TwinkletOes26 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 Now let me start by saying that I do not think that all men hate smart women I am just stating that some do. If i felt all men did then I wouldnt be with my wonderful boyfriend of almost two years who states everyday he loves that I am smart and able to help him if need be. I notice in my bf's familiy the men often seem to take issue with smart women. My boyfriends stepfather and bio dad seem to see women as just a means to an end. One father has 4/5 different babies mamas and says he doesnt care hell just sleep with who ever and if they get preggers hell take care of the child. He will one minute b e calling one his many women a B then when he is running low on money/food ect he calls them and sucks up to them and talks them into buying him anything he wants. This I believe is the reason why my Bfs siblings dont respect women. I have over heard them calling girls the S word and states all women want from men is money therefore all they are good for is sex. These kids are 13 and 15 I was in shock to hear this. I have overheard my bfs male family members alude to the idea they think dumb women are better and smart women are too much trouble They told my bf that he should watch out for me because I am a college girl and all us college ladies are too smart or their own good. They often have back handed remarks to make abut my college education. I have even heard my bfs stepfather state that college is a waste of time and that degrees dont mean anything. I was kind of offended i worked hard for my education,not to mention this stepfather is now upset because his job is now asking him to take classes in order to remain a manager. I wonder if any of you have experienced this type of attitude from men in and around your life? Again stating I dont think ALL men are like this but there are some out there from my experience.
samsungxoxo Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 More than likely they are men not even worth being friends with. A man with 4/5 different babies mamas is not only an irresponsible and unstable one but dumb himself: a loser 2
Got it Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I would never approach a woman if I knew she was educated and/or earned good money. It's not because I don't like educated women. But here's the thing. I as a man have to do the approaching and pursuing. This puts the woman on a pedestal. If she is educated and earns more than me this puts her at an even higher pedestal. The relationship in that case would just be too one sided. She would have all the power and be too "superior" for me to feel comfortable. As I see it, if I do the pursuing it will even out if I outearn her and it will make for a balanced relationship. Do you feel that all you bring to the table is finances? Why would earning more or more educated make her more superior? Do you question your education/intelligence level? How do finances factor into the physical act of pursuing someone? 1
Got it Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Now let me start by saying that I do not think that all men hate smart women I am just stating that some do. If i felt all men did then I wouldnt be with my wonderful boyfriend of almost two years who states everyday he loves that I am smart and able to help him if need be. I notice in my bf's familiy the men often seem to take issue with smart women. My boyfriends stepfather and bio dad seem to see women as just a means to an end. One father has 4/5 different babies mamas and says he doesnt care hell just sleep with who ever and if they get preggers hell take care of the child. He will one minute b e calling one his many women a B then when he is running low on money/food ect he calls them and sucks up to them and talks them into buying him anything he wants. This I believe is the reason why my Bfs siblings dont respect women. I have over heard them calling girls the S word and states all women want from men is money therefore all they are good for is sex. These kids are 13 and 15 I was in shock to hear this. I have overheard my bfs male family members alude to the idea they think dumb women are better and smart women are too much trouble They told my bf that he should watch out for me because I am a college girl and all us college ladies are too smart or their own good. They often have back handed remarks to make abut my college education. I have even heard my bfs stepfather state that college is a waste of time and that degrees dont mean anything. I was kind of offended i worked hard for my education,not to mention this stepfather is now upset because his job is now asking him to take classes in order to remain a manager. I wonder if any of you have experienced this type of attitude from men in and around your life? Again stating I dont think ALL men are like this but there are some out there from my experience. Maybe it is a demographic thing but luckily no, I have never encountered this. But I am in an area where an undergrad degree is like a high school diploma, everyone has it. What stands out more is a graduate degree but even then many have MBAs, etc.
Emilia Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I wonder if any of you have experienced this type of attitude from men in and around your life? Again stating I dont think ALL men are like this but there are some out there from my experience. I'm not sure whether you are familiar with the expression 'inverted snobbery'. It means people from lower socio-economic background have a chip on their shoulder when they meet those with a more middle class background and ostracise them for that reason. ie they are proud to be of a lower class as a defense mechanism. The same applies to your boyfriend's family. I'm assuming they are not well educated themselves therefore are uncomfortable with anyone they perceive to be potentially superior. It's fear of change and it is a form of social backwardness. Kudos to you for dating a man who comes from a family like that, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it. 4
todreaminblue Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Now let me start by saying that I do not think that all men hate smart women I am just stating that some do. If i felt all men did then I wouldnt be with my wonderful boyfriend of almost two years who states everyday he loves that I am smart and able to help him if need be. I notice in my bf's familiy the men often seem to take issue with smart women. My boyfriends stepfather and bio dad seem to see women as just a means to an end. One father has 4/5 different babies mamas and says he doesnt care hell just sleep with who ever and if they get preggers hell take care of the child. He will one minute b e calling one his many women a B then when he is running low on money/food ect he calls them and sucks up to them and talks them into buying him anything he wants. This I believe is the reason why my Bfs siblings dont respect women. I have over heard them calling girls the S word and states all women want from men is money therefore all they are good for is sex. These kids are 13 and 15 I was in shock to hear this. I have overheard my bfs male family members alude to the idea they think dumb women are better and smart women are too much trouble They told my bf that he should watch out for me because I am a college girl and all us college ladies are too smart or their own good. They often have back handed remarks to make abut my college education. I have even heard my bfs stepfather state that college is a waste of time and that degrees dont mean anything. I was kind of offended i worked hard for my education,not to mention this stepfather is now upset because his job is now asking him to take classes in order to remain a manager. I wonder if any of you have experienced this type of attitude from men in and around your life? Again stating I dont think ALL men are like this but there are some out there from my experience. i think that good men would not feel intimidated by a woman who is intelligent .There are different forms of intelligence though....there is educated intelligence and there is uneducated intelligence or basic iq.....that would be me.. I used to have a high iq not so sure anymore i think i killed a few brain cells on my life path but i do have a certain kind of intelligence not really definable though I need brain training watch out world when that happens.Humorous intelligence maybe and the ability to zone out and be blissfully unaware and not care if i am funny or not...... I cop a lot o flak from certain types as they dont win arguments against me....i can talk my way out of most things and that pisses people off....so yeah name calling is common....retard is a favorite thing to use to get to me and i go nuclear....I do know that anything i truly put my mind too i succeed so i say to the retard name callers suck that lemon.....smilin....lol.....deb
Els Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Incredibly backwards mentality. No, I have rarely heard anyone attempt to insult and degrade educated women (who, btw, are different from 'smart', although the two are correlated) in the way the people you describe did. I do know men who would be hesitant to approach a woman romantically if she were much higher educated or much more intelligent than themselves though. But that is entirely their prerogative. The idiotic and sniping remarks your bf's family made, not so much. 1
runner Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 and here's another possile reason why they don't like educated women.
Woggle Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Most men have no issue with smart and successful women. Usually women who say that are just making excuses for having a horrible personality that is completely incompatible with a romantic relationship.
IcedEarth Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 My girlfriend is pursuing her Master's, as is my best friend. I don't care at all, education does not equal intelligence. Education equals memorization. I wouldn't be able to date a genius, chances are we'd have nothing in common. 1
MissBee Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Now let me start by saying that I do not think that all men hate smart women I am just stating that some do. If i felt all men did then I wouldnt be with my wonderful boyfriend of almost two years who states everyday he loves that I am smart and able to help him if need be. I notice in my bf's familiy the men often seem to take issue with smart women. My boyfriends stepfather and bio dad seem to see women as just a means to an end. One father has 4/5 different babies mamas and says he doesnt care hell just sleep with who ever and if they get preggers hell take care of the child. He will one minute b e calling one his many women a B then when he is running low on money/food ect he calls them and sucks up to them and talks them into buying him anything he wants. This I believe is the reason why my Bfs siblings dont respect women. I have over heard them calling girls the S word and states all women want from men is money therefore all they are good for is sex. These kids are 13 and 15 I was in shock to hear this. I have overheard my bfs male family members alude to the idea they think dumb women are better and smart women are too much trouble They told my bf that he should watch out for me because I am a college girl and all us college ladies are too smart or their own good. They often have back handed remarks to make abut my college education. I have even heard my bfs stepfather state that college is a waste of time and that degrees dont mean anything. I was kind of offended i worked hard for my education,not to mention this stepfather is now upset because his job is now asking him to take classes in order to remain a manager. I wonder if any of you have experienced this type of attitude from men in and around your life? Again stating I dont think ALL men are like this but there are some out there from my experience. Not sure I could date a guy whose family members thought in this way. I'd be super uncomfortable around this kind of attitude and behavior. Obviously these men do not respect women, don't value education and then also get threatened by women who have education, as those women are less likely to be their pawns and more likely to demand respect. I'm sure it makes them feel better to date dumb women they can push around. That is their own sick hangup. Only specific people are like this. I obviously have never dated a man who felt this way and I think it's largely because most men I've dated are educated themselves and respect women and in fact do not want a woman they feel is uneducated. Even when I'm more educated than a man...in terms of I have more schooling and degrees (he's still very intelligent), they always respect women and value me being intelligent, educated and they like that I am not a pushover. These men are obviously confident and self-assured, so do not need to belittle women to feel good or only date 'dumb women" to soothe their insecurities and egos smh. The men you're talking about are completely opposite and that is why they have these views.
pink_sugar Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Not sure I could date a guy with 1950's thinking. Women being educated is even more common than not nowadays and I don't understand why a man would be intimidated by that. 1
IcedEarth Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 Not sure I could date a guy with 1950's thinking. Women being educated is even more common than not nowadays and I don't understand why a man would be intimidated by that. People think men are intimidated by it for some reason. I guess some might be, the same that revel in ignorance and stupidity and hate "Them educated elitists" but that's dumb. Education does not mean you're a smart person either.
darkmoon Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 some men need to feel alpha, i think it's a drag, my brother does it a bit "women are silly" not lately mind you, i have a friend who was alpha/bossy, but he's stopped since I said something "nobody, man or woman likes being bossed about"
january2011 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 I've come across guys who like to argue with me. A lot. Offline and online. Trying to get into a d*ck measuring contest with a woman, hmmm... I think it's one of those rites of passage while growing up to realise that not everyone is going to like you. And be okay with that. Hate, however, is a strong word. 2
Pompom Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 On one hand, I've never been in a serious relationship. On the other hand, I have always felt lots of respect from my closer male friends and fling partners, though only when/after I revealed to them that the simpleton chick was just a (subconscious) act to keep things easy as I don't like busting my head in intelligent interaction. But when they see my resume, my creative works, and my conversation skills, you can see the respect and admiration they suddenly have. For this, teachers etc. have always described me as a leader figure. Peers deeply respect me for my un-bragged bwaaaaaiiiiiinsss.
Got it Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 Pursuing someone already puts you at disadvantage. Pursuing someone means you like that person more than she likes you. Like I said. I don't want things to be too unbalanced. If she was better educated and earned more money I wouldn't feel like I had any dignity left if I then also had to pursue her to get her. You don't see women pursuing men who are better educated and with more money than them.(I mean pursuing as in doing the approaching, taking the initiatives etc) So why should I? You don't? How would you feel if a woman pursued you? What is pursuing? What if it starts with a blind date? In most of my relationships, in my eyes, it was pretty even on the pursuing. He may have made the initial contact but I reciprocated in turn. In the case of my ex husband, we started on a blind date so that was set up by someone else and THAT person would be the pursurer. While I don't care how much a man is making, education is very important to me so that would be a factor in men I am dating. Common sense, logic, and world experience would factor in greatly as well but I would not want to date a "dumb" man. I did once in college, he was great arm candy but dumb as a box of rocks and it was short lived. Debating is one of the sexiest things for me and a man that knows his way around the English vocabulary is very sexy to me. Plus a very good, well timed, sarcastic sense of humor.
Pyro Posted September 21, 2012 Posted September 21, 2012 You don't see women pursuing men who are better educated and with more money than them.(I mean pursuing as in doing the approaching, taking the initiatives etc) So why should I? I am curious as to how anyone can know who is successful or better educated before even approaching them. Success is not always visible and education isn't at all unless people carry around their diplomas.
venusianx13 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 In the past, I've had a particularly hard time dating (I'm in a relationship now), because the men I would go out with would have a hard time keeping up with me, intellectually. I am very articulate and well spoken; I enjoy science and quantum theory, and am, by some standards, pretty nerdy. My ideal date has consisted of a lecture at the observatory. Thank goodness I found someone who loves this about me. However, my theory about men who don't appreciate an intelligent woman is that they have something to hide, and feel threatened by the possibility that an intelligent woman is more likely to put their finger on it than a ditzy woman. At least some of the time, I believe this to be true. And as for men, there is nothing I find more attractive than intelligence. I thrive on deep, intellectual conversation.
IcedEarth Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 In the past, I've had a particularly hard time dating (I'm in a relationship now), because the men I would go out with would have a hard time keeping up with me, intellectually. I am very articulate and well spoken; I enjoy science and quantum theory, and am, by some standards, pretty nerdy. My ideal date has consisted of a lecture at the observatory. Thank goodness I found someone who loves this about me. However, my theory about men who don't appreciate an intelligent woman is that they have something to hide, and feel threatened by the possibility that an intelligent woman is more likely to put their finger on it than a ditzy woman. At least some of the time, I believe this to be true. And as for men, there is nothing I find more attractive than intelligence. I thrive on deep, intellectual conversation. I think it's being unfairly placed on men though, I know just as many women that see intellectualism as a bad trait. I'm currently reading Anti-Intellectualism in American Life by Hofstader, and it's been going on in the US for a long time now. There is an entire voter base out there that doesn't like anyone intelligent or articulate, and see them as "liberal elitists". Some well spoken black men and women are derided for being articulate as "speaking white", etc. It crosses race and gender lines, I've had women laugh at me for bringing up reading books. It's everywhere! I should add that I do not equate education with intelligence, they're not the same thing. An unintelligent person can be educated, and an intelligent person can be uneducated.
Taramere Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I've come across guys who like to argue with me. A lot. Offline and online. Trying to get into a d*ck measuring contest with a woman, hmmm... I think it's one of those rites of passage while growing up to realise that not everyone is going to like you. And be okay with that. Hate, however, is a strong word. I've encountered them too. Offline, they'll often be friendly in their manner....so you get mixed messages about them. It's like half of them wants to be friends with you, and the other half wants to stab you in the back. A papillon a friend of mine owns is the same way. Usually I get along with dogs, but this one doesn't like me. When I walk into the house it barks and nips at my ankles. If I make a move to pick my handbag up, it dives in there and nips me. Once I'm sitting down, it will start trying to be my friend....jumping onto my lap and gazing into my eyes. I'll start to think it likes, me - but then the moment I stand up it transforms itself back into this yapping, nipping little creep. I think that in its own small way it's trying to herd me into what it considers to be my rightful place - either sitting down, or out of the house altogether. I've met a few men (and women too) with that small dog complex. Big dogs set a good example of how to deal with them. 3
MrUniversal Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 Many are just out right intimidated I suspect. Personally I tend to correlate an educated woman with one who is also more independant. To me that is a good thing but I've known many guys who just want a girl who hangs on their every word and drop of approval so that could be it also. Lastly educated people are just generally more critical in their views, both micro and macro, and this one I can understand why anyone would have an issue with. Just my thoughts as a newer member.
Taramere Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I think it's being unfairly placed on men though, I know just as many women that see intellectualism as a bad trait. I'm currently reading Anti-Intellectualism in American Life by Hofstader, and it's been going on in the US for a long time now. There is an entire voter base out there that doesn't like anyone intelligent or articulate, and see them as "liberal elitists". Some well spoken black men and women are derided for being articulate as "speaking white", etc. I think that's a very manufactured thing - the "liberal elitists" stereotype. Aims to bring into line the very people who would least benefit from voting for right wing parties. Giving them the message "those liberal do-gooder types think they're better than you" is enough to get a lot of people to vote against their own interests. Apparently being a professional women = an "I think I'm better than you" statement. There's little to be done when people choose to adopt such perceptions. I used to go out of my way to try to prevent people from having that perception about me, but I grew to realise it's an awful lot of work for no reward. Counterproductive, in fact.
2sure Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 People tend to be attracted to others that they have some common interests with. Even opposites that attract often have an interest in something the other already has mastered. Educated people gravitate toward others with the same level of education. those interested in nerdy subjects often are attracted to those that can appreciate that. Unintelligent men probably end up with equally unintelligent women..and that's good and fine and whose to say ...until the unintelligent guy has to insist his wife is Even less intelligent than he is. How do you keep a straight face?
IcedEarth Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 I think that's a very manufactured thing - the "liberal elitists" stereotype. Aims to bring into line the very people who would least benefit from voting for right wing parties. Giving them the message "those liberal do-gooder types think they're better than you" is enough to get a lot of people to vote against their own interests. Apparently being a professional women = an "I think I'm better than you" statement. There's little to be done when people choose to adopt such perceptions. I used to go out of my way to try to prevent people from having that perception about me, but I grew to realise it's an awful lot of work for no reward. Counterproductive, in fact. You're not a better than you type, but they do exist. I've seen posts on here by women saying anyone without X level of education is beneath them, etc.
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