Is it weird to unfriend your ex, and her friends, on FB after she dumps you?

[Pogona]

Serious question. I got dumped about a month and a half ago. Nothing super malicious, but between all the **** going on in her life and some borderline mental problems she said she couldn't be in a relationship. Whatever.

 

I really liked this girl even though we had only been together about 3 months. I thought everything was going great and I could totally see this becoming a fantastic relationship. So when she ended it, I still wanted to at least stay friends on Facebook.

 

Well long story short, that **** just didn't work out. After a week of nightly death-by-Facebook sessions, I unfriended her. I also unfriended her brother and 2 or 3 of her friends I had become friendly with. I sent her a message explaining that it wasn't really because I was angry or anything, but that I just couldn't have these people popping up in my Facebook feed and reminding me of her. Got no response, but I felt pretty good about it at the time.

 

So...was that weird or petty of me to do? I didn't really want to see one of her friends in my feed and think "Oh hey, you were a really cool person. Too bad I'm probably never going to see you again!"

 

Should I have just sucked it up? Or was I totally justified? It's just something that's been bugging me. Thanks for replies.

[Jehuty212]

Do what you've got to do to get her out of your head.

 

 

I don't want to get your hopes, but I went through this last year. I was dating a girl that didn't have all her **** together. She probably just needs time to better herself, she probably didn't want to drag you down with her. Don't take any offense to it.

[Pogona]

Do what you've got to do to get her out of your head.

 

 

I don't want to get your hopes, but I went through this last year. I was dating a girl that didn't have all her **** together. She probably just needs time to better herself, she probably didn't want to drag you down with her. Don't take any offense to it.

 

Yeah I hear you man. Thing is, hope keeps the pain nice and fresh. So forget that. I've already started dating again (two words for guys trying to recover: dance classes. **** works wonders I swear to god). If she ever calls I will think about cautiously exploring the possibilities there. If I was really committed to trying to get her to come back, I probably would have stayed Facebook friends with her (new girl I've been seeing is pretty hot...again, dance classes!)

 

I think unfriending her shows her I'm more concerned about taking care of myself, and that's a good thing in my book. I don't really know why I care one way or the other, but I'm hoping it just doesn't look like a dick move. Maybe it's an integrity thing, but I'd just like to know if I handled this maturely or not.

[suladas]

My ex dumped me two months ago, didn't unfriend her, she just blocked it so I can't see when she's online. I really don't care, neither of us post on facebook that much. I just left it because I still see her almost everyday, seeing her facebook isn't going to change anything.

 

Although when she posted about getting a new job, I texted her a congratulations, although she just ignored it. So if I unfriended her I wouldn't of seen that.

 

Hope does hurt, but I never got any from facebook.

 

And same here, she didn't have her life together from her separation yet, it sucks.

[CptObvious]

she ain't sleepin wit u no more so you're allowed to do w/e u want man. I gotta admit that was pretty cold, but I'm proud of you.

[suladas]

Really it's that cold to just delete them? I honestly was going to do it a few times and I didn't think she would really care when she noticed.

 

But yea, think of yourself first. Whatever is better for you is the way to go.

[robaday]

Someone I loved just deleted me, and I can tell you it stings. I understand why you did it, but I can tell you even though me and her didnt work out, its symbolic, saying "your not good enough to be a friend in my life"

 

things dont work out, its no big deal, it doesnt mean those people no longer exist. if she called me now and needed help id still run like a shot, because i care. and i still care about my early ex's.

 

but then again, im only going through it now;) so forgive my jadedness! do what you have to do mate. i normally deactivate for a couple months till the pain subsides, that way i dont have to go grovelling back!

[Pompom]

I think it's the normal thing to do. Becoming friendly with someone, doesn't mean they have any significance in your life. If the only thing they do anymore, is remind you of her, screw them. And if you don't want her haunting you on Facebook after she left you, that is normal, too.

I've seen many of my friends do this unless they managed to stay good friends but few of them did and those who didn't, removed their ex and the people that came with that ex.

 

I see Facebook as my personal little lounge. You can come and hang with me if we're that close, but if not, I get to kick you out when I feel like it.

[Million.to.1]

i think it was the right thing to do and sending her that messages was right too.

 

if you had just done it and said nothing then she could only assume your angry, but she didn't even reply so that just gives you another reason that justifies why what you did was right.

 

In the long run you will be glad she isn't in your feeds.

[Mr Reptile]

This is what my ex wrote on her wall after the break-up:

"I'm gonna do this, and this and also this all summer! I love my life so fkn much right now! :D"

 

She knew I still had her as friend on facebook, and write this to everyone?

I deleted her as a friend.

 

Then her mom started to post pictures of her "this is my beautiful daughter :)", something she have NEVER done before.

Deleted her too.

 

After that, one of my friends (a girl) started to post "Now I'm gonna pick up *my ex* and this guy and we are gonna go out to this and this :)"

Now I got so sick of it that I deleted her too, and blocked my ex.

 

Nothing good comes from it - Delete AND block your ex from facebook.

Since then, I havn't seen or heard anything from facebook about her, it feels so great!

[Pogona]

Someone I loved just deleted me, and I can tell you it stings. I understand why you did it, but I can tell you even though me and her didnt work out, its symbolic, saying "your not good enough to be a friend in my life"

 

That's not really why I did it though. I didn't get into details, but I basically told her that I was hurt and that it was not good for me to see her and these people in my Facebook feed.

 

I didn't tell her that I didn't sleep for that entire week after she dumped me. But Facebook was a part of that so it had to go.

[Hobbit]

No, I dont think its strange at all. I dont want to know how amazing she's doing without me

 

Of course when / if Im ready I'll befriend her again. But that is a looooong way off

[Calico]

It's weird to not unfriend your ex on FB.

[AintGotNothin]

Do it and don't look back.

 

I just did it yesterday, along w/ deleting her cell number, her contact on my email, etc.

 

Since Facebook came along I had two long term relationships. The first one, I got dumped. I would troll her facebook page but every time I saw her get or post messages on someone guys wall it would put all these scenarios I wasn't ready to deal w/ in my head. She wasn't coming back, I wasn't over her and seeing her move on w/out me, whenever I was thinking about her certainly wasn't helpful.

 

The second one I dumped and I took her off facebook as well, as well as ending all other forms of contact. This actually just happened last night.

 

I guess experience has shown me that to get over them you almost have to pretend they don't exist. Constant reminders, updates, photos of them living their life (most likely happily) w/out you is only going to make the process of moving on more difficult.

 

Just my .02.

[TopCat22]

I think you have to do it. I deleted my ex from facebook the day after we ended. A week later I sent her a re-friend request. She didn't accept it and questioned me about it the next day. I simply said I needed some space and that I thought it was a mistake a week later. She still didn't accept and I realise how stupid I must have looked. Make a decision and stick to it!

 

If you want to heal you have to stop looking at their Facebook, seeing their smiling face and what's going on in their lives just holds you back.

[Tree_Salmon]

It's weird to not unfriend your ex on FB.

 

This is correct. Even after we reconciled 2 years ago and got back together I still kept my ex off FB.

 

That place is nothing but trouble for petty and insecure women.

[veggirl]

No its not weird to delete your ex.

 

I don't know why people act all like "well I don't want to look petty" and s.hit. I think those people are in denial, they just don't want to accept the feeling of finalization that a deletion will make them feel. It's pretty sad.

 

There is no reason to keep your ex as a FB friend. I mean...you aren't friends!

[flitzanu]

Serious question. I got dumped about a month and a half ago. Nothing super malicious, but between all the **** going on in her life and some borderline mental problems she said she couldn't be in a relationship. Whatever.

 

I really liked this girl even though we had only been together about 3 months. I thought everything was going great and I could totally see this becoming a fantastic relationship. So when she ended it, I still wanted to at least stay friends on Facebook.

 

Well long story short, that **** just didn't work out. After a week of nightly death-by-Facebook sessions, I unfriended her. I also unfriended her brother and 2 or 3 of her friends I had become friendly with. I sent her a message explaining that it wasn't really because I was angry or anything, but that I just couldn't have these people popping up in my Facebook feed and reminding me of her. Got no response, but I felt pretty good about it at the time.

 

So...was that weird or petty of me to do? I didn't really want to see one of her friends in my feed and think "Oh hey, you were a really cool person. Too bad I'm probably never going to see you again!"

 

Should I have just sucked it up? Or was I totally justified? It's just something that's been bugging me. Thanks for replies.

 

no that's the right move. HER friends are not YOUR friends, and you've no obligation to keep them on fb or in your life period. bravo for someone doing this the right way!

[g450]

OMG, Drama drama drama!

 

I wish I had a dollar from everybody that refused to do the right thing and block their ex. I would be a rich man.

 

You would think that this would be a common sense approach to NC but it seems nobody ever takes this advice for some reason.

 

I think Ill just avoid postings regarding FB from now on. They never listen. They always want to learn things the hard way and they make lame excuses for not doing it in the first damn place. I give up.

[Pogona]

No its not weird to delete your ex.

 

I don't know why people act all like "well I don't want to look petty" and s.hit. I think those people are in denial, they just don't want to accept the feeling of finalization that a deletion will make them feel. It's pretty sad.

 

There is no reason to keep your ex as a FB friend. I mean...you aren't friends!

 

This was pretty much where my head was at the time. I mean...I don't want to be her friend. I wanted to be her boyfriend. I can't just switch that off and be cool about seeing her move on with her life. I was hoping to be a part of it, and now I'm just...not. I can't just feel okay about being a spectator.

 

It does make a difference to me how I handled it though. And sure, there are days where I wonder if I put a possible reconciliation in jeopardy by doing this, but they aren't frequent (anymore). I really think I'm more concerned about whether or not I handled it in a dignified, mature way. And most of your reactions are reinforcing the belief that I did. That's important to me because I care about how I conduct myself. Consider it a matter of personal pride. We all know how important that is at a time like this.

[oasisfancortes]

It's not really cold, it's just something he's doing to get over the whole thing. Being cold would be defriending and sending spiteful messages, like 'o u bi*tch and blah blah'. But he explained why he did, and she didn't reply. She's aware of the reason, which is not selfish or cold.