ebt100 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 So, I went out on two dates with a person met on a dating site. First date was fine. I obeyed two day rule, and set up another date via text, though had to wait three hours for a response. Second date goes very well, ends with a kiss on lips, and she (unprompted) says she wants to hang out next week. She says something to the effect of "text me later, k?" or something, but I wasn't paying attention because I thought the date ended well. So, next day at noon she sends text thanking me again for a great evening. After missing a text from her (literally; not getting it on phone) the day before, I wanted to respond promptly so she didn't think I was ignoring her. I said I had fun too, I wanted to hang out again, and asked her what day would be good. I later (about five hours later) added her as a friend on facebook, only because we made reference to that on the second date. Yeah, I feel this was stupid, but don't really know how much this messed things up. Anyhow, I noticed just now (two days later) on the dating site that she has "closed" me. However, because I was only using a mobile version the last two days and only just logged onto the site on a PC, I actually don't know specifically when this closing happened. Anyway, I'm wondering what I did wrong. Why are things like this so darn fragile? (like saying you want to hang out, the next day in response to a text from HER, is too much?). I would post more specifics of the date, but believe me I've been on dates where it was clear the other person wasn't interested and this wasn't like that; quite the opposite. Another question... can this be salvaged with an explanatory email, or something, or should I forget it and move on?
Ugh1 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 So, I went out on two dates with a person met on a dating site. First date was fine. I obeyed two day rule, and set up another date via text, though had to wait three hours for a response. Second date goes very well, ends with a kiss on lips, and she (unprompted) says she wants to hang out next week. She says something to the effect of "text me later, k?" or something, but I wasn't paying attention because I thought the date ended well. So, next day at noon she sends text thanking me again for a great evening. After missing a text from her (literally; not getting it on phone) the day before, I wanted to respond promptly so she didn't think I was ignoring her. I said I had fun too, I wanted to hang out again, and asked her what day would be good. I later (about five hours later) added her as a friend on facebook, only because we made reference to that on the second date. Yeah, I feel this was stupid, but don't really know how much this messed things up. Anyhow, I noticed just now (two days later) on the dating site that she has "closed" me. However, because I was only using a mobile version the last two days and only just logged onto the site on a PC, I actually don't know specifically when this closing happened. Anyway, I'm wondering what I did wrong. Why are things like this so darn fragile? (like saying you want to hang out, the next day in response to a text from HER, is too much?). I would post more specifics of the date, but believe me I've been on dates where it was clear the other person wasn't interested and this wasn't like that; quite the opposite. Another question... can this be salvaged with an explanatory email, or something, or should I forget it and move on? You should forget it and move on. I don't think it was anything you did. You may have had a great time, but she didn't. She probably had a good time, but it wasn't what she was looking for. It wasn't the text response. It wasn't the facebook thing. It was her. Don't worry about it. Go on other dates and let it go. An e-mail will just freak her out. This way if you bump in to her later and there is a possibilty for a future date, you don't make her think you are a crazy obssesive person. Really... just let it go.
amaysngrace Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 It sounds like you're thinking too much and reading too much into it. Pick up the phone and call her. That's the very best way to clear things up when lines of communication get crossed.
Author ebt100 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Posted September 20, 2012 Yes, I probably should call her. Don't know if I actually will though. We are in our mid-late twenties. This person is a model part-time, and I wondered what they were doing out with me anyways. Regardless, I wasn't happy about a kiss goodnight and unprompted suggestion to hang out again from someone who wasn't interested in going out again. In other news, the only positive I can take away from this is that the second date (and affectionate parting) pretty much wiped clean my pining over another lost online dating partner (though that one was a little longer and more intimate). It just sucks because the people I've been out with and actually had feelings for (in whatever way) were few and far between.
Author ebt100 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 So actually, it turns out the person didn't close me (at least I presume they didn't). I am on eHarmony, and when profiles are taken offline entirely, they show up as being "closed," when in fact that is different from active people who personally close you. I feel a little better I suppose about maybe not getting closed (though why the person's profile was taken down is a horse of a different color), but that still leaves me in the place of communications getting ignored. As such, I feel really bad about inserting things about more plans in the text the day after (even if it was in response to a text she initiated), and also the facebook request. I'm 95% sure she's not going to get back to me, so whatever. Just really didn't see this coming after the way the second date ended (and I have seen this kind of thing coming before). I'll admit I've gone out on multiple dates with some individuals I wasn't interested in very much at all, but I never said I wanted to go out again, or gave them a kiss.
amaysngrace Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Did you talk to her since the last date or only text because that's not cool to do if you want to get to know her better. Do you want to go out with her or not?
spiderowl Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I couldn't say what happened here because only she knows, but leaving it two days to contact a girl you went on a date with is too long. She's going to want some kind of feedback soon after. The next day is good. If you leave it longer, she will be wondering if you've disappeared on her. By the time you've contacted her, she will already be wound up at your lack of responsiveness. Just a thought.
Author ebt100 Posted September 21, 2012 Author Posted September 21, 2012 amaysngrace: point taken, thank you. If that wasn't a rhetorical question, the answer is yes. Especially considering now two (or three, depending on how you look at it) ignored communications, I don't know if I'll place a telephone call (to begin with the phone is intimidating). But maybe I will, I guess we'll see. spiderowl: thanks for the thoughts. I'll keep this in mind for future people. Yeah, after first date no contact for two days. And on second date didn't text her that night. Oh well, I thought if I (of all people) could manage to chill out that night that other people could, but who knows. ... Probably the fine line I've messed up on in the past is jumping to make plans again, instead of merely saying I had fun or something... with the initial texts. Part of the thing is I both feel (and have read) that when getting to know someone (something that overlaps early dates, which may only apply to online dating and maybe some "regular" dating), it's better to ease in to the communication thing, not send too many texts out of the gate. I guess it's possible I'm overthinking all of this, and the reality is the person just didn't have a good time (despite saying and texting otherwise). Of course, at some level, I don't want to think this is possible, but it very well could be. I know from personal experience that once a date is over you've decided whether or not you want more, and regardless of when and how a person contacts you, it's not going to change your opinion. But that's just me.
venusianx13 Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 I honestly don't think you did anything wrong, and I really, really have a hard time understanding why dating should be so calculated (i.e. don't text until this much time has passed, etc.) I think that when people have good chemistry, they fall into a rhythm that they are both comfortable with and things just flow smoothly. That said, though, they should both be initiating contact and not put off by the promptness of a text or an invite to be a facebook friend. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to worry about such trivial things when you really, TRULY click with someone.
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