Rave Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 I met my boyfriend when I was on some shady business. I have been a very responsible person all my life. My mother described me as a perfect baby, a wonderful child, a great teen, and a horrifying adult. Truthfully, I was tired of being so perfect all of the time. I wanted to experience life. I wanted to rave and to rage and not give a damn. My boyfriend was just another guy I was playing with. I was dating three other men but never really did anything with them. I was a girl all about flirtation, kisses in a dark room, but not emotions. No sex. You could wine and dine me and I was oh so charming. I slipped in and out of so many boys' lives. It was a rush. I never get played. This guy did something to me. He was the first guy that kept up with me. We partied all night. Sometimes until eleven or twelve. We ****ed for hours. We got so messed up being sober was never a state of being. My problem is I cannot be that way anymore. I am 20 years old and I have a future. I am going to college and I had a really rough start. Now i'm trying to put my life together. The problem now is my boyfriend. How I love him!!! He has come creeping into my house at six in the morning from a rave. He knows everyone and can get you anything. The party is always booming. The base is always loud. And when it drops I feel my soul explode. But now that I am no longer in that lifestyle, I feel like I can never catch him. Sure I get a call from Wisconsin or Texas every other day. When I need him he comes creeping up like a hippie hero. He crawls into bed and dazzles me with jewelery and the best sex I have ever had. He takes me out to amazing places. But I cannot stand the weeks without hearing from him. Sometimes he has thousands of dollars sometimes he has zero. every step towards progress is like a milestone. He says he loves me but Im worried he will never settle down. they say you can never change a man... and I dont wanna change him. Everything I hate I love about him. Even his frustrating sporadic habits keep me interested. But I guess my question is.... How do you have a viable relationship with a hippie? Is all my worrying fruitless? I worry that all this running around is going to culminate into a short, tragic, violent life! I don't want to be a Shakespearean tragedy!
SweetBabyJ79 Posted September 20, 2012 Posted September 20, 2012 First of all, good for you for expressing a readiness to grow up. You do have a future ahead of you and if you waste it all by being messed up, you will wake up one day and you will be 40; you won't know where your life went; you'll be in a slump most likely and feel that you're too old to get out of it. I think it's a very smart decision to decide to grow up and have a "real life"--a meaningful life-- while you're still young. I know it may hurt but you need to tell him that you're just not in that state of mind anymore and you want more than that life for your future. It's better to get out of it now than to do what I'm doing--continuing (partially) the partying life so that the relationship doesn't completely fall apart. I've been married for 13 years and we began our relationship the same way. I was 19 and having fun, had many issues and mental disorders I was trying to get over, and it was just easier to live life if I was numb... then it didn't hurt so bad. Five years later, we got raided and I lost my baby girl to foster care for a few months. That was all it took for both of us... for a few years... then my husband, who THRIVES on being an outlaw and always having something that keeps him on the other side of the law, began using again. After about 7 years, I got really fed up with him being out partying all the time, eventually decided he was having fun and I wanted to have fun too. Now we're almost as bad as it was before. I've wanted to quit several times, I've wanted to keep enjoying myself many times... the point is, I can't quit without him because then we end up on different paths... leading different-no separate- lives and we fight. I got fed up with it 2 yrs ago and took my kids and left him because they told me we had to get away. The time away helped both of us; I realized I can't change him, and that if I even mention him being different, it pushes him further away and the only way I can deal with it is to withdraw from him entirely. Now we fight quite a bit, he argues one way one minute, then when I state his point of view as my own, he switches and argues the other way. I hate where we are but there's nothing I can do about it. If he would just get clean and stay clean (I don't mind having some fun during the summer or on holidays--a few times a year, but with him, it always snowballs and he just can't get enough) we are perfect together. The perfect team... as long as we're on the same page, if you know what I mean. Right now, in your life, you just need to do what you feel is best for you; keep that future of yours in mind! Don't let go of something that important for some fun... in the end, it won't be worth it. You'll end up with regrets. Be true to yourself first, and if he is the one for you, the one you grow old with, things will work out. Just don't let go of yourself. Best of luck to you... and be who you want to be.
RR1 Posted September 22, 2012 Posted September 22, 2012 You've gotta love a hippie. Seriously though there a few things to look at. First of all is he a good person? This is without doubt the most important trait anyone can ever possess, hippie or no hippie a good person is a good person. You can never turn a bad person into a good one but a good person will always strive to be good and honest and caring. In my experience most hippies are good caring people, that's why they choose that lifestyle to start with. Of course there maybe exceptions to the rule but as a general trait they tend to want to be good caring people. Just because he chooses to live a certain way doesn't mean you have to buy into that yourself. Go and get on with you career and make a life for yourself that you want. If he really cares for you he'll never hold you back, in fact he should be encouraging you to make a success of your life if you mean a lot to him. As you point out a lot of his characteristics are what attracted you to him in the first place. Yes you could go and get Mr Safe but would you be bored soon after. It's all about balance, if you start to feel your current b/f is holding you back from what you want to achieve then maybe you might have to start to think about moving on. It really shouldn't come to that though. Lastly you should remember, and i speak from experience here, that the novelty of that partying lifestyle does wear off after a while. It's not something that he's going to want to be doing forever. You'll find that after a while the partying starts to decrease to the point where it just becomes a once every so often activity rather than a regular thing. You just realise that getting high all the time isn't really achieving anything, in short it's no longer fun, it's boring and you even start to believe there's other things just as enjoyable to do that don't involve getting high. Well most people do.
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