feelings a while ago)
MonsterMash Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I am not a "so called" mother. I am MY CHILDREN's mother, which is why I stood up for her and have raised a pretty awesome couple of kids. I really should end a 1.5 year relationship with a guy who so far has been awesome because he probably wasn't thinking when he spoke??? That is a bit harsh. I was and still am pissed about it, but he did seem remorseful for what he said and did make steps to resolve it. (ask my daughter for forgiveness) You think its harsh? Tell me....how many free passes does this prick get to call your kids bastards before you say "enough?" You sound like a woman with a history of abusive relationships....always making excuses for the guy. He "probably wasn't thinking when he hit me. He's never done it before. He's been awesome up until this one *little* incident." Its sad actually. I don't feel for you....I feel for your kids. 2
Janesays Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 My children have been around 2 men their entire lives. My last ex-husband and my current boyfriend. I, by no means, have been a "revolving door" for men. I have dated men and even had relationships with men who have never met my children (including the last ex-husband). This time, I consulted my daughter and asked her if she wanted to be included in the process and she said yes. So, I included her. She has been around him for the last year and likes him. This has been the first instance where he has said anything like this to her. I really don't care. Say you and boyfriend don't work out. The break up is a bad one. But over the months, years, whatever, both of your children came to love this man. And now he's gone. Boom. Vanish. You don't think that will affect them AT ALL? And I won't even talk about all the men that could potentially abuse your daughter when you're still in the 'getting to know whether or not this man is an abuser' stage of your relationship. Take it from me, whose Mother DID introduce us to men, allow us to get attached, only for us to suffer the loss of a loved one when her and guy #813 didn't work out. The men didn't die, but it sure as heck felt that way to me and my little brother. And the whole time, we wondered why they never came to see us anymore? Did they not like us? Was the break up our fault? No, our Mother was just an a$$ hole who didn't put that much thought into our emotional well being when it came to her precious boyfriends. We got the news nice and early. Her love life trumped our childhood every time. You're doing the same thing, whether you want to admit it or not. You're setting a bad example for both of your children in the process. You're not being careful with their physical, mental or their emotional health. Children need stability and they need to see healthy, stable long lasting relationships. They don't need to be worrying about Mommy's jerk boyfriends. 1
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I really don't care. Say you and boyfriend don't work out. The break up is a bad one. But over the months, years, whatever, both of your children came to love this man. And now he's gone. Boom. Vanish. You don't think that will affect them AT ALL? And I won't even talk about all the men that could potentially abuse your daughter when you're still in the 'getting to know whether or not this man is an abuser' stage of your relationship. Take it from me, whose Mother DID introduce us to men, allow us to get attached, only for us to suffer the loss of a loved one when her and guy #813 didn't work out. The men didn't die, but it sure as heck felt that way to me and my little brother. And the whole time, we wondered why they never came to see us anymore? Did they not like us? Was the break up our fault? No, our Mother was just an a$$ hole who didn't put that much thought into our emotional well being when it came to her precious boyfriends. We got the news nice and early. Her love life trumped our childhood every time. You're doing the same thing, whether you want to admit it or not. You're setting a bad example for both of your children in the process. You're not being careful with their physical, mental or their emotional health. Children need stability and they need to see healthy, stable long lasting relationships. They don't need to be worrying about Mommy's jerk boyfriends. No offence... I am not your "********* Mother." I don't have guy #813... I have guy#1 who is being screened as a potential husband down the road. The last guy was introduced before we got married and he was nice to her for a couple months until we got married and then he turned in to a giant (bleep) I asked my daughter about being around my boyfriend after we dated for about 6 months. She said she would like that so she can have more input.
Later82012 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 The guy is cruel, dumb, insensitive... He doesn't have any respect for your kids. As an adult he should know that those kids are not responsible for the situation they are in and should be very kind and loving to them.
Janesays Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 (edited) No offence... I am not your "********* Mother." I don't have guy #813... I have guy#1 who is being screened as a potential husband down the road. The last guy was introduced before we got married and he was nice to her for a couple months until we got married and then he turned in to a giant (bleep) I asked my daughter about being around my boyfriend after we dated for about 6 months. She said she would like that so she can have more input. Hey, don't you think it's the adult's job to do the screening and not your teenage daughter? Grow up. Seriously. I guess I'd love any child I had too much to expose them to a strange man until I screened him and was SURE I was going to marry him first. I mean, you did it your way and your "boyfriend" called your children both bastards to their faces. Wouldn't have happened if you would have done your job as a parent and kept them out of your love life in the first place. I know I sound harsh right now, but it's nothing compared to the harshness you'll get from your own kids should this go badly for them. Edited September 20, 2012 by Janesays
Janesays Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Also, if you don't dump this guy STAT, you're pretty much choosing 'some guy' over your own kids. Yep. Mother of the year right here. 1
Silly_Girl Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 She would have heard and put up with worse at school. From her ADOLESCENT PEERS!! Not from a responsible, significant adult in her life.
ThaWholigan Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I don't see the problem, what he said is absolutely correct. It is what it is. By the way OP, just so you know, with the kind of guys you've been exposing your daughter to it's just a matter of time before she meets me or someone like me. We'll welcome her with open arms. That's just the way it is. That is quite possibly the creepiest thing I have ever read on this forum. Why am I not surprised it's come from you? 2
Silly_Girl Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 QUIT BRINGING BOYFRIENDS/GIRLFRIENDS around your children, people! Children need stability! I disagree. I think as kids get older it doesn't hurt them to see that a) adults (even *parents*!) enjoy and need adult company and companionship b) not all relationships have to turn in to marriage and kids, sometimes a great relationship can't progress to a permanent one c) a break-up needn't be a life-stopping event, people come and go I'm not suggesting a revolving door of pawing suitors is a good idea, but I don't think it's a bad thing for teens to get a realistic, positive view on adult relationships. 5
yessy21 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 As long as he apologized and made an effort too apologize to the children then you shouldnt really have a problem. i say stupid stuff all the time. my brother always looks at me adn says " you just dont know when to shut up do you?" its not our fault. we just get a little carried away with our jokes or remarks. i had to apologize today to my friend cause i got carried away with joking around yesterday. 3
ThaWholigan Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 But do you disagree? Im just keeping it real for the OP. Feminism and the ensuing tidal wave of broken homes are like manna from Heaven. Im convinced the architects behind it were after some young chicks but had to get dad out of the way somehow, im eternally grateful to them. If she had an older brother like me, I would beat the sh*t out of guys like that (legal or not) . Maybe OP should think about weapons training.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 If she had an older brother like me, I would beat the sh*t out of guys like that (legal or not) . Maybe OP should think about weapons training. I have a beretta 9mm beside my bed and shotgun on my mantel. I was raised a southern girl by a family of hunters and they don't put up with **** I don't either, that is why I am divorced twice. I am such a nice person, but I have a line. You cross it, you are done. 1
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 But do you disagree? Im just keeping it real for the OP. Feminism and the ensuing tidal wave of broken homes are like manna from Heaven. Im convinced the architects behind it were after some young chicks but had to get dad out of the way somehow, im eternally grateful to them. you are a freakin creep... get some counseling... so my last post. Believe me when I say my daughter's suitors will be very aware of what I am capable of.
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 you are a freakin creep... get some counseling... SEE my last post. Believe me when I say my daughter's suitors will be very aware of what I am capable of. Mistype... SEE my last post
Author Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I don't see the problem, what he said is absolutely correct. It is what it is. By the way OP, just so you know, with the kind of guys you've been exposing your daughter to it's just a matter of time before she meets me or someone like me. We'll welcome her with open arms. That's just the way it is. "guys"... I have a boyfriend now, and my ex-husband who was out the freaking door when he started acting like a douchebag! He would've been gone by now if this wasn't THE FIRST AND ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER SAID ANYTHING AT ALL BAD TO MY CHILDREN!
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