I saw my ex and it went bad

[Coffee20]

I started to feel better, really I did. I even thought I would not need this forum anymore.Today I was waiting for my friend and we wanted to go to the tea room together. She was late so I decided that I would go to the market and buy myself water, because I was thirsty. And then I saw it. I saw my ex with his girlfriend....small and fat type, exactly the type he always hated, they laughed and flirted together. The first thing that came to my mind was that she was the reason he stopped seeing me, texting me and having sex with me. I am pretty sure he cheated, I felt it the whole time, also because I was infected two times by him, but I thought I was paranoid. Of course they saw me and they laughed. I ran away and outside I started to cry. I am shaking right now. I even think that suicide would fit me the best. My life is all ****ed up and it's only my fault.

[geegirl]

I started to feel better, really I did. I even thought I would not need this forum anymore.Today I was waiting for my friend and we wanted to go to the tea room together. She was late so I decided that I would go to the market and buy myself water, because I was thirsty. And then I saw it. I saw my ex with his girlfriend....small and fat type, exactly the type he always hated, they laughed and flirted together. The first thing that came to my mind was that she was the reason he stopped seeing me, texting me and having sex with me. I am pretty sure he cheated, I felt it the whole time, also because I was infected two times by him, but I thought I was paranoid. Of course they saw me and they laughed. I ran away and outside I started to cry. I am shaking right now. I even think that suicide would fit me the best. My life is all ****ed up and it's only my fault.

 

Suicide? Really? Before all this you were starting to feel better so you know there is a way out and that life is getting better but it's just going to take more time.

 

It's a stumble. It happens. I can't tell you how many times I saw my ex with other women. I lived through it and I don't care anymore. You will too.

 

If you had a taste of "feeling better" you can get there again. Your life is not f'd up. I don't think you felt that way before you saw him so quit with the defeatist and self-destructive thoughts.

[Coffee20]

Suicide? Really? Before all this you were starting to feel better so you know there is a way out and that life is getting better but it's just going to take more time.

 

It's a stumble. It happens. I can't tell you how many times I saw my ex with other women. I lived through it and I don't care anymore. You will too.

 

If you had a taste of "feeling better" you can get there again. Your life is not f'd up. I don't think you felt that way before you saw him so quit with the defeatist and self-destructive thoughts.

 

Geegirl I know, I should be prepared for it, life is like that, but it's like I can't understand it or take it anymore. I have to force myself a lot to feel better and focuse on positive thoughts and I still think I didn't deserve the way he treated me. Maybe I am just now in that mood and it will pass away....

[WesternWoman]

First of all, if you are serious about suicide you need to reach out to a suicide hotline or other help source right now.

 

If, however, you mention it as an expression of the pain and desperation you feel then suicide is still not the answer. In time you will see how small this event is in the grand scheme of your life. So you went through a breakup, so he's with someone else... if they are the type to laugh at someone who had been open and caring then it is them who are the ****ed up ones and who should be hiding their heads in shame, not you.

 

Running into an ex really sucks. You start to think that things are going better and you may be smiling more, then bam... you see them, someone brings up their name, and you feel like crap all over again. So you start back with taking care of yourself and trying to remove reminders of that person and avoiding them whenever possible. This is all natural, an unfortunate side effect to breakups but you will make it through this run in and the next and any other time that you happen to see or be reminded of him. One day you will bump into him and you will feel nothing, no response emotionally and you'll finally be completely free of it all.

 

Learn to love yourself more and more each day, that's always the best medicine. Be gentle with yourself too, you are going through a grieving process and need to honor that and care for yourself through it.

[geegirl]

Geegirl I know, I should be prepared for it, life is like that, but it's like I can't understand it or take it anymore. I have to force myself a lot to feel better and focuse on positive thoughts and I still think I didn't deserve the way he treated me. Maybe I am just now in that mood and it will pass away....

 

There is a reason why someone coined the saying, "Fake it till you make it." It's part of healing. You force yourself to function. You force yourself to make it through. You have to, otherwise you'd be laying somewhere in a puddle. You're not alone. We've all done it.

 

No one deserves to be treated badly. Guess what, you have no control over how someone behaves or treats you. What you do and did have control over was creating boundaries for yourself. You had control over not allowing someone to treat you badly. The fault doesn't lie with him, it's on you. He was being who he was. You weren't. When you accept bad treatment, you accept that you deserve it.

 

This feeling will pass. It's fresh and you're a little rattled. You do know you can start to feel better again so keep going.

[CopingGal]

Coffee, hey, I sent you a private message in LS, but it was before I saw your post. Coffee, I'm so very, very sorry that happened to you. If I saw my ex I would probably run away and cry too, especially since he treated me so very, very badly and treated his next victim much better.

 

Coffee, you are having extreme feelings right now, but suicide will not fix it. It would not make him want to be with you again. It won't undo things. You are a nice person and you have a lot to give. Don't even think about ending your life for some bastard that is not worth spit.

 

I like you Coffee and I want you to stay in this world with all of us. Think about getting some therapy. I'm back in therapy myself. One day, after enough time has gone by, this will all be a very faded memory. You just have to be patient and wait for that day to come.

[fallenheart]

I saw my ex with his girlfriend....small and fat type, exactly the type he always hated, they laughed and flirted together.

 

He left you for someone fatter? Gross!! That's the first time I've ever heard of that happening! Dude must seriously have a screw loose. YUCK!

 

Of course they saw me and they laughed.

 

Did they REALLY laugh?? I can understand you feeling like they were laughing at you but are you SURE? It would take a REAL SCUMBAG to actually laugh in your face while he is with a short fat girl....

[CopingGal]

It would take a REAL SCUMBAG to actually laugh in your face while he is with a short fat girl....

 

So what if she's fat? Lots of men are attracted to fat women. He's not gross because he's going out with a fat woman. HE's gross because he's cruel and laughed at her.

[Fitnerd]

I'm pretty sure they weren't laughing at you Coffee20, but I understand that it was rough seeing your ex again like that.

 

I'm sorry that happened, but that guy isn't worth it, infected you twice? really?!

 

He doesn't deserve you and you can be damn sure that he's infecting his current gf now!

[collegeguy_24]

I started to feel better, really I did. I even thought I would not need this forum anymore.Today I was waiting for my friend and we wanted to go to the tea room together. She was late so I decided that I would go to the market and buy myself water, because I was thirsty. And then I saw it. I saw my ex with his girlfriend....small and fat type, exactly the type he always hated, they laughed and flirted together. The first thing that came to my mind was that she was the reason he stopped seeing me, texting me and having sex with me. I am pretty sure he cheated, I felt it the whole time, also because I was infected two times by him, but I thought I was paranoid. Of course they saw me and they laughed. I ran away and outside I started to cry. I am shaking right now. I even think that suicide would fit me the best. My life is all ****ed up and it's only my fault.

 

Trust me, suicide is not the answer. I attempted it twice after whole debacle with me and my ex, obviously it failed.

 

Its been 2 years since then, and things have really turned around for me. I am glad it didn't work. Give it time and it will for you as well.

 

Suicide is never the answer, I learned that and so will you. Right now you just need to focus on yourself, improve yourself, get a job if you don't have one, go to collage if you haven't, pick up a hobby, something to pass the time.

 

Go out there and make new friends. You don't have to date now, but it never hurts to make new friends and spend time with them. All those are great ways to help you heal and to take your mind off of the situation.

[msfreebyme]

Oh I have pretty much been there. I never thankfully got to see my ex with his newest victim but when I was notified that he was having sex with her after only knowing her for a few days and 2 months after I ended things it just crushed me. I was feeling better too. I might as well have seen him with her because it was that painful. But the pain goes away and you end up just laughing at them for rebounding. For me right now emotionally it's gone but for some reason I tend to think about him out of habit. But suicide isn't the answer because the fact is someday this problem you and I have now will be a memory you can laugh at. Life is funny like that. If he really did act the way he did towards you in public after what you gave him and infected you in the relationship then I doubt he was ever truly worth it. Keep your head held high and smile because someone will come and prove how worthless your ex was.

[Coffee20]

thank you a lot for all your answers

I took some time for thinking and I guess it's for the best, he wasn't able to like me or to get physically connected with me at all. If he can do this with his new gf then ok, I should completely leave it alone and behave like we are strangers. Still the situation between us would have never gone better, he didn't want to and didn't even try.

I still feel like crying all the time, I do see them in my mind and I have dreams about them.

And yes he infected me, but one of my friend who studies medicine told me he can be just a carrier of this illnesses, he can simply have it inside of him and sometimes a sensitive person can catch it. I would be ok with this but he always blamed ME and accused ME for cheating. So thats why I always get upset. And I also agree with geegirl, I know very well that the way I respond to his bad behavior (always like uh what did I do wrong, should I change myself??) and my constant apologizing for everything he did, was wrong.

And also I have nothing against fat people or short people. Actually she looked average in her face, same average as me.

Thank you CopingGal, I like you too !

[Minka333]

No man is worth dying for. You are responsible for your own happiness. The best thing to do is live well and count your other blessings. **** happens and eventually passes.