wanting more Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 So tomorrow makes 1 month since 2nd d-day. I had talked to xMM a couple times that week. So much has changed since then. I've posted here and on the Infedility board over the last few weeks. But as the days go by he pops in my mind, and I try to push him out but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. I was in a 3yr A with him. And I do regret it today, and I do feel I wasted those 3 years. But I had fell in love. I bought all his lies, I felt special. After the 1st d-day I really felt special. He knew what he was risking by still being with me but he risked it. He must've really loved me right?? (sarcasm intended). After this d-day he's thrown me under the bus which has really opened my eyes to the who he really is so why do I sit here and cry. Why do the good times from the last 3 years come to mind. I can push them aside and think about this last month but I do hate that I sit here and cry for something that was all a lie. I do wish there was an off button when it comes to him but there's not. Im hurting over a man that hurt me.
lookinxforxchange Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 cause you think about it to much you are to scared of a new relationship but yet you fall back to memories and there is an off button to him get out there and find a friend or someone that you are close to and don't even mention anything about the ex just be yourself and enjoy life without depression grab life by the balls and say to yourself that you wont let this drag you down
lookinxforxchange Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 i had an ex she was on my mind for 5 years after breaking up i dreamed of her to much after that and i so wanted to just go to the doctor and have my brain erased of the memories.. see we all learn from mistakes nobody in this world is perfect so just gain your strength back and fight with all your heart i got faith in you
BetrayedH Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 My ex is in my mind a lot, too. If nothing else, you have a lot of company on that part. Three years was a long investment for you. At least you didn't have to go thru a lengthy marriage with children before you discovered bis true character. 1
half_ofa_heart Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I'm in the same boat less the D-day I was with him for 3 years in May but we broke up in Feb and went NC for a while, then went to LC and back to NC in June. This is the longest NC we have gone and to say it's been difficult is an understatement! I can say that with each day it does get easier. The thing that helped me the most was removing all the daily triggers or reminders of him. I got a new phone so I wouldn't be looking at it expecting a little red light, I found a new route to work so I wouldn't pass by the meeting places where we once met. Changing the things that remind you of him will help.... start there. I even try to stay away from here as reading about all these stories are constant reminders of mine. Good luck to you.
Author wanting more Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Time, sweet time wantingmore. It passes very slowly it seems when we are in pain, but it will pass and you will come out on the other side. There are many stages to go through, and they are all normal and if you feel you need help to navigate, please get some. It's ok to be angry. It will get easier........I promise. It's a different "other side" but I can't wait to get there.
Author wanting more Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 My ex is in my mind a lot, too. If nothing else, you have a lot of company on that part. Three years was a long investment for you. At least you didn't have to go thru a lengthy marriage with children before you discovered bis true character. That's a good way to look at it.
Author wanting more Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 i had an ex she was on my mind for 5 years after breaking up i dreamed of her to much after that and i so wanted to just go to the doctor and have my brain erased of the memories.. see we all learn from mistakes nobody in this world is perfect so just gain your strength back and fight with all your heart i got faith in you Thank you. Would be nice for an erase button, it'd be worth whatever the cost is
Author wanting more Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 I'm in the same boat less the D-day I was with him for 3 years in May but we broke up in Feb and went NC for a while, then went to LC and back to NC in June. This is the longest NC we have gone and to say it's been difficult is an understatement! I can say that with each day it does get easier. It's reassuring to hear with each day it'll get better The thing that helped me the most was removing all the daily triggers or reminders of him. I got a new phone so I wouldn't be looking at it expecting a little red light, I found a new route to work so I wouldn't pass by the meeting places where we once met. Changing the things that remind you of him will help.... start there. I have started packing up everything he gave me. That's helped to just have a box I can throw away everything in. I do try and go around those meeting places. I even try to stay away from here as reading about all these stories are constant reminders of mine. Good luck to you. I go and come on here. Don't post a lot because too much going back and fifth in my mind. But reading does help sometimes. Thanks
HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Forgive. When you and I forgive, we do not condone the actions. (I was also thrown under the bus) But, we pardon, let go and "forget about it." Why do we forget about it? One word. Future. A mind in the past cannot have victory over it. It took me months and months to forgive but once I did, there is freedom. And, if I think upon it, I gently remind myself "that's been forgiven. Let us invest in our future!" "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes
LaCurieuse Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Thank you. Would be nice for an erase button, it'd be worth whatever the cost is It reminds me of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I have been wondering myself if I would take a pill to erase all memories of him and us, if it were possible.
HisGraceisSufficient Posted September 23, 2012 Posted September 23, 2012 Interesting, it made me think about if I have forgiven or not. I've decided I've not, it's been 2 years. Don't really plan on it anytime soon either. lol I think I will sometime, but he will never know of it. Unforgiveness keeps us stuck to a particular person, a particular time and feeling. How can we gain self-respect and confidence back when we know, deep down, that we still harbor anger, resentment, bitterness? Since I have forgiven, I have been able to smile at the thought of "I chose to forgive, even though it wasn't deserved. Even though it hurt me. Even though it may feel foolish." And, one feels a little more brave and a little more able as forgiveness brings freedom and joy.
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